Carryon - Tumblr Posts
Eles dizem: Se arrisque, você pode perder uma oportunidade por medo do que houve no passado.
Mas quantas vezes? Quantas vezes mais serão necessárias? Quantas vezes mais meu coração terá que ser quebrado para finalmente dar certo?
Então eu lhes respondo: Não!! Obrigada. Não quero me arriscar de novo, não tenho mais forças.
Não aguento mais.
Realmente não queria ser assim, não queria me apegar tão facilmente as pessoas, não queria ver os detalhes mágicos de suas características únicas, características essas que fazem com que eu as queira para sempre em minha vida, mas as pessoas se vão e cada vez sinto que meu coração não foi feito para esse mundo, sinto que não pertenço a esse universo ao meu redor.
aborted machinations
in the end i don’t regret this having such a body and these bones. they do me small kindnesses and in return i try to be more gentle. gentle is not easy. gentle: to hold with no intent to harm. to let go when it is needed. sometimes letting go is harder than holding on. you are brave for this. to recognise that in it all you may not be necessary. sometimes sitting down is harder than standing up, to say that you could both be wrong. sometimes we cannot truly see the right. i am trying to be more gentle but you say: what does it mean to be gentle anyway. what does it mean to be anything? i say: don’t confuse gentle with weak. this is not weakness. this is strength to say you can be happy without suffering for it. poetry does not lend itself well to happiness. a breath not caught, letting go without leaving a mark. we cannot stop clawing our way through reason in an effort for the undefinable this. every attempt is burned and we don’t know how to stop. how do you define happy? how do you know the difference between the words in cruelty and in gentle. stop everything before it’s over and abort these movements halfway through: happiness leaves everything half-done. this body deserves more than what i can give it, stopping a life unlived, unloved. this gentle that i show it; i am sorry for the motions that i put it through. for all of it in the end i don’t regret living with such kindnesses as a heart. a head. fingers that can play a piano, toes that can dance, lungs that fill unsteadily and wobble within a rib cage close to breaking. for the choice to give up gentle or to continue being draped across these bones: carry on. do not regret this, please, do not catch your breath. keep your lungs trembling in the new made light, one breath at a time. your heart will beat unbidden because of some small kindness in our making. that’s all i had to say. that’s all i ever had to say.