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My depression is kicking in really hard tonight and this just made me tear up cause I just want a hug like that. Dean Winchester, please hug me and kill my depression!😭

Is it messed up that I sometimes wish I’d live in the spn universe because killing physical demons or defeating monsters or god sounds easier then dealing with depression?

Because at least you can see monsters, you can just use spells or physical violence and just.. kill them. But depression attacks you from inside you brain and you can’t just do something like stab it with a special knife and it’s gone.

It’s this super long fight and on days like this I feel like I’m losing it.

“Welcome home”  Dean says as they are in the middle of nowhere and pulls Cas into his arms.

Am I becoming obsessed with Supernatural again because I’m sliding back into depression OR am I depressed again because I’m obsessed with Supernatural again?

Like.. my obsession with Supernatural helps me get through the day because it’s the one thing that helps keep my mind occupied enough to not feel even worse and TFW motivates me to always keep fighting.

But it also makes me so sad because those poor babies have to suffer so much and it breaks my heart when I think about Destiel and what they went through and all the trauma J*hn put the boys through and I love Dean, Cas and Sam so much that it hurts to see them hurt so much, especially every detailed analysis someone posts about their trauma & childhood.

And then again it makes me sad to think about Supernatural because even though they went through so much shit, Cas, Dean & Sam have such a strong bond and I’m sad because I don’t have anyone who knows me like they know each other. I don’t have anyone who knows me enough to see through the smile I put on every day, who knows when I’m not okay and who will call me out when I say I’m okay and don’t mean it. I just want a relationship like the one Dean and Cas have but I don’t think it’s humanly possible to know each other like that and blindly understand the other one’s most secret thoughts and feelings and it makes me sad to know it’s impossible to ever have a connection like that with anyone.

I‘d normally say I‘m cas-coded, but I just realized that I‘m THEE queen of repressed emotions, which I think is very Dean of me..

If any of you have ✨any✨ tips on how I can stop being so fucking emotionally repressed please PLEASE let me know.

I just realized.. I’m exactly like Dean emotionally-repressed Winchester. I‘m creating intricate rituals just to touch their hands for a moment, I hold onto their coat, I drink waaay too much even though it’s ruining my health, all just because it makes me feel a little closer to them and helps me be a little more open and show them just a tiny bit more honestly how much they mean to me.. Although I’d never actually confess my true feelings.

I am usually SOOO cas-coded, but how I am with that person REALLY brings out the Dean in me. I just love them so much and I’d literally fight hell and god for them, the only thing I wouldn’t do is let the know how I feel. I just wish I could do more for them. They’re not in the best place mentally and I wish I could be what they need and help them, but I also don’t wanna pressure them into talking and I want to know they’re okay but they have a hard time talking about their feelings so I’ll never really know and I’m worried about them and there’s just nothing else I can think about than them.

I even started writing poems. Like.. a LOT of poems. I just really can’t deal with all this love for them, I see them almost every day and I always push my feelings down as deep as possible but they keep bubbling up and I just don’t find the right outlet.

Didn’t watch supernatural in almost a year when I got out of depression because I realized I was relating too hard to Dean & it wasn’t good for my mental health anymore because there was so much pain.

Right now I’m sick with the flue, coughing so hard I feel like it‘ll make me throw up & feeling nauseous which really does NOT pair well with my health anxiety & emetophobia.. So I was trying to find any show to watch to distract me from being anxious so I could fall asleep. I didn’t want anything „boring“, but I also needed something I already knew because I didn’t want it to keep me from falling asleep because I wanted to see what happened.

After a little consideration the good ol spn popped into my head and at first I was a bit worried it might remind me too much of when I was depressed & ne too hurtful & be bad for my mental health again, but at the same time I knew I needed some kind of comfort only this show could provide.

And man does it feel good to watch this again. It’s strange how something can be so painful & sad and yet so incredibly comforting. Like I feel actual pain now watching the first season because after watching the entire show (& spending countless hours reading in-depth psychonanlysis about this show - thanks tumblr) now all the abuse Dean suffered from J*hn is SO damn obvious. And yet, at the same time, although he‘s kinda broken and I just wanna hug him, Dean conveys this feeling of safety I just really lack in reality right now. I just need someone like him who‘s adorkable and quirky and SO PROTECTIVE AND STRONG.

Right now I‘m crying because I’m so sorry for everything Dean had to go through, I‘m laughing about the way he talks, his sass, how he uses m&m‘s like breadcrumbs to lead Sammy to where the Wendigo took him, the way he talks to authority, the way he kills all evil sons of bitches he encounters because it helps with his trauma. I feel like I got a good friend back and although my anxiety is still there and I still feel like a walking corpse and I still can’t sleep even though it’s 4am & my sick body could need it, I feel a little more protected and just like there’s someone just on the other side of a screen who‘s there to help me get me through this.

I‘ve lived on my own for 7 years now and I wanna move back in with my mum for a few months cause being an adult is HARD and I need a break and I miss my fam so much since moving to the other side of the country. But my hometown is as straight as it gets, no queer community at all and my fam doesn’t really get me, they act like it’s a super political fight every time I politely ask to watch a fluffy sweet movie with a queer character. So yeah living so far sucks cause I miss them but at least here I‘ve got a queer community and the people are very tolerant. Idk what to do. It would only be a few months but still.. Also it might help my depression and take off a lot of pressure to move back there but it would make my anxiety get a hell of a lot worse🤡

Hey spn fam I’m really REALLY struggling with my mental health rn can you please help me and send me your fav/most uplifting/ funny spn gifs/ quotes/ anything?

I just really need any help I can get to make it through the night cause rn I don’t feel like I can keep fighting anymore

Can I just say for a second: the supernatural fandom is the sweetest, most caring group of people I can imagine and I adore y’all to bits!!

Yesterday I made a post about having a real bad depressive episode and I just really needed anything spn related to help me keep kicking through the night and y’all really came through and sent me so much stuff that I’ll be occupied for the next weeks probably.

I can’t even explain how much this helped me already. I can’t describe how much it means to have so many strangers take time out of their day to check in and send me stuff to get me through.

I feel a bit better today. Ofc my depression isn’t magically cured (I wish there was a spell) and I know some days are better and some will be way worse again but rn I feel like I might be able to fight this shit until I’m better again.

Y’all got me through a really dark spot and I’ll keep coming back to all those messages now and especially when I feel that bad again.

So thank you for being the kindest and sweetest fandom on earth, I can’t express how much your messages mean to me!

Supernatural already got me through my first horrible depressive episode a few years ago and it seems like it’s doing it again. Idc how strange it sounds but it’s the one thing that works for me, especially since I can’t have therapy or antidepressants, so I’ll cling to it until things are better again.

This post is probably incoherent rambles but I just wanted to say thank you all so much for being there, I truly wish you all the best💚💙