Suicidality - Tumblr Posts
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Mature | Gen | 2.6k words | Ogata Hyakunosuke | Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD | Suicidality | Suicidal Ideation | Psychosis | Flashbacks | More tags on AO3
For as long as he can remember, he's been opting to get up every morning and see what it brings him, if for nothing else than morbid curiosity. Does this not make the opposite of a deathwish? That every day he carefully decides against it?
While everyone's asleep at the campfire, Ogata is having flashbacks to the war. Or: a study of what chronic suicidality would look like for his story and character.
this applies EVEN IF YOU ARE ALREADY SUICIDAL, so don't give me the whole "I'm actually doing this to die, not to lose weight" thing. i was there. i was already suffering, but this shit made me go insane in my head even more than i already was. it made me constantly angry, brought me to the point where i started cutting myself (which i now can't stop), made me lonely and misrable from having to constantly lie to my family and brought two extra suicide attempts on me.
I'm not telling you to fix your mental health, i know from experience that feeling like you are morally required to get better can make things worse, but please, for the love of god, if you haven't started a new form of self destruction yet, don't. you dont have to have an eating disorder (this one applies to both the proanas and the promias) to be mentally ill. you don't have to cut to be mentally ill. you don't have to do drugs to be mentally ill. getting these won't prove anything, it will just put you in a loop of addiction you can't pull out of that will ruin your body. and if you already got yourself one or more of these, I am not telling you what to do, but if you feel at all sympathetic to the concept of quitting, here's your permission to not feel shame for that. 90% of the self-destruction-romanticizing pages you're following would support you in getting better, and the remaining 10% are, as i am sorry to inform you, horrible people. and i just want you to remember- what's happening to you is bad. and if you get the chance to, the actual chance to, you should do your best and get out of it. and this one i will actually tell you. because you deserve to know this.
tips for people new to ana/fasting
• leave • leave • get help before it’s too late • leave • delete this app • LEAVE
Do you guys know it when you're just... Feeling empty-neutral for most of the day, in a way in which you're really not feeling BAD, cuz you're just going through the motions of your usual whatever, so you're not feeling like it makes sense to complain about anything, until the moment when you're faced with a thing someone else wants you to do that you don't want to be doing and your head just spins around and breaks and you suddenly really want to walk into traffic? And then you start doing visibly suicidal shit (doing scary stuff with the knife in the middle of a conversation, sharing your fantasies of self-destruction absent-mindedly, walking into the highway the moment they ask you to get out of the car, stuff like that) in front of someone in the hopes that they'll leave you alone because you just don't have the energy to turn on your brain and figure out how to handle the situation properly, and then they just go "please don't, it really scares me to see you do that" and you kinda get sad in the back of your head, like "oh. Guess I just made it worse. That's sad." And you're just... Left like that? Until your brain starts doing normal emotions and awareness again? Or is it just me?
Edit: okay so a few seconds ago I found myself laughing in pleasure and jumping in the air thinking about SH, and I thought maybe I could try and hold onto this emotion to feel a bit more emotion chemicals and maybe find the way back to them again, but then I couldn't and even if it worked out might have been bad to do anyways so idk
Okay, so I saw this video getting recommended to me by YouTube, and before I remembered what suicide squad (the actual movie) is about, my brain just casually assumed there's gotta be a connection between the picture in the thumbnail and the word "suicide" in the name. But after I DID remember what the movie was actually about, I figured that having a movie called "suicide squad" which is about five suicidal people who met each other and became friends at a psych ward, and the personal journeys of each of them and how they affected one another, is actually a really really good idea.
The poster is just five hands in psych-ward-bracelets doing a collective high five.
The Red Flags of Ruby's Suicidality Throughout The Volume
It should be obvious, but this short essay will cover heavy subjects of suicide, so if you're uncomfortable with this subject matter please don't read this.
The first red flag was in episode 4, where Ruby contemplated erasing her current self due to her failures, after talking to her 'past self'.
This gets reinforced by the lyrics of Trapdoor, which is about how worthless and unneeded Ruby feels.
One common mindset among suicidal people is this: what if I'm useless? What if my friends don't need me anymore? What if they don't care about me? What if I'll keep ruining everything? Would the world be better without me?
Suicidal people are usually full of self-loathing and blame.
Even in the episode 7 fight Ruby felt useless after seeing C-PTSD red flags (they're not Neo hallucinations because she didn't see the Schnee manor grounds struggle with hacked Penny). In her eyes, the others are fighting well without her, so she's useless.
Another set of red flags is snapping at your loved ones, pushing them away and driving yourself into isolation. We see ALL these in episodes 7 and 8, with Ruby snapping at her friends and running away, and even pushing Little away.
And on top of it she feels like her friends don't care, the world is against her, etc. which is YET another red flag.
(Massive disclaimer that this is NOT anti WBY and they, especially Yang, tried to reach out to her throughout the volume.)
I'd like to mention that if your loved one attempts and you tried to help but couldn't do it, it is NOT your fault. We're not all experts and we try our best, so do not ever blame yourself for these things.
It's not uncommon for suicidal people to refuse help, and on top of it Ruby has always been selfless to self destructive levels.
And the last thing, her self blame over her loved ones dying. While Penny and Pyrrha were apparitions, they still reflected her self blame. And Little dying? The final straw.
So her suicide attempt in the end was being built up all volume.
All I can say is that I hope Ruby somehow gets rescued and also recovers from her mental health problems because JESUS CHRIST.
This was a bit hard for me to write, especially as someone with BPD and frequent suicidal tendencies. This topic hits hard for me. However, I'm not an expert and this post shouldn't be taken as gospel. There may be details even I missed, so feel free to add your own observations.
And remember that if you are suicidal as well, you're not alone. You'll always have people who care about you, and resources to help out.
Magma
I’ve made it to eighteen leagues underwater Climbing higher But drowning beneath mountains
Breathing is dead to me Lungs accept only air And you provide only gravel
There’s not a noose long enough to dip its knot this low So my spindle claws can grasp its fray Seize its mass, and palpate over its bristles
Gravel cares not who I am It assuages stomach and throat with streams of dawny pills To alter my sense of color
But even under miles of quartzite Coarse amethyst Fractured glitz of oppressive perception
The surface of this ocean’s glassy clear I haven’t seen the sky But I know it’s evening hue is made for me
I wish I didn’t have to waste my energy on this but here goes.
Dementia is not stupidity. Mental illness is not corruption or delinquency.
People calling President Trump a dementia sufferer or mentally ill thinking that that’ll somehow disqualify him from his presidency, think about what you’re saying.
Apparently what he’s doing isn’t evil or stupid enough for you to call it out as that. Maybe you do, but it’s not good enough for you. No, you say, he’s MENTALLY ILL *gasp* NOW we have to figure out how to remove him from office.
Ahem.
So mental illness is worse than being evil or willfully ignorant?
Really?
There are probably dozens of mentally ill people you interact with everyday that you don’t even know struggle with mental illnesses. And if you do, what do you think about them? Do you think they’re unfit to be parents? Coworkers? Managers? Leaders? Do you think they’re worse than evil? Worse than stupid?
There are instances of mental illness that incapacitate someone to the point where they can’t do these things successfully. But that is not what we’re seeing in President Trump. There are PLENTY of reasons why he’s not doing his job successfully but mental illness ain’t one. And treating it as the worst thing about the US president only solidifies an immovable stigma that people like yours truly have to fight off every day of our lives.
Thanks for nothing, and do better.
Signed, a depressed, anxious, suicide attempt survivor and future leader of a piece of your world.
I deserve to die In a hole
By: me :P
I deserve to die in a hole
Decapitated and thrown
From the heel to collarbone
Saw me up with one that’s razor toothed and long
Scrape the skin
Like some good chicken
Until you get some fine, white bone
With ligaments and muscle tossed around
Make a bandana to tie around and drown
Asphyxiation and deep cuts are the truth
Leave me hanging and mangled with bruises blue!
Put each bone in bonafide fire
That reaches higher yet higher
And leave them there
Cracking and splintering like old stone
Until they’re as black as a completely dark canvas, alone
Take my heart and leave it to the flies
Let it run it’s course
Let it run through the night
And when a week has passed
Greet the reek and stench of a heart pieced apart!
For that ugly mug of a face
Hit it with a mace
Eye sockets, fill them with snakes
Leave it with no loveable grace
And crack open that ol’ coconut
For a brain to tip out with no trace!
There! Right there!
A delectable dish for you
Enjoy the wrinkled remains
A literal brain food!
Cut at one part and suck like noodles from end to end
Or slice it up into a fine, moist piece of Spam
Looks like a square!
And yet there’s so much more to do!
With this nutritious mind of a fool!
Into the machine, it blends and blends
Until slushing out
A meaty smoothie shake!
Whatever you do, it’s not rude
Because at the end of my dismemberment, there are no rules!
So crush me, pull apart me, burn me, slice and dice me,
Do whatever you want with what’s left of this!
Because
I deserve to die in a hole
Take out your shovels, because decomposition is my next goal…
that poem was cool right chat?
chat?