Character Essay - Tumblr Posts

Throwback question: What made Endeavor believe Dabi was telling the truth about him being Toya? During Dabi's dance of course.

Did Toya ever have the potential to be a hero? I feel Toya was always destined to become Dabi no matter what because only Endeavor could stop him, but neither wanted to let go of their ambition.

I don’t think Endeavor had any reason to doubt Dabi’s story. When he accuses Dabi of lying, it’s more out of shock than real disbelief.

Dabi started by revealing his true white hair and calling himself Toya, which as far as I can tell was not a publicly known name. (The fact that Izuku, a huge hero nerd, didn’t know about Toya Todoroki’s death indicates that it wasn’t made public. Plus Toya was a minor so his name wouldn’t have been in news reports anyway.) Then Dabi dropped “Natsu”s name and referenced “little puppet” Shoto. Even if Shoto is known publicly, the inner dynamic of the Todoroki family, and the way Endeavor tried to engineer the perfect hero child, is not.

And then, this page, where Dabi reveals how intimately he knows Endeavor. He knows of Endeavor’s ambition, and how #1 was the only thing Enji ever wanted. How Endeavor couldn’t stare his kids in the eye until he had the #1 spot secured, because Enji didn’t see his kids as family to be loved unconditionally.

Of course Dabi also offered a DNA test, having made his own publicly available. A bold move if he wasn’t telling the truth.

I think Dabi spent a lot of time planning his reveal, and he made sure to do so in a way that was not just dramatic, but also designed to leave very little doubt in Enji’s mind that he is, in fact, Toya Todoroki.

As for whether Toya could ever have been a hero? Of course! He’s smart, he’s flashy, he’s powerful, and he cares about society. He has all the raw ingredients to be a hero. The problem was Endeavor and his insistence that Toya turn up the heat, going beyond what Toya’s young body could handle. The problem was Endeavor throwing away his whole relationship with his eldest son simply because Toya’s flames weren’t enough to burn brighter and hotter than Enji. If the heat had been turned down at any point, if Toya had been taught differently, if Enji had still shown Toya love and attention, if Toya had been more flexible in his thinking and less fatalistic…Toya could have been a healthy young man and a hero (even if not the #1 hero, he could have been damn good, like Fatgum or Manual or Rock Lock).

But those things didn’t happen. All the what-if’s and could-have-beens weren’t. The Todoroki family story didn’t HAVE to be this way, and that’s the tragedy. As Toya said in his last fight with Enji, it should have been so easy for Enji to pay attention to Toya, so why not sooner? Toya was only “destined” to become Dabi because he and all the adults around him refused to see each other and communicate with each other. It wasn’t the hand of god shaping Toya’s destiny, it was the choices that adults made.

Like I explained in my first post about Howard he’s more edgy but what do I mean by that exactly is that he more of a rule breaker than he is in the show as he’s no respect for the authority as he often skips his classes and is genuinely rude to any adults he comes across (besides his mom but that’s for another time)

Howard is into heavy metal and watching horror films not cheesy slashers he wants the full package blood and guts everywhere he occasionally sway store owners to get what he wants or Mort credit card.

Randy and Howard relationship starts off great at first but as it goes on Randy and Howard starts to argue with one another about nearly everything as Randy starts favoring what the book says rather than Howard then Randy starts hanging with more and more people and has no time with Howard anymore. One argument however results in a disastrous outcome

I really like @mrfartpowered essay about Howard character and I’m using Howard more as a character then a tool of fat gags.

Here’s characters my howard takes inspiration from some may not or be bad signs:

“When the Chips are Down” from Hadestown is SUCH a Peter Nureyev song.

While I’m gonna make a separate post linking and also ranting about my Spotify playlist (cause I really like some of my choices lol) — I wanted to rant real quick about this one.

The Fates (for those who don’t know/haven’t listened to Hadestown I shall explain) are played by 3 women who sing (for the most part) in unison, and with harmonies and acapellas. In the context of Nureyev here; this *totally* reminds me of The Executives (or whatever they’re called), all being regarded as, ‘My Associate’ as well as having the same voice and speaking the same way. In “When the Chips are Down”, they’re talking to Eurydice (who is Nureyev in this ex.)

While the whole song gives me vibes, this section gets me quite a lot:

“[FATES]

Life ain’t easy

Life ain’t fair

A girl’s gotta fight for her rightful share

Whatcha gonna do when the Chips are Down Now that the Chips are down (x2)

Help yourself

To hell with the rest

Even the one who loves you best.

Whatcha gonna do when the Chips are Down Now that the Chips are Down (x2)

[EURYDICE]

Oh my aching heart. “

The parts that I put in italics remind me of the S3 finale (Juno Steel: What Lies Beyond Prt. 1-3) specially (for obvious reasons for the ones who knows SPOILERS HERE FOR THOSE WHO DONT) — considering Nureyev had been stressing out, brought down, and feeling cornered by his debt (“help yourself”), leading him to (which was his plan from the start) leave everyone on the Carte Blanche (“to hell with the rest”), including Juno (“even the one who loves you best”). He even references in his journal that while he wanted to be beside Juno while he read it, he knows deep down that he won’t be.

The rest of the song matches as well, having parts including “shooting to kill” before the other person can, and knives in the back. For these reasons the song itself honestly just clicks SO well in my head, thanks for coming to my TED Talk lmao — like I said, linking playlist with other song “matches” later on lol, but this one required a bit more than a little description on my part.

TLDR: the Fates represent The Executives, and Eurydice represents Nureyev. Linked by my brain due to lines matching plot points (S3 especially).

This is genuinely so good. I would read character essays on every ninjago character if anon wrote them

Something funny about a Morro who stops giving any fucks. Like before Harumi chills out and has her redemption or whatever, I think the contrast is funny because a Morro without all his drive and anger as furious as his winds is just :/ okay, nothing more to do here. He's at peace now, so he's like Grumpy Cat or Miette. He deserves to laze around and be bored and ^_^ "Sensei!!" as Wu hands him a bag of chips and all the Ninja are like 😐 also the imagery of someone going @/him with a spray bottle is funny, the hissing cat energy...so yeah, more villains trying to incite him to feel that anger again and join them and he's just, done. He wants a break and live with his dad again. Get to be the person he was before his obsession with becoming the green ninja changed him. It's like when someone goes to therapy or finally stops clenching their jaw so hard and they turn into pudding like "woah" everything you pent up inside just melts away and now you need some floor time. Bring a board with red strings connected "here's why you should join my evil army" *munching chips slowly, throws away the empty bag* "enlightening" *crosses arms behind head and leans back for a nap* *gets woken by loud banging noises* ok now u made him mad. Morro is on his retirement now. Fighting villains? Ninja training? Trying to destroy the world and get revenge? Sounds exhausting now. But if someone tries to disturb the peace that's when he'll do something and it's SPOOKY because he's like jelly or draped like a boneless cat over furniture but then someone's about to fuck shit up in his general vicinity and he opens one eye to glare at you and it's paralyzing so hey at least the Ninja know he cares somewhat on his own terms. Also he would like more snacks pls.

Hes retired but he does in fact still have rabies

Helo I would absolutely read your essay on Ianto Jones

The people have asked so the people shall receive - here's my 2000+ word essay on Ianto Jones through episodes 1-4. I have another in progress for episode 6 and the audio Broken, which I have not listened to but I have read several different summaries of it.

Ianto Jones's official role in Torchwood Three is the Archivist. However, he acts as general support, receptionist, butler and crime scene cover up in addition to this role. Prior to the episode Countrycide, he remained in the Hub during field operations, however the sixth episode of the first series saw him in his first on-screen field mission. At 23 when the show begins, he is Torchwood's youngest member, however he is far from its least experienced.

Before joining Torchwood Three (Cardiff), Ianto was employed at Torchwood One, the London branch whose downfall is shown in the Doctor Who episodes Army of Ghosts and Doomsday. He originally worked there as a junior researcher, however he also took on the job of Yvonne Hartman's personal assistant. He spent a short time as a junior field agent before returning to work as Hartman's PA. Whilst working there, he met and fell in love with Lisa Hallett, whom he started dating. This becomes significant after One's fall, upon which Ianto becomes one of 27 Torchwood London employees to survive the events, out of over 800. Having grown up in Cardiff, Ianto returned there and convinced Jack Harkness to hire him at Torchwood Three.

Despite being qualified, Ianto had to ask three times on three separate occasions before Harkness eventually gave him the job. By the time the program begins, Ianto has been at Torchwood Cardiff for three months. For the first three episodes he has very little screen time, appearing last out of any Torchwood Cardiff employee. He is first seen when Gwen, the protagonist, arrives at the Torchwood Hub for the first time. In this scene he is acting as a receptionist for the tourist office that is run as a front to the Hub. He is completely separate from the other employees, isolated even within the 5 person team. Rather than introduce him as the archivist, Jack chooses to say "he cleans up after us and gets us everywhere on time." This introduction paints the picture of him as a butler or lower-level employee, rather than someone with five years of experience within the organisation.

This image of him continues, with him appearing in the second episode to provide the team with food and then assist Jack when a prisoner escapes. Other than this, he remains either off screen or in the background, a lonely figure about whom the audience knows very little. He is never presented as one of the team, nor does any member of the team make an effort to include him. The only times in which he is seen in this episode is when he purposely draws attention to himself, something which he only ever does occasionally. He remains in the shadows, not a character who the audience is meant to focus on. Given the constant action and his rare appearances, it is easy to forget that he is ever there, something reinforced by the bold and full personalities of the other characters.

The third episode highlights his role within Torchwood. During the major action scenes, he is nowhere to be found. When they are desperately failing to find Harris, nobody even thinks to call Ianto and see if there's anything he can do at the Hub. He appears almost as comedic relief at some moments, with the "Splott/Sploe" comment being the most notable. He is seen only when he chooses to be, forgotten once more due to the high stakes, fast moving action and dynamics between the other characters. The only hint towards what sort of relationship he has with any member of the team is the tiny tidbits of flirting exchanged between him and Jack on two occasions. Even this tells us next to nothing about he and Jack's relationship, since one of Jack's most renowned characteristics is his constant flirting with any and all adult characters, including robots.

However, the scene that speaks the loudest about his character's role is the very end of the episode. Having understood the full, terrible potential of the Ghost Machine, Jack has Ianto lock it in the secure archives. This would be a tiny thing, considering the fact that Ianto's domain is the archives, if it weren't for the way that he is told to do it. Jack simply says his name and holds it out in Ianto's general direction. He never looks at him, responding only with a nod when Ianto asks "Secure archives?". He treats him not like an archivist, or a survivor or even an employee, but like a servant, someone he pays to do menial tasks for him. He does not see Ianto as someone who he needs to show respect to, and none of the others question it. The entire team is present, but none of them have any reaction to the way that Ianto is treated. Not a single one of them sees a problem with the fact that he is being treated as lesser, or being disrespected. For Gwen, this is understandable since she is dealing with the grief and guilt of being part of a man's death, however Tosh and Owen just act as if this is normal, which leads to the assumption that this is a regular occurrence. Different versions of that interaction must have occurred multiple times over the short period that Ianto had worked there.

Which brings us to Cyberwoman. The very first scene mirrors the end of Ghost Machine - Jack handing something to Ianto without acknowledging him, before immediately turning his attention to someone else. Ianto is left behind whilst everyone else goes out, he is always the outsider, the other. At this point, it is revealed that he has been hiding the remnants of Lisa in his basement, half converted and in pain. Ianto had no way of knowing that Lisa was not still herself, she spoke and acted like any human would if they were injured and dying. Somehow, Ianto was able to smuggle a full conversion unit/life support system and Lisa herself into the Hub without anyone noticing. Whilst he undoubtedly took many precautions to avoid being discovered, the fact remains that he could not have done so if any member of Torchwood Three had paid him any attention. All of them were perceptive, intelligent and presumably able to recognise a cyber conversion unit, this presumption coming from the fact that Owen recognised it, who is neither a tech expert nor the longest serving agent. The only one who wouldn't have been able to identify what it was was Gwen, who wasn't part of Torchwood when Ianto brought Lisa into the Hub. Once more, Ianto was ignored by the rest of Torchwood, fading into the background immediately after the worst event of his life, surrounded by the only people he knew who knew the truth of the "battle".

Later in the episode, Ianto still remains loyal to "Lisa", even though the Cyberwoman no longer has any part of her left. This is what the team, specifically Jack, blames him most for, telling him to "stand as part of the team". However, prior to this, no effort has been seen to involve Ianto as a member of the team, allowing him to become invisible. He was constantly undervalued; they used him as a dogsbody. Lisa had seen him, relied on him and loved him. If they had been thinking logically instead of acting emotionally, they would have realised that there was no reason for Ianto to choose to stand with them and every psychologically based reason for him to try and save Lisa. He lost everyone who could have provided him with support after Canary Wharf at Canary Wharf. Due to the secretive nature of Torchwood, Ianto could not legally tell anyone about the horrors that he experienced there; and the only people who knew shut him out completely. The only person he had left was dying and in agony; and she leaned on him so heavily that he could not lean on her.

Another point to consider is that the way Jack acts around Ianto is entirely based on what suits him. He allows Ianto to become unseen when he has no need of him, but orders him to be part of the team when he is faced with the reality of his treatment of Ianto. This demand is done with Ianto on his knees and a gun to his head. The only motives that Ianto would have had for agreeing were fear of execution and planning a future betrayal. In this scene he is filled with too much rage to be afraid of the threats; and he never had any wish to betray Torchwood Three, his only goal was to heal Lisa. To assume otherwise directly contradicts his actions in future episodes.

What can be considered the cruellest action towards Ianto is the use of Myfanwy to attack the Cyberwoman. Ianto came to the Hub with Myfanwy, named her and was the one who fed her and cleaned her nesting area. For Ianto, Myfanwy would have been something of a very large, dangerous, untamed pet. Something else that he cared about ripped away from him just as brutally as in London. However, what's almost worse than London is that she remains present, still exactly the same but completely different to him. Her existence for Ianto will forever be tainted by the memory of her attacking the Cyberwoman who bore Lisa's face. Such a minor loss at the time compared to Lisa, but nevertheless something he cares about also taken from him.

As if the episode did not already cause Ianto enough emotional anguish, one of the most emotionally charged scenes had not yet come. After Myfanwy’s attack, Ianto attempts to enter the Hub again through the tourist office. Before he has a chance to enter however, the other four members of Torchwood catch him up, leading to him pointing a gun at them and stating that he has “nothing left to lose”. Jack is able to call his bluff and disarm him, pinning him against a wall with a gun to his head once more. What follows is a furious exchange in which Jack demands that Ianto enter the Hub again to execute Lisa if she was not already dead and Ianto refuses, saying that “I won't do it, you can't make me”. His only attempt to defend himself is minor struggling when he is first pinned to the wall, after which he remains still. He has no way of knowing whether or not Jack will actually follow through on his threat “you execute her or I'll execute you both”, meaning that he is fully prepared to die rather than comply. At this point, Ianto has been completely stripped of his humanity - threatened with a deadly weapon, defenceless and being forced to choose between killing what he still sees as the love of his life and dying in defiance, which would do nothing to prevent the Cyberwoman’s execution. He doesn't know if she is already dead, but chooses death over pretending to comply then running or taking the chance that he will not have to shoot her since she could already be dead. He eventually is submissive and goes after her, however it can be safely assumed that his intention was not to kill her but to attempt to save her again. He goes in alone and could easily have run, but he chooses to cling to what he has, the remnants of Lisa.

A dreadful scene awaited him within. The body of Lisa with chunks of flesh torn away from the bones lies in a pool of her own blood; and an unknown woman stands before him. A bloody line is drawn across the woman’s forehead; and she recognises him. She calls to him, revealing the horrific truth of the Cyberwoman's actions. This woman has the body of a young pizza delivery girl, one that Ianto had called here, and the cybernetically modified brain of Lisa Hallett. The bloody line is from where the Cyberwoman had opened her skull, performed a brain transplant and fused the skull pieces back together. This moment truly annihilated any hope Ianto had left, forced him to see that there was nothing of Lisa left in the most brutal of ways. Ianto raised his gun but could not pull the trigger, whatever this monster was still had some of Lisa's memories. By talking of the times Ianto spent with Lisa, the Cyberwoman poisoned those memories. He had lost so much, now even his happy memories have been destroyed for him. Lisa Hallett died at Canary Wharf, but that was the day that her lover’s soul died with her body.

Ruan Mei: a character study and attempt at understanding her.

Who is Ruan Mei? Why is she the way she is? Why does she do everything she does?

Ruan Mei is a very interesting and complex character who often gets misinterpreted by the fandom and goes under the radar as a "sociopath evil scientist" or "that one that wants to become an Aeon" or who knows what ales. Despite her popularity when it comes to the meta, you don't see people talk about her as often as other characters. That is a shame in my opinion for I think exploring characters who go outside the conventional of a good person so much that people call them "sociopaths" and "crazy" because of the way they do and understand things can be interesting.

So I'm gonna try to challenge myself by trying to understand her.

Note that this dissection of her might not be perfect as I'm coming to and trying to understand her deeper as I write this and I'm always open to being corrected and to further discussions (I'm human and I can be wrong).

Getting all of that aside, let's start getting into her:

Who is Ruan Mei?

Ruan Mei is member #81 of the Genius Society, a genius who specializes in biology/life science and a member in Herta's Simulated Universe project. Her casual research shakes the schools of biology but why does she research? What does her research mean to her? What does she SEEK from it?

To answer such questions, we must go to her roots:

Lil A-Ruan

Despite her not understanding love, she actually grew up in a loving household! Her exposure to science was from her mother, who by the game calling her a scientist in quotes, it is to argue that she might have been more of a passionate person who seeked to acquire knowledge and test knowledge of her interest rather than an actual scientist who contributed to her field. But I digress.

Ruan Mei's mother would take her scientific expeditions and thus showing her daughter the wonders of life, biological life to be specific.

When she took lil Ruan Mei to No Man's Lend, the wonder that she experienced as she saw whatever was in that ice that came undone matched nothing ales. The emotional high and fascination was such a big and exciting emotion for Ruan Mei, that it cultivated her interest in biology science to this day. The discovery of something new that goes beyond her calculations, breaks away the ordinary and norm.

Since her early days of life, the feeling that came with the discovery of something new was presented to her and that's what she sought to chase to this day.

But it wasn't this moment alone that shaped Ruan Mei into being so obsessive to break and bend the rules of biology and create for her own fascination.

Ruan Mei's understanding of love

Since she was a child, her understanding of love was different from the ones in textbooks. Despite growing up in a loving household, where she would get forgiven all the time despite making mistakes, receiving snacks from her aunt and being brought with her mom on expeditions and let in her lab, she doesn't understand love.

But why? This is where I struggle to understand, but I think it just might be how Ruan Mei is.

She grew up with the influence of her mother, a research and thus, along with just who she is at her core, learned to be stubborn and to question. To draw her on conclusions and understanding of things and not take everything in the textbooks at face value and as absolute facts. And so, at a young age, her understanding of love broke away from the one in textbooks.

Specifically the "formulae" in textbooks. Formulae is an interesting word to use, not definition, formulae. Formulae and Formula mean the same thing: it can either be a mathematical relationship or rule expressed in symbols or a list of ingredients with which something is made.

The fact that little Ruan Mei thinks the definitions of love in textbooks are formulas says a lot. Ruan Mei in general sees the behavior of organisms in their logical ways and struggles to understand the more emotional and non-rigid explanations of them.

and her grief: the death of her parents and the broken promise

Because of her struggle to understand love and her exposure to the biology of life, the death of her parents took a huge toll on her.

She didn't cry, for she understood that life and death are inseparable but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. After her funeral, as night fell, we are told she made clones of her parents. (which is insane to me, why are we not talking about this? Ruan Mei WTF!?)

If this happens after the funeral as the text suggests it means she has researched a way to clone her parents in advance for quite some time and years.

And her grandma made a deal with her parents, that this death failed to keep it. (her grandma is also hinted to be alive but absent for some time, maybe even before their deaths even?) A promise Ruan Mei was hoping for them to fulfill. But what was that promise?

We don't know.

But it might have to do something with their mortality. Ruan Mei comes from a planet blessed by the Abundance and that must have affected the way her grandma and mother saw biological life as well as her mothers interested in it that rubbed on Ruan Mei.

Maybe they wanted to find a way to be immortal? Who knows, I'm theories rn so don't take that as gospel please.

But whatever this promise was, her parents death and the inability to fulfill it upset and broke Ruan Mei deeply. That and her inability to protect them, whatever this protecting meant.

"Only science... never lets anyone down"

Her parents mortality and their death was a let-down to her, something like a betrayal. Their death HURT her so much emotionally that she shut down as a result.

Ruan Mei, as much as she seems cold and struggles to understand the department of emotions, feels VERY deeply.

She probably didn't grow up with many friends as it's not mentioned and her family boarded on a research aircraft and explored many worlds which probably didn't give her many chances to socialize with anyone her age. Her family and their love was the only one she had and understood (in her one way and definition) and the only people she had.

Her only having her family must have made her REALLY close and attached to them because without them, who does she have? No one. And they left her, they left her with this pain and loneliness and the realization that:

Life is fleeting, and getting attached to people will only bring the pain of having to face their mortality in the long run. Losing them and having to deal with the painful emotions that it brings. For such is the nature of life.

" "Attachment".... involves the insular cortex, which controls anxiety and pain"

She doesn't want to get attached again so she won't experience that same pain. That's the logical thing to do right? Because the definition of it says this so she must do opposite and logically she won't experience it and be fine...right?

Besides her family she probably never had anyone around, so she is fine with being alone as she doesn't know how it is to not be alone outside her family. Loneliness is the norm for her.

Ruan Mei's research: her addiction to wonder

Ruan Mei's reacher, her discoveries, bring her that excitement and wonder that she felt as A-Ruan for that first time. Besides her family, these discoveries are the only thing that make her happy. But she doesn't have much to discover at this point. She managed to do and find so much that she can only occupy her time with "ik what if" projects like recreating a Propagation Emanator clone.

But Aeons? Oh they are her biggest wonder of them all, the most interesting beings out there to her. So much that maybe by understanding them and what makes them what they are, she might even be able to become one.

And imagine how much she could discover with the power of an Aeon. All the answers hidden to her by the limitations of her mortal understanding of things. Things only Aeons could understand. Maybe she will finally find the answer to when "life" those truly end and maybe what "love" is.

Ruan Mei and her understanding of life

Remember her parents? Yeah she probably brought them back based on the start of her Myriad Celestial Trailer.

Which brings everything to a new perspective as:

1. how much are those clones actually her parents? for Ruan Mei and just speaking logically

2. does Ruan Mei REALLY see them as her parents? Maybe. From the way she wonders "when does "life" truly end?" she might see them as her parents. They got the form and probably(?) maybe(?) at least most important(?) memories so you could say they ARE her parents.

And if life can be recreated and brought back like that, when does it truly end?

Her parents being brought back but the wound of not fulfilling their promise to her grandma. Why do they exist at the same time? Was the promise for them to not d!e? Life is in quotes when she wonders "when does "life" end?" so she might not fully see them as her parents. But another form of life, "life".

"Life" is technically still life so when does it truly end?

---------------------------------------------

Now that we understand her alone, let's try to understand her interactions with others outside her family based on what we know

Her creations

Something that the fandom often criticizes her for is her relationship with her creations as she abandons them if they don't meet the results she wants or have any academic value.

Which is not something I'm gonna excuse because poor little catcakes :( but with what we know of her it makes sense.

She thinks their love is something inherently biological. She made them so they are gonna want to seek her comfort as she is their creator and mother but she doesn't see the more deepness of those emotions.

To understand Ruan Mei's way of seeing it:

Your mother for example. You love her right?(I'm sorry ppl with mommy issues) Because she is your creator so it's only logical to seek her love, attention and approvel right?

That's where Ruan Mei's understanding of love stops.

But no one loves their mother just because she created you and is natural as her child to seek her love. You love her much more deeply than that. And it's complicated to explain why and who right? But you do.

And that's what Ruan Mei can't understand from her creations, how deep their love goes, how it goes beyond its logical biological explanation.

Her creations should be fine. With time they are gonna grow and stop wanting love from her and be independent, as that is the nature of living things. Right?

Her relationship with other people

Another thing people are upset about in the MC's stead is her dr*gging them with the anti truth serum.

Which is bad and a very drastic measure instead of just telling us "can you not talk about me to others please?" but it also shows how much she distrust others

I'm not justifying, I'm explaining:

Based on all we discussed, the betrayal she experienced with others and her lack of relationships in life outside her family makes her handle human relationship in a uhm...very original way.

She made us forget about her because she thinks it would only bring more trouble than good if the MC remembers her and starting on a new slate and forgetting it again and again is the most efficient way and one that brings the least emotional turmoil when it comes to their relationship in the long run (attachment).

She only dr*geed us because she believed that's the best way for this relationship to be. (now the fact that she makes this decision for the both of us and doesn't tell or late us have a say in it is a whole other thing)

But she can also be kind and considerate.

Asta's voice line about her:

"I asked Miss Ruan Mei where I could buy a charm like the one on her sleeve — but I was surprised to learn she'd hand-embroidered it. I was equally surprised when she gave me my own hand-embroidered charm the next time she came to the space station. Her craftsmanship, like her research papers, is superb."

She took note of her wanting a charm like hers, and proceeded to bring one the next time she came to the space station even though she didn't promise Asta. She did it because she wanted to not out of a need to fulfill a promise made of courtesy at the moment, she didn't even promise. She remembered and did it and gave it to her.

As for her relationship with Herta is Screwllum? She doesn't want to be more than colleges. And she doesn't like having to socialize with them. Though she recognizes Herta for being similar to her on a deeper level, she doesn't want to connect with her.

Ruan Mei is too confused on her research and has too little trust and faith in others to want to form relationships of any kind.

--------------------------------------------------------------

To finally wrap this up:

Ruan Mei everyone ✨ *falls on the floor*

The silliest pookie ever who is definitely a green flag(trust) and will definitely come home (trust trust)

I hope this post can be of help in understanding her at least a little better and maybe even potentially sparking some discussion and theorizing about her (cause we can never have enough of that when it comes to fictional characters)

Again, this is my understanding of her and maybe I'm wrong on some stuff in here(...or maybe everything here is wrong 😭) so please correct me if so and don't please don't be mean (I genuinely tried, I'm only human)

Why I think Sparkle is a maladaptive daydreamer coded character and who it plays part into her character as a whole: from a maladaptive daydreamer (and a character analysis)

(Ok folks, this turned out rather long so get your popcorn and water at hands reach!.....trust me.)

Hi!!!! :,D This is my second post here and it feels like it's been a decade but here I am again haha...

This time I'm here with something I'm more confident in exploring as, I myself, am a maladaptive daydreamer! :,)

And because of that Sparkle hit me like a TRUCK and her MADD (mal. daydreamer for short) coding makes me love her and go insane about it at the same time.(it means a lot to me ok?😭)

Sooo I'm here today to expand and shine light on it to the rest of the masses as there isn't much appreciation for Sparkle (which is understandable cause she is a character not everyone can savor) and I feel like her maladaptive daydreaming can help understand her way of thinking.

comments, reblogs and likes are VERY much appreciated if you would like to see more of my billion cents and share with others to further show me support :,)

if you have any disagreements, corrections, different opinions or such that you would like to discuss I'm always open to further discussions as I would love to receive back engagement with these posts (as long as it is in good manners)

Enough talk from me though, let's get into it already:

What is maladaptive daydreaming?

Throw the google definitions out the window, let me give you a gist of it from someone who has it:

it's a coping mechanism turned addiction that can develop from loneliness or trauma (it is also common in people with ADHD). It helps you deal with the current reality you are in by offering escapism but it differs from normal daydreaming because it becomes maladaptive (as the name suggests).

What that looks like is being addicted to escaping reality through it by daydreaming, which can make you want to trade time forming human bonds, hanging out with friends, doing tasks you should, even taking care of yourself (etc.) with daydreaming. Most of the time you don't even need to do it but daydreaming is so much more fun and entering than ur current boring life that you keep doing it anyway. It can isolate you and make you lose touch with reality (from one degree to another depending on the individual).

But people with MADD DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN THEIR DAYDREAMS. They KNOW they aren't real. Some might willfully want to believe in them but at the end of the day they know it's all made up. If you are a MADD but get serious delusions about it you might want to check more into that cause something is overlapping.

Maladaptive daydreaming is MUCH more immersive and vivid than normal daydreams (what can I say, practice makes perfect🤭). Some MADD will stim while daydreaming in various ways that have to do with whatever they are daydreaming for enhanced immersion (some will pace around the room, some will make facial expressions, some will catch themselves talking, etc)

The daydreams each differ from individual to individual and can be classified in multiple types, some make OCs while others imagine a different version of themselves or make a character similar to certain degrees to them.

We are very much fictional-stories-makers nerds no matter to be honest

Now that we got the explanation out of the way:

Why do I think Sparkle has MADD?

🎇Proof number one: her character story IV

..... *POINTS AGGRESSIVELY* like?? COME ON!! (my "she is just like me fr!!!" moment and what made me want to make this whole post)

Ok, ok, let me try to be serious about this 😮‍💨

Analyzing this alone:

"It's truly addictive to me" maladaptive daydreaming is a behavior that is addictive to the individual (du uh)

"The more I imagine, the more I get absorbed in those characters" Getting absorbed into your daydreams (and it being addictive) is a core part of MADD and what differentiates it from normal daydreaming.

"the wonderful and tragic situations I create for them, and the emotions they experience in those circumstances..." Here, Sparkle is talking about the characters she makes and how by acting them and playing their roles and their stories, she enjoys herself and is entertained by them.

From my perspective, Sparkle is an individual who finds the emotions of others and how each reacts put in various situations, fascinating, entraining and enjoyable to witness, observe and ponder on more than an average individual.

Which I think is something all of us MADD, writers, OC makers, character analyzing enjoyers and fic writers can relate to ( "no"? ok. now tell me your OCs tragic backstory come on~ come on~ ik you have one. No? Ok then tell me through what psychological horror you want ur fav to go through~ Ik you know that you want them to get tortured by the writers at least just a tiny bit....I know what you are.)

🌸Further more quotes from her character story IV:

"Lies? Come on, I'm not trying to tell a grand story or fabricate an eye-catching experience... I'm wholeheartedly exercising my imagination for my own sake. I imagine various lives, seek excitement, and then recreate them as best I can, and pump the brakes on my imaginative balloon just a second before it bursts."

.... genuinely what do you want me to say honestly, that's SUCH a MADD to say, pls reread how many times it takes to get it. Everything in that is just PEAK maladaptive daydreamingness. Genuinely I don't have anything to add that won't sound like "Water is H2O and 2+2=4" 🤷

"Seriously, having a script is far from enough. First and foremost, I must wholeheartedly believe that the character I'm portraying truly exists. Then, I need to imagine the other stories where the character would appear. I always need extra information to make their motivation logical and emotional."

Sparkle seems dedicated to portraying, grasping and understanding her characters by IMMERSING herself into them as much as possible. Going the EXTRA mile, such as imagining other stories they could appear in, making herself believe the character TRULY exists and informing herself about them to portray them the best.

Which, again, all writers, OC makers and fic writers who actually give more than two dice about their character can relate to as we want our characters to be most accurate and well written and for that we do all Sparkle said.

The "I must wholeheartedly believe that the character I'm portraying truly exists" strikes a chord in me because it's such a ??? NON MADD ARE NOT THAT DEDICATED TO IT JSJSKSJ THAT'S SUCH A MADD MILDLY CONCERNING BUT MADD THING TO SAY SKDHSKSN IK WHAT YOU ARE!!!

OK OK.

I can hear you going "but she is an actor, it's just part of being an actor". Ok Sherlock, but Sparkle is not your average actor. Case and point:

Sparkles love for the stage of acting and how it ties into her MADD:

🎇Who is Sparkle an actor for?

Herself.

Saying "she is so matriculated and dedicated because she is an actor" is only half way true.

Sparkle's love for acting and her maladaptive daydreaming are things that can coexist at the same time. (just like being a writer and MADD for ex. (yes, some of ur fav writers could have been MADD))

Which got born from which? We don't know but both are proof of how much she loves the other.

("But you said MADD develops from trauma or loneliness" YES!! And we still have no real idea about Sparkles backstory but ik damn well a "normal" person with an average fine life doesn't end up like Sparkle.)

(Also no, her character stories 1,2,3 and be at most half trusted as she says she makes them up for each individual both in her char. story 4 and a voice line.

They could either be total nonsense or parts and truths of her past but altered/heavily exaggerated and metaphorical. Pick ur fighter tbh.

"There are a few versions that are particularly popular." "Liking and believing are two different things, but people are more likely to believe in their favorite stories." "Lies? Come on, I'm not trying to tell a grand story or fabricate an eye-catching experience... I'm wholeheartedly exercising my imagination for my own sake."

She is basically toying with everyone who asks including the player for her own amusement and, honestly? Iconic.)

🌸She acts for her own entertainment.

Wealth, status, power... None of this matters to Sparkle. The only thing that can lure her interest is "amusement". (from her twt intro)

Her doing all this. Immersing herself into characters so deeply. It's all for herself and her own enjoyment. Just like MADD is for us and our own enjoyment and entertainment.

Not to be the greatest actor or for others recognizing her. In her introduction on twitter, she says: "I'm not exactly a person loaded with cool skills, and dreaming big isn't really my thing." Which says enough to contradict such ideas.

Yes, some MADD might go on to become writers or actors but some don't. And those who don't could still want to improve their characters FOR THEMSELVES because that will bring them more enjoyment, because they love what they do and their characters for one reason or other and want them to shine like they see them could.

🌸Sparkles elation is acting and MADD.

Elation: great happiness and exhilaration.

What makes her feel elation? Acting. What is her heavy immersive acting that is all for herself to feel elation intertwined with? Maladaptive daydreaming ✨

(wow, shocked, ik)

Sparkles Myriad Celestial Trailer: Behind the Curtain

Next, I want to talk about both her Myriad and Character Trailer through a MADD lens, starting off with her Myriad Celestial Trailer:

What struck a chord in me with it is her "conversation" with her mask. What is her mask really representing for her? The way I see it: it's her MADD and also, Sparkle.

At first she says it keeps on smiling even when she doesn't and that she can hide under it. While in reality we might not be able to smile all the time. Escaping into our daydreams through characters who can helps. The use of a veil to describe it can also be interpreted as choosing to hide your true emotions from yourself and others through emulating a characters happy emotions and state of mind.

Second, she says the mask imitates her face, her emotions, like a mirror showing her own reflection. When writers come up with characters, some might be similar to them through a degree with or without the creator even realizing. This can happen to MADD more since we are creating characters for ourselves and its a coping mechanism so emotions seep through unless we make a character/s that we want to share with others. It's also a way you can understand and grasp yourself better. In this particular setting, I think she means how through some characters she acted as (made by others) herself and emotions shines true,like that character and her acting were a mirror.

Third, it takes a darker turn, "when I'm smiling, you're screaming. When I'm angry, you're crying. When I'm sad, you're smiling". This could be her MADD taking a tool on her.

"When I'm smiling, you're screaming" like when you are content with reality but your addiction's screaming at you to be noticed, like an icky who wants to be scratched. The urge to do it despite not needing to.

"When I'm angry, you're crying" This is her "mask" empathizing with her, weeping for her anger and understanding it like no one else could.

"When I'm sad, you're smiling" this could be the situation from the first instance, but it takes a darker turn so I think the "mask" smiles because it knows that her sadness assures its existence.

Addiction is dependent on your sadness because you do it to comfort you through that sadness. Her acting and MADD is both her addiction and her elation.

From Sparkles tone, she might even be surprised at how, despite her deep sadness, the mask can still smile.

"You're like a face, steering at me" she says at the end. It brings back in mind the imagery of a mirror/reflection. But instead of a reflection, it's a different reflection, still a reflection, but not.

It reminds of when I see characters being depicted as steering into a mirror and they are smiling but their reflection reflects how they truly feel inside (emo ik)

I think that's what it's supposed to mean. Your true self steering at you, it's uncomfortable and penetrating.

Or maybe it's a blank face being unsurprised or just lacking any emotions or maybe the face itself is empty waiting to be drawn on an expression.

It's a very vague sentence, and I don't want to pretend like I 100% understand the meaning behind it, because it can be interpreted in very different ways and only an explanation by the one who said it can give us a sure answer. Maybe it's something we can't even understand with the info we currently have on her.

Overall, she holds positive feelings about her mask but she also recognizes it's kinda fcked up but she still chooses it at the end of the day for the elation it gives ("I am elation" ok girl.)

🌸In this section, I also want to come back to her:

Oh who is she?🎶~

Actually? Good question! :D

I think it was Sampo who commented that Sparkle's name is probably made up (which du uh)

But that is fascinating as well.

We see this girl at first in her trailer looking soft and innocent, nothing like the more.... eccentric person we know today.

If you look closely, she DOESN'T have the butterfly/flower(?) symbol in her eye at the start but she DOES at the end. Which to me represents how she and Sparkle were separate at the start.

"It doesn't matter how I am off stage.

When I'm on stage, I'm just Sparkle"

With the end of this video, this whole thing might be made up go, but that would be too pointless and annoyingly stupid so I'm inclined to believe she isn't fckin with us in this one. (for the most part)

That said, it seems like the girl Sparkle was before was performing for her love of acting, her madd, and for the audience.

But as time went on, doing all of this for an audience over and over lost its meaning (and probably drove her insane a little)

"When I realized that life was just a play, I wanted to leave the stage.

Because off stage, there is a even bigger stage"

Her acting, madd and elation shapes her way of seeing life and others. Why confine yourself to a stage when you can take yourself and your characters to the big stage of life itself and have fun with it the absolute bonkers way you want?

She is very much a Shakespeare truther, as he put it:

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts."

That's how her acting made Sparkle see things (to an extreme )

🌸Another thing is this scene:

"Im.... I'm not Sparkle

No, I am Sparkle"

Both in her Myriad and Character Trailer, she is actively conflicting with herself.

In this moment. She shows opposition to "Sparkle". The physical constraint is interesting imagery as well. Maybe she feels trapped by "Sparkle"? Like "Sparkle" is against her? Why is she? Because she doesn't allow her to be Sparkle(/herself/her true self)?

She separates herself from Sparkle at the start but becomes her after and laments that she isn't her than at the end, and only then, her eyes have the same symbol this big eyes have in the back (Sparkles) eyes and she becomes Sparkle.

Which, um, IS SO INTERESTING!??!?!?!

I think at the end, she gives into her want to be Sparkle and fully embraces it. Fully embraces the path of elation.

And I don't think Sparkle isn't her. I think it's still her, just more free, unrestrained version of herself that doesn't hold back when the rest of society those.

Think like how different someone with social anxiety disorder is when they feel comfortable with summon and lets out their weirdness for example. We hold back on many actions because of societal perception but she stopped giving a fck and WILL set up a hundred "bombs" on a ship to fck with people for her own amusement.

Seeing life as a stage comes with seeing the absurdism of if all and choosing to stop giving a sht and have your own fun and entertainment. Play the roles you want to play instead of playing the part.

🌸As for my take on this part?

Yeah, maybe the whole thing wasn't her true backstory, but I think it's not 100% false either. Or maybe it is and she sees it as her playing another role. The role of her past self how is so so different it's her own character at this point, right? :))

It sure was more realistic than all the other stories going on in the background (like come on, Harry Potter, Sparkle playing Herta)

"Who is the real Sparkle"

Maybe the answer is all of the Sparkles are Sparkle.

Am I gonna elaborate? Mmm, nope. :)

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*cracks knuckles* OOOOOKKK this turned out quite long Jesus (never put me to write something about a fictional character in a few paragraphs, that's physically impossible for me)

Don't worry though, I'm probably gonna make a part two soon 🙃 (analyzing her Character Trailer, her design, her in game animations, who knows what ales, etc etc~) (no we are NOT done, we. are absolutely. NOT done.)

Soooo can you tell how much I like Sparkle? She lives rent free in my mind actually.

There isn't enough talk about her more deeply despite how MUCH there is to ponder on so I have to take it upon myself to do it 😮‍💨

If you made it here..... will you marry me?🥹💍

NAH NAH NAH JUST KIDDING 🤭

But if you did then thank you for giving me the time of day and I hope this post spark(l)ed some curiosity and interest into this little hedonistic gremlin! :D

(also no, I don't ignore, justify or support her racist remarks)

I do these posts mostly for myself but someone else to respond back is really nice! :,)

Ok, I'm signing off for this one. See ya in part two 👋:)