Battinson - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
No, but the way that people didn’t laugh in the theater i was in when the Penguin literally ✨WADDLED✨ had me feeling like Scar (I’m surrounded by idiots)
“The Batman Was Humorless” Counterpoint:
That robber in the Drophead costume suddenly getting hit by a car because he’s so busy shitting his pants at the sight of a dark alley
Thumb Drive. Gotta give Riddler the W on this one, that was pretty good
Gordon treating Batman like he’s his fucking drinking buddy, but particularly “You could’ve pulled that punch, man.” and “No guns.” “That’s your thing, man.”
The running gag with the twins answering the door to the Iceberg Lounge and Bruce being there
Penguin’s interrogation. “WORLD’S GREATEST DETECTIVES!!!! NO HABLA ESPANOL????”
Penguin, with his ankles zip-tied together, fucking WADDLING
“Oh hey! Mr. Wayne!” “…………………………………………”
Honestly Martinez in general, dark horse contender for favorite character
It gets disturbing real quick, but that brief moment where they crack Riddler’s secret video and he’s addressing his cult like a FUCKING youtuber like “Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the support, uhhh the tips on detonators were really helpful”
“You have a lot of cats.”
“Look at me.” (thumb under her chin, making heavy eye contact, she’s ready to kiss him………) “Contacts look good.” (Selina’s visible sexual frustration)
Batman’s attempt to skydive off the GCPD’s roof through a busy city. Reality ensues.
“I just ordered a piece of pumpkin pie-”(HEADSLAMONCOUNTER)
Guess who finally watched the Batman movie and right after this read a bunch of Fanfics, where they throw a young Robin/Dick Grayson at Battinson
…It’s me
and I’m gonna do that too^^
Edit: Fanfics here
I take back what I said I can actually see how Talia and Battinson get together because that pathetic wet cat of a man is most definitely into people with more forceful personalities than him. He's a melodramatic mf and Talia is nothing if not a romantic so she has no issue keeping up with him. They angst about stuff together and then have dramatic fights across rooftops or gardens or something while proclaiming their "forbidden love" and calling each other nicknames that make everyone else gag. They write long, lengthy poems about each other's beauty and moral codes and the indescribable (they spend thirteen pages describing it) pull they feel towards each other and their forbidden attraction. The only difference is that Talia reads hers out to him lovingly and Battinson stutters through his, is beet red and can't look her in the eye. She thinks it's adorable. They're so in love it's sickening. They're literal Morticia and Gomez variants
⊹ ₊˚꒷꒦︶⊹ Late night talks ₊︶꒷꒦︶
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
Pairing: Batman x reader / Bruce Wayne x reader.
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
Summary: After accidentally mistaking Batman as a criminal and spraying him with pepper spray, you both have seemed to form a friendship.
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
Warnings: Pepper spray, mention of Gotham being dangerous.
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
Word count: 1.5k
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
[ Masterlist ]
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
Bruce has no idea how he got himself into this situation. Or rather... This habit.
It all started on that faithful night.
Walking alone at night in Gotham was like an one way ticket to heaven. A death wish, as some may say.
You sighed, looking around anxiously as you tried to walk as fast as you could. Every flicker of the night light, every random sound was making you jump in terror. You were half convinced that this was going to be your last day on earth.
You were just about to walk past an alley when you saw a shadowy figure stand menacingly at the entrance. The lights were flickering as the lamp above seemed to be surviving off of the happiness of the citizens of Gotham. Obviously, there wasn't much life left in it.
Red alarms started to go off in your head as the figure slowly started to move towards you. The heavy sound of its boot hitting the ground, the sound of your quickened heartbeat, the sound of the pained hissed that left the shadowy figure- Wait... Pained hiss?
It was only then you realised that you had sprayed the shadowy figure, Batman, with the pepper spray you were clutching while walking.
You gasped, staring at Batman in shock. He was hissing at the sudden attack, one of his eye half opened as he stared directly at you.
'I am so dead.'
Your eyes were wide before you shakingly reached into your purse, pulling out a small water bottle as you handed it to him, "I am so sorry! I thought you were some... Some criminal! Oh my- Splash this in your eyes! I am so sorry!" Half of the words sounded like nonsense due to how fast you were speaking.
He reluctaningly grabbed the water, splashing some water into his eyes as the affect of the spray started to subdue.
For a minute or two, nobody said anything as you both just stared at each other.
"What are you doing outside at this hour?"
"I am so sorry!"
Both of you decided to speak at the same time, which made none of you understand what the other person said.
"Come again?"
"I didn't hear-"
And it happened again.
"Speak."
"I am sorry-"
And again.
Finally, Batman seemed to have enough of it as he just stared at you broodingly, making you shut your mouth from fear.
"Why are you out at such an hour?"
You paused at his question, looking at him sheepishly, "Uh... Nightshift..."
Your answer made him raise an eyebrow which you didn't see because of his mask, "You shouldn't walk alone in the streets of Gotham with only a pepper spray as a weapon."
You nodded, looking at the ground as you suddenly felt like a child getting scolded by your parent.
Batman sighed as he stared at your figure, he can't just let you walk around at such an hour. Especially when it looked like you had the survival skills of a limbless cockroach.
"I will walk you home. Lead the way."
And that's how everything started.
"You haven't been paying attention to what I have been yapping about, have you?" You deadpanned, staring at him as he spaced out.
This made Batman blink, coming out of his chain of thoughts as he stared at the bowl of cereal you passed to him.
"Eat."
He blinked again, glancing at you in slight confusion before he started to eat.
He doesn't remember how this became a... Thing. It started out as occasionally walking you home from your nightshifts, then it shifted to him being injured after a rather brutal fight with a criminal near your apartment complex which made you usher him to your house for some patching up and now it has become a habit of Batman to swing by your window every once in a while, whenever he knew you would be awake or knew you had a day off.
You have come out of your shell fully, and now he knows you as the sassy and playful girl he once saved instead of the scared and timided girl.
"Eat up! You look like you have been starving since the dark ages, Mr. Dark knight." He let out an amused grunt at your words, rolling his eyes as he ate the cereal.
It was a comical scene, having him sit in your kitchen in his Batsuit while you lectured him about his poor eating habits in your pastel night gown.
You were an amusing person, a dramatic display of playfulness and sarcasm was always expected from you. Batman has seemed to grow fond of you and your shared time spent together over the past few months as he found himself looking forward to these meet-ups.
He has heard it all, from how much you dislike your job to how much you loved visiting animal sanctuaries to how you once crashed your friend's bicycle into different objects all under 15 minutes.
All these little stories would make him smile slightly while he worked in his Batcave. Alfred has heard all about you as well, the butler seemed to have grown fond of you as well despite never meeting you.
He glanced at you, watching you move around the kitchen as you washed the dishes. A thought passed through his mind.
He could help you.
Imagining him, Batman, helping you wash the dishes in his Batsuit. That would certainly be something you would die laughing at.
He shook his head slightly at the thought, focusing on eating the cereal you had given him.
"So, when are you going to leave your shitty job?" That made you look at him, slightly taken aback by his sudden question.
"Oh... Um... When I find a job that pays the same or more...?"
There it was again. The same answer you always give him. At first, he used to get irritated by your answer but now he understands your point. He knows the financial struggle you have gone through as a child, which has made you very anxious about having no job. All his attempts to help you fell on deaf ears as you firmly stated that you do not want money from your struggling vigilante friend.
He still has no idea why you think he is a struggling vigilante.
Does he look broke to you?
He sighed, glancing at the clock as he saw what time it was. The sun was about to rise.
"Do you have a day-off tomorrow or another night shift?"
You looked up from the dishes, glancing at him, "I have a day-off."
He nodded, walking up the sink to wash his bowl as you stepped aside to make space for him.
This is starting to feel oddly domestic.
"You should head to bed then." This earned a giggle from you as you looked at him with an amused expression.
"Aww, are you worried about my health?" You cooed jokingly as you leaned against the counter.
"You work at odd hours. From 8 pm till 3:45 am, it has to be one of the most ridiculous work hours I have ever heard of." He mumbled, scrubbing the bowl as he pretended to be annoyed at your playful behaviour.
You hummed, nodding your head in agreement before a small yawn escaped you, making Batman give you a 'I told you so' look behind his mask.
"See? You should head to bed." He grumbled, drying the bowl before putting it in its place.
"Alright, alright, I'll head to bed. Just make sure that whenever you leave, you close the window." He nodded as he watched you walked towards your bedroom, stretching as you glanced back at him.
He still has no idea how this has become something so normal to both of you that you just let him stay in your house while you sleep and he knows exactly where the bowl goes in the cupboard.
Bruce sighed as he flipped through the documents and files of the new Wayne enterprise project, his eyes narrowed as the sunlight from outside was starting to bother him. He could almost feel a headache coming in.
It has been weeks since he last saw you, he has been busy with his duties as a vigilante and the owner of the Wayne enterprise to the point he could barely find the time to visit you. Thankfully, you have left your old job for good so he knows that you are at least not walking around the dangerous streets of Gotham at night.
But he still can't help but feel worried about your financial state, to the point that he has voiced it out to Alfred a few times.
He sighed again, glancing at the door as he heard a knock.
"Come in!"
His eyes widened as he stared as you walked in, his new secretary.
Suddenly, everything makes sense. Alfred suddenly pestering him to appoint a new secretary, Alfred going out of his way to personal find him a new secretary. Everything is starting to make sense.
'That cunning old man...'
i just- i hope seeing this makes someone's day-
(i'm sorry that is not the face of a guilty man; let the riddler go he's innocent i swear look at his beady little eyes)