And Soon You Find Pleasant Emotions That Pop Up Unexpectedly - Tumblr Posts

I’ll start off by saying that I can’t speak for everyone. However in my experience, and in my discussions with other survivors, it seems that in the early days of abuse recovery we become obsessed with understanding WHY.

Why did they do this?  Why didn’t I see who they really were?  Why did they choose me?  Why did I allow this?  

We buy books, research online for hours, bombard our therapists with theories, and try to find stories like ours. We look for the truth somewhere outside of ourselves.  It feels like if we can just find that one elusive  piece of the logic puzzle, our knowledge will heal us. 

It’s probably a necessary part of the process, and can be therapeutic in its own way. But you can’t push away the inevitable forever.  The feelings come, and they come hard.  They have to.

When I slowed down on the fervent research and made myself sit in the pit of horrors that was my brain, things started to change a bit.