So, Like... To The Tumblr People Who Got Into Ana/mia As A Form Of Self Harm, Judge Their "how Sick Are

So, like... To the Tumblr people who got into ana/mia as a form of self harm, judge their "how sick are you REALLY" status by the number on the scale and are also into the sandman/dead boy detectives:

Despair is the fucking goddess of pain. She understands torturing yourself better than any other being in the universe, she UNDERSTANDS why it gives you a feeling of power to try and chase out the emptiness with more emptiness until you can't see hope anymore. And she doesn't look like fucking thinspo. She doesn't look like regal queen ana. She isn't skinny. She's fat. Because why wouldn't she be? There are so many people who are self destructive and miserable and also overweight, what the fuck is stopping her from being that?

If the fucking goddess of pain can look, not like a 19th century tortured starving artist or like an emaciated goth with no joy left in their eyes, but like a middle-aged fat woman in baggy clothes who sometimes cuts herself to feel something, then your pain is not any less fucking valid if you look more like her than like those fake, imagined thinspo images.

Recovery from your ed won't mean you aren't sick, or miserable, or struggling. I'm not even telling you to get your life and mind together, I know you might really not be in a position to do that. But these disorders could cause damage to you body down the line that there will NEVER be a way out of. (And that's besides the point, but this also applies to drug abuse, so just keep that in mind. Despair of the endless would visit millions of people, every day, who don't need a drug addiction to see her. NOT ALL the cool mentally ill kids are doing this, and neither would you have to to be one of them.) Recovering from the shit that fucks up your body to the point where you can't use it later, will only make it less and less hard for you to get back to the way things were, to when you were able to feel joy and not worry all day every day, one day when you will be ready to try and make your way there.

I'm in recovery now. I've stopped purging, I no longer restrict to the point where I barely have the energy to function. I got out before my body got irreversibly damaged- not that it would matter if I wouldn't have, because this shit can always get worse and you can always put the line as high or as low as you want. And despair still visits me every day, and the misery she brings with her is still real, I haven't suddenly gotten fixed and replaced with a mentally healthy version of myself that doesn't get to complain, I'm STILL SUFFERING, but at least now I A), know that the validity of that doesn't depend on a fucking number, so at least I've got that off my mind, and B), when I will eventually get better and want to, like... Be a functional person, I'll have a body waiting for me to live that happy life through, that will be able to help me with it better than it would have if I kept going. I don't really want to get better just yet, but I do want to want to get better, and one day when I actually will, I'll at least know that my pain on the way there was fucking valid and deserved fucking treatment. Because it always does. Pain always makes you worthy of help against it, no matter what it looks like. Just remember that, and try to stick to the stuff that still leaves the window open for happiness in the future.

Okay, so... Currently adapting eial into a musical script fanfic. It has some themes I don't have personal experience with, mainly drugs (cocaine and LSD) and psychosis. Does anyone feel like alpha reading me to make sure I don't mess things up?

Just had a dream where Monty had a proana twitter account. The fuck?

Edit: okay so I'm gonna turn it into a fanfic. Someone help me with planning out the plot? If you're into that, dm/comment that

Sometimes I feel like will wood's fandom on Tumblr really doesn't get sex drugs and rock and roll.

Me: (gets up too quickly)

*vision gets fizzy* *brain gets dizzy*

Me: (humming the line from I/me/myself) I've been feeling lightheaded... Since I lost enough-

Me:

Me: OH THAT'S WHAT HE MEANT BY-

Me:

Me: "light hearted since I gained enough weight back to cover my-" oh my fucking GOD that's about recov-

Me:

Me: wait shouldn't skeleton appreciation day have just given it all away?

this applies EVEN IF YOU ARE ALREADY SUICIDAL, so don't give me the whole "I'm actually doing this to die, not to lose weight" thing. i was there. i was already suffering, but this shit made me go insane in my head even more than i already was. it made me constantly angry, brought me to the point where i started cutting myself (which i now can't stop), made me lonely and misrable from having to constantly lie to my family and brought two extra suicide attempts on me.

I'm not telling you to fix your mental health, i know from experience that feeling like you are morally required to get better can make things worse, but please, for the love of god, if you haven't started a new form of self destruction yet, don't. you dont have to have an eating disorder (this one applies to both the proanas and the promias) to be mentally ill. you don't have to cut to be mentally ill. you don't have to do drugs to be mentally ill. getting these won't prove anything, it will just put you in a loop of addiction you can't pull out of that will ruin your body. and if you already got yourself one or more of these, I am not telling you what to do, but if you feel at all sympathetic to the concept of quitting, here's your permission to not feel shame for that. 90% of the self-destruction-romanticizing pages you're following would support you in getting better, and the remaining 10% are, as i am sorry to inform you, horrible people. and i just want you to remember- what's happening to you is bad. and if you get the chance to, the actual chance to, you should do your best and get out of it. and this one i will actually tell you. because you deserve to know this.

tips for people new to ana/fasting

• leave • leave • get help before it’s too late • leave • delete this app • LEAVE