We All Have Been Tirelessly Trying To Fit In The Mould Of A Person Who's Desirable And Appreciated By

We all have been tirelessly trying to fit in the mould of a person who's desirable and appreciated by the standards of the world. We know originality is an art but we still find ourselves in the loop counting how many do we influence. I think that is the tragedy. To know what is art yet to run behind the bland. To know what is life yet to chase the very death, everyday.

-V

This all had been so different if people were known, liked and loved not for what they could do but for what they were in person. I have felt this concept burrowing me from inside, like a mid life crisis or an existential dilemma. It takes a lot to decide in the moment, to be a person for people or a person for myself. And to my extreme displeasure, when the moment comes, I forget about this very question and be the resourceful little traitor who betrays her own conscience. Although, at the end of it all, I start believing there are more like me- contemplating hard but giving up even before the question of selfishness arises, not even consciously. That's the only hope I have in humans now.

- Vanshika

"To be gone from here, is the last thing I need!"

"To stay here alone, is a punishment indeed!"

-V

My worst point academically was my sixth grade. I had just changed schools and the new environment made it hard for me to adjust. I had no friends and the air of sophistication around suffocated me. My mother did not live with me that particular year, and I have never shared details with my father. I was practically alone and hated every bit of that time.

My class teacher was a fine, young lady who took pride in being an English specialist and a history veteran, both subjects that seemed mountains to me. When she discovered I was the new one, and not academically well off, she developed a special dislike for me and explicitly expressed it through her actions and harsh words. She was lady with a vicious vocabulary.

There was one morning when I had a bad start by giving a wrong answer, and then later she found mistakes in my assignment that seemed unforgivable to her. She pointedly told me then, "I suggest you look at your horoscope everyday because I can see how bad it is!"

I had a bad day. Her words had a special power to push me in a hole of insecurities. I even started considering telling my father that I can't manage in the school and I quit.

But I believe her 'advice' did me some good, when at the end of the day, I did look into my horoscope. "You will have a memorable day."- It said.

This was a phase, which was over even before I could tell. I left that school as a passed out. English is my power subject now. And history? Well, that is no more a mountain for me.

My horoscope was right. That day was indeed memorable. Because whenever I find myself being surrounded by negative thoughts and feelings, where I see no way out and find myself a failure, I look back to that day. If I managed to get out of that as a loner child, who was at the verge of hating her existence, I can definitely manage now, as an adult who knows life is love.

I developed certain habits in my life as lessons from that time. Firstly, to treat people right because people forget their worst time in life, but not how we treat them. The fact that I did not write about my favourite teacher yet but 'she' seemed worth mentioning. Secondly, I never look at my horoscope, not because I do not believe in them, but because it gives me a sense of satisfaction to everyday rebel a little against her and feel powerful about it, my so called bad times.

-My Horoscope, Vanshika.

There was a time in my life when I thought of myself as high and mighty, because I had no emotional attachment to my school. I was perplexed at the thought of why people spend so much time crying over a building. The two friends I had, and the two favourite teachers will always be with me, no matter the place. I did not love the walls, the classes or the playground, or the murals, or the auditorium. I felt safer and wiser loving people instead. And I was very satisfied with that because I was aware places are meant to be left behind. And that is what happened. I left school.

Now, years later, no matter what mindset I possess, whenever I pass through the familiar road and the street leading to my school comes in my view, my heart skips several beats. My mind goes, 'Hey! The same place we use to come everyday..'; 'The building didn't change much..' or 'That is the same bakery where I ate a chocolate truffle with my first pocket money'. And then I think to myself about how unconsciously we give place to so many things in our life, and they never leave. It was not in my hands to love my school.

I do not want to go back there in person. But I guess, I visit that place in my heart, more times than I'd like to admit.

-An excerpt from the autobiography I will never write.

Being good may have become a punishment for some or a reward for others. But being good is not subject to those concerns. It comes from the very within. Let's not consider alternate options on how things would have been if we were a little a less good. There's only so much goodness left in the world. Let's prevent these remnants from dying by being the good.

-V