Pretty Isn't Pretty

pretty isn't pretty

pairing: anthony lockwood x fem!reader

summary: he was showering you in compliments all while you felt like you weren’t pretty enough

warnings: low self esteem, mentions of grief, bad thoughts

a/n: this is actually bad. i really feel that i am not really able to write for lockwood anymore, but i’m trying to write these last few fics to the best of my abilities, promise :)

you were looking through the magazine, comparing everything about you to these gorgeous women, plastered over the pages. always beautiful, always perfect.

you sighed, knowing that you would never come even close to that.

anthony lockwood was the kind of boyfriend who showered you in complements from morning to night and still you wondered if he meant what he said.

you hated yourself for thinking that. but there was a small part in your brain that loved to question anything and everything. the clothes you were wearing, the make up, how you looked and how you didn't look and of course your relationship.

it wasn't like you wanted to question everything anthony said to you, but you felt like you had to. he told you you were beautiful three times a day and sometimes you wondered if he meant it or just needed to persuade himself of that.

the relationship with anthony was the first real long and healthy relationship you had. the boys that had come before him were never a mere possibility, and it seemed the reason for that had always been you.

never giving enough, never wanting enough and most importantly, never being enough.

it felt like there was always someone better. someone more loving, someone more needing and someone prettier.

the relationship with anthony was so good, you almost couldn't believe it. probably why your head always tried to convince you it was too good to be true. as if everything you had could suddenly slip away if you stopped working on yourself.

you didn't want him to slip away. but you also didn't want him to be in a relationship with someone who he felt wasn't enough for him.

it was a constant balance between happiness and self doubt and you were so tired of it. it was like a constant companion, turning every good moment into a situation for you to analyze.

it was exhausting to say the least and without you noticing, anthony became aware of something going on with you too.

"what are you doing?" you looked up at the voice and noticed anthony leaning over the couch behind you

"reading a magazine" you raised the magazine in your hands

anthony sighed, knowing which thoughts were running through your head. “i know what you’re thinking” he said softly, nudging your shoulder in a comforting way

“you do?” you asked surprised. you had thought that you had been subtle, successfully keeping the doubts in your head unnoticeable for him.

he nodded his head, rounding the couch and sinking into the fabric next to you. he took the magazine and closed it, throwing it on the table. “of course i know” he muttered and you saw the hurt in his eyes.

you weren’t sure if he was hurt because you were thinking what you were or because you had been keeping it from you.

“you know that you can tell me anything, right?” his brown eyes almost made you cry

“i know” you sighed, ashamed at the conversation you were having right now, ashamed her that you even though what you were thinking “i’m sorry for keeping it from you”

“i know you don’t do it to hurt me” anthony said “but it still hurts. as if there was a part of you, not even i am allowed to see”

“it’s shameful”

“no it isn’t” he shook his head “i love everything about you, even the hard things, especially the hard things”

your lip shivered. “sometimes i don’t think i deserve you”

“that’s rubbish” anthony took your hand in his “do you remember my parents death anniversary? i was ugly crying the entire day and you never left my side. i was ashamed of that for a long time”

“you were?” you asked surprised, never really getting the thought that he might have similar insecurities plaguing his mind

“of course”

“well i never even thought it was weird or wrong. i know how much you love your parents, i could never make you feel ashamed for how you feel about them”

“exactly” anthony said “and with you it’s the same way. anything we think is shameful makes the other love us even more, don’t you understand? you don’t have to be perfect for me to love you.. i love you even more because you aren’t” he assured “that doesn’t mean your feelings are not valid! it’s okay to not always feel good about things, but it’s important that you tell me about it, alright? how should i be able to help you when you don’t tell me what’s wrong?”

you smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “i love you” you kissed his cheek “and you really don’t mind to speak about it?”

he shook his head “never” he assured “i love you”

hey guys!!

requests are officially open and will be worked on after my break!! (pls read my rules before requesting) see you all soon!

love you,

lizzy ❤️

can u please do stark reader x peter parker(mcu) with them on a mission or something like that?

19. "do you ever stop staring at me?" - no, not really"

18. "why are you always flirting in near death situations?"

2. "you realise, that this was extremely stupid, right?"

thank you sm!!

to the anon who asked this: would you like a gender neutral reader or a female reader? <3

i’m back from my break and i hope you all missed me <3333

— starlight

pairing: mattheo riddle x fem!reader

summary: mattheo had been liking you for years and when you loose your cat, it's finally his time to prove how good of a boyfriend he would be

warnings: really small mention of a loved one dying

notes: y/n is a bit luna lovegood coded

word count: 2.1k

the morning was hotter than the days before, even though it was slowly becoming fall. mattheo and his friends had decided to stay inside for the first time in weeks and were now sitting in the Iibrary, busy understanding their potions homework.

"so" enzo mumbled, the words a bit harder to recognize, because he had the tip of his quill between his lips "what is the answer to number eight?"

"if i tell you, you won't learn anything" theo, the only one who was really understanding the task at hand, groaned.

"yeah, but we would stop wasting our time" mattheo mumbled just silent enough so theo wouldn't hear. blaise, who sat next to him, laughed.

"come on, mate" draco started pleading "you know i normally get these, but it's so hot outside, i'd rather swim in the lake"

"well, you have to earn that first" theo was not budging under the pleading of his friends. blaise, draco, enzo and mattheo groaned simultaneously

"where is pansy? shouldn't she sit here with us and be annoyed at you?" blaise asked, while his eyes wandered to the empty spot next to draco, that was normally occupied by the girl.

"she's got detention with mcgonagall, i'm copying the answers for her" draco answered

"well, now that's unfair" mattheo shook his head "why don't you say anything about that, theo?"

it seemed like theo hadn't even listened to what his friends were talking about. he was busy reading the next number and looked up confused. "what?"

"forget it" mattheo hid his face in his hands, while blaise and enzo exchanged a look, rolling their eyes

"woah" blaise suddenly made next to him "isn't that y/n?"

mattheos head turned, so did the rest of his friend's.

it was indeed you. the slytherins watched in confusion how you climbed the ladder leaning against the shelf. their confusion only grew when you didn't stop climbing at the highest shelf, but used your arms to pull you up on top of the shelf.

"what is she doing?" enzo mumbled

“i have no clue” mattheo watched you closely, following your every move.

he had been kind of in love with you since the third grade. his friends found his crush on you quite interesting, considering you were a bit curious and weird, but somehow all of them agreed that it was in a cute way, a bit too stubborn, a bit too much in your own world.

maybe the carelessness and constant happy mood you were spotted with only added to their confusion. mattheo wasn’t normally the guy to go for girls like you. and it was out of the ordinary to see him as nervous as he was around you. girls normally didn't make him nervous, but you did.

they all gasped simultaneously, as one of your hands hit the shelf a bit too far left and almost made you fall down.

“oh” you said, both at your close call and their presence, you had only noticed them now. “hi” you used the hand that had almost caused you to fall to wave at them

“hey, y/n!” theo raised his hand, copying your greeting, while his eyes were still fixated on the potions book on the table in front of him. he was the only one of his friends who was also friends with you, a result of your similar interest in astronomy.

mattheo watched you closely. he had stood up to catch you, in case there was another close call. him and the rest of his friends watched you as you crawled along the shelf.

“what are you doing?” enzo asked, louder than he had planned which resulted in madam pince shushing him. "sorry" enzo cringed, but it was already too late.

his voice had been so loud and sudden, that it had made you shriek. like mattheo had predicted, you lost your balance and fell down the shelf. luckily, he caught you before you could hit the ground.

“thanks” you smiled, patting his chest and climbing out of his arms.

mattheo was stunned at how relaxed you still were after almost falling to your death. well, maybe not death but you still could've gotten hurt really bad.

“i was looking for my cat” you smiled as if it was the most logical explanation, answering enzo’s question, without any hard feeling about him causing you to fall. “but she isn’t up there”

“ahh, alright” enzo nodded, acting like he understood what you were talking about, but he looked as lost as mattheo felt.

“see you later” you waved your hand at the boys before you turned around and left the library.

mattheo quickly grabbed his potions book, ready to follow you.

“what are you doing?” theo looked at him with narrowed eyes, almost sounding offended “we haven’t finished number nine yet”

“i was trying to..” mattheo trailed off, pointing at where you had last stood

“go” draco directed, pushing theo, who was ready to get up and discuss things with mattheo, back down in his seat.

blaise plastered a hand over theo’s mouth as he started protesting. mattheo nodded at his friends, silently thanking them, before he ran out of the library, hoping to still catch you.

to his luck, you had enough time on you to walk through the halls slowly.

“hey” mattheo breathed, matching your step “do you need help looking for your cat?”

“sure” you seemed happy enough about his suggestion “her name is starlight, but she doesn’t really answer to that, so there’s no point in calling her”

“okay” mattheo nodded “and she normally spends her time on top of the library shelves?”

“sometimes” you shrugged “she mostly spends her time all over the castle”

“do you often do things like that?”

“what?” you smiled “climb on top of shelves and let pretty boys catch me? not really, no” you shook your head laughing, while mattheo was still stuck on what you had described him as.

“how does starlight look like?” he tried a different approach as he followed you through the halls, almost sure you were heading to the astronomy tower.

“she’s a ginger cat”

“well, that’s explains a lot” mattheo laughed and you joined in “why doesn’t she answer to her name?”

“she belonged to my grandfather, she would only ever answer his calling, or react to his voice in general” you explained “he died a few months ago and my parents thought about giving her away, so she's now staying with me”

“that’s sad” mattheo frowned “i’m sorry about your loss”

“don’t be” you smiled up at him with big eyes and he almost missed a step on the way up. “he wasn’t the nicest, i don’t think he even liked anyone apart from his cat, but she’s nice enough most of the time”

“i get it” mattheo nodded understandingly “so where would she normally hide?” he looked around the room, trying to spot the orange fur of your cat. now that he thought about it, he remembered you chasing her around the halls a few times.

“you mind helping me up?” you pointed at the wooden beam over both of your heads

“seems like she prefers the higher spots, huh?” mattheo asked sarcastically, before he picked you up without another word of protest

you climbed on top of the beam, turning your head, before you finally shook it and mattheo helped you back down.

“where could she be if she isn’t here either?”

“i have one last spot in mind” you nodded, thinking “if she isn’t there, then i don’t know where she could still be”

“well, hopefully she is”

“as long as she’s fine” you smiled

mattheo followed you back down the steps of the tower, pending what he could still ask you. he wouldn’t waste any time he could spend with you, he would make the most of it.

his mind was racing, trying to come up with something, but the only thing he could remember was the list of thirty six questions blaise had shown him the day before, swearing that those were the best icebreakers at a first date.

well, this was far from a first date, but it did not hurt to try

“given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” he muttered, recalling the first question.

your face lit up at his sudden question. “that’s a fun question” you smiled “let me think about it. does the person have to be alive?”

mattheo shook his head

“well then i would pick my grandmother, i think” you smiled, deep in thought “she was a great woman. i remember my grandfather being a decent person back when she was alive. she used to make these crocheted hats for me. i have them in almost every color”

“that sounds nice” mattheo smiled as he noticed how your features lit up while talking about your grandma. he followed you into the great hall, not even questioning it.

“what about you?” you asked him, taking a quick turn and walking up the steps around the wall of the entryway.

“what about me?” mattheo repeated confused

“yeah” you laughed at his forgetfulness “who would you have dinner with?”

“i don’t know” mattheo shrugged

“i don’t accept that answer” you shook your head “i can't believe that no one comes to mind at that”

there was someone coming to mattheo’s mind. but he couldn’t tell you. right now, he only wanted to have dinner with one person and that person was you, and maybe your cat, because not finding her would probably mean that you would be sad otherwise.

“merlin” mattheo answered quickly and you raised your eyebrows

“fan?”

“the biggest” mattheo grinned and cringed the moment your eyes left his face. he was ready to turn around and run away, but your sudden calling kept him from it.

“starlight!” you laughed, holding out your arms and catching the orange cat that had been about to fall from the highest shelf.

“hey” mattheo cooed, softly stroking the cat’s head. the cat hissed at him and he quickly pulled his hand back.

“she likes you” you smiled brightly despite starlight proving the opposite.

“you really think so?” mattheo asked unsurely.

“of course” you were pulling the cat close to your chest “she’s smiling at you”

mattheo wasn’t so sure about that. starlight looked like she was ready to claw his eyes out if left unattended in the same room.

starlight settled on top of your shoulder as you began to walk back down the stairs. mattheo was ready to follow, but starlight hissed at him over you shoulder and it took him a second longer to catch up to you.

despite anything you had previously said, he was sure that that cat absolutely loved you, even if she often spend her time sleeping in the most ridiculous places and making you search for her. he was sure you loved her just as much, even you had so casually talked about the cat's situation he had noticed that you couldn't have endured your parents just giving her away. he had also noticed the worry in your eyes when stalright hadn't been in the astronomy tower.

additional to that, he was also sure she already hated him. maybe she could sense the inappropriate thoughts he sometimes had about you.

“thank you for your help” you had walked mattheo back to the doors of the library, after he had claimed that his friends would probably appreciate his return to finish the homework.

“no problem” he smiled and he had almost sighed at the how pretty you were, just simply standing in front of him “i’d do anything” he mumbled under his breath.

“what?” you laughed, not having understood a sound of what he had mumbled. starlight was busy playing with a strand of your hair. mattheo had to smile at that and you mirrored his expression.

“doesn’t matter” mattheo shrugged and his smile grew brighter as he watched you laugh at him.

you softly held a hand in front of starlight's eyes, before you stood on your tiptoes, softly kissing mattheo's cheek. “thank you” you said, before you waved him a final goodbye “say goodbye starlight” the cat hissed at him once again and you smiled pleased, before you turned around and walked back in the direction of your dorm.

“i’d do anything” mattheo repeated his earlier words when you were far enough away. his cheeks were red and his hand touched the spot on which your lips had rested a few seconds ago. “anything”

girl im begging for belle x theo with dancing with our hands tied or dress please 🙏🏻 love ur writing 💋

i love this :)) i already had a list with potential songs inspiring fics for them and dress made it on there!! thank you so much for reading!! 💋

idk if it’s the problem you’re having, but you can log into tumblr on a computer and just copy all the links! that’s what i do at least. idk if this was a clear explanation hehe, so let me know if i should rephrase 🥲

Should have thought about the fact that I now need to change every single link before i made a new masterlist🫠