Xhashaseed - Xhasha Seed - Tumblr Blog

https://www.youtube.com/@xhashaseed

Hi thanks for the follow! Love your stuff omg

Awww! You are gonna make me blush! It was a very easy follow back 💚.. I really like your energy and your vibe!

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fookin fookin fooks

try to record video - phone blows up with drama from work

I put it out

try to record video again - some gawd damned drama starts, loudly, outside my window

i play peace maker

I TRY TO RECORD AGAIN - My fluffy joy and love of my life (cat) wants foo RIGHT NOW AND WILL NOT SHUT UP UNTIL FED

i feed satan

I TRY TO RECORD AGAIN - Now my DMs are blowing up with other stoopid shit ...

I give up today ... i get the message .... fook it ...

charisma buff -

alright enough slacking from me .. time to really start making stuff again...

Aegosexuality is a term that describes people who experience a disconnect between themselves and the subject of arousal. This disconnect allows them to feel sexual attraction, arousal, and desire in response to sexual stimuli, but they have little to no desire to engage in sexual activity with anyone. In fact, they may not even imagine themselves being in a sexual activity, even when they are sexually aroused.

It's pretty much a microlabel of asexuality, I just tell people I'm asexual because it's easier to understand. However anyone looking at my galleries, hentai/ecchi collection, likes and compositions, one could question it easily. My imagination is horni as hell, I just don't want to be touched, or to do the touching. I'm very much in my head when it comes to sexuality.

you know what they say about big feet right?

- Its meaningless to live, so live with meaning ...

[WARNING - PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING -]

Before you continue to read this, please know that I am in a healthy place. It's because I am writing things like I am about to, that I am okay. I understand that this stuff can be disturbing to some people, so let me warn you now, this is a musing on nihilism, existentialism, and absurdism. It is not a cry for help but more of a trumpet of hope and love. Regardless of whether you are sensitive to such subjects, skip this post; I'll be back to my usual fare after this.

[WARNING OVER ---]

Why fucking bother?

What's the point?

I'm going to die.

I will be forgotten.

There are no, will be no, monuments in my name. I'm barely even a speck in the world. I didn't win the genetic lottery, I never got hit with that streak of luck. I will never be a superstar, world leader, famous artist, great warrior, or recognized philosopher. Everyone around me reaps more significant rewards and gains more fame for the same things I am doing, and I fall deeper into obscurity as every year rolls by. I am, by the world's standard, mediocrity incarnate.

I am nothing. But I was nothing to begin with. Before I lived, I was nothing, and to nothingness, I will return. Is that so bad? It's funny, to be honest. If immortality is being remembered after you are gone, this, too, is futile. The people who remember will die. My records will decay. All that finds me in the end is Oblivion itself. I am a scratchmark on a piece of paper drawn by an artist, who grew frustrated with it, crumpled up the paper, and threw it into the waste bin.

Would life be any better if it had an undo/redo button? I argue at the same futility. The outcome doesn't change. Let's say I DID become a superstar and lived a life of money, power, and fame. Let's say I became the most loved person on the planet. Let's say I "won" the game of life. Did I win the game of living?

Did the insect I squished the other day reflect on my cosmic social score? Am I a good person because I said "good morning" the other day to someone who looked depressed? I draw pictures people may find amateurish and weak. I write stories with questionable grammar. I compose music of possible quality. I contribute very little to observable reality. Yet here I sit. Trying to make sense of my loneliness and insignificance.

I can only perceive the world through my own eyes like I'm some sort of trapped god unable to bend reality to my will. I cannot honestly know if this world is real, and I cannot honestly know if the people I talk to indeed exist. I am alone in a sea of billions and billions more after I am gone.

So why do I exist? Why bother with the meaning of a game where there are no winners or losers? Why live a life of bland experience. If I cannot become "great" why not just cease to be?

Tomorrow ...

There is always tomorrow ...

And this isn't just some words of hope to myself. I am curious to see how this goofy little life I was given will officially pan out. In a constellation of stars, remarkable heroes, and villains, why was I chosen to see life through the eyes of "just some person" who means nothing? If forums and other social media are to be believed, there are people out there who seek out these types of games and stories.

"I don't want to be the hero, I just want to be some guy..." I will read it sometimes, and laugh. If I am the "not-hero" in my own story, and I can only read it, feel it, through my own body and eyes, like a very open-ended chose-your-own-adventure story, then why not just keep reading?

I should have died a few times I can count. I should have been in prison for a few others. I should be worse off as often as I should have been better off. Upon this thought, I laugh even harder because I am trying to figure out by which standard I am measuring this? The people who I cannot say if they too exist or not? Myself? Why should I feel discontent when nothing is meaningful to measure my success or failure?

There is always tomorrow. You don't know how this lousy movie might end. It could wrap all of this up with one conclusion. I can only watch it once. I can only celebrate successes and failures once. This is a hardcore, one-life-only, let' s-play, and I am the audience.

As self-absorbed as it sounds, I should only be entertaining myself. I like stories that feel good. I like stories where people laugh and cry, love is pure, and villains can be turned into friends. These are the stories I want, so I will keep living to tell that story until I run out of batteries. I may not be a rock star, but I'm still having fun. Even when I am sad and depressed, it is a sweet feeling. I want to see how my story ends, not because I switched off the power, but because I one hundred percent-ed it and got my special ending.

"Xhasha Seed" - 8/25/2024

The new "mango hair" and glasses feel good...