"It Made Me Lonely And Not The Kind Where One Is Deserted With No One Around. It Was The Kind That Howls

"It made me lonely and not the kind where one is deserted with no one around. It was the kind that howls from within, even when I was smiling wide, sitting between my most lovable bunch of people. It made me lonely to know there would be no one to understand my exact level of temperament because they don't live inside me. And it was lonelier to know I can't expect anyone to do so, because that is the point. Everyone is lonely because that's how we were made to be. It is that bittersweet gift of life that must be accepted as soon as I can."

(2/10)

-Vanshika

"To be gone from here, is the last thing I need!"

"To stay here alone, is a punishment indeed!"

-V

Emotionally, I have always wanted to be my softer self. Intellectually, I wanted to hold an invisible sword. As always, I seemed to enjoy diving deep enough to hit the bottom.

This all had been so different if people were known, liked and loved not for what they could do but for what they were in person. I have felt this concept burrowing me from inside, like a mid life crisis or an existential dilemma. It takes a lot to decide in the moment, to be a person for people or a person for myself. And to my extreme displeasure, when the moment comes, I forget about this very question and be the resourceful little traitor who betrays her own conscience. Although, at the end of it all, I start believing there are more like me- contemplating hard but giving up even before the question of selfishness arises, not even consciously. That's the only hope I have in humans now.

- Vanshika

"What are you?"

"A leafless branched tree.."

"...??"

"...naked to the wind."

"What 'Wind'!?"

"Life."

"When are your leaves coming back?"

"Everytime I am looked at."

I've been grinding so hard,

it's the tenderness in me-

-that is threatening to escape,

but if I don't continue-

-life and opportunities are still going to do.

-VS