Critique Me - Tumblr Posts
Excerpt From My WIP
Feel free to critique my writing :D
Have you ever seen someone's vulnerable interiority? Those few moments far in between where a human decanter has been abused and left to pour their despair at your feet. As if you were a God? As if they were praying with their cries as hymns?
I always feared those moments. I feared many interesting things growing up.
I feared the day when mom would die. How I would be the only person who could be at the funeral.
I feared the day when someone would confess their love for me. How the light in their eyes would be twirling like flames with hope, or maybe shaking with fear?
I feared the moment when I could see someone in their purest moment. How I would be left with the choice of saying "I see you" or letting the moment fall past.
I feared those moments not because I was scared of grief, or scared of romance, or scared of another person.
In reality, I was scared of myself. Or my lack of self to be more apt. Confused? Don't worry. I'll explain myself.
To say that I "lack" emotions would be inaccurate. I can feel annoyance whenever a distraction interfers with my necessities. I occassionally have pangs of joy. I have felt grief. Joy. Love
unfortunately.
My emotions aren't strong.
When I was confessed to by a school companion in my youth with a two dollar flower and a million dollar smile, I felt an underlining of annoyance at this lackluster gesture. I quitely rejected them. I still made sure to grab the poor flower and put them in a vase as my mom always told me I should. Although, I never thought about them since that moment.
When a radiant sunshine revealed a tiny little hint of deeper awareness beneath their conspicuous joyfulness, I ignored it. That was the only time I had ever seen a pained smile of their face. There were some tears lighting up their eyes. I would never have that moment again. I ruined it.
The moment that sealed my fate was when my mother died after forcing her way through torturous chemo treatments and her own deterioration. At the bedside of own of the most loving angels that could ever grace this world, I couldn't even wring enough emotion out of me to cry authentically. I felt genuine sadness for her passing and joy for her rewarded sufferance, that was true. But it didn't feel like enough. This was the woman who raised me and I didn't even have the heart to be sad for the rest of my life.
At that moment, my greatest fears had come true, I was a grotesque monster who couldn't even bring myself to cry genuinely at my own mother's funeral. I spent more time in my childhood cottage thinking about my father more than my mother.
My father always called me a "nothing child" when I was younger. I still remember the exact words my mother said to me after she chased my father out of the house for the last time, "you aren't useless".
Maybe that was what my father meant when he called me a "nothing child" Maybe he really was trying to call me useless. But when my angelic mother died, when my companion was lost in romance, and when I lost the opportunity to discover humanity underneath my friend's exterior, I truly was a nothing child.
How I drew myself since 2016.
I came a long way since then...
2016: Derpp
2017: Neko (Am I a Furry?) Phase
2018: traumatized eyeballs
2019: cookies and cream are good.
Time Taken: 3Hrs32Mins
Since the DTIYS I kept on drawing this mysterious girl character,, suggest a name for her (because I don't have good ideas 😓😓)
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Time Taken: 1Hr52Mins
🌷✨I might be experimenting with my style for a while. I wanna practice on some realistic proportions and i don't think it was that bad. I'm probably gonna use procreate more often cuz it has a better blending tool. Btw,, plz give me tips on how i can improve plz. especially on the nose cuz i gave up on that✨🌷
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🌷Idol: #parkjihyo
✨Group: #twice
💧listen to perfect world cuz jihyo slayed it
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🌷Repost w/Credit
✨Materials: iPad 7th Gen, Apple Pen 1st Gen, Procreate
💧Time Taken: 5hrs14mins
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smug wilford
look at how smug he is
Shooting the Dead Horse.
1,065 - cw: animal abuse, abusive friendships.
Summary: prophetic visions spur codependent (girl)friends into new depths of morally dubious behaviour!!
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The couple trekked through marshland, both on uneasy footing, Eliza especially in her lanky disposition. “Eliza you’re hurting, I’m only in shorts,” Ava whined out as she fell on palms and knees, shuddering full bodied at the sensation. The night’s cold nipped where skin exposed itself and she wished that she demanded Eliza let her change clothes after bombarding her with rocks at her window. “Oh just be quiet will you? It’s just whine from you and we’re already here like.” Ava grimaced as those calloused fingers clung straight to the bone of her left elbow, the touch seemingly revelling in the pain and urgency it inflicted. Ava was already pliant to Eliza’s demand, adoration of her friend ever-present but tonight was different, she was fretting over her friend’s livelihood.
Spurred on by the dim outline of the barn the older girl tugged a little too hard, dragging Ava’s feet under her. “STOP, stop please my shoe’s come off,” Eliza halts snapping her head around to survey her friend, one foot in the air scrounging for the lost shoe, elbow still in the other’s grasp where she was nervous to pull away. Eliza shoves her by the elbow and Ava makes contact with the mud. “DO YOU NOT CARE?” Eliza makes curt kicks at the girl, Ava too fearful to move beside weak attempts to shield her body from assault. A part of her mind worries for her safety in the knowledge of what Eliza has concealed in her cardigan pocket. Her father’s pistol retrieved in the hysteria between having woken from her dream – her ‘prophetic vision’ Eliza would call it – and running to inform her friend of what business they now had in her family’s barn. Of the murder they would need to commit. Eliza’s cadence now hushed - cautious of alerting anyone to their being here. “You know very well what I’ve seen, you know what we have to do.”
“I know, I know Eliza I’m sorry,” voice high and timid.
“You shouldn’t be so difficult with me.” Eliza lunges down causing a flinch in the other to pick up the shoe and lift her by the armpits; they both struggle to right themselves, leaning too close. Hugging her chest-to-chest Eliza talks into her neck “I don’t mean to hurt you, you know that, Ava.”
“I do.”
“We need to do this tonight; do you understand that?”
“Yes, I’m sorry.”
Eliza let’s her go momentarily and turns back in the direction of the barn but in doing so takes her hand, tugging Ava more gently along. Still Ava stumbles trying to keep up.
They enter the barn not through the obvious but a mouldered back door. Inside they turn on the lights, praying that the closed barn doors are enough to obscure the unintended mix of warm and white bulbs. Ava breathes a little heavier, what they are here to commit sets in in her mind, still she doesn’t miss the way her friend’s shoulders are tensed.
They’ve reached their destination and Eliza pulls the other girl in by the waist. “This is the horse in your dream?”
“Scout. His name is Scout.” Acknowledging Eliza’s familiarity with the animal made Ava’s stomach hollow out. Ava couldn’t so properly face the animal, and neither could her friend – the girl’s hand faltered on the other’s waist; Ava might’ve even claimed it trembled. Eliza ducks down to remove her shoes, at the same time peering up at Ava, urging that she does the same and the girl chooses not to question it in the acknowledgment that surely this was some step the other had just thus far not mentioned. Ava picks up on blinked-back fear. “Can you get the gun from in my pocket? The left one.” It made Ava falter, nearly even refuse. She huffs and retrieves the weapon herself, pistol clenched in dominant hand but loosely grasped, as though the item was repulsive to touch. “Could we pick a different horse?” Ava swallowed audibly. “I mean it just feels too personal now and you’ve got other horses and-“
“No. No it was Scout in my vision so it must be him we kill. Are- are you stupid? I mean my life is at risk, what don’t you get about that? Ok? Ok? It was him!”
“I’m sorry Eliza I-“
“SHUT UP! Shut the fuck up you aren’t.” Ava snapped her jaw closed, not unlike a sight hound in her timidness and surveyed the barn, the animals looking as restless as she. Tucking tail between her legs she watched Eliza line up her aim. Ava could only gawk at the tears that lined Eliza’s freckled cheeks, this was new, this was absurdist. “Eliza?” Ava moved to hold the hysteria-stricken girl from behind, immediately her limbs went limp, and Ava had to lower their conjoined bodies to the floor. “You – you need to do it, p- p- pl- please.” ‘Please’- what a word? Probably the first time she’d used it in sincerity.
“Eliza I can’t,” and then Ava was knocked onto her back, in her urgency Eliza was rocking back and forth, “For me, just – for me I don’t know if I’ll survive if we don’t. Or you! You could die too Ava.” Eliza sat back, clawing at her throat uselessly and Ava just watched, considering her course of action. This wasn’t the first ‘vision’ of Eliza’s – neither was it the first time she’d been so violent with her friend, Ava had the cigarette burns to prove it.
Still squirming in her hysteria Eliza was hardly present enough to witness Ava commit the action, her hands and knees still grazing the dry soil beneath her. The shot cracked through the barn, conducting a cacophony of animal shrieks, “I missed – fuck FUCK! It- it went into its neck!” Blood gushed across the pen, dyeing the space, dyeing Ava. “Don’t stop now,” taken aback by the other’s coherence Ava resumed. Scout thrashed upon the hay of his crimson enclosure, mirror image of Eliza minutes prior. Ava had to step closer, releasing the full magazine into the direction of his head and Eliza closed the distance between herself and her friend. Scout died unceremoniously.
“What we’ve done here is important, ok? It was necessary, for both of us.” Ava only found it within her capabilities to nod, unable to speak and allowed Eliza to cradle her skull for minutes.
Hello! I decided I wanted to give tumblr a go and "level up" from my lurkerer phase. I'm curious how effective this is gonna be for my art!
Anyways, have this drawing I did a few week(s)? ago in an art trade! (The other person's side of the trade is momentarily my PFP.)
Hope u like it. I'm open to criticism and specific fandom art ideas! Tomorrow I will post the rules I have and basic stuff.
~Az. 🌸
