Spilledink - Tumblr Posts

I see the love of my life every single time I look in the mirror. I'll do everything not to lose her or else I'll be insane.

The scream my heart and soul produces at the moment is getting out of control. I'm at a point where I can't save myself. My world is currently void and hollow. I'm dying in disguise.

Welcome Mat

My voices falter in the presence of those I love

My autonomy, my passions, my endeavors

I grieve for them through the shedding of my outer layers:

My namesake, my belonging, my identity

Who am I, if not a servant?

Crawling upon hands and knees as I plead to obey

Licking the crumbs at unaware feet idly stepping on my hair as if I were a welcoming mat

I’d give it all up to be loved.

-lauren a.p

love's half-life

Does love have a half-life?

Cause I swore I've felt you amongst my bones the minute my feet trailed through those salty waters

Serene as the salt stung the scars that danced upon soft flesh

Forever and evermore

Those feelings painted me a fool into the picturesque background of stoic complacency

A chaotically delicate stranger in the midst of familiar faces chasing your towering shadow in a blistering heat

Vying for an unobtainable attention that belonged to the blue eyes of someone center stage

And i'd pray for sinful desires

To have what should not be mine and your Midas touch upon my surrendering body, hot and heavy and deplorable and sweet

A melancholy only discoverable in the afterthought of pleasure

As i'd watch you walk into unsurety in my rear-view mirror

"Don't trust no man" aching within my core

My unrelinquished hold upon your fading hand

My inability to lose something that'd been taken from me:

A disrespected personal vow of humanity

Lust and clementine hues emerging from July's rainy summer afternoons

A constant reminder of my still-beating heart and filthy conscious and greedy needs

and your unrecognizable face

But no sweetest taste or glaring moon or rough grasp could compare to you

Nothing could wash away the bruises that licked the nape of my throat

Oh what will I ever do with these hungry thoughts?

-lauren a.p

A journal entry from 09/09/22 (aka an abrupt author's note)

Look, I just had to write this down while it's still fresh. Allowing yourself to feel is the most liberating experience you may ever endure. Angst and melancholy and selfishness and apathy and laughter. All of it. Solitarily and all at once and in random bursts of hot tears or ladened thoughts or clenched fists or smile lines. It's terrifying and awful yet scandalously enticing. A fragile hope for normalcy outside of dissociative thought.

My mind has yet to try to escape since I met him. It hasn't yearned for the stories that'd never be spoken due to their non-existence. It hasn't craved the spotlight of an unreliable narrator and a broken storyline with a happy never-ending. It's complacent. Unmovable. As though it has anchored itself to this very moment, like it has something it's dying to tell me, but its words can't be heard.

Happiness? It can't be. I have never been so stressed and confused and exhilarated and horny and immature and grown-up and feral and up-and-down and lost. Emotions that have been strangers to my thoughts have become involved with a tumultuous affair with my impulse control, hijacking the station and forgetting to switch to autopilot. Everything is in my hands: I've never felt so in control of a disorderly enigma.

I'm reveling in the skepticism.

I'm collecting bugs and reading memoirs and making detailed connections between Lolita and Nobokov and butterflies. I'm doing pilates and dancing and crying and spiraling, all with a smile upon my lips and tears in my eyes

I'm everything all at once.

Is this normalcy? A reality outside of my own fiction? A world exhibiting raw truths and vivid emotions?

I don't know, but i'm excited to find out. I think.

-lauren a.p

to have a home.

I long to be middle-aged

To do taxes and dishes and laundry

And a house to call my own

To paint and ornament and inhabit

To plant and sow the seeds necessary for it to blossom

Blossom into a home

Where i'd never be a stranger

And i'd always have someone to sit with as i'd eat my lunch

03.11.24

-lauren a.p

London, two. A poem from my book, 412, available now. If you’d like to have your own copy, follow the website in my bio (@harrybpoetry). ———————— It’s been a while but I’m still writing poetry! I’m currently sitting on a lot of new material and it’ll probably turn into another book. I imagine I’ll upload some of it eventually but not right now. In the meantime, I’ve been working on a new format for uploading my work. I hope you like it as much as I do. ———————— Poem: Your buttoned sleeves, my tattered jeans, the day you had to leave to travel overseas. Now the distance widens with every passing second, the world won’t understand, just like you and my northern accent. ————————— #poet #poem #poetry #instapoet #poetsofig #poetsofinstagram #writer #writers #writersofig #flower #poetryporn #instapoem #text #cutepoem #poetrysociety #poetrylovers #writersnetwork #creativewriting #typewriterpoetry #wordporn #writerslife #poetryisnotdead #wordsmith #typewriterseries #writerscommunity #typewriter #spilledink #writingcommunity #writings #instapoets (at Durham, Durham) https://www.instagram.com/p/B14SbWiAiLT/?igshid=ap73wgq65jj9

One-to-one. From 412, my debut poetry collection, which is out now via the link in my bio. 📦📖 Seeing my friends get back into their creative passions during these troubling times is super inspiring! I hope everyone is doing well, make sure you keep washing those hands. ☺️ . . . . . . #poet #poem #poetry #instapoet #poetsofig #poetsofinstagram #writer #writers #writersofig #flower #poetryporn #instapoem #text #cutepoem #poetrysociety #poetrylovers #writersnetwork #creativewriting #typewriterpoetry #wordporn #writerslife #poetryisnotdead #wordsmith #typewriterseries #writerscommunity #typewriter #spilledink #writingcommunity #writings #instapoets (at Durham, UK) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-UlgoogiVK/?igshid=1bvei35fsmar6

different hues.
a poem featured in 412. my debut poetry collection, 412, is out now and available via the link in my bio. stay cosy.

Downcast

It was already 7:00 p.m. when you drove me home

I'm afraid of what might get happen again

I'm afraid of my heart

I'm afraid that it will beat again

I'm afraid you would notice

The sound of that beat

You once heard when we're together

Because still,

I'm not yet over us

But the world is.

You said you love me

But I didn't reply

Because if I do

The world will hate us.

Chavvi, a curious girl, finds herself in company of Ayush, a mysterious boy, in the world where Music and Arts are erased from the pages of history and only Science prevails. While they uncover history of the world they live in, they're targeted and most likely in danger. Will they sustain in such a world? Will this world accept something so magical and powerful even if it is introduced to them? Will the world understand their fight towards it? 🎶 #miracleswords ____________________________________________ #write #writing #writings #deepthoughts #writers #writersofinstagram #wordstoliveby #words #wordporn #poems #poemsofinstgram #poemsporn #poetry #spilledpoetry #poetrycommunity #musicmystique #writtenword #love #dream #wordsmith #instawrite #writerslife #instawriter #wordswithqueens #instapoetry #instapoet #instapoem #spilledink #wordgasm (at Mystique) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_99AAxFzTd/?igshid=1uhss5konbgto

A map of SARAS through which Chavvi's story travels. 🎶 Chavvi, a curious girl, finds herself in company of Ayush, a mysterious boy, in the world where Music and Arts are erased from the pages of history and only Science prevails. While they uncover history of the world they live in, they're targeted and most likely in danger. Will they sustain in such a world? Will this world accept something so magical and powerful even if it is introduced to them? Will the world understand their fight towards it? 🎶 #miracleswords #musicmystique ____________________________________________ #write #writing #writings #deepthoughts #writers #writersofinstagram #wordstoliveby #words #wordporn #poems #poemsofinstgram #poemsporn #poetry #spilledpoetry #poetrycommunity #writtenword #love #dream #wordsmith #instawrite #writerslife #instawriter #wordswithqueens #instapoetry #instapoet #instapoem #spilledink #wordgasm (at Mystique) https://www.instagram.com/p/CADk37BFrzp/?igshid=16t640twi3ohu

He is the one if, He makes me laugh when I don't want to. He is the one if, He makes me do crazy things just for the fun of it. He is the one if, He supports you more than anyone. He is the one if, He doesn't leave you through whatever life offers. He is the one if, He can make you mad yet you can talk to him about it. He is the one if, He makes you want to cry for how much you love him. He is the one if, He just makes you smile just with his face in your mind. He is the one if, He makes your stomach curl when you see him. He is the one if, He makes your heart warm just with his smile. He is the one if, He replies with more enthusiasm than you when you say "I love you". He is the one if, He is just "if" and never continued with "but..." 💕 #miracleswords #MusicMystique ____________________________________________ #write #writing #writings #deepthoughts #writers #writersofinstagram #wordstoliveby #words #wordporn #poems #poemsofinstgram #poemsporn #poetry #spilledpoetry #poetrycommunity #writtenword #love #dream #wordsmith #instawrite #writerslife #instawriter #wordswithqueens #lockdowndiaries #instapoet #stayhome #spilledink #wordgasm (at Bangalore, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CALTPRflZjS/?igshid=ylfbzne0hw77

2 years ago • "Do you think birds have a language difference as we do like one language for one species?" Vigyan asked. "Maybe, but I think they'll all be bilingual since they keep migrating or they just talk in the same code that is the same in all the regions," Chavvi said scribbling some notes. "Well, there's code in everything for the data scientist. Even now you're figuring out some algorithm." "If the university gives me permission to cut open their brains and check it. I could give some promising result without any algorithm." Mridula said drinking her coffee. "Hey, Vig! You could shoot some for me. I'll get the Grant and permission from my University." "That's just cruel, Mrid! You're a neurologist for God's sake. Not Dr. Mengele," Chavvi said while Mridula chuckled. "And Gyan, their voices in the morning are just... There's a word for this. Yeah! So calming like some sort of magic! Don't you dare shoot them." she said gazing at the birds returning home. "Hey! I just build weapons. I don't use them in real life," Vigyan said defensively. "By the way guys, the only magic in this world is science. Everything is explainable," Mridula countered. "Everything that isn't cut open, decoded or the concept of "God" Chavvi believes in." Everyone laughed. "I just know that there's something balancing the universe. Some power and I call it God while you call it a Force. Just different perspective. We don't know who's right," Chavvi said packing up her things. "Yet and you call it "Kanha"," shrugged Vigyan. "Fine! Let me know when you've discovered the "Force" and name it. I'll worship it," Chavvi said sipping her tea. Though what they hadn't discovered was the two men wearing long coats, listening to their conversation intently without drinking their--now cold--coffees. 🎶 #miracleswords #MusicMystique ____________________________________________ #write #writing #writings #deepthoughts #writers #writersofinstagram #wordstoliveby #words #wordporn #poems #poemsofinstgram #poemsporn #poetry #spilledpoetry #poetrycommunity #writtenword #love #dream #wordsmith #instawrite #writerslife #instawriter #wordswithqueens #instapoetry #instapoet #instapoem #spilledink #wordgasm (at Mystique) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAS7QSmF5Na/?igshid=1qtn7tcxtx3bx

Here in life, we set and rise. How to see it is upon you, By reflecting and reacting. Have the life your way, cause that's the way world runs. Happy or hurt, you are born to burn. Either spread the burn with light or dark- like the sun- is up to you. In your life, you're the sun for yourself. 🌇 PC : @_optical.shades_ 🌅 #miracleswords ____________________________________________ #write #writing #writings #deepthoughts #writers #writersofinstagram #wordstoliveby #words #wordporn #poems #poemsofinstgram #poemsporn #poetry #spilledpoetry #poetrycommunity #poetsofinstagram #instagram #love #instalike #instawrite #instawriting #instawriter #photography #sunset #instaclicks #photo #spilledink #wordgasm https://www.instagram.com/p/CAlMi7flV7d/?igshid=1ck7cbffedgtc

I don't know if to continue or to rail through it for I know I got talents but is it enough? Doesn't luck matter? Doesn't money matter? Of course it does! It's not just the societal norms but also a criteria for a good and well acknowledged life. I hate how's the world running now but I don't even know if I'm right. In this world, who knows what's right and what is not? In this world, who knows what's good or bad for them. In someway or the other everyone relates to each other but yet we don't like others. In someway, we're all the same. Selfish. Selfish as in not ruin the whole world selfish but haven't we in some way messed up things without thinking or giving a second chance or showing kindness to others as well as ourselves? It's crazy how we run our minds. It's just a whole other world in there but it's almost the same compared to the outer one. Don't take this rant seriously but it's good to free up the inner world as to change the outer world. If not in a large scale, just the peace and quiet of your surroundings isnt enough for you lead the life you've dreamt of? Because every thing and every one count as you're a social being or else you're just a sociopath out in this psychotic world. 💕 #miracleswords ____________________________________________ #write #writing #writings #deepthoughts #writers #writersofinstagram #wordstoliveby #words #wordporn #poems #poemsofinstgram #poemsporn #poetry #spilledpoetry #poetrycommunity #poetsofinstagram #writtenword #love #dream #rant #instawrite #instawriting #instawriter #quotes #instapoetry #instapoet #instapoem #spilledink #wordgasm (at Cubbon Park Bangalore) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAqN7Csjipz/?igshid=108zfhkcjtaaq

He wasn't the brightest brightest of stars but still his eyes twinkled. I don't know why I write about him for he's just my imaginary fool. He is a confidant with whom I feel at home. ✨ #miracleswords ____________________________________________ #write #writing #writings #deepthoughts #writers #writersofinstagram #wordstoliveby #words #wordporn #poems #poemsofinstgram #poemsporn #poetry #spilledpoetry #poetrycommunity #poetsofinstagram #writtenword #love #dream #rant #instawrite #instawriting #instawriter #quotes #instapoetry #instapoet #instapoem #spilledink #wordgasm https://www.instagram.com/p/CAs1uhBl06m/?igshid=178s9nabxsp0w

Everything starts at Home and so does caring and nurturing the Environment. Seeing the happenings around the world, we, Humans, have understood how much the Environment is Stronger and Patient than all of us. My #OneWishForTheEarth this #WorldEnvironmentDay is that Humans understand that we are a small and even maybe a little unimportant in maintaining the balance of the nature. So let's not be arrogant and be thankful for what she has given us even though we haven't been her best children. 🍃 Take this initiative and spread the world among your closed ones. Say what would you wish for the Earth this day. Tag #OneWishForTheEarth 🌱 #miracleswords ____________________________________________ #write #writing #writings #deepthoughts #writers #writersofinstagram #wordstoliveby #words #wordporn #poems #poemsofinstgram #poemsporn #poetry #spilledpoetry #poetrycommunity #poetsofinstagram #writtenword #love #dream #rant #quotes #climatewarrior #instapoem #spilledink #wordgasm (at SAVE mother EARTH) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBCyFzrFu9v/?igshid=1vyl3wk4iaquh

You have your pillow as your tears-friend, why not have another as your talk-friend? Maybe yourself! Just try to know yourself. Listen to yourself before expecting others to listen to you. ✨ #miracleswords ____________________________________________ #write #writing #writings #deepthoughts #writers #writersofinstagram #wordstoliveby #words #wordporn #poems #poemsofinstgram #poemsporn #poetry #spilledpoetry #poetrycommunity #poetsofinstagram #writtenword #love #dream #rant #instawrite #instawriting #instawriter #quotes #instapoetry #instapoet #instapoem #spilledink #wordgasm (at Namma Bengaluru- ನಮ್ಮ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರು) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBGhMzWlUbd/?igshid=1xwrbw93kgiis

“Almost all good writing behinds with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere.” - Anne Lamott ✨ So before any of you get any ideas, no this isn’t me working on my book. It’s just me stirring up my knowledge in history and starting to take writing seriously. Someone once said to me that if one has to succeed in Writing or Speaking, one has to know his Mother Tongue very well. So here’s me taking the first step to dive deep into the my love and pride, my mother tongue, Kannada. I’ve written about “Mysore’s Legislative Assembly” which is the first ever step taken towards democracy in India in 1881 by Diwan C. V. Rangachalru. After 3 hours of Research, 4 hours of first draft, 2 hours of editing and one and half hour of rewriting, the piece is finally ready and I’m so proud of it. I’ve learnt so much that I’m immensely proud of and to have written about it makes me feel even better. It’s always a good day when you close your tired yet satisfied eyes.