Texting With Best Friend Minho

♡ ─ texting with best friend minho

⌕ request ⌕ stray kids masterlist

© voquenutella, all rights reserved. Do not copy, translate or repost.

Ok so I just found out that you can't see who voted on yor poll so if you weren't tagged, I'm sorry😭😭😭😭

In literal shambles rn

Wait for me

Pairing : Bang Chan x reader

Genre : Angst and I mean ANGST

Warnings : hospitals, mention of terminal illness, it is implied that reader has cancer, death, talk about death, grief.

Please don't read if any of these themes trigger you.

A.N: Feedback is highly appreciated, i read and respond to each one of your comments and reblogs <3 they are what keeps me going!

-------------

When Chan vowed that he would love you through sickness and health, in life and in death, he meant those words with every part of his being. He just never imagined that the bad parts of his promise would arrive so soon.

But here he was, sat on a chair near your hospital bed. He can't remember the last time you both went home. Those depressing white walls are all he has seen for the past few months.

He hated hospitals, the smell of alcohol, the lingering dread in everyone's hearts, the shrill cries that echoed from time to time in the long corridors. But most of all, he hated what this place did to you.

He could do nothing but helplessly watch as the life was slowly sucked out of you. You tried so hard to stay positive, to reassure him that you would be fine; but no treatment seemed to be working, and the doctor's tone grew more desolate after each test.

And you? You've grown weaker. Your hands started to shake each time you attempted to caress Chan's cheek. And they became so cold, it scared him at times. Because the hands of someone alive aren't supposed be that cold. So he held them in his large ones, blowing on them in a useless attempt to warm them up. Because he couldn't heal you, so the least he could do is warm up your hands. But his efforts were fruitless. Your hands remained cold, and your body remained sick.

Breathing felt like a chore to you, your body was giving up on you when you still had so much life within you. And on days where your voice particularly betrayed you and you couldn't bring yourself to speak, Chan would talk for you. He would tell you stories, new ones and old ones you've learned by heart. His voice would crack and waver but he'd still speak, and you'd still listen.

Music always played in your room- to fill the empty silences and to conceal Chan's sobs in the bathroom. He never cried in front of you, he wanted to appear strong, for the both of you. But his puffy eyes and reddened cheeks always betrayed him.

You couldn't blame him for hiding himself, because you cried too when Chan fell asleep.

Or so you thought, because Chan never slept at night. He was afraid if he closed his eyes, you wouldn't be there when he woke up the next morning. So he stayed silent, as your tears dampened his shirt. He allowed you this moment of vulnerability. Because that is what the night does to you. It forces you to face the fears that you avoided during the day. Because when the sun is streaming through your curtains, and the birds sing outside of your window, you can't bring yourself to think about death.

But one night, you could no longer bare this weight alone. So you called out to him, and your painful sobs felt like a knife stabbing through his heart time and time again. “I'm so scared Chan. I try to act strong but I'm so scared. I don’t want to go”, you admit, clutching onto his arms tightly. You hoped that if your time had come, it would wait upon gazing at you and Chan. Wouldn't it be cruel to take someone's life when they are embracing their lover?

“You’re here, you’re still here. You’re not going anywhere”, he reassures, kissing your forehead gently. You still felt butterflies when he kissed you. You were still alive, you tried to remind yourself.

“Please- please don’t let me go”, you sob, and Chan smiles at you, his hand grazing your cheek softly. “Where will you go, darling, hum? You’re staying with me, I promise". 

That night, you both knew that Chan made a promise he was bound to break. But at that moment you didn't care, sometimes white lies feel better than the truth.

----------

The doctor told you three days ago that your body is rejecting the chemotherapy. "How long?", you asked and he smiled sadly, "a couple of weeks, at most".

What are a couple of weeks in the grand scheme of things? Nothing. They are fleeting, like a breeze that ruffles your hair for a second then quickly leaves you be.

You bitterly think back to the times when you had wished the weeks would pass by faster, not knowing that one day they will become your remaining lifetime.

-----------

Chan hated when you spoke about death. How your "if I die", turned into a "when I die". He didn't want to face it, so he shut you off each time with a kiss. "Later. We will talk about it later", he says, and you nod; although later feels much closer than it did yesterday.

Chan tries his best to ignore it, the impending doom awaiting you. He ignores death as it lazily walks up the hallway, as it enters your room, and sits right beside you. He ignores the dark shadow she casts on your face because he's afraid if he ever faces her, she would snatch you away from him.

But you can't let this go any longer, so one night, you turn down the music and pat the spot beside your bed. "Come here", you say.

Chan almost bolts out of the room. He didn't want to have this conversation with you. Because if he did, it would only be a matter of time before you left. He wanted to lie to himself; he wasn't strong enough to face reality.

Still, he sits besides you, because he loves you, and your smile renders him putty in your hands.

"I need to tell you something, Chan. But you won't stop me, promise me".

"Yn, I-", you cut him off, "Please, if you love me, you'll listen to me".

"Okay... Okay", he surrenders.

"I am dying", you say, tone firm. It felt weird to not whisper those crude words, to carelessly throw them like this in the open. But you wanted them to echo through the room. You needed Chan to accept them.

"It's okay. It's the truth, we can't change it", you smile sadly and Chan shuts his eyes forcefully, shaking his head left and right.

You gently hook your finger under his chin, urging him to look at you. "But you don't have to die with me, yeah? I don't want your life to stop because I am not near you".

Chan thinks that you weren't meant to be separated. Two people who love each other this much shouldn't be separated. They should live together happily and pass away in the same bed. A gentle death, a token of the soft love they once shared.

"When you'll... when you'll bury me", his sob cuts you off and you take in a deep breath. The word felt heavy on your tongue. It lingered in the air, stilling everything around you. He will bury you, there was no doubt in it. And you needed to say this while you still could.

"I want you to remember that it is only my body under the earth. I, the person you love, will still be with you. Here", you place your hand on his heart, "and here", you tap his temple with your finger. "I will live in there for as long as you have me".

Chan imagines that this is what it feels like to drown, to have your lungs slowly be filled with water with no means to escape. Because this is what your words did to him. They filled up his lungs, choking him from within. He could no longer breathe and you were still here, next to him. So how will it be when you are gone? How much more pain can a single human heart bare?

"And I want you... I want you to love again. To feel again".

"Don't", he manages to utter through his tears, "I will never... I will never love anyone the way I love you".

"Your heart is so big my Chan, don't close it off for my sake, please".

"Stop! Stop talking like this! Like you are already gone, I- I don't want you to go. Fight more, please. For us, for me. Don't give up on me", he begs, chest heaving from the sobs that ripple through him.

Chan buries his head in your chest and although it hurts, you let him. You try your best to thread your fingers through his hair, to make your hold feel safe and gentle. Because tonight, Chan needs you to be strong. Chan needs you to comfort him.

--------

The couple of weeks passed by. Each day filled with more pain than the last. You couldn't bare it anymore. All you felt was hurt and you hated it.

"I'm so tired", you confess one rainy night, and Chan looks up at you, dark circles adorning his face. "I know, my love".

"Will you be mad at me? If I go?", you ask in a quiet voice, eyelids slowly closing.

The look on your face haunts Chan. He wants to tell you that yes, he wanted you to stay for a little longer. But loving someone isn't about what you want, loving someone is putting them first. And right now, he needed to let you go.

"I won't. You can rest now, honey". You've always found Chan's voice soothing, but it is particularly gentle this night. His voice reminds you of honey, of walking barefoot on the beach, of the first snow of the year. His voice is everything good in this world. It will stay with you, his voice, long after it lulls you to sleep.

"Thank you, Channie. For loving me in this lifetime", you whisper and Chan smiles, although you don't see it, "I will find you in every lifetime and love you in each".

"You promise?".

"I promise".

"Okay. I'll wait for you".

That night, Chan snuggles against you in the tight hospital bed. As he brings your body to his, he wishes there was a way he could intertwin himself with you, this way wherever you went, he'll be there.

Your body is frail, and your skin is so pale he can see the veins protruding on your face. But you still look so beautiful. No one could ever rival you.

------------

"Hi this is yn! I'm sorry I can't answer you right now. Please leave a message after the beep".

* 3 days after the funeral

"Hey, baby. I'm bringing home the soup you like. Love you".

* 1 week later

"I- I broke down sobbing in the street today. I think it just hit me, that you are gone. That all I have left of you is this prerecorded message. It hurts, it hurts so bad, yn. And you aren't here to make it feel better. I want to go back to when I brought home your favorite meal, and I- I convinced myself you were just in the other room and you'll come eat it soon".

* 2 weeks later

"I can't do this anymore- Why did you leave? Why did you leave me here alone. I can't- I can't breathe without you, yn. It's too much, too much. Why did it have to be you? What about the plans we had, huh? The house we wanted to build together and the places we still haven't visited because we thought we had time? What am I supposed to do with all the 'what if's' you left behind? I- I wish it was me who died that day".

* 3 months later

"I didn't- I didn't call for a while. You are not mad at me, are you? I'm sorry, for being angry last time. I wasn't angry at you, you know? I could never. It's just... my heart hurts yn, it feels heavy, so heavy to carry alone. And I cry, I cry a lot. I think I may have ruined our sheets from how much I cried in them (chuckles). But, today I smiled. I thought of you, and I smiled. That has to count as something, right?"

* 5 months later

"It's your birthday today. I bought you roses, your favorite. But I don't think I will water them, you used to do that and I... I can't even take care of myself, yeah... I didn't- I didn't go to your grave to wish you a happy birthday, because you said that you are here with me. I just whispered it to myself, did you hear it, baby? You'll tell me all about it when we meet again, right?"

* 8 months later

"I forgot- I forgot how your laugh sounds. I woke up today and I couldn't remember it, and I- I don't want to forget, I'm so scared I'll forget because if you don't live in my memory then where are you? I'm still- I'm still hiding under the covers, I don't want to go out and face a world where I don't remember the sound of your laugh".

* 1 year and a half later

"It's been two years since we got married. But we've been together for five years now, isn't that amazing? I... I have something to tell you. I came to realize that although only one body was buried, two people have died that day. And I'm okay with it. I only exist to wait for when my time comes, and then I'll see you again. Wait for me".

* 2 years later

"I got the promotion I've been dreaming of baby. I think you already know that because it rained so hard as soon as I got out of work. It reminded me of the way your hugs felt, or how I think they felt. I don't really remember them. My therapist said it's how our mind copes with grief. But, I know that they felt safe and gentle. So I stood under the rain for 10 minutes, and now I caught a cold (chuckles). If you were here, you would have scolded me. You were always so protective of me, so sensitive and sweet. That's why I take back what I said a long time ago. Do you even remember? I don't wish it was me who passed away that day. I would never want you to go through the pain of losing me".

* 3 years later

"My heart still feels heavy, yn. It may sound silly, but I like it. Don't judge me (laughs). I just remember when you told me that you'll be with me, in my heart. So I imagine that the weight on my chest is the weight of my love for you. Pretty cool, right? You're everywhere with me. And I miss you. I miss you, a lot. I miss you so much. I- I can't wait to see you again. My pretty angel".

* 3 and a half years later

"It's my birthday, today. As a gift, I bought myself your perfume. I know, I know, I still have two full bottles but I'm taking precautions. I don't want to run out of it. Our friends are used to me smelling like you. Some of my coworkers even bought your perfume because they liked it so much. And now wherever I go, I smell you. It's funny, how they never knew you, and yet your life intertwined with theirs. You are everywhere, you aren't forgotten, baby. Someone like you could never be forgotten".

* 5 years later

" Hey, my love. Seungmin got married a month ago. I know, no one was expecting him to do it first. It was a beautiful ceremony, but not as beautiful as ours, but don't tell him that (giggles). Do you remember when you told me that you wanted me to love again? I think I did. I think I'm starting to love life again. I woke up and breathing felt easy. I heard the birds chirping right outside our window and I didn't hate them. I realized that I've hated them for the past five years because they were so alive and I wasn't. But I'm starting to live again. I just had some oranges and they didn't taste bland. And I think- I think I'm ready to live, for the both of us".

* 62 years later

"I think I might see you soon, my yn. You've been waiting for me, haven't you? Just like we promised".

I want whatever this is

Midnight Kisses

Pairing: Chan x reader

Genre: fluff, suggestive, romance, friends to lovers trope

Summary: You pay Chan a midnight visit in his studio, one thing leads to another and confessions get made.

Warnings: none

Word count: 1.3k

Author's note: Hii, this is my first work so it's not perfect haha. Also, english is not my first language so I apologise in advance if there are any mistakes, I've tried my best guys. I hope you enjoy!

It was a quiet night at the studio, Chan was working on some of his tracks, the lights were dimmed and the only sounds in the studio were the clicking of his mouse and some background music he had on, it was the perfect ambiance, it was so quiet and relaxing that he wasn't wearing his usual headphones, that's probably why he was able to hear the quiet knocks at his door, he looked at the time, wondering who could be knocking on his door at midnight, he reached to open it, when he saw you, all confusion was dissipated and his chest was filled with nothing but happiness, he smiled at you and he motioned to come in, to which you complied smiling warmly at him, that smile, that freaking smile that made him forget all of his problems.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”. He said teasing you, “I just came to make company and maybe, share a midnight snack? Honestly Chan, how long have you been working for, hm? Everyone needs a little break, especially an old man like you,”. You answered, teasing him back. “You’ve been hanging out a little too much with Seungmin”. He said looking at you with accusatory eyes, to which you just simply smiled at him, god had you missed him.

It wasn’t unusual for you to show up at his studio late at night, you also worked at the company as a songwriter and producer and spent a lot of time with the boys, especially with Chris, you participated in the making of a lot of their songs. Because of that, you found yourself spending a lot of time at the studio, staying until late working with Chan, to which Jisung and Changbin also joined you a lot of the time, but mostly it was you and Chan alone who stayed up until late in the night. Chan because he was a workaholic and because of his insomnia, and you because you liked to spend time with him.

Because of the time you two spent together, falling in love with him was bound to happen, and you tried so hard not to, but how could you not, his caring nature, his kind heart and his beautiful smile that made his eyes look like half moons made it impossible for you not to fall head over heels for him, and his dad jokes, how could you forget to mention his dad jokes. But you weren’t a fool, you knew how hard it was to date an idol, you swore yourself to never date an idol when you got in the industry, you swore it. But you also didn’t know a Bahng Christopher Chan back then, and if you were honest with yourself, Chan was worth it, Chan was worth breaking that promise, he was worth everything, if there was one boy who would ever be worth your tears, it was Channie.

When you came back from your thoughts you looked towards him, he was so focused on his computer, he had a slight frown and his lips were pouting just the tiniest bit, he looked so… ethereal, the dimmed lights showed his sharp features, you couldn’t help but stare.

“You’re staring”. You blinked, “No, I'm not”. “Yes you are”. He said, smirking slightly, “Shut up”. “Do I make you nervous darling?”. “You’d love that, wouldn't you Christopher”. You told him, smiling sarcastically, you didn’t receive an answer but you felt his piercing eyes on you, “Who’s staring now?” you retaliated, still you didn’t receive a response, when you looked at him, you noticed the darkness in his eyes, when your eyes connected with his, he looked away and coughed a little, “Wanna come check on the song?”. He said changing the subject, to which you gave a slight nod and sat by his side, he passed you his headphones and when his fingers brushed yours you swore your heart skipped a beat, you ignored the feeling and put on the headphones while he played the demo, you thought that the melody felt familiar until you realized it was red lights, confused, you looked at him, receiving only a sly smile back from him, you continued listening. You gasped when you heard the lyrics, the mutherfucker had literally recorded the explicit version of the song. When the recording came to an end he looked at you expectantly while you took off the headphones and handed them back to him.

“If you release this song you’ll no longer be able to tell stay that red lights is about traffic lights, you know? Also, I fucking knew you were the one who wrote it and not Hyunjin”. You told him, receiving a big laugh from him. “Shut up, no, but really, what do you think?”. “I think it's great, but do you really think that jypapi will let you release it?”. “Well, it won’t be easy, but with the right amount of convincing anything is possible.” 

While the clicking sounds clouded the little studio again, you decided to remain seated by his side, you didn’t notice the time passing, getting lost watching him work. When you turned to the clock you saw that it was already 3am, you didn't even notice that you had been there for three hours already, when you turned to look back at Chan you found him already staring back at you. But there was something different in his eyes, in the way he looked at you, you didn't know if it was the late hours, the quiet atmosphere or the tiredness, but something had changed, it was more tense.

You didn't even have time to think before his lips were on yours, it was soft, his lips moved slowly on yours, he was testing the waters, to see if you would pull away, when he felt you returning the kiss he deepened it, his lips felt like heaven on earth, you felt like the air was kicked out of your lungs, it was too much; his breath, his lips on yours, the warmth of his body embracing yours. His hands went from cupping your face to your waist where he rested them for some seconds before lowering them towards your hips, which he grabbed and dragged you, situating you on his lap, you couldn't help but moan slightly at his sudden move, earning a groan from him. His lips then kissed your jaw and went down to your neck, nibbling at the sensitive skin there, getting whines from you in return while you locked your hands on his hair and pulled his roots, his hands tightened even more on your hips due to your actions.

When he finally looked back at your eyes you couldn’t bother to hide the smile that creeped on your lips, mirroring his.

“I know we skipped some steps in the middle but I would really like to take you on a date”. He whispered while tucking a few strands of your hair behind your ear. Suddenly, you were at a loss of yours, it felt like a dream, everything was so perfect, you couldn't help but imagine that this was really happening, unable to say anything you just nodded lightly. “Words darling, I need you to use your words”. “Sure”. Your voice broke while saying that simple word, receiving a chuckle from him that you copied, that chuckle became a soft laugh until you both were laughing loudly in each other's arms. It was perfect, maybe tomorrow it wouldn’t, but today it was, and that is what matters, everything was perfect, he was perfect.

Ths will be after the others are released I swear

ATE. 

EATZ.

MAGNIFICENT.

AMAZING.

JAW-DROPPING.

Okay I need someone’s honest opinion on my smut skills 👀😭