And It Was Me.

And it was me.

Who held me as I fell apart at 2 am.

And it was me.

Who hunted you down for the pieces of my heart that you had taken with you.

And it was me.

Who pulled me back from the brink.

Every. Time.

And it was me.

Who was there for me when no one else was.

And I may not have liked it.

But.

I was there.

It was me.

And it will always be.

I wonder sometimes

If you remember

And

If you do

Is it like how i remember it?

remember you?

No.

But.

I wonder.

If you remember at all.

“Our love was Untied shoelaces Stifled laughter in tear stained pillow cases Our love was Summer rendezvous Butterfly swarm in the hurricane Our love was Burning flame explosion With all the shrapnel Our love was Neck kisses Whispered words Our love was Teeth and Hearts Bared Our love was No secrets when the sun went down And strange silence when it was up Our love was Scorching Sudden”

— The Broken Boy Who Never Intended to Stay - Excerpt from the poem The Ways in Which I Have Been Loved

She tasted

Like a million dreams

I had not had yet

Had not earned yet

And when

She left

I did not sleep for days

Terrified

Of whatever would be left

Behind the darkness of my lids

To pay the price

For hope

Spent too soon

I do not mean to be greedy with you But when I taste you It is impossible to sip For only when I hold you Do I realize, I am parched  And only when I see you do I fear I may never have you again I do not mean to run you dry But I cannot help myself And so I am afraid that one day You will retreat so far into yourself That when I leave You will not be able to break through the ground To fill the well again I do not mean to leave But you are a river And you are already moving away Towards something greater Weather I stay To drain you Or not

Bleeding Out

Time is a leaky bathroom faucet:

The one you always told guests you’d fix eventually. The one you always told yourself you’d find someone to fix eventually. And eventually...it just became part of a long list of things you were going to repair eventually. But just never seemed to get around to because--it just didn’t seem that important. 

Until: the water bill arrived. And suddenly your leaky bathroom faucet has cost you more than you ever thought it could. 

Until: you are lying in bed at night, listening to the steady drip...drip...drip...of a broken tap. Becoming more aware of every wasted drip...drip...drip...and suddenly you are overflowing. And suddenly you are sobbing over a broken bathroom faucet--

But: it is not broken, is it? Just...leaky. But: you are not mourning the dysfunction of your tap, but rather, of yourself. Why didn’t you fix it sooner? Why drip. Why drip. Why drip. 

Time is leaky bathroom faucet.

The one the previous owners warned you about, but: you did not mind. You were simply thrilled to have your own house. Until: 3 am, 3 years later, you are listening to the steady drip of a million wasted drops. Of a million wasted moments, Envisioning the oceans they’d culminate. 

Imagining how much better someone else might have used a glass, or puddle, or river, of that water. Of that time. Imagining how many lives a glass, or puddle, or river, of water--of time--could save.

Knowing that each droplet down that drain you are never getting back.

But: it is 3 am. And: you are drenched in exhaustion and double-dipped in ache and so you lay in bed. Fall asleep, to the steady drip drip drip lullaby of the leaky bathroom faucet. And promise: you will call the plumber tomorrow.