This All Had Been So Different If People Were Known, Liked And Loved Not For What They Could Do But For

This all had been so different if people were known, liked and loved not for what they could do but for what they were in person. I have felt this concept burrowing me from inside, like a mid life crisis or an existential dilemma. It takes a lot to decide in the moment, to be a person for people or a person for myself. And to my extreme displeasure, when the moment comes, I forget about this very question and be the resourceful little traitor who betrays her own conscience. Although, at the end of it all, I start believing there are more like me- contemplating hard but giving up even before the question of selfishness arises, not even consciously. That's the only hope I have in humans now.

- Vanshika

You've been a relentless bug,

kicking my mountain of indifference

everytime you passed by.

I was smug knowing the pile is huge,

and your legs are short and stout

your resolve hopefully weak.

Days passed and I caught your glimpse

still digging the mountain

like it works.

One fine rainy day, my mountain

crumpled like a castle of sand

Wrecked like an after disaster.

And you on the top of debris

were seated offering me a hand.

To give myself or to withhold,

Was no more in my command.

-Vanshika Singh

I have often wished to grow so immune to the world and it's nuances, that whenever a part of my heart is mentioned, I stay calm as the ocean. And not jump head straight into the deep abyssal plain of it, and rev in the beauty even when I know it's deep enough to drown me to give the world a show of my madness.

-V

There was a time in my life when I thought of myself as high and mighty, because I had no emotional attachment to my school. I was perplexed at the thought of why people spend so much time crying over a building. The two friends I had, and the two favourite teachers will always be with me, no matter the place. I did not love the walls, the classes or the playground, or the murals, or the auditorium. I felt safer and wiser loving people instead. And I was very satisfied with that because I was aware places are meant to be left behind. And that is what happened. I left school.

Now, years later, no matter what mindset I possess, whenever I pass through the familiar road and the street leading to my school comes in my view, my heart skips several beats. My mind goes, 'Hey! The same place we use to come everyday..'; 'The building didn't change much..' or 'That is the same bakery where I ate a chocolate truffle with my first pocket money'. And then I think to myself about how unconsciously we give place to so many things in our life, and they never leave. It was not in my hands to love my school.

I do not want to go back there in person. But I guess, I visit that place in my heart, more times than I'd like to admit.

-An excerpt from the autobiography I will never write.

At the end of the day, we all crave for recognitions. To be recognised as a perfect outcome of our parent's nurturing, or to be recognised as a good friend and companion, to be recognised as a good social element, or to called a worthy human. Everything revolves around this, someway or the other. What we miss on our part is to recognise the ones we should. 'My father without questions spends on my education, I am grateful for life.' , 'My friend texts me twice a month if I am okay, that always lifts my spirits.' , 'My cousin gives me a bear hug everytime we meet, I've never felt more comfortable anywhere in the world.' , 'My teacher punished me to write essays when I hated them, I love writing more than anything.' If only we said it all out aloud. If only we did not wait for people to feel our feelings from disguised, undercover actions but had enough courage to bare ourselves by pouring our recognitions for everybody. It takes a lot to feel, but it doesn't take much to say.

-V

"So? Who's the one with more walls?", I asked grinning. My point was proved.

Sighing loud, as if tired of being on the defensive side, "I don't know. But if no one delved deeper into me, I'd always find peace telling them that I am okay..."

(1/10)

-Vanshika