Pretty Isnt Pretty - Tumblr Posts
My walking to school playlist for autumn because I love love LOVE autumn
pretty isn't pretty
pairing: anthony lockwood x fem!reader
summary: he was showering you in compliments all while you felt like you weren’t pretty enough
warnings: low self esteem, mentions of grief, bad thoughts
a/n: this is actually bad. i really feel that i am not really able to write for lockwood anymore, but i’m trying to write these last few fics to the best of my abilities, promise :)
you were looking through the magazine, comparing everything about you to these gorgeous women, plastered over the pages. always beautiful, always perfect.
you sighed, knowing that you would never come even close to that.
anthony lockwood was the kind of boyfriend who showered you in complements from morning to night and still you wondered if he meant what he said.
you hated yourself for thinking that. but there was a small part in your brain that loved to question anything and everything. the clothes you were wearing, the make up, how you looked and how you didn't look and of course your relationship.
it wasn't like you wanted to question everything anthony said to you, but you felt like you had to. he told you you were beautiful three times a day and sometimes you wondered if he meant it or just needed to persuade himself of that.
the relationship with anthony was the first real long and healthy relationship you had. the boys that had come before him were never a mere possibility, and it seemed the reason for that had always been you.
never giving enough, never wanting enough and most importantly, never being enough.
it felt like there was always someone better. someone more loving, someone more needing and someone prettier.
the relationship with anthony was so good, you almost couldn't believe it. probably why your head always tried to convince you it was too good to be true. as if everything you had could suddenly slip away if you stopped working on yourself.
you didn't want him to slip away. but you also didn't want him to be in a relationship with someone who he felt wasn't enough for him.
it was a constant balance between happiness and self doubt and you were so tired of it. it was like a constant companion, turning every good moment into a situation for you to analyze.
it was exhausting to say the least and without you noticing, anthony became aware of something going on with you too.
"what are you doing?" you looked up at the voice and noticed anthony leaning over the couch behind you
"reading a magazine" you raised the magazine in your hands
anthony sighed, knowing which thoughts were running through your head. “i know what you’re thinking” he said softly, nudging your shoulder in a comforting way
“you do?” you asked surprised. you had thought that you had been subtle, successfully keeping the doubts in your head unnoticeable for him.
he nodded his head, rounding the couch and sinking into the fabric next to you. he took the magazine and closed it, throwing it on the table. “of course i know” he muttered and you saw the hurt in his eyes.
you weren’t sure if he was hurt because you were thinking what you were or because you had been keeping it from you.
“you know that you can tell me anything, right?” his brown eyes almost made you cry
“i know” you sighed, ashamed at the conversation you were having right now, ashamed her that you even though what you were thinking “i’m sorry for keeping it from you”
“i know you don’t do it to hurt me” anthony said “but it still hurts. as if there was a part of you, not even i am allowed to see”
“it’s shameful”
“no it isn’t” he shook his head “i love everything about you, even the hard things, especially the hard things”
your lip shivered. “sometimes i don’t think i deserve you”
“that’s rubbish” anthony took your hand in his “do you remember my parents death anniversary? i was ugly crying the entire day and you never left my side. i was ashamed of that for a long time”
“you were?” you asked surprised, never really getting the thought that he might have similar insecurities plaguing his mind
“of course”
“well i never even thought it was weird or wrong. i know how much you love your parents, i could never make you feel ashamed for how you feel about them”
“exactly” anthony said “and with you it’s the same way. anything we think is shameful makes the other love us even more, don’t you understand? you don’t have to be perfect for me to love you.. i love you even more because you aren’t” he assured “that doesn’t mean your feelings are not valid! it’s okay to not always feel good about things, but it’s important that you tell me about it, alright? how should i be able to help you when you don’t tell me what’s wrong?”
you smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “i love you” you kissed his cheek “and you really don’t mind to speak about it?”
he shook his head “never” he assured “i love you”
"pretty" isn't PRETTY ENOUGH.
Piece Of Meat 🥩 (my toxic relationships music video)
Olivia Rodrigo was so right when she said “pretty isn’t pretty enough”. There are pretty girls everywhere but anytime we aren’t dolled up to the nines we are just average and it’s not good enough??? Like it’s not Instagram worthy if you don’t look amazing, you don’t get the same compliments you would about your looks dress down as you do dressed up. Pretty isn’t pretty enough because society makes us feel like being pretty is constantly looking perfect. Anyway you are all really pretty and you don’t have to change in the slightest to be pretty enough💜
Gif credit: hermindlessthoughts