Enha Ff - Tumblr Posts

2 years ago

enha fic recs <3 (single member ver)

heeseung

bf heeseung headcannons (male reader)

heeseung reunites with idol reader (male reader)

bodyguard heeseung protecting idol reader (gn reader)

jay

cuddling with jay (gn reader)

cuddling with jay [02] (gn reader)

streamer bf (male reader)

backhugging jay (gn reader)

dancing with jay during christmas (gn reader)

jake

jake confesses (male reader)

jake dating a backup dancer (male reader)

sunghoon

waking up with sunghoon (gn reader)

sweet things he does (gn reader)

daily sunghoon texts (gn reader)

waking up with sunghoon [02] (gn reader)

washing sunghoon's hair (gn reader)

sunoo

sunoo drabble (gn reader)

jungwon

jungwon confesses (gn reader)

moving in together (gn reader)

cuddling with jungwon (gn reader)

jungwon comfort (gn reader)

jealous jungwon (gn reader)

jungwon drabble (gn reader)

sleepy conversations with jungwon (gn reader)

jungwon drabble [02] (gn reader)

stealing his hoodie (gn reader)

jungwon drabble [03] (gn reader)

riki

calling him petnames (gn reader)

cuddling with riki (gn reader)

riki drabble (gn reader)

waking up with riki (gn reader)

late nights with riki (gn reader)

riki drabble [02] (gn reader)

taller bf (male reader)

riki bf headcannons (gn reader)

riki drabble [03] (gn reader)


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6 months ago

A suggestive fic about jungwon where he and reader are sat diwn by older members to talk about sex u know . And jungwon sees reader feeling uncomfortable and like overprotective.

I'm gonna do it my way, it'll be alright If we burn it down and it takes all night (kacey musgraves - slow burn)

A Suggestive Fic About Jungwon Where He And Reader Are Sat Diwn By Older Members To Talk About Sex U

ᨓ 。idol yang jungwon x fem reader ꒰⌛꒱﹕suggestive ﹕2.0k contains: grinding with clothes on, kissing, neck kisses and almost getting caught. ┈─★

A Suggestive Fic About Jungwon Where He And Reader Are Sat Diwn By Older Members To Talk About Sex U

[八] Jungwon sat stiffly on the couch, glancing nervously at the older members of the group who had called this impromptu meeting. You sat beside him, your hands clasped tightly in your lap, your eyes fixed on the floor. The tension in the room was palpable, and you could feel your face heating up with every passing second.

“So,” Heeseung began, trying to suppress a grin. “We thought it was time for a little chat.”

Jungwon glanced at you, his expression a mix of confusion and concern. “What kind of chat?”

Jay smirked, crossing his arms. “You know, the birds and the bees. The talk.”

"Okay, so let's get straight to it," Heeseung began, leaning forward in his seat. "We need to have a serious talk about sex."

Jungwon's eyes widened, and he instinctively reached for your hand, squeezing it gently. He could sense your discomfort, and it stirred a protective instinct within him. He wanted to shield you from this awkward situation, but he knew it was important. Ni-Ki and Sunoo were laughing in the dinning table as they watched the conversation from afar.

"Yeah, we know you're both responsible," Jay chimed in, his tone gentle but firm. "But it's important to understand everything, you know? To be safe and respectful."

You glanced up, meeting Jungwon's gaze. His eyes were filled with concern, and he offered you a reassuring smile. Despite the embarrassment, you felt a wave of gratitude for his presence beside you.

"Look," Sunghoon said, trying to lighten the mood, "we're not here to lecture you. We just want to make sure you have all the information you need. Communication is key in any relationship."

Jungwon nodded, his grip on your hand tightening. "We understand. And we appreciate you looking out for us."

"Exactly," Jake added, leaning back in his chair. "It's all about trust and being there for each other."

"Which reminds me, both of you laughing at the back, sit here. You'll also have the talk."

As the conversation continued, Jungwon kept a close eye on you, noting every small shift in your posture and every flicker of discomfort. He wanted to protect you and take away your anxiety, but he also knew that facing this together would make you both stronger.

Finally, the older members wrapped up their talk, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect and communication. Jungwon let out a sigh of relief, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders.

"Thanks, guys," he said sincerely. "We really appreciate it."

As the older members left the room, Jungwon turned to you, his expression softening. "Hey, you okay?"

You nodded, leaning into him. "Yeah, it was just... a lot."

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. "I know. But we're in this together, okay? I'll always be here for you."

You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. "I know. And I feel the same way."

Jungwon kissed the top of your head, his voice a whisper. "We'll figure everything out together. One step at a time."

"Until then, let's settle with our make-out sessions." Jungwon raised his eyebrows in a fast manner, and you laughed as your lips touched his.

"Speaking of it, can we go to my room? I really need you in my lap right now."

Jungwon's words hung in the air for a moment, their playful tone contrasting with the earlier serious conversation. You felt a mixture of relief and excitement, the awkward tension dissipating as you both stood up.

"Your room sounds perfect," you replied with a shy smile, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks.

Jungwon led the way, his hand still tightly holding yours. The two of you moved through the hallway, the rest of the members busying themselves with other activities, pretending not to notice. You could hear Heeseung chuckling softly as you passed, but Jungwon's focus was entirely on you.

As you entered his room, the familiar, comforting space brought a sense of ease. Jungwon closed the door behind you, then turned to face you with a gentle smile. "Come here," he said softly, pulling you into a warm embrace.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling the tension melt away. His touch was reassuring, and you felt safe in his arms. He tilted his head down, capturing your lips in a tender kiss that quickly deepened, filled with a passion that had been building up throughout the day.

Jungwon guided you towards the bed, sitting down and pulling you into his lap. The intimacy of the moment was electrifying, and you could feel your heartbeat quicken. His hands roamed your back, drawing you closer, and you could feel his desire matching your own.

"You know," he murmured against your lips, "they might have a point. Communication really is key."

You giggled, your breath mingling with his. "Yeah, but I think we're pretty good at it."

He smiled, his eyes twinkling with affection. "I think so too. And right now, I think we should communicate just how much we care about each other."

Your lips met again, the kiss growing more intense as you let yourselves get lost in the moment. His hands found their way under your shirt, his touch sending shivers down your spine. You could feel the connection between you strengthening with every caress and every kiss.

"Jungwon," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

He pulled back slightly, his gaze locking with yours. "Yes?"

"Can you kiss my neck?" you said, your heart swelling with emotion. His eyes got bigger.

Jungwon’s playful smile returned, and you felt your nerves start to dissolve in the warmth of his gaze. He moved closer, his breath brushing against your neck, sending a shiver down your spine.

"I'll make sure it's perfect," he whispered, his lips ghosting over your skin.

The anticipation built as he planted soft kisses along your jawline, working his way down to the sensitive spot just below your ear. Each kiss was gentle, deliberate, and filled with a tenderness that made your heart race. You tilted your head slightly, giving him better access, and he took the invitation with a soft hum of appreciation.

His kisses became more confident, his lips pressing more firmly against your neck. You could feel his hands holding you securely; one hand splayed across your back while the other rested on your hip, keeping you anchored in his lap. The sensations were overwhelming in the best way—a mix of excitement and comfort.

“Is this okay?” Jungwon asked, his voice a husky whisper against your skin.

You nodded, unable to find your voice for a moment. “More than okay.”

He continued, alternating between gentle nibbles and soothing kisses, each one sending waves of pleasure through you. You could feel the passion building between you, the connection deepening with every touch. Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer as you lost yourself in the moment.

"You're incredible," he murmured, his lips trailing down to your collarbone.

The intimacy of the moment was almost too much to bear, but you welcomed it, embracing the feelings and the vulnerability that came with it. Jungwon’s touch was gentle yet insistent; his kisses left a trail of warmth and desire that seemed to linger on your skin.

When he finally pulled back, his eyes met yours, and you saw a mix of love and passion reflected in his gaze. “How was that?” he asked, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

“Perfect,” you replied breathlessly, your heart swelling with affection for him.

"Can I try something? But we need to keep quiet." Jungwon raised his eyebrows and showed a confused face.

"What do you mean by-" he cut himself off when he saw you lifting your shirt, your black bra catching his attention. You got slightly closer, putting your clothed cunt on top of his clothed dick.

Jungwon's eyes widened in surprise, his breath hitching as he felt the pressure of your body against his. He swallowed hard, his hands instinctively moving to rest on your hips, holding you steady.

"Can I grind on you?" you whispered, your voice thick with desire and concern.

Jungwon's face flushed, and his eyes darkened with a mix of surprise and desire. He nodded, his grip on your hips tightening slightly. "Yeah," he stammered, his voice barely above a whisper. "Just... be careful."

You smiled, feeling a rush of confidence at his reaction. Slowly, you began to move, the friction sending waves of pleasure through both of you. Jungwon's hands roamed your back, his touch gentle but firm, guiding you as you found a rhythm together.

The room was filled with the soft sounds of your movements and the quiet gasps and sighs that escaped your lips as the intensity between you grew. Jungwon's eyes never left yours; his gaze was filled with a mix of awe and affection.

"You're amazing," he murmured, his voice husky with desire. "I can't believe this is happening."

You leaned in, capturing his lips in a deep, passionate kiss, your movements becoming more urgent. The connection between you was electric—a perfect balance of tenderness and intensity that left you both breathless.

A knock on the door interrupted both of you. 

"Jungwon" it was Jake. "We are going to buy dessert and the meal. Do you want something specific?"

You stopped your movements, but the tight squeeze Jungwon gave to your thigh surprised you; his eyes basically begged you to keep your movement. This time, you made it faster than before, your lips finding a spot on his neck.

"I want... fuck, maybe a chocolate ice cream."

"And your girl?" You lose yourself. Jungwon hands go to your clothed breasts and squeeze them, making you bite your lower lip, almost making you moan loudly.

"I'm fine with anything," you said, your voice surprisingly steady.

"Are you sure?" You didn't know what got into both of you, but the moment Jungwon licked the valley of your breasts, it was over for you.

"Yes!" Thankfully, that didn't sound really bad, but your red cheeks said otherwise.

"Alright," Jake called back, clearly unaware (you s¿wished) of the situation inside the room. "We'll be back in a bit!"

As Jake's footsteps faded away adn both of you listened to the door being closed, you resumed your movements, the urgency in Jungwon's eyes spurring you on as he let out a low growl. His hands gripped your hips tighter, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps as you increased the pace. The friction between your bodies was intoxicating, and you could feel the heat building between you.

Jungwon's eyes fluttered closed for a moment, his head tilting back as a low moan escaped his lips. The sound sent a thrill through you, and you leaned in to kiss him deeply, your tongues tangling in a heated dance. His hands roamed up your back, pulling you closer, as if trying to merge your bodies into one.

"You're incredible," he murmured against your lips, his voice thick with desire. "I never want this to end."

"Neither do I."

The intensity of the moment was almost overwhelming, but you reveled in it, letting yourself get lost in the sensations and the connection you shared. You could feel the pleasure building, a tight coil of heat and anticipation in your core, and you knew Jungwon was feeling the same.

"Jungwon," you whispered, your voice trembling with need. "I think I'm..."

"Me too," he breathed, his eyes locking with yours, filled with a mix of love and desire. "Just a little more..."

Your movements became more frantic, the rhythm you had found together driving you both to the edge. The pleasure was almost too much to bear, but you pushed through, determined to reach the peak together. You could feel the tension in his body—the way he was holding back, waiting for you.

And then, with a final, desperate grind, you felt the release—a wave of pleasure crashing over you, leaving you breathless and trembling. Jungwon's grip on you tightened, his own release following closely behind, a shudder running through his body as he buried his face in your neck, his breath hot against your skin.

You stayed like that for a moment, clinging to each other as you both came down from the high, your hearts beating in sync. The room was filled with the sound of your ragged breathing, and the air was thick with the aftermath of your passion.

Finally, Jungwon lifted his head, his eyes meeting yours with a look of pure adoration. "That was... incredible," he said softly, his voice still tinged with amazement. "But I have to change my underwear."

A Suggestive Fic About Jungwon Where He And Reader Are Sat Diwn By Older Members To Talk About Sex U

↷ 𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚢'𝚜 note: tbh, I have no idea if this is suggestive or just straight up smut but with clothes on, I'm so srry anon for taking SO LONG in this and @fatalwon let me feed you REAL QUICK 🦋


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1 year ago

it doesn't count if we don't kiss | l.hs

It Doesn't Count If We Don't Kiss | L.hs

synopsis → finding out your ex-boyfriend is now dating your best friend was appalling news to hear. sure, you’re the one who initiated the break-up, but you never intended for this to happen. seeing heeseung with your friend ignited jealousy that you’ve never felt before. afterall, he pretty much worships the ground you walk on and it was clear he was only doing this to get a reaction out of you. your theories are only proven right once he comes over and makes a point you both can’t deny.

genre → former lovers, smut

pairing → nonidol!heeseung x fem!reader

warnings → MDNI, cheating

w.c. → 2k

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

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You’re not too sure why you invited him into your place when you opened your door and saw him standing there. You two haven’t really spoken to each other since you broke up with him, but that’s not to say that you haven’t exchanged glances and lingering stares with each other whenever you and him are with your best friend. So, now, here you are with your ex-boyfriend sitting on one end of the couch while you sit on the other, still waiting for him to answer the question you had asked him on why exactly he was here in the first place.

You cross your arms as you look at him, your eyes scanning carefully from his legs all the way to his hair, carefully eyeing his figure. He notices out of the corner of his eye and normally, he would be nervous, but he was trying his best not to show it; not to show you still hold that kind of power over him. You fall for it, raising an eyebrow as you try to figure out what exactly influenced this sudden change in him. Sure, you used to find it cute, him being nervous around you, but then you found it to make things awkward. 

You continue to think as he sits back and sighs, spreading his legs apart a little, making your eyes shift to look at his crotch for a split second. He notices that, too, making him smirk. You roll your eyes at his expression and let out a huff.

“If all you’re going to do is sit there, I would much rather you just get up and leave.”

He rolls his eyes a little and leans forward, resting his elbows on his legs as he clasps his hands together. He turns his head to look at you and sees how you, having your arms crossed, kind of pushes your boobs together and he clears his throat as he turns his head to look down, trying not to get a boner.

“I just came because I wanted to make sure everything is cool between us.”

“Bullshit.” you say.

He turns to look back at you, sitting up and resting his back against the couch. He looks into your eyes, seeing how annoyed you are at his lame excuse, although he does mean it.

“I know that it’s awkward now that I’m dating your best friend, but-”

“Stop.” you close your eyes and hold out your hands.

You open your eyes, tears oddly beginning to brim them. Hearing him say that stuck a nerve and even when you found out that they started dating, you had never cried over it. But here he is, sitting just across from you, and you can’t do anything about it. You know you have no place to cry, which is why you never did; you broke up with him. 

He feels his heart swell when he sees you trying to hold back your tears and he realizes, still, just how much he loves you. Dating your best friend, as cruel as it is to say, was just a lame attempt to get over you and it clearly wasn’t working. He scoots closer to you and you feel a lump form in your throat as one tear escapes from your eye, against your will. 

He reaches out, hesitantly, to place his hand on your cheek before wiping away the tear gently. You close your eyes as you feel your breath hitch, indulging in his familiar touch, realizing just how much you miss it; how much you miss him. You open your eyes, meeting his gaze, him now sitting closer and only inches away from your face, only inches away from your lips. Your eyes flick between looking into his eyes and at his lips. You look back at his eyes, slowly, and he bites his lip, leaning in. 

As much as you want to, as much as you want him to kiss you and as much as you want him to be yours, you know you can’t. 

“Heeseung…” you trail off, stopping him from moving any closer.

Your noses are touching, both of your eyes closed, knowing that if you looked at each other, you wouldn’t be able to stop from going any further.

“Please…” he pleads. He misses you so much, he loves you so much, he needs you so much.

“I want to, but we can’t.” you whisper, slightly pulling away.

He won’t let you, he won’t let you go again. You both open your eyes and he looks at you, determined. Then, he thinks of something, something that may not even be correct, but he wants it to be true anyway.

“It doesn’t count if we don’t kiss.”

You scoff a little, knowing full and well that that specifically doesn’t matter: cheating is cheating. But you find your hand subconsciously rubbing his thigh, your touch automatically giving him a boner. You move your hand further up, palming him, and he lets out a hiss from the sudden contact.

“Fuck it.” you say, pushing him against the back of your couch.

He finds himself internally thanking God that this is happening and you get off of the couch, kneeling in front of him. He feels his heartbeat fasten at the sight, but finds the confidence to stroke your hair as he spreads his legs, smirking at you. You find his newfound confidence to be a big turn on, and you hold eye contact with him and you begin to undo his pants, him raising his hips as you pull them and his boxers down to pool around his ankles.

He sighs happily when you grip his long, thick, veiny cock in your hand, the tip leaking with precum. You lick your lips and he swears he is going to lose his mind. You leave light kisses along his shaft, making his breath get caught in his throat as he watches you, carefully and diligently. You look at him innocently, licking off his precum and his eyelids flutter closed as his head falls back. You tease him a little, only continuing to lick the tip and he whines, looking at you with frustration. 

“Fuck, don’t be like that.” he manages to sputter out through his shallow breaths.

You give in, opening your mouth before you wrap your lips around his length. His mouth falls agape and he grips your hair, not pushing you and letting you go at your own pace. Your head bobs up and down, letting out sighs, sending vibrations along his cock, inching him closer to his orgasm. Saliva drips down his shaft as you continue sucking and he lets out a string of moans when you take all of him into your mouth, him feeling the back of your throat. He accidentally thrusts into you.

“Shit, sorry.” he apologizes quickly, but he does it again. “Fuck-” he says, you pulling off of him. He thinks that he messed up and deeply regrets it, seeing saliva on your lips, you looking so fucking hot. 

“Do what you want, baby.” you say, pumping him a few times with your hand, covering your hand in your own saliva as well, before putting him in your mouth again. 

You moan against him, closing your eyes as some part of you now wants him to just fuck your mouth. Your wish is his command as he begins to thrust in your mouth. He gets lost in his movements, letting out a string of curse words and moans as he uses you. You moan again and he picks up his pace before letting out a whine and shutting his eyes tight, his head falling back and he cums in your mouth. 

You swallow all of his release, taking his cock out of your mouth and kissing the tip. He looks back at you, panting, before helping you up and laying you back on the couch, him now hovering over you. He pulls off your shorts and almost cums again seeing you’re not wearing any panties.

“Fuck, did you know I was coming over?”

You laugh a little and shake your head, you pull him close so you can whisper in his ear, “I’m not wearing a bra either.” 

Now this, he’s gotta see. His eyes widen as his cock becomes hard again. He pulls off his pants and boxers completely before leaning back down to your neck, kissing and sucking as he leaves hickies pretty much everywhere. You’re his; you’ll always be his. His hand caresses your thigh as you moan, spreading your legs more, bucking your hips up, trying to come in contact with his dick.

With his other hand, he holds your hips down and pulls away from your neck. He looks at you and kisses your forehead before smirking. He leans back and grips his cock in one of his hands, running the tip along your wet pussy. You bite your lip and he watches, his other hand pushing up your shirt, just enough so your breasts are exposed. He coos as he sees your nipples get hard, rolling one of your nipples between his fingers.

“Heeseung, I swear-”

“Hmm? What are you going to do?” he asks, pulling his cock away from you, but still fondling your breast, squeezing it lightly, making you moan. “Are you going to tell your best friend just how badly I’m treating you?”

You feel your face become hot and all he does is just grin. He leans back to whisper in your ear, “Don’t worry, I’m only yours.” he whispers before pushing his thick cock inside of you. You gasp, your back arching a little and he groans, relishing in how good you feel. “Fuck, you’re so wet.” he whines, trying to keep his composure, but he just wants to feel you clench around him, crying out his name, as you cum all over his dick. 

He doesn’t waste any time, he thrusts into you fast and hard, shaking the couch a little. One arm wrapped around your waist to keep you in place and the other gripping the armrest on the couch. Your fingernails dig into his back as he pounds into your throbbing pussy.

“Fuck, Heeseung…” you moan.

He rest his forehead on yours as he continues to fuck you mindlessley, wanting to kiss you so bad. He tries to distract himself by pulling away, throwing your legs over his shoulders, fucking you deeper. He watches as your tits bounce and how you grip his forearms, your face contorting in pleasure. You watch him, his hair starting to stick to his forehead as his thrusts become a little sloppy, his cock twitching inside of you, making you throw your head back.

“Heeseung-” you call out, clenching around him as you cum, letting out shallow breaths and moans.

Hearing that is all he needed; it’s all he wanted. He clenches his jaw as he ruts into you a few more times before cumming. He takes your legs off of his shoulders as he pulls out of you, watching as your cum spills out of you. He takes his fingers and pushes the cum back inside of you, a whine escaping your lips. You push his hand away, standing up, cum now dripping down your inner thigh. He stands as well, both of you out of breath, and your legs shaking a little. He pulls you close, kissing your cheek, before wrapping his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly as if he doesn’t want to lose you. You hug him back after a moment, closing your eyes.

A part of you is a little sad, not knowing what this leads to, but even though you are trying to deny it, you know it changes nothing; it will be like nothing happened. No matter if you both want it to mean something, neither of you will admit it. Afterall: it doesn’t count if we don’t kiss. Both in terms of cheating and in terms of making up.


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7 months ago

NUISANCE ! yang jungwon x fem!oc

NUISANCE ! Yang Jungwon X Fem!oc

[synopsis] . when two high school students grow a fit with each other to the point that it becomes a daily occurrence. when you find yourself trying to escape, but you cant and to add to this whole monstrosity he’s the captain of the boys soccer team- while she is the captain of the girls. he's also her twin brothers best friend n best friends brother. the result of all of that means she sees him almost everywhere she goes. just before she thinks things couldn’t get any worse, the two soccer teams combine to make one large friend group and somehow brings the two closer.

[genre] . hs au , fanfic , drama , enemies to lovers , brothers best friend + best friends brother , slowburn , angst .

[warning] . intended lowercase , cursing/swearing , dark humor (kms/kys) , mentions of death/etc , cheesy , not proof-read.

[status] . ongoing ! (pre-written, need to post them)

NUISANCE ! Yang Jungwon X Fem!oc

profiles menu !

NUISANCE ! Yang Jungwon X Fem!oc

CHAPTERS . 001. GET HIM BACK ! 002. lose vs win ! 003. bonding experience ! 004. the truth ! 005. .. !

NUISANCE ! Yang Jungwon X Fem!oc

!! taglist is open ☑ (can ask or comment a note to join)

TAGLIST: tbd

© wonopia 2024


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7 months ago

i want nobody but you | p.sh

I Want Nobody But You | P.sh

synopsis → you and sunghoon have known each other your whole lives and although you've both dealt with jokes from classmates since elementary school on how you two would end up together, that never ended up happening; you two would brush it off and then move on. you never really thought about pursuing something with him romantically, especially since you like things with a more casual approach. but once sunghoon's girlfriend becomes a part of the picture, you can't help but feel these feelings consume you. being the way you are, however, you managed to push them down and you at least thought you got over them until you realize maybe they never left at all. or even worse: they were always there.

feat. → yujin (ive) & sungchan (riize)

genre → college au, friends to somewhat enemies to lovers, romance, smut, angst (eh, ig), slowburn (ig? srry lmao)

pairing → nonidol!sunghoon x fem!reader

warnings → MDNI, smoking !! (reader and sunghoon both smoke), drinking, cursing, mention(s?) of death, mention of hookups, reader is called and referred to (sometimes self referred to) as a: slut/whore; slutshaming, !! potential sh reference (pinching/hitting self; dk if that counts, but it's not mentioned after) !!, mentions of sex (obvi)

w.c. → 22.7k

a/n → long time no see lol. lmk if u would be interested in seeing some pics i took at the enha concert i went to :)) (i won't do vids because i was screaming like a baboon lmao) p.s. bear w me bc ik this is a long one, but i feel like i owe you all since i've been gone for practically a century, but pls give it a chance, i'm on my knees begging bc this took 3 days

disclaimer !! → i don’t ship any idols i portray as dating in this story irl nor do i have the intent to portray anyone in this story in a negative light, this is just for creative purposes, babes <3; this is all just fiction, take it lightly pls and thx

!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!

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Today has been a long day. You groan as you take a seat on a bench somewhere near the lecture hall you just left and you close your eyes as you lean back against it. You had originally thought your senior year of high school was torturous, but being a senior in college was far worse. Your eyebrows furrow a bit when you feel the weight of the bench shift a bit, meaning someone has taken a seat beside you. Your eyes open a bit and you turn your head to see Sunghoon next to you. A sigh escapes your lips and you turn your head away, closing your eyes again. 

Sunghoon sits there for a moment, looking at you. Lately, you two haven’t hung out as much and although he admittedly forgot to text you for the past week and half, you were still his best friend. He could argue, though, that “the phone works both ways”, so you’re not exactly innocent either. He’s seen you around campus, hanging out with some members of the basketball team, mainly the captain: Sungchan. You didn’t seem bothered by the lack of contact between the two of you, either, so it didn’t bother him or make him feel guilty that you haven’t hung out in just a few days. No…not at all.

“Nice to see you, too.” he mumbles. You stay quiet, honestly close to falling asleep on the bench, especially with the warm breeze that is gently blowing. He narrows his eyes a bit and leans back against the bench. He does the same as you, closing his eyes as he relaxes, but he frowns to himself. “You and Sungchan seem to be close.” he says, not really even understanding why he brought it up in the first place. 

This piques your interest. “What about him.” you say rather than ask, still keeping your eyes closed.

Sunghoon shrugs, still not really sure why he cares who you hang out with or how often or who they are or…anything like that. Maybe it upsets him to think about the fact that you might replace him with someone cooler as your best friend; maybe he was too lame for you. How juvenile, he thought to himself. But that’s what it felt like, to him, at least. “Nothing. I’ve just seen you guys hanging out a lot, that’s all.” Sunghoon replies.

“How would you know that; we haven’t really hung out or talked lately.” you reply, not meaning to sound snarky, but it most likely came across that way.

Sunghoon scoffs softly. “I have eyes; I can still see who you talk to.”

You open your eyes a bit and turn your head to look at him. “Stalker.” you tease. 

Sunghoon opens his eyes, almost as if he can feel you looking at him and he rolls them, not amused. “Am not…I’m just trying to start a conversation or whatever.”

“About the people I talk to?”

Sunghoon shrugs. “About anything…” It stays quiet for a moment. “It’s just been a while since we’ve talked.”

“And whose fault is that?” You ask, rhetorically.

Sunghoon frowns. “Well, I’ve just been busy-”

You scoff, “Yeah. I know.” You reply dryly.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Just that that’s what you always say whenever we don’t talk to each other for a while. Like, I get it, you’re dating Yujin, big whoop.”

You’ve considered the possibility that he has just been busy with schoolwork, but no matter how many times you would give him the benefit of the doubt, it always ended up being because he was hanging out with Yujin. You weren’t really mad, per say, just annoyed. Severely annoyed. But what could you do? Ever since they started dating freshman year, you’ve felt like you were on the backburner. Which, again, you can’t really be upset about that. Afterall, she’s his girlfriend, whether you liked it or not. There is nothing wrong with her, you two got along fine, even if you don’t really talk or are even friends. You don’t hate her, not for any valid reasons, anyway. Still, despite how many people you know, Sunghoon is your only real friend and always has been. But it’s times like these when it feels like he means more to you than you mean to him.

“She’s my girlfriend.” He says, matter-of-factly.

You roll your eyes at his statement. “I know that,” you retort with annoyance, “you only ever bring it up every chance you get.”

“You seriously can’t be annoyed that I spend time with my own girlfriend.” He responds with the same tone.

Sometimes, Sunghoon gets caught up in things. Like being with Yujin, for example. He’ll be with her and then it just slips his mind to respond to a text of yours or to ask if you want to do something, he can’t help it. He knows that he’s your best friend and he’s certain that you’re his, too. Sure, Yujin means a lot to him, but you mean more, whether he would admit that or not. He just wants to make everything balanced, for everything to work out. But a part of him feels like something has been off since he started dating Yujin. Sure, he’s had other girlfriends, but never one for longer than a few months. This relationship is important to him. What if Yujin is the one? He can’t screw it up and he’s afraid to, so he makes sure to spend as much time with her as he can. He thought you would understand, but apparently not.

You’ve met Sunghoon’s other girlfriends, none of which bothered you as much as Yujin. Maybe because this one seems more serious. Maybe because she seems more important to him. The thought makes your stomach curdle. This whole situation makes your stomach curdle. You shouldn’t care so much, but you do. You hate that. “Whatever.” you reply, honestly not having thought of anything better to respond with. What were you supposed to say to that? Of course you understood, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.

“Besides, like I said, you and Sungchan have been hanging out a lot recently. Don’t act like you’ve never blown me off to hang out with him.” Sunghoon says.

“Barely.”

“Not barely. A lot. ‘Oh, Sungchan invited me to his basketball game to watch’, ‘Oh, Sungchan invited me to a party,’ ‘Oh, Sungchan wants to hook up’, ‘Oh, Sungchan this and Sungchan that’.” Sunghoon mocks, annoyed.

You frown. “Why do you care? You’ve got a girlfriend, so just hang out with her instead.”

Sunghoon frowns as well. “That’s not the point. The point is that you ditch me just the same to hang out with a guy who you’re not even dating. You don’t talk to me sometimes when you’re with him or another guy, so why are you so upset that I do the same with Yujin, who I’m actually dating?”

“Stop rubbing in the fact that you’re dating someone. Good for you, who gives a shit? So what if I do the same? It’s only because you do it first!” you argue back. You grab your backpack and stand up as you put it on. You start walking away from him and he watches you as you leave.

“Great talk!” he calls out to you in a sarcastic manner.

He didn’t mean to make you upset or try to “rub his relationship” in your face, he would never try to intentionally make you upset. So, why did he care? He doesn’t, it’s as simple as that. Maybe you doing the same thing to him with Sungchan bothered him a little. Maybe you wanting to spend your time instead with someone else you’re not even dating bothered him a little. But it’s not like he actually cared or anything. He knows he can’t tell you what to do or who to see, so why does he care? He knows he blew you off, so why didn’t he just apologize? Why did he bring up Sungchan in the first place? Sunghoon sits on the bench for a moment, rethinking things. Why was he acting like you were ignoring him when it was kind of the other way around? He sighs and closes his eyes again. He’ll figure it out later.

-

You let out a long yawn as the dim glow from your computer screen shines on your face. It’s three in the morning, and sure, you have a class tomorrow, but you can’t sleep and figure you can just skip your lecture anyway. Even if your brightness was all the way down, it still hurt your eyes every so often, so you would close them to make them feel better while you listened to the show you were watching. You hear your phone ding and your eyes open, your hand reaching for your phone to see the text.

“are you awake?” Sunghoon texts.

He knows you are. You almost always are, which is why he knew you would see the message. Although, he did anticipate the idea of you ignoring him. You were good at things like that, things that required a stubborn attitude. He didn’t mind your stubbornness, though. He didn’t mind anything when it came to you. He waited a bit, sitting in the darkness with just the light of his phone screen, his thumb gently tapping it so it doesn’t automatically turn off as he waits for you to text back. 

“yeah.” you text back.

It took you a few minutes and in all honesty, you almost didn’t respond. But you missed him, which even if he asks directly, you would deny. You wonder if he missed you too, but you shake that thought away.

“still pissy?”

This makes you laugh a little. Yes, you were, but you still found it a little funny.

“shut up.” you text back.

“wanna hang out?”

You sigh. Now he wants to? It takes you a while to reply with anything as you just stare at his message.

“can u bring the usual?” you reply.

He smiles at your text. “duh” he texts back.

You smile a bit, looking forward to actually hanging out with him. The whole argument was dumb anyway and you just wanted your best friend back. And after a while of waiting, you hear a knock on your dorm room door. You get up from your bed and unlock it, opening it as you step outside. He smiles softly when he sees you and you smile a bit back. You both quietly leave your dorm building before going outside and sitting on the curb. He sets the plastic bag he was carrying between you two and opens a bottle of beer before handing it to you. You take it and he opens his own, both of you taking a sip as a cool breeze blows softly. 

“Sorry about earlier,” he says quietly, “and for not talking to you for a week. I just got caught up with Yujin, you know?”

You take another drink, not really interested in discussing this anymore. “It’s fine.”

“I also wasn’t trying to rub her and I into your face and make you feel bad or anything, it’s just…” he trails off. It’s silent for a moment as you both drink. “This week has been shitty.” he mumbles.

“Amen to that.” you reply. He chuckles softly and you both clink your bottles before smiling and taking another drink.

“How’s your love life going, anyway?” he asks, genuinely curious.

Sure, there were other things he wanted to talk about, could talk about, but this is what slipped out of his mouth first. He was actually curious, he truly wants to know. He just wants to see you happy. 

You shrug, “The same; just hook ups.”

He looks at you for a moment. That’s it? You’ve been hooking up with people since the beginning of high school. Sure, you’ve dated some guys before, but they were all assholes; Sunghoon never liked them. He couldn’t stand them, to put it plainly. You deserve better, and he knows that. But he also knows you’re not into relationships. You like things to be simple and direct. But when it comes to how you feel, he knew you weren’t very expressive with that. Only when it comes to getting what you want. He kind of admires that about you.

“So…no one in particular? You just kind of…go after who you think is the hottest?”

You grin, “Something like that.” you take a sip, “So…how are things going with Yujin?”

You honestly hate that you asked. Why would you? Why would you want to hear about that? Surely, things must be going wonderfully if he’s so wrapped up in all that is her. But you’re still friends. It’s normal to ask these kinds of questions, right? Maybe he won’t really say much anyway and you’ll be a good friend for even asking. That’s what you’re hoping for, at least.

"Well... things have been kind of weird. She's been acting kinda distant recently; I don't know how else to explain it. She just seems really bored all the time. Like, the sex is good but it just seems like she's not into me anymore or something." he replies.

You give him a weird look as he brings up the topic of sex with Yujin. Gross. Just...Gross.

“Describing sex with your ‘girlfriend’ as good is never a good thing.” you say as you laugh a bit, taking a sip. 

Sunghoon scoffs a bit. Why did it seem like you were happy to hear that? It irritated him a bit, but he brushed it off. “Well, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s more like…it’s become something that’s routine.”

“Yeah, that’s probably not a good sign.”

Sunghoon sighs. "I know... it's just so weird though. I mean, we've been together for so long, and she's never been the type to get bored like this. It just sucks. I'm worried if something happened between us that's making her not want to be with me anymore."

You look at him for a moment as he drinks. You hate seeing him upset and you know that Yujin means a lot to him, especially since this is his first big relationship. You frown a bit as you drink. “Have you asked her?” you take another sip, “Aren’t people in relationships supposed to communicate and shit?”

"Yeah, I asked her and she said everything was fine, but like... I don't know. I just have a feeling that she's not telling me something, and I've tried asking her multiple times, but every time, she always says everything's fine." he takes another drink. “That’s pretty much what I’ve been spending last week doing, just…trying to fix what may not even be broken.” he mumbles.

You feel bad now for getting upset at him for blowing you off. It makes sense and you just got defensive again, not really knowing what he was doing. You sit there for a moment, not really sure what to say. Sunghoon didn’t mind the silence, though. He was trying to focus on Yujin and figure out why things feel this way when maybe, they aren’t even that way at all. Maybe it’s him. He isn’t sure, but he is sure that he already feels a million times better being with you, even if it is just sitting next to each other on a curb in silence.

“Do you cum?” you ask.

Sunghoon chokes on his beer a little, hitting his chest a bit as he coughs. He looks at you, not expecting your question at all, and as for you, well, you weren’t really expecting to ask it. It kind of just…came out. Your initial thought process was to ask more about his feelings on things in the relationship, seeming more like a routine, but it kind of led to you wondering if he even cums. In your defense, you thought that if he doesn’t, then maybe the relationship is going downhill. You look at him, as if what you asked was totally normal, taking another sip of your beer. He looks back at you, seeming to have processed what you asked.

“...yeah, pretty much every time.”

“Does she?”

Again, not something you really want to know, but you do want to help him.

“...sometimes, but most of the time she doesn’t.”

You suck air through your teeth, “Uh-oh.”

“It’s not a big deal, you know, so what if sometimes we don’t? It’s not about that, it’s just about…connecting or whatever.” he mumbles as he takes a sip.

“So, then what? Do you guys just like…do it yourself?”

“Yeah, so?”

You laugh. You can’t help it, it’s just too funny. Not his obvious pain with his relationship kind of going south, but the fact that he finds this to be normal. You at least found that funny.

“What’s so funny?” he asks, pissed off, but also slightly embarrassed.

“Dude, I'm not a relationship expert, but like...shouldn't people who have sex, I don't know, finish every time? I mean, I have never really had that happen often with any of the guys I hook up with, but hey, what do I know.” 

"Well... I guess, but it's not a big deal to me. As long as she enjoys it, that's what's important. And, it's not like it happens all the time. Sometimes she does finish, but it's just... well, not as often as I would hope..." he takes another sip.

You roll your eyes to yourself. Kind of out of instinct. If you’re going to be frank, you don’t give a damn about her.

You shrug, “I don’t know,” you take another sip, “you say you don’t cum sometimes, how come?”

“I don’t know…it just happens?”

You shake your head, “Nah, there’s a reason.”

“But the reason is dumb and I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” he takes another sip.

“Do you think she’s hot?”

What a stupid question. You wish you didn’t ask it. Why would you want to hear him talk about yet again how hot he thinks she is. It makes your blood boil and you would rather bash yourself over the head with your beer bottle than hear him talk about how perfect she is. But, there is a small, small part of you hoping for a certain answer. Only a small part.

“Of course I do.” he replies, simply.

“So, then, what’s the problem?”

“Sometimes I have a hard time finishing, happy? Jesus…” he mumbles as he drinks some more.

You roll your eyes. You’ve known each other your whole lives, you know when he’s lying.

“Mmm,” you take another sip, “no, you see, sometimes when I hook up with guys, I suddenly don't feel attracted to them, so then sometimes I don't finish. So do you just like sometimes not like her or something?”

He shakes his head, "No, I'm always attracted to her. But... sometimes I have a hard time finishing, and I don't know why that is."

“What do you think about?” you ask, kind of quietly.

A part of you didn’t want to ask that, besides, this conversation was becoming weird. But that small, small part of you was so desperately hoping for a certain answer. Fucked up? Yeah, most definitely, but that didn’t seem to stop you.

“About what?” he asks, actually clueless.

“When you’re having sex, what do you think about?” you ask again, taking a sip of your beer.

“...about her, that’s what you’re supposed to do, so,” he trails off, “Sometimes I…think about other things...” he answers, blushing a bit.

“Like what?”

“Just…random stuff. Why do you want to know anyway?” he asks, getting slightly defensive.

“Maybe that's what's distracting you. I don't know, spice things up with her or something. Or have an actual conversation with her about how you feel or whatever.” you mutter as you finish your beer.

He takes another sip of his beer. “Why are you acting like some sort of relationship counselor? You’ve never even really been in a relationship yourself.”

Maybe he wanted to piss you off with what he said, but only so you could back off. “Spice things up”? Yujin and him are fine, he’s deciding that right here, right now. He doesn’t want your help with this or to even discuss it anymore with you. It feels weird. Besides, he doesn’t want you to think that he’s…not good at sex. Not for any other reasons, just that…he doesn’t want you to think that about him.

You set your bottle down and look at him. “Because you’re my friend? I don’t know. Why do you care?” You hold your hand out, wanting him to hand the cigarettes he brought while your other hand digs into your sweatpants pocket for your lighter.

He reaches into the bag and hands them to you, knowing full well you could have grabbed them yourself, yet he still obliged. “So, in all of your hooking up, have you ever had feelings for anyone you hooked up with? And not those bullshit feelings for your douchebag exes, like actual feelings. Or have they all just been hookups?” he asks, hoping to change the subject.

You open the pack, “Hookups.”

“Every single one?”

“Mhm.” you answer, taking one out and putting it into your mouth, lighting it as you take a drag.

“So you’ve never fallen in love with anyone you’ve hooked up with?”

You laugh, “Fallen in love? How stupid.” you say as you take another drag.

“Okay, love might be a strong word, but like, have you never developed feelings for any of the people you’ve hooked up with?” he asks, finishing his beer.

“Nah.”

"Right, right. So, you're just all about hookups then, and that's cool, no shame or anything; I get it. But you've never felt even just a little bit of loneliness from it?" he asks as he sets his bottle down. You ignore his question, taking another drag. He knows by your reaction that he’s said something that bothers you. Whenever anything is mentioned that may reveal how you truly feel, you just block it off and move on. He sighs, not too sure why he bothered asking since you always ignore these types of topics. Sometimes, he wished you wouldn’t. He wished you would be more open with him. It feels like he can talk to you about anything and everything, even if sometimes he doesn’t want to, but he does anyway because you…well, you’re you. "I mean, it's gotta get kinda boring... always hooking up, never really connecting with anyone. Unless you don't care about that kind of thing."

“Love is stupid.” you reply flatly.

What a groundbreaking opinion. Truly, nobody has ever felt or thought the same thing. Great stuff. Sunghoon sighs at your answer, not really getting why you won’t just tell him. He wants you to. He can’t really explain why. It doesn’t have to do with wanting to get some satisfaction out of helping you or changing you, but rather, sometimes he feels like he knows nothing about you. You’re important to him, more than you could possibly understand, but still, sometimes, you seem so distant; like a stranger. He just wants to know that you trust him.

“So, just because love hasn’t exactly worked out in your life, you think love is stupid? I don’t really think that’s fair…just because your ex boyfriends were assholes doesn’t mean that true love doesn’t exist.”

For some reason, him talking about true love pisses you off. It pisses you off greatly. You can feel your skin crawl and anger boiling up inside you, so you take a drag from your cigarette, blowing out the smoke, wishing it was something else you were getting rid of.

“It’s not about them.” you take another drag, “Do you love Yujin?”

You think you know the answer already. No, you know the answer indefinitely. There is only one answer. Why would he have spent the past three–almost four years–dating her if he didn’t? You think about all the times he talked about her when they first started dating. You try not to, but your mind recalls all the details, how he said them, what he said, how he looked while he was talking. It made you sick.

His heart sinks a little when you ask the question. He stares at you for a moment, not responding to your question right away. He takes a long deep breath before he answers, “Yes.” You sit silent. You heard his answer, but you don’t want to acknowledge it. You take another drag from your cigarette, a longer one this time, blowing out the smoke slowly as you tap some of the tobacco from the butt of it off. “Do you…not believe me?” he asks, watching you. He can tell something is on your mind, you’re just having trouble saying it. He’s not asking to be snarky or anything, he asks in more of a gentle tone, just wanting you to open up or at least just say something remotely close to how you feel.

“No, I do.” you answer quietly. For some reason, it hurts to say that. It’s true, though; you do believe him…unfortunately.

Silence consumes the both of you, just sitting on the curb as time passes. Crickets chirp softly in the distance and the subtle burn of the tobacco from your cigarette fills it a bit, but not enough. He stares at you, both annoyed and concerned. 

“Then what is it? Are you trying to say there’s something wrong with my relationship?” he asks, suddenly defensive. Even he, himself, doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so defensive about it, especially since he brought up the issue earlier, but he doesn’t like thinking that you think there is something wrong.

“Jesus, it’s not like that.” you respond, knowing full and well it is like that.

“Then spit it out; what are you trying to say?”

“Shut up.”

You take another drag and he rolls his eyes, annoyed. “You know, you’re so annoying sometimes.”

“So are you.”

“Yeah, I know, but you’re worse.”

You take another drag, genuinely wanting him to shut up, or for things to be normal. Or better yet, for things not to be complicated. “Go cry about it to your girlfriend.”

“Screw you.”

“Ditto.”

“Whatever.” he says, pissed off.

“Yeah, whatever.” you mumble as you take another drag.

He continues to look at you, pissed off at how you don’t seem to care about anything. He used to like that a lot about you, how you never cared about what people thought and are able to brush anything off. Maybe “used to” is a bit strong, he still likes that about you, but for right now, it’s incredibly infuriating. 

“You know, I’ve noticed that you always avoid giving direct answers to questions. Maybe that’s why you’re so scared of commitment; Not willing to really speak your mind out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings or your own.” he says, hoping this would piss you off enough to just say how you feel.

You roll your eyes, “Shut up.” you say as you continue smoking your cigarette.

“No, I won't shut up. In fact, I'm gonna keep talking because this is one of the rare occasions where we’re actually having a serious conversation and not just talking about petty stuff.”

You roll your eyes again. “I don’t want to.” you reply, simply.

“Too bad. because I am really curious about it. So, I’m just gonna keep asking questions. Like, have you ever experienced real heartbreak before? Because you seem like the type that just throws people away and moves on with no remorse.” You become quiet. Sure, you weren’t answering before, well, barely, anyway. But this time, you feel like you’re shrinking. That type of quiet. The type of quiet you become when you feel like you got caught and you don’t want to admit to what you did. You just smoke your cigarette. “And you don’t just avoid answering questions about your romantic life, either. You do the same thing when it comes to family, friends, and anyone else. You just push people away and never actually let anyone get to know the real you.” 

“You know the real me.” you say, looking at him. In all honesty, you were insulted. He was seriously telling you that he “doesn’t know the real you” after you guys have been friends since you were two years old? What does that say about your friendship?

“No, I really don’t. All I know about you is the surface layer stuff that you’re willing to share, but I don't actually know you. No one does. Because you never let anyone get close enough.” he says as he looks you directly in the eyes, meaning every word he says. Well, maybe not every word, but it is how he feels. He doesn’t want you to get frustrated, but if that’s what it takes for you to finally say how you feel, then so be it. You do feel yourself getting frustrated and you look away, taking another drag. “And don’t deny it, ‘cause you know it’s true. You just push people away and never let yourself be vulnerable, ‘cause if you did, then they could use that vulnerability against you. And god forbid anybody ever find out about your deepest insecurities-” 

“Shut the fuck up.” you say, feeling anger seethe out of you. He sits there, somewhat stunned by your response. Not exactly that you became angry, but more so that he actually got a reaction out of you. He watches you as you put your cigarette out and stand up. “I’m going back to my room.” you mutter. 

He stands up. “Seriously?” he says as he sees you start to walk away. He scoffs. “You’re just going to leave? Like that? Whatever.” he mumbles as he grabs the pack of cigarettes you put back into the bag (the pack he specifically bought for you and always buys whenever you guys hang out like this). He opens it and grabs one, lighting it as he sees you turn around. You walk back over to him and snatch the pack of cigarettes from his hand. “The hell?” he asks, annoyed, as he tries to grab it back.

You hold it out of his reach. “You don’t even like red Marlboros.” you say, almost tempted to take the one out of his mouth, too just to spite him.

“Give it back.” he says sternly as he takes a small drag from the one in his mouth, holding it between his fingers as he glares at you.

“No.”

“It’s my pack of cigarettes.”

“That you bought for me.”

“And I want it back.”

“Well, tough shit, I’m not giving it back.”

“Give it.” he says as he holds out his hand. You ignore him and turn around, starting to walk away. He takes another drag, grimacing because you’re right, he doesn’t like this brand, but he’s only doing this to spite you. He gets even more pissed off just seeing you walk away. “Why are you always such a pain in the ass?”

“Could ask you the same thing.” you yell back.

He quickly puts out the cigarette and puts the bottles into the bag before catching up to you. “I'm not the one who’s always being super mean and acting all mysterious about everything. Like, what’s with all the attitude and snarky comments? You’ve been extra shitty lately.”

“Fuck you.”

He scoffs, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You know, you’re being shitty, you just don’t wanna admit it.”

You stop walking and turn to look at him, throwing the pack at him. “Then go away.”

He grits his teeth and grabs the pack from the ground. He looks at you, “Whatever. I'm leaving. But just know, one of these days, you’re going to actually push someone away for good.”

“Hopefully it’s you.” you say as you cross your arms.

“Yeah, me too. Because I am so fed up with your bullshit.”

“Great. Go away.”

He rolls his eyes and walks past you, his arm bumping into yours purposefully as he heads back to his dorm.

-

As Sunghoon makes his way to his lecture, he sees Yujin in the distance talking to some of her friends. He thinks about your conversation last night. He had hopes of confiding in you a bit more about how he felt, but of course that’s not the way things panned out. He had no time to focus on that, even if he was feeling even worse now that he possibly lost his best friend for good. Shit…did he really lose you for good? He feels his blood run cold, but he’s trying to forget it and focus on her. She’s his girlfriend, he has to remember that. He walks up to her, smiling a bit. She looks at him.

“Oh…hey.” she says softly.

“Hey…can we talk for a minute?” She nods her head and stands still. Sunghoon glances at her friends and then looks back at her. “...in private?” Yujin glances at her friends before following Sunghoon over into the library, taking a seat at a table near one of the back bookshelves, a little bit of space between the two of them. “Is there a reason you’ve been acting like this lately? Do you not…want to be with me anymore?” Sunghoon asks, just getting straight to the point.

Yujin is quiet for a moment. “Everything is fine.” she says.

He crosses his arms, feeling himself getting frustrated. Why can’t people just be direct like you? Yeah, you’re not really direct with your feelings, but you are when it comes to anything else. “Are you sure? Because you've been really distant. We haven't been talking as often, you barely want to spend time with me... and it feels like you're avoiding being intimate with me, too. I had to almost beg you to spend time with me last week. Is there really nothing? Are you sure everything is fine?” Yujin listens and stays quiet. Sunghoon sighs. "You know, couples are supposed to communicate and shit, right? If something is bothering you, just come out and say it." Sure, he took a page from your book with what you said last night and perhaps some of what you said rang true after all, but he’s not really looking to give you a “you were right” moment at this time.

“You being friends with her bothers me.” Yujin says as she crosses her arms.

Sunghoon freezes for a moment, taken aback by her response. “...are you being serious?” he asks, not totally sure if she’s just messing with him.

“You hang out with her more than me to the point that I had to ask you to stop texting her whenever we would hang out and you always say you’re “just best friends”, but I don’t believe you. Do you have feelings for her?”

“Do YOU think I have feelings for her?” Sunghoon asks, becoming defensive while also avoiding answering her question directly. 

“Yes.” she answers, simply.

“What, do you think I’ll dump you for her or something?”

"She's a slut. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. I don't care if you guys are close, I'm worried she is going to make a move on you and then you break up with me just for her to use you once and then ruin you; She's bad news." Yujin says.

He feels his jaw drop a bit at what she says. Did she seriously just say that? And so boldly? He feels himself become upset about the way she talks about you. He wants to defend you, he always has, but he frowns. What if this leads to Yujin breaking up with him? You did say last night that you two were done with each other, so why does it matter? He doesn’t agree with Yujin, but he wants to save this relationship…

“You really think I'm that naive? That I'd fall for a girl like her? Just because we’re close friends doesn’t mean I automatically get feelings for her and forget about you. You know I'm smart enough to not get mixed up with someone like her.” he says, feeling like his heart is breaking as he says it. He wants Yujin to feel reassured, but after saying this…it doesn’t feel worth it.

“So you agree.” Yujin says.

Sunghoon sits there, feeling like he’s about to throw up. Why is this so hard? Why can’t he just say ‘yes’ and move on? Why can’t he be happy with Yujin? He just nods his head. “I wouldn’t fall for someone like her.” he says extremely quietly, almost as if he never wanted those words to leave his mouth. But they did and it was too late.

Yujin smiles, satisfied by his answer. She leans in and kisses his lips quickly, “I believe you.” she says softly.

Sunghoon hesitates, not glad that she believes him. Not glad that she said those things about you. Not glad that he said those things about you. He’s just not happy. He gives her a small smile and kisses her cheek quickly. “I’m glad.”

-

You are sitting on a bench, scrolling through your phone as you wait for your next lecture to start soon. Sunghoon sees you as he exits his lecture hall and his gaze lingers on you for a moment. He sighs to himself a bit, feeling like he was being pulled in two different directions. The more he thinks about it, he feels as though Yujin was giving him an ultimatum to choose you or her. If she said it outright, there isn’t a cell in his body that would hesitate to choose you. He thinks back to his conversation with Yujin in the library and he feels sick; he knows he did something wrong. 

He walks over to you and takes a seat next to you, just wanting to make up and move on. To his surprise, however, you get up immediately and take your bag before walking away. He sits there, confused, but figures you’re still upset about the argument last night. He gets up and he follows you before catching up and gently grabbing your arm, but you end up taking it away and start walking again. He bites the inside of his cheek before stepping in front of you, “Why are you walking away from me?”

“Get away from me.”

“No.” he said as quickly as the words left your mouth.

You look at him, feeling your eyes sting, hot tears wanting to form, but you blink them away. “You should probably go find your girlfriend, you wouldn’t want to be seen hanging out with a slut like me, right?” you ask rhetorically.

“Hey-,” he cuts you off, frowning instantly when you call yourself that. “Stop it…you know I don’t see you that way.”

“That’s a fucking lie; I heard you talking to Yujin. Or are you surprised about that too since you were in the library and someone like me couldn’t possibly be in a place like that.” you say as you cross your arms, swallowing as if that will help mask your clear frustration.

“...what?” he asks quietly, freezing as he realizes what you’re saying.

“I heard you. I heard you agree with her when she called me a slut. I heard you say you "would never be stupid to fall for someone like me". Well, fuck you. Go be with your perfect girlfriend, asshole.” you say before you push past him, swallowing again, but this time to stop yourself from crying.

“Wait-” he tries to grab your arm again, but you pull it away and keep walking. He feels his heart sink as he watches you walk away. The world felt as if it just collapsed. He feels like he’s sinking and as he watches you become further from him, he feels like he’s lost everything. He’s holding his breath, not necessarily realizing he is, almost as if he exhales, he’s not sure he has the strength to take another breath knowing he’s hurt you; he doesn’t deserve to.

-

Everything moves in slow motion, all voices muffled, as Sunghoon feels himself being dragged inside of a party by Yujin. He can hear and see her laughing and talking with her friends as they walk inside the loud and crowded atmosphere, but he feels as if he’s hollow. He stands there like a zombie as Yujin talks and greets some of her friends. He’s not sure how it happened, especially since it was almost midnight and he honestly just wanted to go to sleep, but he somehow ended up here. His eyes felt heavy as they looked around the room, but he subconsciously stood up straighter when his eyes landed on you. It was like he had been resuscitated, his heart beating rapidly as he sees you and then he sees him.

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, noticing how Sungchan was standing closely to you, how his eyes scanned every inch of your body with some stupid, smug smirk on his face. Sunghoon rolled his eyes again and grimaced at the sight. He sees how you whisper something into his ear, Sungchan grinning as he places his hand on your hip. Suddenly, Sunghoon’s heart stopped again as his gaze fixates on his hand. His hand grips Yujin’s tightly as he clenches his jaw and his other hand curls into a fist, his fingernails digging into the palm of his hand. His breathing becomes heavy as he sees you smile, smile in a way he’s never had you smile at him before as your hand caresses Sungchan’s cheek while you clearly flirt back with him. Sunghoon was livid. He feels like an extra in his own life as he watches you fall for someone like that.

“Baby…?” Yujin asks, loosening her hand and taking it away from him since he was practically cutting off her circulation.

“I’m fine.” he mumbles, hints of anger and annoyance clear in his tone. He doesn’t look at her as he answers and she catches on.

She looks to where his gaze is and then she looks back at him, upset. “Why are you looking at her?” she asks as she crosses her arms. “You told me you don’t have feelings for her. I’m your girlfriend, not her.”

“Stop, Yujin, it’s not like that…” he mumbles, annoyed as he keeps looking at you and Sungchan. He watches as Sungchan puts his arm around your waist and he feels like the air has just been knocked out of him. His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he glares at the two of you, wanting nothing more than to shove him off of you.

Yujin scoffs, “I don’t even see how you could have feelings for a slut like her.” she mumbles, taking a sip of a drink her friend brought for her. Sunghoon keeps his attention on you. How Sungchan keeps you close, whispers in your ear to make you giggle and you indulge in it, how he touches you, and how he looks at you as if he’s some sick animal that wants to devour you. “Did you even hear me?” Yujin asks, pissed off.

“Yeah, I heard you.” Sunghoon mumbles as he continues watching the two of you.

Yujin glares at him and then grabs his hand, dragging him away from her friends. Sunghoon just goes along with it and as Yujin starts dragging him upstairs, Sungchan leas in and kisses you. Sunghoon’s eyes widen as he continues going upstairs with Yujin, her dragging him into an empty bedroom and closes the door behind them. Sunghoon feels like all thoughts had escaped him when he saw that and he stands there with only one thing on his mind: you.

“Let’s have sex.” Yujin says as she looks at him.

Sunghoon snaps out of it and looks at her, feeling like this is his first time seeing her tonight. He looks at her in confusion, not wanting to since he only has you on his mind, but he doesn’t want to upset her any further, so he nods his head. Yujin pulls him towards her and kisses him. He hesitates, feeling himself grimace, but he tries to ignore it and kiss her back. He doesn’t want to be up here with her, he wants to be down there with you. As they continue to kiss, Yujin begins to undress herself and Sunghoon feels himself tense up. He tries to forget about you and focus on her, thinking maybe helping her undress would help, but it doesn’t. Not even a little bit. 

Yujin moves them over to the bed as she keeps kissing him and he sits there, partially kissing her back and also sitting stiff as a board. He knows this is supposed to be hot for him, having a practically naked girl on him, but he only finds himself wishing it was you. Yujin kisses down his neck as she takes off his shirt and he feels like he’s zoning out, not moving a muscle. Yujin moves her hands along his chest and down his body and then stops kissing him as she looks at him.

“You’re not even hard.” she says as she frowns. Sunghoon just stares at her, not necessarily surprised, but he still feels bad. "What the hell do you even like about her? She's a fucking whore who opens her legs for any and every guy. She has nothing else to offer besides her fucking pussy, which probably is already stretched beyond repair." Yujin says, angry. "She's nothing! She's not even special and yet she always gets any guy she wants. Well, why does she get you too?" Yujin tears up. "I'M your girlfriend, not her! Do you even love me?" Yujin asks, frustrated.

Sunghoon knows her anger is justified and he feels awful for feeling like he wants her to be you instead. As he watches and hears her say all of these things, he feels bad for treating her like this, but he also becomes angry at listening to what she’s saying about you. He feels bad for saying it feels like he doesn’t know you, because he does, and he knows you’re nothing like who she says you are.

“Answer me!” Yujin yells.

“I do love you.” Sunghoon says quickly.

“...do you love her?”

He stays quiet. Does he love you? He doesn’t know how to answer that. He knows he cares about you more than anyone else, he knows that even when you two fight, he would never want anyone else but you to be by his side, he knows that you’re the only one who gets him, he knows he likes making you smile and laugh and sometimes when you look at him, he feels like he can just look back at you forever. But is that love? Then, what is it he feels for Yujin? Does he love you and not her? How come he never realized it before? Did he always feel this way?

"Why the hell did you even ask me out? Why did you even ask me to be your girlfriend if all this time, you've wanted her? If all this time you've been in love with her?" Yujin asks, furious.

What is he supposed to say? Has he always been in love with you? He thinks for a moment. He thinks about why he asked her out in the first place, about a week after you hooked up with some guy after you two just started college. Was that the reason? Was it because he just wanted something and he knows deep down, you don’t want the same, so he found it somewhere else? You…everything has always been about you, his whole world has always revolved around you.

Yujin gets up and gets dressed. "If you want to be with her so badly, fine. But just know, she's still a whore. She'll just use you and then toss you aside." Yujin says as she finishes getting dressed. "But by all means, go sleep with that slut. We're done." Yujin says as she leaves the room.

Sunghoon sits on the bed in silence. Just great. Now, he doesn’t have a girlfriend and worst of all, he still can’t have you. He sits there for a moment longer before getting up and putting back on his shirt. Screw this party, he shouldn’t have come anyway. He walks out of the bedroom and goes downstairs, feeling like his mind is in a different place as he walks outside. He stops and notices you sitting on the curb, smoking a cigarette. He feels relieved, not seeing you in Sungchan’s arms, and for a split second, he wishes he could just walk over and take you into his, but he pushes that thought away and just decides to take a seat beside you on the curb instead. You scoot away a bit from him, silence looming over the two of you and he feels even worse. 

“You shouldn’t be sitting here, you know. Your girlfriend might get pissy.” you mumble as you exhale some smoke.

“I’m not with Yujin anymore.”

You pause for a moment, “...I saw you two go upstairs.”

“She just…got upset that I couldn’t get hard. I just had so many thoughts running through my mind…” he trails off, not wanting to ramble on about it.

“Whatever.” you say as you take another drag.

“I wish I never asked her out.” he says before taking a deep breath, feeling like he said something he didn’t even realize he was keeping a secret, not even from himself.

“Why are you telling me this? In case you forgot, I am not your friend anymore. Not after what you and her said about me this morning.” You take another drag, “It's one thing for her to call me a slut, I don't care about her, but you? You agreed with her. You made fun of me. You're supposed to be my best friend and you say I'm a slut and then that you aren't "stupid" enough to date "someone like me"?  Fuck you, honestly. I was so pissed when I heard that. I know we fought the other night, but I never thought you would say that shit about me.” You take another drag. “So stop talking to me about your problems like we're still friends. You want nothing to do with "someone like me"? Well, then, you got it.”

Sunghoon stays silent, feeling as if everything around him is crumbling. You’re sitting maybe a foot away from him, but he feels like you’re on the other side of the planet. “I’m sorry.” he says softly, feeling ashamed to have talked about you like that.

You shake your head and continue smoking. “Whatever.”

“I miss you.” he says suddenly. “And, I shouldn’t have said any of that this morning. I was trying to reassure Yujin at your expense and…that was a big fuck up by me. None of what I said was worth any pain I’ve caused you.”

“Well, I don’t miss you. I don’t even care.”

Sunghoon stays quiet for a moment. “I have to fix this. Not because I feel like it will make me feel better to know I said sorry, because that doesn’t fix anything; that doesn’t make you feel better. I want to fix this because, even if you don’t believe me, I value our friendship more than anything in the world.”

You scoff and don’t reply, blinking away your tears as you continue smoking. “I don’t need you. Think what you want about me, I don’t give a fuck.”

“Hey…” he says tentatively as he notices you blinking away tears. He feels like he got punched in the gut and hates himself for knowing he’s the one that caused you to feel this way. “I know I hurt you…a lot.” he admits. He doesn’t know if you would want to listen to anything else he has to say, but he wants nothing more than for everything to go back to normal. To have you back. To just have you look at him. Anything.

You scoff, “You? As if.” you say as you put out your cigarette. “Don’t flatter yourself. Like I care about your opinion.” you say as you stand up. “I don’t need your pity and I don’t need your friendship. I don’t need you.” you say as you walk away and back into the party.

He doesn’t hesitate to follow you, not wanting to let you go. He can’t. He can’t bear the thought of you actually not being a part of his life, not for one goddamn second. He tries to catch up to you, but he stops in his tracks when he sees you go back over to Sungchan. It feels as though time has stopped and he was cursed with having to watch you be with him for the rest of his life. You whisper something to Sungchan, prompting him to grin and put his hands on your waist. Sunghoon feels like he’s about to collapse as he watches Sungchan whisper something back to you before taking your hand and leading you upstairs. He wants to do something, take you away from him, tell you that you mean so much more and are so much more than whatever Sungchan thinks about you. How you mean everything to him and watching you walk upstairs with some other guy feels as though you are taking away every piece of Sunghoon, breaking him apart. But he doesn’t and an hour passes before you walk back downstairs with Sungchan, his arm around your waist.

Sungchan whispers something in your ear before letting you go and walking over to his friends, all of them laughing and teasing him. You just walk back out of the party, feeling sick to your stomach; as if you just made the biggest mistake of your life; shame. As you walk down the sidewalk, the night suddenly feels much colder than before. You take out your cigarettes and start smoking another one. Sunghoon follows and catches up, “Can I have one?” he asks, not knowing what else to say, but wanting to say something. You stay quiet, but eventually extend the one you were smoking to him. You stop walking as he takes it, taking a drag as he stands beside you. 

You hold out your hand, wanting it back and after he takes another inhale from it, he exchanges it back. You take another drag, staying quiet, as you extend it back to him. He takes it as you two share the cigarette and he hands it back to you, almost wanting to just hold your hand instead. You take a long drag, holding the smoke for a while before slowly exhaling. “...you were right.” you say quietly as you hold the cigarette out for him. “It is lonely.”

He takes the cigarette, feeling hopeful that this is the beginning of an honest conversation, and relieved that you’re opening up. He hands it back to you, “Are you lonely? Do you miss having a relationship?” he asks, softly, wanting to make sure he’s being cautious so he doesn’t hurt you again.

“Not the ones I used to be in, no. Those guys were…well, you know.”

“Yeah…” he mumbles. You sigh and take a seat on the curb. He follows suit, seeing if you’ll say something else, but deciding to break the silence. “So…what kind of guy do you want?” he asks, deep down hoping for a certain answer. 

You don’t answer him and instead, ignore his question. In all honesty, you don’t know. Well, you do, but you’re too scared to admit it. “You were also right about me being a slut.”

“I-I didn’t mean it-”

“You know it, everybody else knows it…and I always knew it.” You take your cigarette back and take a drag. “Hearing you say it sucked, though, but I know it’s the truth.”

“I shouldn’t have said it. I was so caught up in trying to make Yujin feel better and fix things between us when it wasn’t worth it. Not when it came at your expense.”

“I know.”

“I should’ve still stuck up for you. It didn’t matter if she was my girlfriend, you don’t deserve to be talked about like that.”

You shrug and hand him the cigarette, lighting a new one for yourself to smoke. “I don’t care anymore. Hooking up with Sungchan just now made me realize it. Seeing and hearing his friends tease him for it…” you take a long drag, “I knew that’s what I am.”

He does the same and looks at you. “Did you want to hook up with him?”

“No.”

“Then, why did you do it?” You ignore his question and keep smoking. “Hey…” he says softly. He knows you’re avoiding his question, but he wants to hear what you have to say.

“What happened with you and Yujin tonight?” you ask, wanting to change the subject.

“Just…an argument.”

“About…?”

“That’s not important.”

“You wanted to tell me all about it earlier. You said something about you not getting hard and regretting asking her out. What the hell happened? I thought you loved her or whatever.” you mumble as you inhale more smoke, a part of you hoping it chokes you.

“I do love her. But I guess…it meant something different to her. She wanted things from me I couldn’t do.”

“Like what.”

“Like…her not wanting us to be friends anymore.”

You scoff before continuing to smoke. “You should’ve chosen her.”

Sunghoon raises an eyebrow as he takes a drag. “You think I shouldn't have chosen my friend who's been with me through thick and thin over someone who was basically controlling who I talked to?”

“She was just controlling that you don't talk to me. Can't blame her, she probably thought I would try to sleep with you or something. Besides, since when did us being friends for so long suddenly matter? It didn't when you agreed with her about me being a slut.”

“It matters to me.” He says, feeling his heart sink a little at your words. It seemed like you didn’t think your friendship meant anything. He takes another drag and sighs quietly before continuing. “You’re my best friend. I care about you more than anyone else.” You stay silent as you continue to smoke. “Do you really think I don’t care about you?” he asks, softly. You just keep smoking, not really sure how to answer. He sighs to himself as he does the same and his mind wanders to thinking about you and Sungchan again. He rolls his eyes to himself as he tries to push those thoughts out of his head.

“You asked me if I ever felt heartbreak when we fought that night, talking about if that’s why I have commitment issues or whatever.” you say as you take another drag. “Yeah…I have.”

“Was the heartbreak from…” he let’s the question linger in the air for a moment, “a relationship?” You shake your head. “So…what was it from then? Who broke your heart?”

You stay silent for a moment, just smoking “...i didn't realize I fell in love with him until he got a girlfriend, well, his first serious girlfriend. At first, I didn't really care, but then…” you go quiet for a moment as you keep looking ahead, not at him. “The way he talked about her, would smile a certain way when he was with her, like he's never smiled at me before...laughing at jokes they shared...seeing him kiss her, hold her hand…” you take another drag, “holding her hand..” you repeat, like you’re lost in thought. “It's something so stupid and simple, but I've never had a guy hold my hand romantically...but he held hers and I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't do a damn thing but suddenly wish I was his girlfriend instead. And then I realized. I loved him.” you take another drag, “I loved him and he was in love with someone else.”

He stayed quiet the whole time you talked. He took in every single word. He took in how you said every single word, how you looked as you spoke. He felt his heart break for you. The way you talked about it was nothing like he’s ever heard you talk about; so…innocent. “Did you ever try to tell him how you felt?”

You stay quiet for a moment as you swallow. “I almost did. One time. I just felt so tired from pretending and I didn't want to just hookup with anyone anymore. I wanted to be his more than anything in the world. I almost told him and then…” you take another drag from your cigarette. “He started telling me about how he finally had sex with his girlfriend. How hot she is. How he had never seen anyone so beautiful. How he couldn't believe he was so lucky to be dating her. Fuck-” you pinch your thigh to stop yourself from crying as you take another drag. “I felt so...gross. I had never had a guy say that about me, never had a guy be proud to be with me, but the way he talked about her and everything he was saying...I knew he would laugh in my face if I, just some slut, was in love with him; he would feel grossed out or whatever. No matter how close I thought we were, I knew right then and there I would never be like her. Never like the girl he wanted.” you take another drag, “So I didn't say anything.”

Sunghoon stayed quiet again, feeling awful. He hated that you thought about yourself that way. He hated that other people had made you feel that…him included. He hated this guy, especially, for making you feel this way. What a piece of shit. You deserve nothing but the best and this guy pulls this bullshit with you? He was about ready to punch him in the face. “And you’re still friends with him? After he did all of this to you?”

“He’s all I’ve ever had.”

“He’s not all you have, though. What about me?” he asks, intending to make something positive out of this all. He just wants you to know how precious you are to him because he cares about you so much. 

This, doesn’t help whatsoever, and you feel like you’re about to burst into tears. You can’t tell if he’s the idiot or if you are; maybe the latter. But when he says that, you just feel like sobbing, curling up into a ball, and dying right then and there. You pinch your thigh again, to prevent yourself from crying because you absolutely loathe it.

He notices and immediately puts his hand on yours to stop you. He hates seeing you like this and he looks at you, not wanting you to suppress this anymore.

His hand on yours, however, makes you feel even worse. Worse because it makes your stomach do flips and you can feel your heart beat faster. Worse because you know it only carries the connotation of a friend comforting a friend…nothing more. You pull your hand away and continue smoking.

He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t try to take your hand back. It hurts him to see you pull yourself away. He just wants to make you feel better, feel safe, feel loved. Feel nothing but happiness because that’s all you deserve. But you don’t. He wants to give you everything, and so, he tries again to comfort you. He reaches for your hand, gently taking it into his, it enveloping yours as he holds it as if it is the most delicate thing on earth.

“Don’t.” you whisper, taking your hand away.

You didn’t want to. God, you didn’t want to. His hand felt like silk against yours, but you felt like you didn’t deserve it. Compared to his, your hand was like felt, worth far less than his. You didn’t want him to hold your hand, not like this. You wanted it to mean something, have some sort of value. Not for comfort. Not because he’s your best friend. Not because he felt bad. But because he loved you. Because he wanted to hold your hand and be proud as he held it. Because he wanted to claim you as is. Because you wanted to be his.

He lets go of your hand and stays silent for a moment. It was as if a part of him died inside as you pulled away your hand. All the thoughts that he was having a few seconds ago were replaced by sadness. His hands tightened into fists from the frustration of being unable to comfort you or take away your sadness. He wanted so desperately to try again, but he knew that there was nothing he could do right now. Slowly, he takes another drag of his cigarette, and you do the same with yours.

“Did you cry whenever he would talk about his girlfriend like that? Did you cry anytime he complimented her?”

You don’t answer for a while. “Yeah. When he told me he loved her, I cried later. After that, I pretended like I didn't care. And for a while, it worked. I would just hook up with guys and I would still talk and hang out with him because he didn't treat me like what everyone else saw me as. He never did. And that's one of the reasons I fell in love with him, I guess, but then sometimes...he would start talking about her and then I just...felt worse. At some point, I just kind of felt numb about it, especially after he told me about the first time they had sex. He talked about it like it was so special...like she was so special...and I just decided then and there I couldn't love him. So, I just pretended and after a while, I thought I didn't love him anymore, but one night, he started talking about how he couldn't lose his girlfriend, how he wanted to make things with her work and I felt that same feeling again, like I was going to be sick. Then, I heard him say what he really thought about me and that was the last time I cried about him.”

“What did he say about you? Did he insult you?” he asks as he feels himself becoming angry, wondering what this jerk could’ve possibly said about you to make you feel this way. But, you don’t answer, you just remain quiet and that made him want to punch this guy even more. “Do you miss him?” he asks, quietly.

“...i miss being oblivious to the fact that I love him.”

He feels his heart drop when you say that. You still love him? He swallows, feeling like he’s choking and as if all of the oxygen has been sucked out of the atmosphere. “So…you do love him. You’re still in love with him?” Once you ignore him again, the answer is clear. “You do still love him…” he mumbles. Anger courses through his veins because you’re in love with someone so fucking awful. How could you give all of yourself to someone who is too blind to see how much you’re worth? How much you mean and value you provide to the meaning of life it’s goddamn self? He watches as you continue smoking. “So, you mean to tell me, after everything he’s done to you, you still love him?”

“He doesn’t know.”

“He doesn’t know you’re in love with him?”

“I told you, I never told him.”

This doesn’t help him feel any less bad for you. Some douche was out and about being happy and in love while you suffer on the sidelines? “Are you ever going to tell him?”

You shake your head as you look down. How could you? Especially since you’re delivering this whole pathetic monologue and he still isn’t taking any goddamn hint. 

“Is it because he’s still with his girlfriend?”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” you say as you finish your cigarette.

He becomes frustrated, “Is he?”

“No.”

“So, they broke up.” You ignore his question once more. He waits a few seconds before speaking up again, “I’m taking that as a ‘yes’ then.”

“Why does it matter? Why do you care?”

“Why do I care?” he asks as if this question has the most obvious answer. He scoffs and takes another drag out of frustration. “Because I’m your best friend, dumbass.”

This only makes you frown as you pinch your thigh again to stop the tears threatening to fall. He frowns as well when he sees this and reaches his hand over again. “Stop.” he says as he grabs your hand. You look down at your hands and you take yours away again. He feels a lump form in his throat when you pull your hand away as a pit of sadness just keeps growing and growing in his stomach. “Why are you doing that? …do you honestly think I don’t care about you?” You just keep staring ahead of you, not looking at him once. He takes another drag and sighs. “Have I ever given you a reason for you to think that I don’t care? Have I hurt you like that guy did?”

His questions make you stay silent for a long time. You wish that you could just disappear. Or that you could go back in time and stop yourself from having these stupid feelings. Or…that you never met him in the first place. Maybe then things would be easier. Better.

“Just…answer me.” he says, pleading, almost. He wants you to understand that he is here for you, he always will be and nothing is going to get in the way of that anymore. He wants this to be clear, so he tries to hold your hand again to show his support, but you take it away once he does.

“Are you pretending or are you actually this clueless?” you ask, becoming frustrated, your voice having a hint of pain in it.

His stomach tightened when you rejected him once more. He doesn’t look at you, suddenly afraid to see your expression. He doesn’t know what to do, how to make you feel better. He stays silent for a moment and continues smoking. “Pretending about what?” he asks. You become increasingly frustrated and pinch your thigh again. He notices and grabs your hand again, “Stop.” he says sternly, but you pull your hand away. 

“Jesus, you’re the guy.”

He feels himself freeze. “What the hell do you mean ‘I’m the guy’?”

“Are you dense?” you raise an eyebrow. “You’re the guy I’ve been talking about this whole damn time!”

“...i’m the guy?” he asks, completely stunned. You let out a huff of frustration and stand up, walking away. He doesn’t hesitate to stand up and go after you. He grabs your arm to stop you. “Wait, you can’t just leave…”

You keep pinching your thigh, a part of you believing it will wake you up from this nightmare as you avoid his gaze. You take your arm away from his grip. “Just forget it.”

“No. You just said I’m the guy, right? The one you’re in love with?” He asks, all of his focus on you. You ignore his question and turn around, walking away. He groans and he moves in front of you, stopping you. “You love me?” But you just avoid his gaze and don’t answer his question. He sighs, “I’m not letting you leave until you tell me.”

“No.”

He frowns. “Look at me.” he whispers. “Please…” he moves closer to you. “Do you love me?”

“Why does it matter?”

“You tell me. Why doesn’t it matter?”

You punch your thigh harshly a few times as you finally look at him. Your breath hitches as tears well in your eyes, despite you trying to ignore them. “Because I’m just a slut.”

He grabs your hand and stops you. He feels panicked, not knowing what to do or say. He doesn’t want you to cry or punish yourself. “Stop it. Stop with that bullshit. You’re not a slut, don’t you dare ever call yourself that.”

“You said it yourself. You agree with everyone else. I know you don't feel the same. I know you'll never talk about me the way you talk about Yujin or see me the way you see her. I know you said you guys broke up, but so what? I know what I am and I know that's all I'll ever be.”

He feels tears prick his own eyes as he listens to you. He shakes his head, “Stop that. Stop saying that I’ll never feel the same. Stop saying that you’re just a slut.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter! It matters to me. You’re not just “some slut”. You’re my best friend.”

You frown as you feel the urge to cry become stronger. You take your hand away and you pinch your thigh again, just wanting the tears to go away. What he said made you feel awful. It’s not what you wanted to hear. You didn’t want to be just that…and he just kept reminding you that that’s all you are. “...do you honestly think that makes me feel better?”

He frowns, “Fine. Maybe it doesn’t make you feel better. But it should. Because it’s the fucking truth.”

“Are you even thinking about what I told you? Are you even thinking about how you're the guy I've been talking about? How every time you talked about Yujin, every time I saw you hold her hand, how you talked about her when you told me about the first time you guys had sex, that I just wanted to curl up and die? You don't get it. You calling me your best friend doesn't make me feel any fucking better. It makes me feel worse than when people call me a slut. But I don't want you to stand here and try to make me feel better, because if you think telling me you care about me because I'm your 'best friend' is going to make me feel better, then you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said.”

He stares at you sympathetically. He stares at you as he realizes just how badly he’s broken your heart. As he realizes he broke your heart. 

“I don't want to be your best friend. I don't want you to tell me I'm your best friend.” You keep pinching your thigh harder, but tears roll down your cheeks anyway. “I wanted it to be me.” you say as you cry even though you keep pinching harder. “I wanted to hold your hand romantically. I wanted you to smile at me the way you did with her. I wanted you to talk about me the way you talked about her.” Your breath hitches as you cry and pinch your thigh harder, your nails digging into your skin. “I wanted to be special to you. I wanted you to tell me you love me. I wanted to be your girlfriend...more than anything in the world.” You cry harder even though you try not to and you dig your nails more into your thigh.

He’s never seen you cry. Not when you broke your arm, not when your pet goldfish died, not when your first boyfriend broke up with you, not even when you get incredibly frustrated. He has never seen you cry. But he hates it. He doesn’t want to see you so sad, so hurt, in so much pain…and he hated it even more because he–the one person you loved more than anything else–was the one who was making you feel this way. He pulls you into him, hugging you tightly, just wanting to take your pain away, just wanting you to…feel loved. But you push him away and wipe your tears, and he notices the imprints from your nails on your thighs. He doesn’t even realize it, but he reaches his hand out and gently touches the marks as he looks at them. He touches the ridges softly and your skin feels so smooth to him, so precious, but you push his hand away. His eyes travel up to meet yours and he sees you’ve stopped crying.

“Why wouldn’t you just have told me how you felt?” he asks, quietly.

“For starters, you had a girlfriend. The other reason: it doesn’t matter.”

“What if I never got with Yujin? What if I was single the whole time?”

“I didn’t realize I loved you until you started dating her…”

“Why her? I’ve dated other girls before, so why her?”

You shrug, “She’s the only one you really seemed to be serious about…the only one you told you loved. Besides…I’m not some sort of homewrecker.”

“I wish you told me.” he whispers. “You were never going to tell me?”

“No.”

“So, you were just hoping I would never find out?”

“Yes.”

“So, you were just going to keep that secret for the rest of your life?”

“Yeah.”

“So, you were just going to live with that pain forever?”

“Are you going to keep asking the same question?”

“I just want to know…” he says as if he’s desperate. “Why…why would you not tell me?”

“Because you were with Yujin! Because you kept telling me how much you loved her! How pretty you thought she was, how happy you were to be with her, how smart and kind and funny and fucking perfect you thought she was! You were happy. You were happy with someone who wasn't me and although that killed me, you were happy. I couldn't do that to you.” you say as your voice breaks.

“So that justified you suffering in silence? Why would you rather see me happy while you were in pain?”

You look at him like the answer was obvious. How does he not get it? You stare at him as you remain quiet, looking at him as if it’s your last time. “Because I love you.” you say, softly.

He feels like you’re looking at him as if he is the most special person to walk on earth. He swallows out of nervousness as he realizes you gave him your heart completely. “You love me so much that you were willing to put yourself through hell just to see me be happy?” He doesn’t feel worthy of that…but you seem to think he is. You love him.

“Wouldn’t you have done the same for Yujin?”

You don’t want to hear him answer this. You don’t want to know, but you feel like he doesn’t understand. You feel like you keep repeating yourself and he’s relishing in it. 

He doesn’t know how to answer. Would he? Hearing how you describe your love for him, he realizes what he felt for Yujin maybe wasn’t love. Maybe it was comfort. Or security. Or the fact that someone wanted to be with him so seriously. Maybe he did love her, but…not the way you love him. This sounds like love. This sounds like what he was supposed to feel. “Yes…” he says, not really sure if that’s true. He wants to believe he loves her. He wants to believe he didn’t waste almost four years on something that ends up meaning absolutely nothing. He has to love her.

“Then you get it.”

“Did you just hope we would break up one day so you and I would get together?”

You sigh, “You still don't get it. I know you don't feel the same way. I know I am not the type of girl you want to be with. I'm not the type of girl any guy wants to be with seriously.”

How could you say that about yourself? Sunghoon doesn’t believe any of that, not for a single fucking second. “That isn’t true. You’re smart, kind, funny, and pretty.”

“Stop.”

“No. It’s true. Everything I just said is true. You think no guy would be able to fall in love with you, but they would. You would make an awesome girlfriend.” he tries to reassure you.

You don’t want any guy.

“You’re not making me feel better.”

“What am I supposed to do, then? Agree with the bullshit you’re saying about yourself? Because that’s not fucking happening.”

“What I want you to say…you can’t.”

“Try me. Tell me.”

You just look at him. He doesn’t get it. He isn’t saying it because he doesn’t feel the same. This realization makes you feel like you’re crumpling. You look at him, defeated. If you have to tell him, you know he would only say it to make you feel better, not because he actually wants to. That. That’s what hurts the most. He would say it because you’re his best friend…but you don’t want to be.

“...are you going to try and get back together with Yujin?”

He pauses. He thinks about it for a second. “Right now…I don’t know. I guess a part of me wants to try still. Does that make me shitty?” He’s not sure why he does. Yujin is the first girl he’s ever told he loved…and he doesn’t say it often. Maybe he’s like you, in a way. He doesn’t really like saying stuff like that. It felt weird when he said it. But he thinks that’s just because he’s never said it before. 

“Why would I?”

“I feel like an asshole for even considering it after everything you’ve told me-”

“She’s the one you love.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” he says, truthfully. He just needs to think. He just needs one damn second to think.

“Then let me make it clear: be with her. From my perspective, she's the one you want. What I told you, how I so stupidly cried in front of you, that doesn't matter. I told you this earlier: you should've chosen her. So just, make up with her tomorrow or whatever and be with her.” you swallow. “...but I can't be your friend.”

He sees you giving up. He hears it. He hates it. His mind is running a thousand miles per minute, he can’t fucking think and it’s pissing him off. “It’s not that easy. I can’t just ‘choose’ between the two of you. I’m confused, I just…I want to be with whoever makes me happy.”

He’s always been happy with you. Sure, you two fought, but you always got over it. You make him happy. So goddamn happy. But he’s scared. He just gave nearly four years of his life to Yujin…what if it’s because he does love her? 

“That’s her.”

“How are you so sure it’s not you?”

“I know.”

He groans in frustration. “So, I have to choose between the two of you?”

You. He chooses you. He’s not sure about the rest of it, but all he knows is that he chooses you. Four years with Yujin doesn’t compare to the years you and him have had together. Nothing else matters. You. Just you.

“Just be with her.”

“What if I want to be with you?”

He hasn’t thought about it. Maybe he chooses you only as a best friend. What if he doesn’t choose you for love? …does he love you? He recalls the teasing from classmates when you guys were younger, but he's never really given any thought to it possibly becoming real. Does he love you the same way he loves Yujin? Does he even love Yujin? He doesn’t know…he just doesn’t know.

“You don’t.”

“And what makes you so sure that I choose Yujin over you? What makes you so sure you’re ‘not enough’ for me?”

“...because you would’ve chosen me first.”

“I can still choose you.”

You sigh, “You're making this complicated. You know she's the one you love, stop feeling bad for me like I'm some lost puppy and just admit it. I don't want your pity and I certainly don't want you to say you ‘choose me’ because you're confusing your pity for feelings. Stop saying I'm this great girl and stop saying any guy would be lucky to have me, that makes me feel worse. So just make up with Yujin and get back with her. Reassure her that you love her because you do and tell her I won't be a problem anymore because you and I aren't anything anymore. Problem solved.”

Is this really what you believed? Is this really what you thought? He just needed some time, he can’t think. He doesn’t know what to think anymore. You were speaking as if it was impossible for him to love you, but what if he does? How is he supposed to know? How did he know with Yujin? He’s questioning whether he even loved her since he can’t even compare how he feels about you with whatever he felt with her. He just knows it’s stronger. But stronger in what way? He sees how you’re looking at him and he realizes the only way for him to succeed in making you feel better–which is what he truly wants–is to just listen to you. He doesn’t want to. But he wants to see you be happy, even if it means he isn’t.

“Are you really sure this is what you want me to do?” he barely asks, the words leaving his mouth without any fervor, as if he never wanted to utter them in the first place. As if he doesn’t want to hear your answer; see you walk out of his life.

You don’t answer him. You just look at him before walking past him. You hold your breath, knowing that once you exhale, you’re going to start sobbing. You felt so lonely. So lonely. You’ve always had him…and then you lost him to Yujin…and now, you’ve lost him for good.

He doesn’t turn around to look at you as you walk away, because he knows if he does, he will run after you and that clearly isn’t what you want. You want to let him go, at least that’s how he understands it. He doesn’t want that. He wants you. He knows that much, he knows he needs you. He’s not sure how things will look without you now. He never thought it would be like this, but here he is. …why does this feel so much worse than when Yujin walked away from him? Why does this hurt more than his actual breakup? The reason is one he doesn’t want to admit. He realizes the answer and he refuses to let it grow to fruition. He doesn’t know why it took him until now to figure it out, but he’ll realize that later. He wanted time…now, he’s got it.

-

Deja vu. That’s what this all feels like. Here Sunghoon was, again, at another stupid frat party around midnight. Here he was, again, with Yujin. He took your advice, he decided to apologize and get back together with her, and these past few months without you have felt like torture. Even using torture to describe it seems too dull. He has thought about nothing but you. He’s heard around campus about people you’ve hooked up with, but he doesn’t feed into it. As he stands here with Yujin at this godforsaken party, all he can feel is regret. He leans against a wall as Yujin talks with her friends and he practically chugs his drink. He doesn’t even want to leave the party because he doesn't think it's worth to waste any of his wants on anything but you. You make up all of his desires and he wants nothing more than for you to be back into his life. He finishes the rest of his drink and to his surprise, he does see you. He stands up straighter as he looks at you, but feels like his insides are on fire when he realizes you’re making out with Sungchan. On the couch. On the couch, you are making out with Sungchan. On the couch, Sungchan is running his hands along your hips and waist. On the couch, you let him. 

You would be lying if you said you didn’t miss Sunghoon. A part of you went missing the night you walked away from him. You’ve seen him around campus with Yujin and eventually, it finally felt like you were over it all. Over him. You wouldn’t say you’ve been getting around quite frequently, but you won’t lie when you say that you did get with some guys to help get over him. It didn’t work. But you won’t admit to that. To you, at least, you’re over it. Over him. Sungchan helped a bit with some of the lonely nights, but you two aren’t anything serious. He’s not into that sort of thing and, hey, neither are you…so this is fine. He doesn’t lie to you about how he feels or what he wants and for that, you’re grateful. Although, you do have to admit, making out with him feels boring. Being with him feels boring. It’s not fun like it used to be…and even then, you aren’t completely sure it was even fun in the first place. Whatever, you’ll get into it at some point.

Sunghoon watches, now it really feels like deja vu. Is he dreaming? Or…is this him getting a second chance? Is this when he can finally pull you away from Sungchan and be there for you? Finally tell you how he feels? How he felt the whole time…? Suddenly, his spirits are slightly lifted, that is, until Yujin crosses her arms and scoffs before shoving him. Sunghoon is surprised and turns his attention towards her. Some people look at them, but Yujin doesn’t care, she just looks at Sunghoon, furious.

“Do you even want me to be your girlfriend?”

Maybe honesty wouldn’t be best right now. “I do…”

“Then stop looking at her.”

“Let’s…not make a scene.” he says, trying to calm her down.

“Just be honest for once: do you love me or her?”

He doesn’t know how to answer. He knows his answer, he’s had months to figure it out. But…you made yourself clear. You were done with each other. He sighs. “Can I get a moment to figure it out?” he asks, honestly a bit surprised he didn’t just cave and reassure her.

Yujin frowns and scoffs. “Let me ask you this, then. Do you wish that you were making out with her?”

He looks back at you and Sungchan, seeing him whisper something to you and you giggling before he kisses you again. He looks back at Yujin. “Yeah.” he swallows, gathering all of his courage. “But, that sounds…awful. It’s like you want me to admit I regret getting back together with you or something-”

“Do you?”

“Yes.” he answers without hesitation. He feels all of his muscles tense up. Did he really just say that? Well…it’s the truth, but he never thought he would say it. He feels…better.

Yujin quickly squashes that by slapping him, “We’re done.” she says before storming out, her friends following. Sure, the slap hurt, but as Sunghoon looks back at you and Sungchan…the pain from the slap seems so insignificant in comparison.

You decide to tell Sungchan you’re getting a drink, so you get up from the couch and go into the kitchen. You pour yourself a drink and once you do, you walk to the backyard and take a seat on the patio. 

Sunghoon figures you want to be alone…but finds himself following you outside anyway. He walks over to you cautiously. You and him have spoken consistently for practically your whole lives, but he finds himself struggling to even say a simple sentence or ask a question. The time you’ve spent apart was multiple days…too many fucking days in his opinion. He can’t stand it. “Can I sit here?” he asks, referencing the spot beside you. You shrug as you take a sip of your drink. He feels relieved, baby steps, right? He takes a seat beside you and thinks for a moment on how to keep the conversation going. “So…what were you telling Sungchan?” …has he lost the ability to socialize or something because why was this the question he asks? He bites his bottom lip a bit in frustration at himself.

“Spying on me?” you tease as you extend your cup, offering him some.

Sunghoon chuckles softly and shakes his head. Hearing your voice for the first time in months makes him remember just how much he’s missed you. He feels like everything in his life is restored and he smiles a bit. “You guys were all over each other on the couch, is it really weird for me to wonder?”

You shrug, “I mean, just typical flirting and dirty talk or whatever. Why?”

He feels his breath catch in his throat. “Dirty talk”?...what the fuck? “Um…no reason…I guess I was just…curious or something.” he mumbles.

“Are you here with Yujin?” you ask as you take another sip of your drink.

He shakes his head. “Well, not anymore. She broke up with me so…I’m alone now.” he realizes how that might’ve come off. “Alone here now…not…me alone altogether…or anything.” he cringes and looks away from you, feeling completely stupid. 

“What? Why did she break up with you?”

“She…saw me…looking at you and Sungchan…so she broke up with me.” he says, not really wanting to say the other stuff from the argument. You laugh in response and he frowns. “Don’t laugh.”

You nudge his shoulder, “It’s okay. If she broke up with you for that dumb of a reason, her loss.” You say as you take another sip.

He smiles slightly. It feels like old times. It feels like he has you back. It feels like you want him back. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s probably best I don’t have her constantly being suspicious about me and you.”

“Especially since we haven’t talked in months.”

He feels caught off guard by your blunt statement. Sure, it’s true…but it sounds like you didn’t miss him. “Yeah…we haven’t talked in a while.” You just take another sip of your drink and he looks back at you. “I’ve missed you.” He waited for you to say something back, but you didn’t. “I’ve um…missed talking to you like before. Like, before…everything got complicated and stuff-”

“I know what you meant.”

He nods his head a bit, everything now feeling awkward. “So…what have you been up to? Anything interesting happen?”

“Nope.”

“Really? Nothing? Nothing at all?”

“Yup” you say as you take another drink.

“So…for the past few months, you’ve done absolutely nothing interesting?” he asks, his tone being more lighthearted and joking to try and diffuse the tension.

“No offense, but I’m not really looking to ‘catch up’ with you.”

Sunghoon feels his heart stop for a moment, but he tries to play it off. “Okay, ouch.” he laughs nervously, “So you’re not even remotely interested in talking with me?”

You shrug, “I dunno. These past few months without you, I’ve kinda just been doing my own thing, I guess.”

Your response left him feeling worthless. Like, he didn’t even mean a single thing to you before. Which, he knows isn’t true…but you sound like you mean it. “So, you haven’t missed me at all? Not even talking to me?”

“At first, yeah. But don’t worry, I’m not in love with you anymore.”

“...you’re not…in love with me anymore…?” he asks as he feels his blood run cold. You just shake your head and continue drinking from your cup. His heart sinks immediately. He feels small; insignificant. His mind jumps back to Sungchan and he frowns. “Are you in love with him now?”

“Him?”

“Sungchan.”

“Eh,” you shrug, “we’re not dating, just casual, I guess.”

“So, you’re not exclusive with him?”

“No.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah.”

He feels himself growing jealous and frustrated. How could you give yourself to someone who doesn’t love you? Sunghoon feels upset, realizing he unintentionally did the same thing, but still, not to this extent. He knows you. He knows you don’t want this…hopefully. But he sure as hell knows that you don’t deserve this. 

“That’s ridiculous. How can you be committed to this?”

“I’m not committed.”

He groans, “That’s…not what I meant. What do you two even get out of this?”

You shrug, “Why do you care? I get you’re a relationship guy even though you’ve only been serious with one girl, but don’t shit on me and what I choose to do.”

The way you spoke got under his skin. “I care because I happen to care about the people around me. In case you haven’t noticed, I care about you.” But you just roll your eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes. I’m being serious. Why do you feel like this isn’t worth talking about?”

“Because we aren’t friends. We aren’t anything. I don’t need your input.”

It feels like you’ve slapped him in the face, and this time, it fucking stings. “What do you mean we aren’t friends? We grew up together, how the hell are we not friends?”

“Are you stupid?”

“Am I stupid?” he asks, offended and frustrated. He was starting to lose his patience. “No. I’m not. I still consider you as my friend. We grew up together, went to the same schools, hung out every damn day, how is none of that relevant?”

“We haven’t spoken in months.”

“So what?” he asks, feeling as though your friendship suddenly means less than nothing to you, somehow.

“I told you that night that I wasn’t going to be your friend anymore.”

He freezes. He knows. He also knows you don’t just say shit without it meaning anything. He knows you aren’t friends anymore, but he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want you to be nothing to each other. He thought that if, maybe, he admitted he still sees you as his friend, you would admit the same. But you don’t. And now he feels that same empty feeling. “So…you’re just fine with letting us go without a second thought?”

You look at him, “Do you not remember anything from that night? Of course if fucking hurt; I was in love with you.”

“So it does matter.”

You sigh, “It doesn’t matter anymore; that was a long time ago.” you say as you take another sip.

He looks at you for a moment, feeling like his heart has become a punching bag and you were just taking any hit you could. Was this really the same person he grew up with? That he… “How could it not matter anymore? We used to mean the world to each other…how can that just…be…over?”

You look at him, “Because I had to get over you.”

“It’s not that easy. I spent everyday thinking about you. Everyday.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you!” He thought your question was so redundant, he honestly didn’t even realize what he said at first. 

“But…” you sit there, stunned. He finally said what you wanted him to say for so long, even if it was with a frustrated tone, still…it counted. “What about Yujin?”

“She…she doesn’t matter. You do. She always suspected I was in love with you-”

“Well, this is news to me.”

He deadpans. “Are you being fucking serious? I get I never said it before, but…” he pauses; he sees what you mean. “Okay…but…you never once thought it was possible that I love you?”

“No. Because that night when I told you that I was in love with you, you just kept saying I was your best friend. You’re so full of it.”

“I’m not full of it! I just…for fucks sake, I just didn’t know. I thought…I don’t know, I thought maybe for you it was just passing, or something, I don’t know what I thought I just…I don’t know.”

“Right. So as I stood there, crying my eyes out as I told you how much I loved you, you thought it was one sided.” you say as you roll your eyes.

“I…” he feels like he did that night, like he can’t think. “I just didn’t know, maybe something was holding me back, I don’t know.”

“I know why.”

He looks at you, relieved, thankful that you understand what he means. “You do?”

“Of course you didn’t want to admit to that. How embarrassing for you to have a crush on one of the school’s biggest sluts.”

He frowns. “That’s not what I mean. You honestly think it’s embarrassing for me to like you?”

“Exactly. And you knew that. I don’t blame you, no guy wants their girlfriend to be a whore.” You take another sip of your drink and you look at him. “Look, I’m not mad. I got over it and I honestly don’t care anymore. I know what I am and I know that until we graduate, that’s all I’ll probably be. But it doesn’t matter. Yujin breaking up with you not too long ago was dumb, you’re a really great guy, but you’ll find someone else.” You take another sip,  “I should probably head back in and find Sungchan.”

He felt anger wash over him. Not because you don’t believe him about being in love with you. Not because you were going to Sungchan. But because of the fact that you believe the things you say about yourself. You’re so special, so goddamn special, and Sunghoon is so scared as he realizes he may be too late.

“And what if I don’t want to find someone else? What if I don’t want anyone else but you?”

You look at him for a moment. “Do you remember how you would talk about Yujin with me? You may not remember everything you said, but I remember it all and I remember how you looked as you said it. You talked about her like she was the most special and most beautiful girl in the world. You had this smile that you only had with her…” you pause for a moment, “You may say you have feelings for me…but they're not like the ones you had for her, and that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel bad because you deserve to be happy, but you also deserve to find another girl that makes you talk and feel that same way…and I know that’s not me.”

You’re so wrong. You’re so fucking wrong and it was pissing him off. He wishes he just figured this out earlier. He wishes that he asked you out instead. He wishes that he told you he loves you that night. He wishes he kissed you. He wishes he held you and didn’t let go. He swallows, “You remember everything I said?” he asks, slightly surprised to hear that. Honestly, he doesn’t even remember what he said. Not anymore.

“Of course I do…I wanted nothing more than for it to be me.” you say quietly as you take a sip and sigh. “But like I said, water under the bridge.”

He feels tears begin to form. “Why did we have to grow apart? Why didn’t you just talk to me? Just one damn word. Something. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“I can’t be your friend.”

“Why not?”

You look at him for a long moment, just staying quiet. “...I’m only going to say this once…but if I stayed your friend, I would just keep hurting myself…I would still love you.”

He stays quiet for a while. Even the loud music and chatter from the people inside seemed to drown out as he looked at you; you’re all that matters; you’re all that deserves his attention. “...did it hurt when we would talk everyday?”

You sigh softly and shake your head. “Not until you started dating Yujin. Before that, everything was fine. But once she happened…it hurt like hell.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I told you. I couldn’t do that to you, you were happy.”

“I would have wanted to know. I would have wanted to be there for you…”

You laugh a little, “No, that’s weird.” You shake your head and still laugh a little, “It’s fine, I’m over it.” 

“It’s not weird. It’s not okay for you to act like everything is fine.” he says, softly.

“Why are you trying to rehash this? There’s no point. Or do you like to hear about how I used to love you and it gives you some sort of ego boost or something?” you ask, not wanting to dive back into this…not again. He shakes his head, but he sighs. What is the point? You aren’t believing him and you’ve said it yourself…you’re over him. You stand up and his eyes follow you, “I’m gonna go find Sungchan. Later.” you say, not really meaning the ‘later’ part, but nonetheless, you walk away and all he can do is watch you leave…again.

He heads back into the party, wanting to find solace in getting batshit drunk or something, but he continues to torture himself by watching you dance with Sungchan. His eyes only focus on you, sure, he’s jealous and pissed off that you’re with Sungchan, but he only sees you. Sees how you move and he finds himself wishing you were dancing with him. 

Sungchan pulls you closer, just whispering sweet nothings in your ear and you feel his hands grab your ass. You giggle a little and try to enjoy your time with him as he starts kissing your neck. You laugh softly as you dance with him and, unfortunately for Sunghoon, he’s bearing witness to it all. His hand practically crushes his red solo cup as fury ignites within him when he watches what Sungchan is doing. That should be him. Not that he would be so…vulgar with his actions, but it should still be him instead. He sees Sungchan whisper something to you as he takes your hand and starts taking you upstairs. 

As he watched the two of you making your way upstairs, his whole body shook and trembled in rage. Every step that the two of you took together enraged him. He hated the way you casually held his hand and how he casually walked you up the stairs. He hated how he acted as if he had every right to touch you like that. He hated the fact that you were both so comfortable with one another at this point. He hated the fact that he was leading you away to his room…

You were so focused on following Sungchan, you were surprised to feel a tug on your other hand once you reached the top of the stairs. Both Sungchan and you stop and you turn to see Sunghoon holding your other hand. 

Sunghoon felt at ease, like he was grounded when he felt your hand in his. This made him more confident as he tugged you towards him, wanting you away from Sungchan. This pisses Sungchan off and he scoffs as he looks at Sunghoon. 

“The hell?” Sungchan says, not in the mood for any games. He tugs the hand he was holding, pulling you back towards him, but you find yourself only focused on Sunghoon as your heart starts to beat faster.

Sunghoon pulls you back towards him, his grip on your hand tightening. “Back off.” he says as he glares at Sungchan. 

“You back off.” Sungchan says as he tugs you back towards him.

Sunghoon realized that you were just being tugged around, so he stopped, but he kept holding your hand. “Let go of her.”

“You let go of her.” He looks at you, “Who the hell is this guy?” Sungchan asks, annoyed.

“Someone who actually loves her instead of using her.”

You look at Sunghoon, surprised to hear him say that. Sure, he said he loved you earlier…but this time when he said it, he said it like it was what he meant to say; what he wanted to say.

Sungchan laughs. “You love her?”

Sunghoon glares at him. “Yes. I love her. Now back off.”

Sungchan scoffs and puts his arm around you. “Tell you what, bud, you can have her when I’m done.” Sungchan winks as he pulls you towards him.

Sunghoon feels enraged. This asshole was acting so entitled, acting like he won this argument when Sunghoon knew damn well he wasn’t giving up. The fact that he had the nerve to call him “bud” too made Sunghoon want to throw him down the flight of fucking stairs. How he treated you was disgusting, talking about you like that in front of you. Sunghoon tugged you towards him one last time and Sungchan rolled his eyes. 

“Whatever.” Sungchan looks at you, “You know where my room is.” he says as he winks at you before walking away.

Sunghoon grimaces as Sungchan leaves, but feels better once he’s gone. The whole time, you were just looking at Sunghoon and you feel as though your heart is beating out of your chest as he holds your hand. After what he said. After all of this. He meets your gaze and he looks at you in a much more gentle manner. 

“You deserve so much more…” he whispers, his breath lightly brushing along your face since you’re so close together. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry-”

“Stop.”

“No.” he says as he lets go of your hand and uses it instead to gently cup your face. “I wasn’t lying. You are all I’ve thought about for these past few months and you’re all I can ever think about. I’ve missed you every single damn second of the day and I’m sorry I was too scared to say it all before. I love you. And all this time, I’ve just thought about what you mean to me and the answer is everything; you mean everything to me. ...that seems like such a vague thing to say now that I say it out loud.” he chuckles softly, “But everything means nothing if you’re not with me. Eating, sleeping, breathing, blinking, are all pointless if I can’t spend one goddamn second with you. I’m not embarrassed of you and I only realized that night when you left that I’ve always been in love with you. Always. What I felt with Yujin is all meaningless when I compare it to how I feel about you. I love you. It was never her. Not for even a millisecond. You asked me if I would put myself through pain just to see her happy and I told you yes. I lied. I thought that was what I would do, but I realized I actually did that with you. I let you walk away because that’s what you wanted. I didn’t want that, god-” he takes a sharp inhale as he rests his forehead on yours, “It’s always been you…and I’m so sorry I never said it until now. I’m so sorry I put you through all of that shit. I’m so sorry, but please…” he whispers as he looks into your eyes, all of his focus only on you. “I love you.”

You feel your breath hitch slightly and you feel so tempted just to kiss him, but you hold yourself back. You smile a little bit and pull away slightly, feeling relieved. “...I need to smoke. You want one?” you ask as you take his hand, going into an empty bedroom. 

He closes the door behind the two of you as you walk over and sit on the bed, opening the window beside it. He sits beside you as you take out your pack and he smiles a bit. “Yeah, I do.” he says as you hand him one. He watches as you light yours and then you light his for him. You both sit silently for a moment as you smoke, it being a comfortable silence until he speaks. “Thank you.” he says, mainly for lighting his cigarette, but he does want it to apply to you not leaving him again.

“I forgive you.” you say after a moment.

“You do?” he asks as he takes a drag and looks at you.

“Yeah.” you say as you take another drag yourself. “But you’ve got to get better at saying how you feel.” you tease.

He scoffs playfully and nudges your arm. “Says you.” he mumbles as he continues to smoke.

You laugh softly and shrug. “We’ll work on it.” you say before exhaling your smoke and he nods his head a bit as you both look out of the window for a moment. You glance at him and inhale from your cigarette before gently pulling him towards you. He turns his head to look at you and you kiss him gently, shotgunning the smoke slowly into his mouth.

His eyes widen a bit as his heart beats rapidly. He closes his eyes as he inhales, letting the smoke slowly fill his lungs while he leans forward to kiss you back, indulging in the feeling of your lips on his even if it wasn’t an actual kiss. After blowing out the smoke, you break the kiss and watch as he exhales the smoke. He does it slowly, feeling as though his lips are tingling, begging to meet yours again. He smirks a bit after he exhales all of the smoke and looks at you. “Damn…that was good.” he whispers as he blushes a bit.

You grin, taking another drag, “I’ve missed you.”

He takes a drag as well as smiles softly. “I’ve missed you, too.” It goes quiet, but this time, a comfortable silence as you two smoke. He blows some smoke out of the window and looks back at you. “Do you think…we could give this another shot?”

You follow suit and blow some smoke out of the window before looking at him. “Our friendship or…something more this time?”

“Something more. Both, hopefully.” he smirks a bit as he says this, taking another drag.

You smirk a little back and chuckle softly, “I really want that.”

“So do I.” he whispers as his eyes lock onto yours. He smiles softly, “We’re going to be official.”

He reaches for your hand and carefully interlaces his fingers with yours. You take another drag as you smile shyly. “Good…” you say, softly.

Your fingers seem to fit with his perfectly; everything about you is perfect and it was things like this that make him realize it all the more. You hold hands as you smoke silently, both feeling a fluttering excitement in your stomachs as your relationship dynamic shifts to one that you both have been longing for before you even realized it yourselves. He glances at you as he exhales some smoke.

“Good? Wow…I was expecting some more passion out of that.” he teases, gently squeezing your hand.

You laugh before finishing your cigarette and putting it out. You turn your body a bit to face him, “What about…fucking incredible?”

He laughs loudly at your new choice of phrasing. He calms down after a moment, “That’s more like it.” he says with a grin before smoking his cigarette again. His gaze lingers on you as he watches you smile at his reaction. Stunning. He leans in, letting go of your hand, placing his left hand beside you on the bed as his lips meet yours, kissing you. 

You don’t waste a single second, kissing him back immediately as your hand makes its way to the back of his head, your fingers threading with his hair as you push yourself slightly forward, pressing your lips against his more. He inhales sharply as he moves his left arm around your waist, pulling you closer, desperately. He puts out his cigarette and discards it, using his other arm to wrap around you as well as he pulls you onto his lap. You part your legs, straddling his lap as you grin a bit into the kiss, both of your hands using their fingers to gently tug on the ends of his soft hair. You feel yourself fill with excitement, the fact that this is really happening after every inch of your body has desired this exact moment makes you feel restless. 

Sunghoon runs his hands up and down your thighs, squeezing them gently, before moving them up to your hips, and then your waist. His hands suddenly felt so big against your skin, his fingers sending shivers throughout your whole body anywhere they touch. He opens his mouth slightly more and you take this as a sign to slip your tongue into it. He grins, this time, and he pulls you closer to him by gripping your waist; your bodies now pressed tightly against each other. He moves his hands to cup your face and you move yours to rest against his chest, your fingers tightly gripping his shirt in an attempt to somehow kiss him deeper. His tongue glides across yours as he kisses you with increasing desperation. The need for you grows every second that passes, he has to kiss every inch of you, he has to make you his, he has to make you feel loved; the only thoughts devouring his mind at this very moment consisted of nothing but you and his need to ensure you only ever want him. 

The kiss becomes sloppy, both of your lips becoming covered in one another, and you feel yourself craving more. So much more. You bite his bottom lip a little, testing to see if this will make him decide to take initiative, resulting in him gasping softly and releasing a low moan. He liked it. He liked it a lot. He moves his hands back to your waist, pushing you down against his lap and his jaw loosens a bit as he loses his breath, feeling you finally press against his erection. You moan softly, enjoying the feeling of some sort of contact where you desperately needed it the most and it felt so good knowing he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. He couldn’t take it anymore, he had to have you. 

One of his hands grips your thigh and his other arm goes back to wrapping around your waist as he picks you up a bit and lays you back against the bed, not once breaking the kiss; at this point, kissing you has become his oxygen supply. Feeling your hands on him is the only thing keeping him alive. His lips part from yours only to kiss along your jaw, just below your ear, and down to your neck. You gasp softly and your eyelids flutter closed as you relish in the feeling of his soft lips kissing your skin. He takes one of his hands and uses it to move some of your hair out of the way, placing it on the back of your head, pulling your hair softly to move your head back so he has more room to work with on your neck. You let out a soft moan, feeling him leave open mouthed kisses on every single inch of your skin, him making sure he doesn’t miss a single spot. 

He opens his eyes a bit and looks at you, to see how he’s making you feel. He watches as your lips part slightly as you take in small gasps of air, as if he leaves you utterly breathless; you’ve never looked more beautiful. He watches to see what spot of your neck when he kisses it that you seem to like the most. Once he gets to a certain spot and watches you bite your bottom lip a bit, he smirks slightly against your skin and sucks gently on the area. His tongue laps the spot a bit as he sucks and nibbles on it; this was his spot now. You moan softly and you feel your breath slightly catch in your throat as he leaves a hickey. He leaves a few soft pecks on the spot a little after he’s left his mark and he smiles a bit to himself. 

You feel the warmth of his body pull away from yours and your eyes open as you look at him. The moon shined a bit through the window, the light falling beautifully on him as he looked at you with a slightly flushed face. He looked back at you, seeing you laying on this bed, all for him, he felt like he was going crazy. He sits on his knees between your legs as his hands run along your thighs; he just keeps looking at you, admiring all of you. You lay there, looking at him, feeling your body become hot as he looks at you through hooded eyes, as if you leave him in a trance. Your breathing picks up in speed as he runs his hands painfully slow along your thighs and as much as you want to pull him back towards you, you feel as though you’re frozen. 

He takes a slow, deep breath, as his left hand travels up to gently take your right hand. He holds it up softly, separating your fingers with his as he loosely holds your hand, his gaze now focusing on your hands. He raises your hand up and leans in, raising it to his mouth. He softly plants his lips on your fingertips, kissing them softly, up to your knuckles, trailing his lips to the back of your hand, then gently turning it to kiss along the palm of your hand. He closes his eyes as he kisses down your arm--slowly--and gently lays your arm back at your side as he kisses up to your shoulder. His hands move to the hem of your short dress, slowly sliding it up, you raising your hips to help him, and he stops, leaving it bunched around your waist as he goes back to kissing along your shoulder. He gently pushes the strap of your dress down your shoulder as he focuses on kissing your body, moving along your collarbone. He breathes deeply, pushing the other strap out of the way as he leaves open mouthed kisses on your left shoulder, down your arm, his hands gently holding it up as he kisses up to your wrist. You watch him, feeling as if your body is constantly shivering, still dressed (albeit, your dress is pushed up), yet feeling completely exposed. His hand envelopes over your left hand as he kisses your palm like he cherishes your entire being, the way he looks is as if he’s wanted to do this his whole life. 

He kisses your fingers, knuckles, and fingertips, opening his eyes slowly as he lets go of your arm gently. He moves his hands back to your waist, pulling your dress up more and you sit up, realizing your body is shaking, and he kisses your forehead before pulling your dress off carefully, like he’s afraid if he does it too fast, you’ll break. He lets the dress fall to the ground, the fabric hitting the hard wood floor just as softly as he lets it go. It’s as if the room is silent, no muffled music from downstairs, no rolling of tires from the occasional cars passing on the streets, no soft wind hitting the curtains, nothing except the quiet breaths escaping from his and your lips. He feels his erection become even more painfully hard as he looks at you, and he swallows, honestly trying not to let out a moan just at the sight of you. His breath stifles a little as he places his hand on the small of your back, steadying you as he leans back in, kissing the top of your chest. He feels himself growing more desperate, desperate to feel every inch of your skin on his lips, on his fingertips. 

He breathes in sharply as he presses his face more into your chest, his lips sloppily kissing along your chest as his need for you grows. His tongue trails along your skin and he shudders, his hands becoming shaky as he holds your waist, all his focus practically on making out with your chest. A low moan elicits from him and from the way he was kissing your chest with such desperation made you moan softly in response, one of your bra straps falling a little off your shoulder from his movements. It’s as if he senses it and just decides to unclasp your bra, still trying to let it slide off of you slowly and hold himself back, but once he sees you take it off, your bare chest exposed, he feels himself get so close to cumming in his pants. He gently lays you back on the bed, wasting no time, however, to wrap his lips around one of your nipples. Your breath hitches and you moan as he releases his desperation. Kissing, sucking, and fondling your breasts, small whimpers coming from him as he feels elated to finally be doing this. Spit covers your chest almost instantly as he licks and sucks, kneading your breasts, moaning as the soft flesh squeezes and molds beneath his hands. And it’s only until he feels his breathing becoming quick, his dick aching in his pants, is when he stops. He pulls away slightly, his hair slightly covering his eyes as he stares at them, his trembling fingers squeezing and spreading his spit along them, his thumbs pressing and circling your nipples, and you feel as if ripples just went throughout your entire body.

You gently push his hair away from his face and he goes back to kissing along your stomach, down to your panties. You can feel momentarily the thin layer of sweat covering his forehead when you push his hair away, running your fingers through his locks and he whines softly against your skin, his hands gripping your sides and finally moving to the edge of your panties. You wait in anticipation, expecting him to take them off, so you raise your hips slightly, but he pulls away. You pout–only slightly–as you look at him with a confused expression. He smiles sweetly, as if he’s not the one that caused you to quite literally soak through your panties. He’s noticed, god, he’s noticed, but it takes everything in him not to behave like some animal. So, with that, he moves his hands down to your feet, slowly taking off your shoes for you before setting them on the ground. He moves back a little, leaning down to kiss along your leg, stopping at your knee, before moving to do the same thing to the other leg, but this time, he kisses up your thigh, leaving open mouthed kisses on the inner part of your thigh, gently nipping at your skin, and up to your hip. He gazes at you through his eyelashes as he moves to kiss along the other thigh, closing his eyes as he moans deeply against your skin, his tongue running along your skin.

He takes in a shaky, deep breath, and you feel your whole body become stiff once you feel his warm breath scatter so deliciously on your core. He gently places his hand over your sopping panties and your breath hitches, your whole body feeling grateful for some sort of contact. His brows furrowed as he slowly rubs his middle finger along your clothed slit, a low groan escaping his lips as he feels even more of your wetness seep through the fabric as he pushes into it. His mind feels hazy; he has to taste you. He takes his hand away, licking his middle finger and he feels as if his whole body exploded. He moans quietly to himself, before gripping your thighs and sticking his tongue out, licking a slow, long stripe between your clothed folds to your clit. Your eyes roll back as you gasp and moan. His fingers dig into the skin of your thighs as he feels himself lose all sense of sanity. He wanted nothing more than to take his time, but fuck, he can’t do it anymore. 

His lips instantly latch around your clothed clit, sucking and lapping his tongue as he starts to subconsciously rut his hips against the mattress. His saliva soaks your panties entirely as he presses his tongue more firmly, causing you to moan louder, gasping, as your hand makes its way to his hair, your fingers tangling in it. He moans and pulls away only a little before diving back in, pushing your panties to the side with his face as he makes out between your folds. His jaw is working overtime, his tongue lapping and picking up as much of you as you can give, His nose bumps against your clit as he loses himself in your taste, eating you out like a madman. He groans and moans into you, his hip movements stuttering as he licks all the way back up to your clit, moving his right hand off of your thigh before pushing his middle and ring finger into you, making sure to rub them between your folds before he does. He sucks and licks your clit, moaning and whimpering as he pushes his fingers in and out of you, not stopping until his knuckles prevent him. 

You moan his name, gripping his hair, pushing his face against your clit more as your legs shake and you cum, moaning his name. He whimpers and the way you taste sends him over the edge as he feels himself cum in his pants, his jaw falling slack a bit, and he pulls his fingers out, desperate to lick them clean. You let go of his hair, trying to catch your breath and he sits up, his face slick and covered in you, and he tugs your panties off. You look at him, watching as he undresses himself and you feel your body become light as he reveals more and more of himself to you. His bare chest, his abs, god, his biceps, you were about ready to start touching yourself at the sight, desperate for him, but you managed to stay put. 

He feels his ego boost a little bit, watching how you look at him, examining his body as if he is some work of art. He’s going to give you everything he knows you deserve and that thought alone makes him smirk. You notice as he takes off his underwear the wet patch from his prior release, making you grin a bit. He finally lets his cock out, it still being painfully hard despite him having cummed already, and you gaze at it. You feel yourself clench around nothing, wanting him so desperately to fill you up and he sees it. He smiles innocently, as if you both aren’t completely naked and horny before he grabs a cigarette and lights it. He takes a drag as he spreads the precum spilling from his tip all along his length and you watch his every movement, honestly feeling your mouth water at the sight. You sit up and he motions his head to the window as the cigarette sits between his lips. 

You turn and face the window, propping your forearms against the windowsill as you look outside, the cool breeze honestly feeling nice against your flushed, hot skin. You feel his presence shift behind you as he takes another drag. He sighs softly, looking at yourself propped like this, he places his free hand on your hip, lining himself up with you. He moves that hand and gently brushes your hair softly to the side, exposing your back entirely, and you turn your head a bit to look back at him. He exhales some smoke and meets your gaze, gently brushing his fingers along your cheek. 

“Relax…” he says before leaning to whisper in your ear, “and don’t be afraid to let the neighborhood know my name.” he says before kissing your cheek. 

You feel your body shudder at his words and he holds the cigarette between his lips as he uses one hand to hold your hip, the other gripping his cock before he slides it up and down, teasingly, between your folds. You gasp softly and he smirks, pushing his tip against your clit and he hisses a little, more precum leaking from his tip. He guides his cock into you, needing to quickly grab his cigarette from his mouth due to his jaw falling slack as he bottoms out into you. Your fingers grip the edge of the windowsill, your jaw dropping as you feel him finally giving you what you want. You moan and become breathless. He takes another drag from his cigarette before moving his hand from your hip to your shoulder as he pulls his hips away and then thrusts himself back into you entirely.

He filled you up perfectly, and he was damn ready to cum just from the way it felt like you perfectly fit around him. So warm and so fucking wet. He thrusts in and out of you a few times, groaning as you moan, sounds of you coating his cock more and more each time he goes in and out of you. He takes a shaky inhale from his cigarette, his eyes rolling back a bit as he thrusts a bit faster, before taking the cigarette out of his mouth, gripping the back of your head, a handful of your hair between his fingers, as he pulls you up and turns your head towards him. You moan and whine looking at him as he kisses you, shotgunning you this time as he keeps a steady pace of thrusting into you. You felt like you were going to choke, but you inhale what he exhales and as he pulls away, you turn back and lean your forearms against the windowsill as you blow out the smoke, gasping afterwards and moaning his name.

“Good girl,” he groans and puts the cigarette out, putting both of his hands on your hips, thrusting faster. “Such a good girl.” 

You moan at his praise and breathe quickly as all you can do is let out strings of long moans as you feel his cock press into you over and over, him somehow hitting every area that makes your knees weak and mind hazy. His fingers dig into your skin as his hips rapidly pound and slap against your ass, the sound of skin slapping becoming louder and louder. You moan his name loudly, and as a reward, he pushes further, you feeling his tip brush against your cervix and you gasp, moaning his name lewdly. He grunts, the way you just moaned his name almost made him cum automatically. 

“Louder, sweetheart, come on.”

You gasp for air as he fucks you so goddamn good, and you try to arch your lower back a bit so he can go deeper. You moan his name as many times as he wants, whatever it takes for him to rut in and out of you faster, to which he obliged. His breathing becomes heavy and your legs shake as you throw your head back a bit, your jaw dropping as you let out a long moan, cum spreading all over his cock. He grunts and whimpers, wrapping his arms around your waist as his brows knit together, him leaning down and kissing your shoulder as he pumps you full of cum, a low moan coming from him and onto your shoulder. He moans your name softly as he lets out a few more shallow thrusts, making sure he gives you every last drop. You feel yourself shiver as the warm liquid pushes into you and you whine a little. 

After a moment of him holding you close and staying inside of you, he kisses your shoulder softly again before pulling out and pulling away. He lays back onto the bed and you shudder as you feel his and your cum spilling out of you and trailing slowly down your inner thigh. He opens his arms a bit and you go to him, letting out a sigh as you rest your head on his chest and feeling content when his arms wrap around you. His hand slowly moves up and down your back before he kisses the top of your head. It’s silent for a while as you both lay there.

“So…we’re a thing now?” you ask, partly joking, but part of you was seriously asking.

He looks down at you and scoffs playfully. “After all of this, you still don’t get it?” he chuckles softly. “I want nobody but you.”


Tags :
6 months ago

───〃★❝Hope you don't regret it❞ ┆ Y.JW ⭑.ᐟ

Hope You Don't Regret It Y.JW .
Hope You Don't Regret It Y.JW .

「Synopsis⭑.ᐟ」 Partying was fun , getting drunk was fun , hooking up once in a while was fun — but was it all worth the fun after your parents had kicked you out when you found out you were pregnant? From someone you weren't even dating and only fucked around with? You had no choice but to live with your friend who had gladly taken you in and to confront the last person you had slept with , Yang Jungwon, your friends with benefits.

「Contains⭑.ᐟ」 smut scene (mdni), FwB to lovers, Sex while being intoxicated (don't do that),pet names , rough sex (?), pregnancy, Mental breakdowns, Family fight (?) , Baby Daddy!Jungwon, mentions of abortion, Comfort , Fluff

「Wordcount⭑.ᐟ」 6k

「Vampies Note⭑.ᐟ」 Reminder that this is all fiction and no true representation of the member! Reblogs and feedback are appreciated <3

Hope You Don't Regret It Y.JW .

You felt as if you were floating , your mind clouded by the amount of alcohol you had drank — maybe it was one shot too much for you? But who cares? You liked being drunk , you liked how free you felt and how open you’d get , as if all your fears were being taken away and you had nothing to worry about. The music blasting through the house was fading away , your senses only focusing on the feeling of plush lips pressed against yours — messily moving against yours , tongue slipping past your parted lips to invite yours in a sinful dance. Calloused hands running from the underside of your thigh up to your ass , slipping underneath the fabric of the short dress you wore and kneading the soft flesh —  your fingers were tangled in the black strands of hair from the Owner whose tongue was dancing with yours, you could still taste the mix of bacardi with sprite on his taste Buds.

“You look so fucking hot in that dress , why have you never worn it before?”, his lips parted from yours , his normally boba like eyes intensively gazing into yours —  his pupils blown out as they were clouded in lust. His voice husky and a bit breathless , his hair was a complete mess from having your fingers tangled in the strands , lips swollen and red — cheeks flushed from the amount of alcohol he drank. “I don’t know , I rarely wear dresses”, you replied , your breath getting stuck in your throat as you felt his fingers pinching the fat of your ass gently before he hooked his arms under your knees — swiftly picking you up and making you wrap your legs around his waist , a shiver running down your spine as he placed you on the counter of the bathroom sink. The bottom of your dress rode up , the fabric getting bunched up to your hips as he moved the bottom of it higher up — black lace panties on full display for him. “I really need to fuck you , like right now, been craving your sweet pussy since you’ve arrived. Your pussy is the best , always taking my cock so fucking well..”, his words were a bit slurred , his head dipping down to your chest as he pulled the top part down , just enough to expose the swell of your tits and his lips immediately attached themselves to the soft skin.

“Jungwon , please , fuck me. I miss your cock”, Your words came out as a mere whisper, a needy pleading that sent all the blood in Jungwon’s body rushing to his cock , his once just half hard cock plumping up and getting impossibly harder — a small groan leaving his lips as his hard cock just begged to get freed from his pants. “I just fucked you yesterday , you’re always so fucking needy for my cock but i’m not complaining , ‘love fucking your pussy so much”, his hot breath fanned against the wet spots that his lips left behind on your skin as he moved a bit away, unbuckling his pants and letting them drop down to his ankles — your own hands working on pulling your panties off. This shouldn’t be happening , not while the two of you were drunk , but the two of you were far too horny to even care. The sound of plastic being ripped open could be heard as he opened the packaging of the condom , rolling it onto his hard cock and making sure it was secure before he grabbed your thighs and pulled you off the counter.

Some of the utensils on the sink fell down when your hands came to grab the edge of the sink as he spun you around , bent over the sink and the mirror started to fog up as your hot breath fanned against it. “Just put it in , don’t prep me”, you tilted your head back to look at him , your eyes trailing down to see his hand wrapped around his cock as he slowly stroked it. “Fuck okay, spit in my hand”, he reached a hand out , cupping it slightly and watching as a fat glob of saliva dripping from your lips down to the palm of his hands. He lubed his cock up with your spit , grabbing your hip firmly with his free hand before pressing the head of his cock against your drooling hole — a loud moan falling from your lips as he pushed his whole cock inside you , your warm gummy like walls stretching around the girth of it. The stretch was burning but you didn’t care , the pain felt too good. With both hands now on your hips , he bunched up the bottom of your dress and didn’t miss a beat as he bullied his cock inside you — his hands pulling your hips back to meet his thrusts. Loud moans spilled past your lips as the head of his cock kept kissing your cervix, his fingers dipping into the fat of your hips in an almost bruising way — your dazed eyes moving to look at the reflection of the mirror , seeing his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he moaned or hissed with his head thrown back. 

The sight had you clenching around his cock , a breathy moan leaving his swollen lips while his hand trailed from your hip up your back — his thrusts increasing as he tangled his fingers in your hair , roughly pulling on your hair and forcing your back in an arch as he pulled you up. “Look at yourself , look how fucking pretty you look with my cock buried inside your needy cunt , dumb little bunny”,his words accompanied by his cock bullying your poor little hole had your head spinning , or maybe it was just the alcohol? Probably all three combined. “S-Shit , Jungwon! I’m so fucking close please don’t stop!”, it was almost embarrassing how you begged for him to not stop , you were so close to cumming all over his cock — you could almost taste it on the tip of your tongue , your gummy like walls tightening around the girth of his cock. “Fuck yourself on my cock , earn it”, Jungwon moved his other hand , that was still on your hip, down to your ass —  the palm of his hand caressing it gently before landing a light slap on it. A small huff left your lips as you gripped the edge of the sink more firmly , keeping eye contact with him through the reflection of the mirror as you fucked yourself back on his cock. “Just like that , good girl”, he encouraged , giving your ass another gentle slap while he bucked his hips a little forward to help you —  he could be mean sometimes during sex but he’d still help you.

It didn’t take long before you were hunched over the sink , trying not to moan too loudly as waves of pleasure came crashing down on you —  that electrifying feeling running through your body that you loved so much as you came around his cock. His hands gripped your hips once again firmly , holding your ass against his hips as he bit his lips to suppress an almost whiny moan , his cum filling up the condom —  if it weren’t for Jungwon’s hands gripping your hips , you would have long dropped down on the bathroom tile with how shaky your legs had gotten. “Let’s get back quickly before Riki and Jake notice we’re gone for too long , they’re still waiting for us to get back so we could play beer pong”, Jungwon mumbled as he pulled his cock out of you , rolling the used condom off and tying a knot before throwing it away.

Hope You Don't Regret It Y.JW .

Your blood ran cold as you could only stare at the stick in your trembling hands , hoping that this all was just a bad dream and not actually reality —  two red lines showing up on the little display , this was your second positive test. Tears started to blur your vision as they welled up in your eyes , the pregnancy test dropping down on the bathroom tiles as all the strength in your body left you. This was bad , very bad —  you were too young to be a mom , but you also didn’t want to abort it. That was just the start of your life falling apart by the age of 20 already , what were you supposed to do now? You knew that the father of the growing child in your womb could only be Jungwon , he was the only guy you had been sleeping with for months — but how would he react? Would he force you to abort it? Would he ghost you and pretend as if he never knew you? Fuck , you couldn’t lose him —  be it as your friends with benefit or what he originally was , your friend. Suddenly , there was a knock on the door. “(Y/n)? I need to get ready , how much longer will you be in there?”, your Mom called out.‘Okay (Y/n) , act cool , be calm’, you thought as you tried to calm yourself down , shakily picking up the test and stuffing it into your pocket before quickly splashing cold water into your face.

You gave your Mom a tight lipped smile as you stepped out of the bathroom , quickly walking past her which just earned you a questioning look following your frame that disappeared in your bedroom — but she just shrugged before going into the bathroom.

“Come on.. pick up..”, you mumbled as the dialing sound was almost taunting you with the way it rang and rang before the line picked up. “(Y/n)?”, the voice of your best friend could be heard on the other line as she finally picked up. “(B/F/N) , please tell me you have time right now? It’s urgent”, you whispered , your voice trembling slightly as you spoke and a couple seconds of silence followed before you could hear the sound of her bedsheets moving. “I’ll pick you up , be ready in 10”, with that , your best friend had hung up.

Hope You Don't Regret It Y.JW .

“Are you sure (Y/n)?”,she asked quietly as she had her arms wrapped around you , patting your back gently as you started to cry while telling her that you were pregnant  — nodding against her shoulder as you sniffled. “I took 2 tests , they were both positive and my period is late. Fuck , what am I going to do..? My parents can’t find out about this…”, your voice was a mere whisper , an hopeless one — this was your fault for being so reckless. “Well … whatever will happen , you know I’ll always be there for you and that my home is yours as well. You’re always welcomed here”, upon hearing your best friend's words , another sob ripped through your throat. “Have you… told him yet?”, you shook your head as she asked that question — she knew about your friends with benefits situation for a while now , ever since she caught the two of you fucking in Jungwon’s pool and had you explain to her what your relationship with Jungwon was.

“I haven’t told him yet… but I know that I’ll have to.”, you sighed , lifting a hand up to wipe the tears out of your face away but before any of you could say anything else — your phone vibrated multiple times and messages of your Mom popped up, angry messages. “No… No No No shit— Fuck , she found out!”, you panicked , grabbing your phone with trembling hands to read the messages while your best friend looked over your shoulder to read them as well. Your Mom just sent you a picture of a positive pregnancy test followed by her messages — fuck … you must’ve left it by mistake since you only grabbed one because you couldn’t find the other. 

“What the fuck is this?” “Is this fucking yours?” “I knew it , I knew you’d turn into one of those teen moms because you keep whoring around at parties!” “Come home THIS instant!”

“I’ll come with you … in case something will happen , I’ll wait in my car and pack your things if needed”, (B/F/N) said as she started the car —  reversing out of the parking spot in the parking lot before driving out of it. Meanwhile you were nervously chewing on your bottom lip , trembling slightly as the feeling of anxiety creeped up to the back of your neck. The ride to your house felt like torture , 10 minutes long of sheer anxiety that was increasingly growing bigger the closer you got to your hose. You opened the passenger door and gave your best friend a last glance before you walked up to the front door , about to unlock it but it swung open — a yelp leaving your lips as a bag was thrown at you and your keys were yanked out of your hand. “Sleep where you belong, on the streets ! You’re no daughter of mine! You’re such a disappointment , get out of my sight!”, and just like that , the door has been slammed shut in front of your face —  leaving you frozen in your spot.

“M-Mom ,please!”, you called out , tears welling up in your eyes so fast that they were already flowing down your cheeks as you banged on the front door —  desperately trying to get your mom’s attention , to get her to listen to you but then again… what was there to explain? Your banging grew weaker as you realized that you wouldn’t even have a proper explanation for this whole situation. “(Y/n)... let’s go , it’s better to not talk with her right now. Give it a few weeks and maybe then try to talk to her, okay?”, your best friend put her hands on your shoulder , gently turning you around and pushing you gently into the direction of her car while she grabbed your bag that had fallen down on the ground — your mom just kicked you out , what were you supposed to do now?

“You can stay with me (Y/n) , for as long as you’ll need, but you need to tell Jungwon about your pregnancy —  he deserves to know that you’re carrying his child , no matter how scared you are”, your best friend mumbled softly , trying to calm you down a bit as she got into the car after you. She was right , Jungwon did deserve to know that you were carrying his child —  you wouldn’t even be able to hide it at some point since your belly will get bigger , so he’s bound to find out anyway.

The ride was silent as she drove back to her house , your mind clouded but at the same time — you felt nothing, as if you were just an empty shell with no emotion left. As soon as the two of you arrived at her place , she cooked something for you to make sure you’d eat , cleaned up the couch and made it more comfortable for you to sleep in —  but when night came , you slept with her in her bed , cuddled up in her arms because you seeked and needed the comfort. You weren’t able to even get a wink of sleep with how clouded your thoughts were.

Hope You Don't Regret It Y.JW .

“(Y/n)? Is everything okay..? You look…like a mess”, Jungwon asked in a worried tone as he blinked the sleep away — he certainly didn’t expect to get woken up by loud knocking on his door followed by Maeumi barking loudly at 7 am on a Saturday morning and getting greeted by the sight he was seeing. Your hair was a complete mess , your eyebags were visible and your eyes were bloodshot from crying the whole night without getting any sleep , standing there in front of him while wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie too big on you. You didn’t say anything which just made him more worried , this was so unlike you —  but his worried filled eyes widened in surprise as you just shoved something into his hands. He looked at you a bit confused before looking down at his hand , his eyes once again widening as he saw the positive pregnant test. 

“I- This? Wait… come in , let’s talk about this inside”, Jungwon said as he looked around a little before opening his door a bit wider , inviting you inside his apartment. As soon as you sat down on the couch , Maeumi jumped up on it to snuggle himself against you —  excited to see you again which brought a weak smile on your face as you gently patted him. “Here..”, Jungwon mumbled as he held out a glass of juice to you as he sat down next to you , the positive pregnancy test now laying on his lap. “I’m guessing this is yours? Did you…take more than one? Pregnancy tests can be wrong sometimes..”, Jungwon didn’t appear to be mad or upset, rather unsure. “I took two Jungwon.. they were both positive…”, you mumbled weakly , lifting the glass of juice up to your lips as you drank from it. “How about I’ll go to the convenience store and grab a new one..? I mean, this has to be wrong.. I always use condoms and you’ve only been sleeping with me for the last couple months”, Jungwon replied , setting the pregnancy test down on the coffee table. “.... it wouldn't hurt to try again , three times the charm isn’t it?”, upon hearing your response , he hummed and got up from the couch —  grabbing his zip up Jacket and keys. “I’ll be back..”

It didn’t even take him 10 minutes to come back ,kicking his shoes off and closing the door behind him before making his way to the living room. “Here”, Jungwon held the pack out to you and let his arm drop back down after you had grabbed it out of his hand. You just silently went to the bathroom and did what you had to do — pee on that stick again for the 3rd time now and hope that the last two tests were just defective ones. That hope was crushed as once again two lines appeared on the small window of the stick , a big hand resting on your shoulder and gently rubbing back and forth. “I just don’t.. understand how this happened? Don’t get me wrong , I’ll be there for you and support you as much as I can but , we always used protection didn’t we..?”, Jungwon mumbled , his heart aching a little as you weakly rested your head against his chest —  once again , seeking comfort.

You also didn’t know how it happened , Jungwon always used condoms whenever the two of you had sex , and the last time that happened was on that party where you fucked in the bathroom — it could’ve only happened there since Jungwon was away for a couple weeks after that before coming back. But suddenly , something clicked in your head. "Jungwon…?Was the condom from you or did someone give it to you..?”, you can vaguely remember that someone gave out condoms but one of them had a hole in them —  the person called it “Condom Roulette” , what a ridiculous “game” , that shouldn’t be something to play around with. "Hm? Well.. someone did give me a condom but I had my own ones with me , I don’t know which one I had used though..Why?”, your blood once again ran cold as you lifted your head up , staring at him with wide eyes. “D-Did you not know that the guy who gave them out poked a hole in one of them..? J-Jungwon…I think you got the one with the hole in it and used it”, he blinked a couple times before his eyes widened , running his fingers through his hair as he tried to come up with a reply but honestly? He was in complete disbelief, why would someone do that? That’s completely fucked up.

“Fuck…no , I didn’t know that. I- I’m sorry (Y/n) … I don’t even know what to say. If i had known , I would have thrown that one away —  fuck , this is my fault…. I should have paid more attention”, Jungwon mumbled , lifting a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose as he blamed himself for it —  but this wasn’t something he could carry the blame for. If anyone was to blame , it was the guy who came up with that stupid fucking game that he didn’t tell anyone about — you only overheard it when he bragged to his friends. “As fucked up as this all is.. you’re not to blame. If anyone was to blame , it’s the guy who handed out those condoms. Who knows if he really only poked a hole through one of them? What if it’s more..?”, you replied , watching as he stopped pinching the bridge of his nose — he looked troubled. 

“That’s true , yes. But what’s your plan now? I’m not going to force you to do anything , if you want to abort the baby then do so while it’s not too late but if you want to keep it , I’ll help you and help you financially as well. It’s your body , your choice , I’ll support whatever decision you’ll choose. You’re not alone (Y/n) , I’m here for you”, his words made tears well up in your eyes , his arms immediately coming around you to pull you into his embrace —  rubbing your back gently. “Does your mom know..?”, your body tensed a little upon him mentioning your mom , nodding slightly. “She knows… she found out and kicked me out…”, his hands came back up to your shoulders, pulling a bit away from you as he looked at you with worried eyes. “Then where are you staying..?”, you mentioned that you were temporarily crashing at (B/F/N) place.

“Why don’t you stay with me instead..? I could support you better like that plus you can’t stay with (B/F/N) forever..”, Jungwon reasoned, offering for you to stay with him instead —  he’s also the father of the living being starting to develop in your womb. “Right…Jungwon , I’ve already made my decision about the child. I want to … keep it , I don’t think I could handle aborting it knowing that I would destroy something that didn’t even have the chance to see the world”, Jungwon hummed , nodding softly before giving you a reassuring smile. “And I’ll gladly help and support you.”

Hope You Don't Regret It Y.JW .

Honestly . you thought everything would take a bad turn , but the pregnancy was going well , even if your Mom had disowned you — you have your friends by your side , you have your best friend by your side , you have the support of Jungwon’s family and most importantly , you have Jungwon by your side. He was great , well he already had been great as a friend even though that line had long been crossed —  but he was even better as a soon to be dad. He let you live with him , took care of you , accompanied you to your appointments,  tried to get every craving you wanted even if it was at 3am , he cleaned up after you and would always massage your feet whenever they hurt. With all his caring and taking care of you , encouragement and support — you found yourself falling for him , but you were afraid.

The two of you never discussed what the two of you were now — yes the line of friendship had long been crossed and you’re going to have a child with him , but it was yet to discuss what your relationship with him would be now. Would he want to be an active part of your child’s life? Would he only support you through your pregnancy and leave once it’s born? Would he only want to see the child a couple of times? God , this was stressing you out. “You want another tub?”,Jungwon asked as you had finished your second tub of ice cream of the day , he couldn’t help but smile at the sight — there you were laying on his bed cuddled up under his blanket, licking the spoon clean while Maeumi had his head on your swollen belly. It felt.. comfortingly domestic , but he also wondered what the two of you were going to be now.

He couldn’t deny his feelings for you , but he also didn’t want to overwhelm you any more —  you were already an emotional pregnant wreck , so he didn’t want to overwhelm you by discussing the elephant in the room, he would wait until the time was right. “Huh..? Oh ..”, you looked down at your now empty tub of your favorite ice cream and looked back up to him , shaking your head a little. “Are you okay? You look a bit troubled”, he walked over to his bed, sitting down on the edge of it and placed his hand on your ankle —  subtly rubbing and massaging it , a habit he had picked up since your ankles and feet occasionally got swollen. You mustered up a small smile , shaking your head a little. “Everything is okay , just thinking…”, Jungwon gave you a look that gestured for you to continue speaking and that he was listening.

“I don’t know, I'm just …a bit worried? I mean , we’re not in a relationship. I don’t even know what we are ,Jungwon. We’re more than friends but less than lovers , we’ve long crossed the line of Friendship and won’t be able to return back to just being Friends. We’ll be having a child together. And I’m just worried that … you’ll leave me alone once the child is born. I know it sounds a bit … stupid or judging , I’m just overthinking. Like , do you even want to be part of our child's life? Would you only want to support me but not see the child? Would you only want to see her one weekend?”,Jungwon listened intently until the end , humming softly before he scooted a bit up , gently putting his hand over yours —  being mindful of Maeumi since the small Maltese has been a bit overprotective over your swollen belly.

“I understand your worries (Y/n). It is true that we’ve never established what we are now that you’re pregnant , we can talk about that now if you’d like? I’ve also been thinking about approaching that topic , but I didn’t want to overwhelm you any more than you already are. Pregnancy has been taking a toll on your emotions and your mental health ,so I wanted to wait until things had gotten a bit better for you or when you were with a clearer mind. But , I can promise you that I won’t leave you alone once our little girl has been born. I’ll stay by your side and I do want to be involved in her life. Plus , I can’t possibly leave you alone with a newborn , I don’t have the heart for that. This is our responsibility. I won’t leave your side (Y/n) , be it as a friend or a possible lover once we’ve talked about that , okay?”, maybe it was because of your pregnancy or just your emotional state , but his words brought tears to your eyes —  how could someone be so sweet? “Hey , it’s okay. I won’t leave your side , no matter what we’ll turn out to be”, Jungwon scooted up a bit more and wrapped his arms around you , pulling you into his embrace and letting your tears stain his shirt while shushing you gently — whispering comforting words to make you feel better.

“Anything I can do for you?”, Jungwon asked as he pulled away from you , cupping your face gently and wiping the remaining tears on your face away. You sniffled softly as you hesitated for a second —  for god sake , he had seen you naked and was balls deep inside you multiple times , why were you so shy and embarrassed now. “Can we…can we cuddle please..?”, a small smile grew on his face , his dimples showing and he nodded before he got up —  getting on the other side of the bed and lifting the blanket a bit up before scooting closer to you. He wrapped his arms around you and let you cuddle up against his side , one of his hands moving down to gently rub your belly. “You’re doing great (Y/n)... You’ll be a great mom , so don’t worry about that as well. I know that you’ve been worrying your pretty little head about that as well , I saw you looking up articles on how to be a good mom. I know you will be a good Mom , don’t doubt that”.

Hope You Don't Regret It Y.JW .

“Jungwon, I like you. More as a friend, I’ve been falling for you more and more every single day…. Ah … no that sounds stupid , get your head out of the gutter”, to say that Jungwon was a bit confused was a understatement —  having come back home from work and hearing you mumble to yourself , his feet carrying him over to his bedroom to see you holding up a picture of him while talking. “Jungwon , I fell in love with you , it’s okay if you don’t feel the same…. wait , what if he doesn’t feel the same? I’d make a fool out of myself..”, he couldn’t help but stifle a chuckle —  god you were adorable with the way you ran a hand through your hair , messing it up a little in frustration. “I feel the same , don’t you worry your pretty little head about it”, you jumped and gasped loudly upon hearing his words , quickly turning around but groaning quietly because your back hurt. “H-How much did you hear?”, he stepped inside his room while loosening his tie  and unbuttoned his white dress shirt , letting it slide off his broad shoulders before draping it over his chair. “Enough to know that you’ve been practicing confessing to me and raking your mind over it”, he cheekily replied , walking over to his closet to grab his gray sweatpants before taking off his pants — slipping his sweatpants on and staying shirtless since it was too hot for him to wear a shirt.

“L-Listen it’s totally okay if you don’t feel the same and would want me out of your apartment now , I just.. — (Y/n) , did you not hear what i said?”, he cut you off , his feet carrying him and stopping in front of you —  his hand reaching out to gently caress your swollen belly that had once again gotten bigger before moving it to your waist. “I said I feel the same way about you. I fell in love with you, well actually , I had been in love with you for a little while even before you got pregnant. I just …. never spoke up about it because I didn’t want to ruin what we already had , I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore so I was just being content with being your Friends with benefits —  it made me feel like as if you were mine , even if it was only while we were having sex”, his words were soft , his voice as smooth as butter and dripping with honey as he spoke. Your heartbeat picked up , your heart felt as if it was going to jump out of your chest with how fast it was beating — a warm feeling spreading through your cheeks , a flustered smile growing on your face. “So .. no longer friends with benefits but rather , lovers?”, you asked to which he chuckled softly with a soft smile on his face. 

“Yes (Y/n) , no more friends with benefits , we’re lovers now and soon to be parents”

“Kiss me , Jungwon , please”

“Anything you want ,Princess”, with that , he cupped your face with his free hand , leaning in to first peck your lips gently before placing his lips firmly against yours —  kissing you so slowly and softly that it had you craving for more. You wrapped your arms around his neck and tried to get closer to him , but your swollen belly was already pressing up against his own belly —  denying you any access to pull yourself closer to him before he gasped. He pulled away with wide eyes , looking down at your belly before looking back up to you. “D-Did she just? —  She just kicked you!”, you exclaimed with a happy smile , looking down at your belly and placing your hand on top of it , gently caressing it and hoping to feel another kick. “God , this is exciting! Time is passing by fast. I can’t wait to meet her”, Jungwon grinned , clearly excited by getting kicked in the stomach by your little bundle of joy. “She’s growing so fast..”, you mumbled with a soft , happy smile on your face , looking up to him to peck his lips again. 

Hope You Don't Regret It Y.JW .

And Time really did pass quickly , one second you were at home and the next second , your water broke and were now in the delivery room , clearly exhausted and sweaty —  Jungwon sitting next to you and patting the sweat on your forehead with a cloth. You could faintly hear the sound of loud crying , your head in a bit of a haze as your eyes tiredly followed Jungwon who had gotten up —  this may just be the first time you have seen him cry , his eyes glazed as tears welled up in them as the nurse handed him something. Your sweet little baby girl has been born , crying in Jungwon’s arms as he held her while gazing lovingly at her. “Let me see her..”, you mumbled weakly , adjusting yourself a little while Jungwon walked towards you —  gently handing her to you before he leaned down to kiss your forehead. “You did so well my love , so so well. I’m so proud of you”, Jungwon mumbled softly as he sat back down , placing little kisses on your forehead and cheek while you looked at your sweet little baby.

Her hands were so tiny , wrapping around your finger as you reached for your hand , her eyes opening as she looked up at you before stopping to cry. She had Jungwon’s boba eyes , she looked absolutely adorable. “What should we name her?”, Jungwon asked as he also reached his hand out to your daughter , his heart swelling up as her tiny little hand wrapped around his thumb. “How about…. Miyeon?”, you suggested , making him hum a little as he tested out how that sounded with his family name. “Yang Miyeon… sounds pretty good to me “, he grinned , kissing your forehead once again before he snapped a picture of Miyeon , sending it to his mother — or rather your mother in law because she couldn’t personally come. She really wanted to come but she was put on bed rest because of her health , it would be irresponsible to come while she was sick. “I’ll let you rest now , okay? I’ll buy some foods that you’ve been craving but couldn’t eat during your pregnancy. Rest in that time with Miyeon”, Jungwon said as he got up , leaning over the hospital bed to peck your lips before he also gave Miyeon a forehead kiss , a smile on your face as you watched him leave. 

This may haven’t been planned and the whole pregnancy only happened by mistake , but you wouldn’t consider Miyeon a Mistake. She’s the reason why Jungwon and you got closer and are now in a committed relationship , soon to get married once Miyeon has turned a year old as Jungwon gave you a promise ring during your pregnancy. You couldn’t be happier than in this moment , having a  little family now after yours had abandoned you —  but you could care less , you had a better family now and wouldn’t trade anything for it.

Hope You Don't Regret It Y.JW .

★Permanent Taglist⭑.ᐟ @chlorinecake @jakesangel @heeswif3y @the-swageyama-tobiyolo @ive-cool @ikeujyn @sunkisskim @fatalj4y


Tags :
2 years ago

just you, the moon, and the stars — enhypen (teaser)

Just You, The Moon, And The Stars Enhypen (teaser)

synopsis. since you were a child, hushed whispers had flurried around you about The Bordered Forest. the whispers weren’t of ghastly tales of people getting torn apart by a ferocious beast, nor were they warnings of a haggard witch who ate children’s hearts for youthful beauty. the whispers were mere wonderings of what could reside in such an ominous forest. everyone in your village knew of it and was curious of what dwelled inside, but no one had dared to venture within an ear of the place.

except for you, of course.

featuring. you & enhypen (sorta).

genres. horror, supernatural, thriller.

warnings. none in the teaser but more will be included in the fic!

word count (teaser). 628 word count (est). 5.3k

taglist. @soobin-chois​ @acciomylove​ send me an ask or DM to be added to the taglist!!

release date. 14 december

notes. um... hi guys! it’s been a minute 😭 ik this wasn’t the fic i promised the last time i was here & it’s a little bit past spoopy season BUT! (1) i am working on the ending of what’s with your kisses? and she should be up this week or next week (fingers crossed) and (2) i meant to post this around halloween time but i had midterms then 😪😪 and i completely forgot about it afterwards! ANYWAYS! i hope u guys enjoy this little teaser 🤭🤭 i can’t wait for u guys to be absolutely horrified by the actual fic!

tysm sage @jaeyunverse for beta-reading this for me!! ❤️ (even though that was like Months ago.. 😪)

p.s. i posted this on my old acc so if u feel like u’ve seen this before... No u Haven’t

Just You, The Moon, And The Stars Enhypen (teaser)

It was a normal night. The moon was high in the sky, as round and as wide as anything. The stars pranced around the moon in a circle, praises falling from their lips in the form of twinkles and shimmers. While the winds were harsh and cold, biting at anything they could sink their teeth into, they remained a solace as you set out into The Bordered Forest.

Since you were a child, an innocent babe, hushed whispers had flurried around you about the forest bordering your village. The whispers weren’t of ghastly tales of people getting torn apart by a ferocious beast, nor were they warnings of a haggard witch who ate children’s hearts for youthful beauty. The whispers were mere wonderings of what could reside in such an ominous forest. With such a heavy blanket of mist resting upon it, it seemed like even the Gods had turned their backs on it—and everything inside. Everyone in your village knew of it and was curious of what dwelled inside, but no one had dared to venture within an ear of the place.

Except for you, of course.

The first time you’d neared the forest couldn’t have been more than a few years ago. You’d been playing a friendly game of catch with your friends until your ball had rolled away. Your eyes and legs had been so set on following the ball’s path that you hadn’t realised it had stopped in the opening of the forest until you got there. By then, it’d been too late to turn back, so you’d marvelled at the beauties of such a mysterious place. Fruits you’d never seen before grew from twisted blossoms and tangled vines. Animals, with eyes so big and claws so small, had scurried about. There had been the sound of winds rushing through hollow chimes with every step you had taken. It had been absolutely magical. 

So, you’d wanted more.

As you grew older, and less reckless, you learned to feed your curiosity in a safer manner. About once a year, you would hover around the edges of the forest with all the charms and crystals you could adorn and pray for a glimpse of a stray creature. Your prayers were never answered—why would the Gods bother with a prayer seeking an abandoned forest?—so your hunger and thirst for more had only grown and grown. They’d grown to the point that one day you had made up your mind to walk all the way to the heart of the forest.

And, here you were. With layers of charms and crystals laid on your neck, potions in your pouch, and memorised spells in your head, you were ready. You were finally ready to discover the secrets of The Bordered Forest.

You inhaled deeply, sparing your village one last glance. The rows of quaint houses seemed to grow as if they were trying to warn you of something. Don’t go further, they bellowed, but you laughed to yourself and turned away instead. A last prayer slipped past your lips when you pressed your fingers against the rough bark of the first tree. “Your child has come before you once again to ask for grace, mercy, and prosperity in this journey. No evil will come near your child, nor will your child fall prey to the enemy. By the will of the Gods, your child prays.”

A short breeze swept past you, and you nearly cried tears of relief. After years of unanswered prayers, the Gods had finally listened. The little worries that’d resided in your heart were quelled, once and for all, and you took your first step into the forest with good faith. Surely, after all you’d done to ensure your safety, nothing would happen to you.

Just You, The Moon, And The Stars Enhypen (teaser)

copyright 2022 soobisms, all rights reserved. no translations or reposts of any form allowed.


Tags :
2 years ago

just you, the moon, and the stars — enhypen

Just You, The Moon, And The Stars Enhypen

synopsis. since you were a child, hushed whispers had flurried around you about The Bordered Forest. the whispers weren’t of ghastly tales of people getting torn apart by a ferocious beast, nor were they warnings of a haggard witch who ate children’s hearts for youthful beauty. the whispers were mere wonderings of what could reside in such an ominous forest. everyone in your village knew of it and was curious of what dwelled inside, but no one had dared to venture within an ear of the place.

except for you, of course.

featuring. you & enhypen (sorta).

genre(s). fantasy, horror, supernatural, thriller.

warnings. bodily fluids (blood & bile), death, explicit gore (like rlly extreme descriptions of gore that get a bit disgusting at times... so beware), sacrilegious themes, violence & all these warnings imply. 

note: for the sake of not ruining the plot, i haven’t gone into depth about how often these things appear, to what extent they’ll appear, and/or what forms of them will appear (e.g. gore) but if it’s mentioned above please know that it will come up and it will be an integral part of the fic. for example, with gore, i’ve purposely not specified how it will appear, but please anticipate gore of all forms & types since that’s what is implied.

word count. 5.3k (5385)

taglist. @soobin-chois​ @acciomylove​ 

listen to! given-taken, enhypen ⭑ drunk-dazed, enhypen ⭑ fever, enhypen ⭑ eternally, txt

notes. not going to lie, i’m a bit nervous bc this is my first post on here in Months and tbh the teaser didn’t do too well so i really don’t know if anyone will read this but! if you do, i hope you enjoy!! i always love to hear what u guys think so don’t feel shy to give me some feedback if u want to! ❤️ 

p.s. even though i expanded the playlist this time around, this fic was inspired by given-taken alone LMAO. i wrote this back when border: day one was their only album out & we were getting teasers for the 2nd album. and when i tell u i was obsessed w this song!!! it rlly is such a good song that it, alone, made me write 5k of pure horrific content that made me, the writer, genuinely so uncomfortable i was looking over my shoulder while writing this at night. like what a good freaking song! we love her! so yea this is just given-taken promo 😎 enjoy 😎

p.p.s ty sage @jaeyunverse​ (almost wrote ur twitter @ instead LOL) for beta-reading this for me!

ok im done fr . time to get traumatised 😎

Just You, The Moon, And The Stars Enhypen

It was a normal night. The moon was high in the sky, as round and as wide as anything. The stars pranced around the moon in a circle, praises falling from their lips in the form of twinkles and shimmers. While the winds were harsh and cold, biting at anything they could sink their teeth into, they remained a solace as you set out into The Bordered Forest.

Since you were a child, an innocent babe, hushed whispers had flurried around you about the forest bordering your village. The whispers weren’t of ghastly tales of people getting torn apart by a ferocious beast, nor were they warnings of a haggard witch who ate children’s hearts for youthful beauty. The whispers were mere wonderings of what could reside in such an ominous forest. With such a heavy blanket of mist resting upon it, it seemed like even the Gods had turned their backs on it—and everything inside. Everyone in your village knew of it and was curious of what dwelled inside, but no one had dared to venture within an ear of the place.

Except for you, of course.

The first time you’d neared the forest couldn’t have been more than a few years ago. You’d been playing a friendly game of catch with your friends until your ball had rolled away. Your eyes and legs had been so set on following the ball’s path that you hadn’t realised it had stopped in the opening of the forest until you got there. By then, it’d been too late to turn back, so you’d marvelled at the beauties of such a mysterious place. Fruits you’d never seen before grew from twisted blossoms and tangled vines. Animals, with eyes so big and claws so small, had scurried about. There had been the sound of winds rushing through hollow chimes with every step you had taken. It had been absolutely magical.

So, you’d wanted more.

As you grew older, and less reckless, you learned to feed your curiosity in a safer manner. About once a year, you would hover around the edges of the forest with all the charms and crystals you could adorn and pray for a glimpse of a stray creature. Your prayers were never answered—why would the Gods bother with a prayer seeking an abandoned forest?—so your hunger and thirst for more had only grown and grown. They’d grown to the point that one day you had made up your mind to walk all the way to the heart of the forest.

And, here you were. With layers of charms and crystals laid on your neck, potions in your pouch, and memorised spells in your head, you were ready. You were finally ready to discover the secrets of The Bordered Forest.

You inhaled deeply, sparing your village one last glance. The rows of quaint houses seemed to grow as if they were trying to warn you of something. Don’t go further, they bellowed, but you laughed to yourself and turned away instead. A last prayer slipped past your lips when you pressed your fingers against the rough bark of the first tree. “Your child has come before you once again to ask for grace, mercy, and prosperity in this journey. No evil will come near your child, nor will your child fall prey to the enemy. By the will of the Gods, your child prays.”

A short breeze swept past you, and you nearly cried tears of relief. After years of unanswered prayers, the Gods had finally listened. The little worries that’d resided in your heart were quelled, once and for all, and you took your first step into the forest with good faith. Surely, after all you’d done to ensure your safety, nothing would happen to you.

You walked for what felt like hours. You marked the trees you passed with the blade of a sharp dagger, begging Mother Nature for forgiveness as you did so. Even if you didn’t believe anything would happen to you, you’d heard too many stories of adventurers who met their early demise simply because they lost their path. You didn’t plan on meeting the same fate, so you made sure each etch into the bark was deep. It was when you marked what felt like the hundredth tree that weariness crept into your bones.

You didn’t understand. Not once had you seen one of the beautiful fruits that you’d seen all those years back. Nor had you encountered a wild creature, scuttling along the path in front of you. Even the mist, which was all that could be seen from the edge of the forest, was nowhere in sight. It was just you, the moon, and the stars.

“Or is it?” A quiet voice whispered in your ear. It was fleeting, so quick that you ought to have imagined it, but you were sure of the hot breath that left the hairs on the back of your neck at alert. Your instincts told you to turn around, to pierce whatever was perching there with a singular thrust. But when you pushed away the growing fear in your heart and gave in, there was nothing there.

“Just me, the moon, and the stars. Me, the moon, and the stars,” you whispered to yourself,  sparing your surroundings one last, wary glance. There was nothing that stood out to you, nothing that should cause you worry, but there was still a storm brewing in the depths of your stomach.

You shook your head. Despite what you’d imagined, there wasn’t anyone there. It was just you, the moon, and the stars.

After that, your pace quickened. You still carved a few lines into the bark of the trees with precision and care, but you didn’t take the time to admire the rotting foliage around you anymore. The winds’ sparse blows through some branches no longer excited you. You didn’t turn around to see if there was a creature approaching at the sound. Instead, you made your strides longer and made your glances over your shoulder more frequent.

You were starting to understand the tones of fear in the villagers’ whispers. A deep rumbling was churning in the depths of your stomach, and you regretted not heeding the warnings of the houses.

“Why listen to them when you can listen to me?”

Your long strides halted, and you whipped your head around frantically. Like before, there was nothing behind you. The forest—with its vines, branches, and moss—was the same as it was the last couple of times you’d glanced over your shoulder. There was nothing dangerous in sight, but your heart didn’t see what your eyes did. Your heart saw danger, and it was already running away in your chest. It was trying to claw its way past your ribcage, but you swallowed some deep gulps of air and told your heart to still.

It did not.

“Poor thing. Your heart is so eager to jump out of your chest.” The voice was patronising, yet saccharine. Its lilt was meant to soothe you, warm you, and butter you up, but it set your heart racing at a faster pace instead. Your heart nearly stopped when it continued with, “Let me take it from you. I’ll take good care of it; I swear on it.”

“Who… who are you?” you yelled, looking over both your shoulders. Your hand trembled as it clasped the ivory charm draped around your neck. “I mean no harm.”

There was no response, except for the whistle of the winds brushing through the trees. You didn’t realise your mouth was agape and panting until your warm breath turned into vapour in the air. It was then you noticed the mist—the one your heart had so greatly desired. Filled with fear and trepidation, your heart forgot to gasp with glee.

Shutting your mouth, you continued along your way with a tightened grip around your dagger. You wouldn’t let an imagined voice make a fool of you. You inhaled deeply and marked another tree. No, you most certainly wouldn’t.

This time around, your strides were long, and your face was grim. The mist licked at the leather boots hugging your sore feet, and the winds whistled in the night. You were sure you’d been walking for hours. Blisters were forming on your feet, and your grip on your dagger was slipping, but every time you thought of resting, the strange voice’s words came back to unnerve you.

Why listen to them when you can listen to me?

Listen to me.

“No, no.” You shook your head and resisted the itch to look over your shoulder. “Me, the moon, and the stars. Me, the moon, and the sta—”

A sharp crack cut through your self-assurance. You whipped your head around immediately and scanned the dark forest for any sign of a threat. Your chest was heaving quickly, and your blood was rushing in your ears as you checked the forest once, twice, thrice. There was nothing there, save for the overgrown moss and the intermingling of the trees’ roots. There was nothing there, yet your heart was still pounding with anticipation. It was a wicked anticipation—fuelled by fear in its purest form, but edges lined with sweet excitement.

Something was coming, and your heart raced to announce its arrival.

You swallowed thickly and hesitantly turned your head back. You were on a journey to the heart of The Bordered Forest, and you wouldn’t let anything distract you any longer. Nodding to yourself, you whispered, “No more distractions.”

The forest had other plans in store for you.

Just as you marked the next tree you came across, a loud wail rang throughout the forest. It sent a streak of terror down your spine, while the muscles in your neck ached as you ignored the urge to glance over your shoulder. No matter what, you couldn’t waste more time with terrified glances. An adventurer on a journey towards a wicked witch or a malevolent wolf had no time to waste on feeding the fears growing in their heart. And, neither did you.

It was just one step you’d taken when another wail weaved between the trees. This one made your resolve falter. Through the whispers of the winds, you were sure the wail you’d heard belonged to a babe. An ominous feeling began to feast on your stomach.

You were reminded of your first instance in the forest. Young, naïve, and innocent had you been when you had chased your ball into the forest’s opening. For you, things had ended well. You’d ventured into the forest’s opening, filled your eyes with the pleasures of the forest, and returned to your village with your being intact. But, what if that hadn’t been the case? What if a gruesome, horrifying creature had trapped you against a tree? What if you had cried in terror and received nothing but the wind’s whistles in return? What if you had died?

Another wail reached your ears, and you turned on your heel. Let being a fool be damned. You were not going to have the blood of a babe on your hands.

The marks you’d etched onto the numerous trees blended into one as you dashed in the direction you had come from. The mist chased after your quick heels and the wind beckoned you back towards the heart of the forest, but your heart was set on the child. Their wails seemed to be receding—or was the wind blocking your ears?—as your strides grew longer and faster. You feared the worst, and it kept your legs moving, even as they screamed with the deep-set ache within them.

You had to save the child, you had to save the child, you had to—

“Never turn your back on the heart.”

Before you were even able to understand the words whispered down your spine, a snarl sounded behind you and a searing pain crept up your right leg. Your dagger slid out of your grasp, the pain digging deeper into your flesh. It muddled your senses and disoriented you so greatly that it took you several moments to realise the pain wasn’t an enchantment cast by a hidden mage or the lull of the forest. Your eyes grew wide, as you realised the pain was the sharp bite of a wolf. You stumbled to the ground, the rushing winds swallowing your scream.

You gasped for air, your ankle screaming in agony, while the wolf kept its jaw locked on your calf. Your body was twisted at such an angle you hadn’t even known mortals could twist in—with your back laid against the forest’s vines, but your legs turned to the side as the wolf kept gnawing on your calf. Another scream was ripped out of your throat when the wolf removed its sharp canines from your flesh, only to return them with a frightening strength. The sound of bones shattering accompanied your cry.

“P-Please,” you sobbed, vision blurred, “Gods, please, p-please make your… y-your child’s death swift.”

You wept, and the moon and its ringlet of stars gazed at you with pity. The wolf kept its jaw locked around the mangled flesh, and occasionally lapped up the blood that leaked from your limb. Death loomed over your head and drew closer with every lap the wolf took.

The winds, which had only whispered in your ears and brushed the trees with their delicate touch before, seemed to take glee in your suffering as they counted down the minutes till your death. Their comrade, the mist, fanned out against you and the wolf, creating a stage for the trees to spectate. Not only were you going to die, but the forest you’d admired so much was eager to witness your demise.

Yet, even as your head swam and sunk, some part of you was aware that the wolf had yet to deliver the finishing bite. It remained by your limb, not fully tearing it off nor biting it, but licking up the streams of gushing blood—almost as if it were… a feline. You squeezed your eyes closed, tears pooling up on your eyelashes, as you prayed to the Gods that the wolf would deliver your fate already.

But you should’ve realised that the Gods had abandoned you long ago.

A bittersweet solace lay in the way the wolf remained steadfast to your calf. Its laps drew sharp bursts of pain—not just from the limb, but everywhere: behind your eyelids, the forefront of your head, your ribcage, your heart. Yet, they also reminded you that you were still alive; you were breathing, albeit haggardly, and your end had not yet come. That soothed you as alcohol soothes a wound.

The wolf was cruel. It gave you hope when you both knew your death was certain.

Then, almost as a distraction from your pitiful death, a cry tore through the night. You were almost sure it was your own until your half-conscious mind managed to recognise it.

The babe. How had you forgotten about the child?

Your eyes shot open, and the moon’s terrified face greeted you. There wasn’t much you could do, with the amount of blood you were losing and the state of consciousness you were in, but your heart raced for the screaming child. So, with the strength of a faint bird, you thrashed your leg around in hopes that the wolf would release you.

It didn’t. Instead, it gnawed down harder on your limb, teeth sinking down deeper than they had before. You jolted up and released a cry of your own. “Gods!”

The child chimed in with you, the tones of desolation and terror ringing out in their cries. It was almost like you could hear the child wail your name amidst the sound of your blood rushing in your ears, your heart pounding, your tired breaths, and the forest howling with glee. Your heart ached, and you thrashed once more as spots danced in your vision. Or were they stars?

Weaving between the trees, the winds taunted you. Their silken words hissed, “How does one expect to save a babe when one cannot save oneself?”

As much as you hated to admit it, there was only truth to that question. You were twisted into a ghastly shape, bleeding from a torn limb, and at the mercy of a wolf.

Almost as if to remind you, it retracted from your calf, stalked up your body, and plunged its teeth into your torso instead. Any cries left in you died on your tongue as you choked on copper. It was blood you choked on, you realised too late, watching the tell-tale rouge bloom across your abdomen. The wolf’s mouth was stained, with your blood, as it feasted on your soft flesh. It switched between its feline laps and carnivorous tears at your muscle, while you could only gaze at the moon and stars through teary eyes.

“P-Pl… Please.” You had never thought you would beg for death the way you were begging now.

The Gods seemed to spare you, their precious child, a drop of pity.

Without any warning of any kind, the wolf abandoned its feast. Blood dripped from its snout, as its ears twitched in every which way. Its ears perked towards the shrouded trees you hadn’t touched with your dagger—the trees in the middle of the forest. A low whine rumbled from its throat, almost as if it’d been scolded, before it rushed off into the heart of the forest.

The Bordered Forest went silent. The winds weren’t blowing, the trees weren’t watching, and the moon and stars were still. It was all so hushed and quiet that even the mist hung in the air, petrified in the presence of impending anticipation. The hesitance in the forest trickled into your heart, as the silence stretched on. After all the wretched forest had done to you, it still managed to harbour fears of its own. Sweat beaded along your eyebrows.

“Beware,” the trees around you sang when the winds started up again and flurried between their branches. It must have been your deliriousness creating images in your eyes, but the trees appeared to be dancing in a ring—moving away from you with each step.

What was the forest scared of?

The winds escalated in volume once again, this time without their previous taunts. They chanted, and chanted, and chanted—filling your mind with noises so loud and images so grim. The excruciating pain waltzing throughout your entire body meddled with your ability to hear the winds’ message. It was only when you raised your head ever so slightly that you realised what they were saying. “Make way for the witch. Make way for the witch. Make way for the witch—”

“Silence!” Out of the heart of the forest, The Bordered Forest’s one true fear emerged. They were a tall figure, with feminine curves that dipped and rose in all the right places, but limbs so hairy you were sure they were a beast. Their face remained shrouded from you with the velvet hood of the dark robe they were wearing. When they spoke again, you recognised their voice as the sickly sweet one that had begged for your heart. “Child, did my impression amuse you?”

Your head swam. The agony behind your eyes, tickling almost every ending of your nerves, intensified as the figure levitated closer to you. There was no way you could focus on anyone else besides yourself, while your body was leaking so much blood and pain slithered into the crevices between your flesh, but there was an allure to this figure—this witch—that tempted you. “… W-What?”

The trees whispered, and the winds gasped. For once, the two worked together to whisper a frightening tune, “The witch is here. The witch is here. The witch is h—”

The whispers faded into a mere buzz, as your body lifted off the ground. You screamed when your disfigured calf gave way and fell onto the vines beneath you. Blood watered the moss, vines, and all the foliage of the forest’s ground, and they all watched your body float closer to the witch. When your remaining leg was an ear’s breadth away from their chest, they turned you vertically, and you nearly spluttered out a fountain of blood.

The witch’s crafty smile escaped the shadows their hood cast on their face, as they wiped the blood that managed to dribble out the sides of your lips. “My impression of a babe. It was quite a performance, wasn’t it? I do applaud myself for it, as well.”

Your heart lurched into the depths of your stomach. “A… b-babe?”

Instead of replying, the witch whistled a seductive tune. Fallen twigs snapped, and the wolf appeared again. Its mouth was still bloodied, and so were its paws, but there was a renewed fervour in its eyes. Whilst it stalked up to the witch’s side, it purred and whined lowly. The witch patted the creature’s head with their claw-like fingers and murmured, “Good pet.”

You could only watch as the wolf sauntered to the ground you were hovering over and carried your limb in its mouth. You shuddered and focused your eyes on anywhere else but the wolf’s disappearing figure. At least it would feast tonight.

With the image of the wolf carrying part of your leg in its mouth, everything began to fall into place. Somehow, this wicked witch had orchestrated everything that’d happened to you. The voice had been them, the child had been them, even the wolf had been sent in by them to feast on your tired form. After luring you into the forest, befuddling you with their voice, and sending in their beast of a pet, the witch had you right where they wanted you—too tired and faint to refuse your heart.

“Yes,” the witch whispered, licking their lips with the tongue of a serpent, “You are finally being enlightened.”

With the little strength you could muster, you moved your hands to rest over where your heart was. Your fingers trembled with tremors, and you shook your head. “N-No.”

“No?” The witch didn’t seem angry in the slightest. Instead, their lips curled up incredibly, revealing their grotesque set of fangs. “Child, I believe you have no choice.”

You began to protest, but the overwhelming taste of copper filled your mouth and choked up your words. You retched bloody bile out of your mouth, and all over the front of the witch’s robe in one go.

The witch shivered and purred, while the putrid scent filled the space between you two. Your eyes grew wide when they drew a line through the fluids splattered on their robe with a sharp claw and brought it up to their lips. You retched again when they licked off your blood from their talon and moaned in ecstasy. “I knew you would be delicious. Your blood was far too tempting, so I just had to have a taste first. Excuse my manners.”

Your stomach was churning, and you were certain that if the wolf had bitten off the flesh covering it, the acidic contents in it would tumble out right now and decorate the mossy floor. A grimace marred your lips, as the witch licked up some more of your blood from their robe.

“Although,” the witch paused to roll their eyes back in bliss, “I wasn’t completely mannerless. When you entered my abode, I did request for your heart.”

You shuddered at the feeling of their wet talon grazing your face. “I did request it, did I not?”

Their earlier words played a symphony in your mind you simply did not want to listen to. “I’ll take good care of it; I swear on it.” You bit your lip and relished the copper taste in your mouth. Truly, there was nothing you could do to keep your heart, yet a strange hope still blossomed in you. Perhaps the Gods would save their child. They would never fail you.

The witch scoffed and stroked your cheek slowly. “Your Gods have failed you, and they will again.”

A burning rage bubbled up inside you. It threatened to spill over in angry words, but your mouth was too exhausted to utter anything more. Instead, you fought past the pain in your eyes and cursed the witch out with them. The Gods would surely strike the witch down as soon as they caught wind of the witch’s blasphemy.

“Oh, little thing, don’t get too angry now.” They withdrew from you and started floating around you instead. You were still in the air, but now you were spinning slowly as the witch held out a hand in the direction of The Bordered Forest. “As much as it would delight me to say so, the fault doesn’t fall solely on them. Those beings have no access to my forest, nor does any other form of magick.”

Their forest?

More rage burst forward from your heart. It was more than jarring to hear the witch’s pride in what they’d wrongly stolen and claimed as their own. After all, the Gods created and owned the land every mortal walked on. If a fool were to read The Scriptures, that’s the least they would pick up from it, and yet this witch didn’t seem to have any regard for such truths. You scowled.

“The Gods created everything? Is that the trickery they’re preaching nowadays?” A cunning smile laid across the witch’s lips. “Did they forget to teach the babes the power that resides within each one of us, if we so much as desire to unearth it?”

You ripped your eyes away from the witch’s figure and hungry lips. There was something about the witch’s words that rang with truth, yet you didn’t want to hear more. As a child, you’d been told enough tales of the ends of those who desired more than the Gods blessed them with.

“At the very least, you know it’s true.” The witch stopped in front of a particular ring of trees, as the winds slithered between their branches. Their smile grew, and two fangs pierced their wine lips. A shiver ran down your spine at the sight and you realised you’d looked back up at the witch.

When they spoke again, their serpent tongue made an appearance. “We, mortals, have so much power. The Gods wish we remain ignorant to it because they fear a mortal with power.”

You shook your head, even as it protested with furious shouts of agony. Even if you were too faint to cover your ears with your hands, you wouldn’t allow some lowly witch’s blasphemy to infiltrate your heart. Who were they that they could spew such blasphemy, without the fear of the Gods weighing on their heart?

“Who am I?” The witch’s claws twitched as they neared the hood of their robe. “I hold many names, child.”

With a simple tug of their claw, their hood fell and revealed one of the most enchanting sights you’d ever seen. Their almond eyes shone with mirth, as they twinkled between a deep blue and shades of brown. Their nose slanted down their face smoothly and complimented the sharp ridges of their face. They must’ve been a magick creature of some sort because their pale skin shimmered and sparkled under the moonlight. The witch was gorgeous.

They smiled, bemused at the obvious admiration donning your face, but they made no comment on it. Instead, they sauntered closer to you and extended a hand in your direction. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, child. I’m Sunghoon.”

Your heart dropped to your stomach when their face melted off and warped into another one. This face was equally beautiful and similar to the first one, but the eyes were rounder, the face was softer, and there were more touches of youth to it.

The witch’s brown eyes twinkled with glee. “This is Jungwon.”

Yet again, their face morphed, and the witch reintroduced themselves with another name—Sunoo. A pit carved out a hole in your chest, as the witch kept morphing and you realised that the faces seemed to be growing younger and younger. The Jay face, the most serious one out of them all, made your heart tighten, as a revelation struck you. These were the faces of the children who’d had their hearts ripped out by the witch.

“Yes, yes!” The witch clapped, with the face of the most youthful child you'd seen so far—Riki. They sauntered closer to you, with their tongue flicking out at you over their lips. “Children just have the most delectable faces, and their hearts—oh, their hearts—they’re quite sweet. They taste of the sweetest of honeys.”

Their talons dug into your shoulders, and you were too horrified to even scream. You only began to struggle against their hold when desperation leaked into the irises of the child’s stolen eyes.

“Oh, you must let me have your heart.” The witch cupped your cheeks with one hand, squeezing your flesh there with a frightening strength. Their tongue flicked out over the dried blood splattered around your mouth, and you recoiled at the heavy scent of rotten beauty reeking from their mouth. “Your bone structure is simply marvellous, and it fills me with much envy, just seeing your flesh stretched across it, instead of mine.”

You shook your head frantically and thrashed around, but their magick held strong against your faint form.

The witch smiled again, and it was at that moment that you noticed the flecks of flesh hidden between their fangs. “I’ll take good care of it, child. I swear on it. I may even reserve it for special occasions if you so much as wish for it.”

A scream fought to erupt from your throat, but you were much too petrified to do anything. Not only was the blood loss taking its toll on you, but the witch’s sharp claws were still sunk into your shoulders and drawing more blood. Your body danced between the thudding horrors of your realisations, and the sting of the constant pain as you waited for something, anything, to save you from this monster.

“Don’t fret, child.” The witch finally retracted from you and hovered close to some of the trees instead. Their smile was mad, as you were sure they were. “I’ll take good care of your body too. You can even decide your fate. Will you be a moss? A tree? Dancing vines?”

Their words played in your head for a few moments, until your heart stopped. Sparing a tree a glance, you retched the coppery liquid in your mouth yet again.

The witch hadn’t been lying when they said they’d created the forest with their might alone. Everything—the moss, the vines, the trees, everything—was the magicked carcasses of their previous victims. Your scream finally spilled out of your mouth.

The witch drew close to you, something akin to pity in the depths of their eyes—in the depths of the child’s eyes. They shook their head brusquely. “Don’t cry, dear child. Don’t cry.”

A long talon traced its way from your chin to the base of your neck, drawing blood there. “There had been something you’d said, hadn’t you?”

You writhed and sobbed as the witch lapped up the blood pooling around your collarbones. Their shiver rumbled through you, and you wanted nothing more than to slay them right there and then. But, you couldn’t do anything as their claw and mouth made their way to your chest, and they licked the skin protecting your heart.

“It’s just you, the moon, and the stars,” they paused to gaze up at you with a malevolent glint in their eyes, “so, swallow up your screams, for the moon and stars can’t save you.”

Then, their fangs sunk in. It was a sharp and paralysing sensation for a moment, and then you could feel the life trickling out of your flesh. Your screams died in your throat, as you spared the moon and stars one last glance. The stars cried, and the moon mourned, as the last bit of your life trickled into the witch’s mouth.

Just You, The Moon, And The Stars Enhypen

copyright 2022 soobisms, all rights reserved. no translations or reposts of any form allowed.


Tags :
4 months ago

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 16

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 16
THE ENHYPEN HOST || 16

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

PREVIOUS (FF) CHAPTER:

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 15
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|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, thr

FIRST CHAPTER:

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 1
Tumblr
|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Minggyu (Seventeen) & BTS PAIRING: FEM OC X ENHYPEN WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, hum

It's complicated, that's for sure.

I can't tell what's going on either, as I bite her neck, kiss her, and slip my hand between her thighs.

Amanda pushes me, weakly, I pull away.

She lowers her gaze hurt. “S-Stop it, Sunghoon.”

I look at her, seeming not to thinking straight. Right now I can only see her naked body, and although I've fucked Wonyoung so many times…I feel like I haven't had enough yet.

I keep thinking about the fact that while kissing Wonyoung, while holding her, I wanted to have Amanda in my hands.

All of this is absurd, and yet, I move closer to her again and kiss her, I want her lips. So soft, so warm, red as cherries, like her cheeks every time I touch her, every time I brush against her.

She's just beautiful, so what does it matter? She has fucked anyone and it's disgusting, so she really remains just beautiful -- so why can't I stop wanting her?

I'm reminded of that moment when she admitted -- in a way -- that she has feelings for Heeseung.

This is really idiotic, no, she is an idiot.

I lift my serious gaze to her when for the umpteenth time she pulls away from me, although she does so with very little force. “Why Heeseung?” Amanda looks at me surprised, perhaps a little impressed by my bluntness, but does not answer. “He let me fuck you on his shift, you're a toy for his cock. Why Heeseung?”

I speak softly, but not because I'm trying to hide from Wonyoung, more like I feel completely drained, and then…she keeps rejecting me, pushing me away…. Even if she eventually does what I tell her to do, I get the impression that she only does it because it's a work issue.

What if she is really into Heeseung? And why him?

“Should I want you?” Amanda whispers, in a rather shy tone, avoiding my gaze. I walk over to her, annoyed that she won't even look at me. “No, of course not. But Heeseung? Why?” She looks at me, finally, but I feel uncomfortable for the first time. “I don't understand why you should care. It doesn't concern you Sunghoon, I p-can do whatever I want. - He says, walking away and giving me his back. - And anyway, it's not like just because I like…. then things will change. Heeseung teases me, I'm a toy, I know.” She really wants to piss me off, but I'm not in the mood for a fight. “So you admit it? Do you like Heeseung?” “No.” She answers quickly. “You don't admit it?” I feel relieved, but why? Amanda just turns around, smiling sadly at me. “I like to feel like a normal person. Maybe… Heeseung treats me normal.” I laugh, nervous again. “He treats you normally? - I grab her wrist to force her to turn fully toward me, I recognize I was a little rough and she looks at me startled, but I am a tangle of strange emotions and I feel flustered. - Is the normal part where he fucks you with his friend? No, I'm not even his friend.”

What the-what's wrong with her all of a sudden? I release my grip from her wrist, terrified, she… her eyes are filled with tears.

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 16

What the fuck is happening to me? Why does my chest hurt? Why the hell should I be sorry, me! She's the stupid one, she's the one who doesn't understand anything, she's the one who… now looks at me with such a tender, hurt expression.

I don't really reason as I take her face and kiss her again. I like to hold her face between my palms, it's like I'm pinning her between my hands, she can't escape, no matter how many times she hits my chest, because in the end she accepts my kisses and returns them.

It drives me crazy that she is crying for someone else while kissing me, yet I can't pull away from her lips, I can't even stop my hands, I want her, now.

When I pull away, confused, her cheeks are still wet but she has stopped crying. I wipe them with the back of my hand before kissing her once more, this time she doesn't even push me.

“I don't understand, I don't understand, r-really.” She whispers, her voice broken, between kisses.

Honestly, I don't understand either. All I know is that she's naked and between her legs she's wet, for me, no matter what she says about Heeseung, it's obvious that she wants me, probably more than she can accept, and that's why I.... never mind that there's Wonyoung I….

I literally take her in my arms, I can't wait. I have to have her now. Lying on the bed, naked and beautiful as she is, I look at her for a few seconds.

“Don't cry in front of me anymore, if you don't cry for me.” I say seriously, before kneeling between her legs.

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 16

She backs up on the bed, frightened. “W-What are you going to do?”

I look up annoyed at her, then pull her by her ankles so that she can show me her beautiful, rosy, moist pussy. She cannot struggle, does not have the strength or conviction, so when I rest my meaty lips on her clit, sucking it, she just moans, helpless.

“S-Sunghoon… - She calls out to me, as I recklessly begin to pleasure her, not quite thinking straight. - Y-You… do you want me… cry….for you?” She asks, moaning.

I am confused, stunned by this question, but I have no answer frankly, or rather, I would immediately regret the answer I want to give her so I choose the path of silence. Just use my tongue faster as she gasps under her breath.

“Was it difficult? - I ask her, after I pull away, looking at her, then I slip two fingers into her tight pussy and she clears her eyes, in distress. - Listening to us all this time…” “Y-you too-you just want to fuck, n-no?” I move my hand faster, as she annoyed me again. “What about you? Don't you want that too? - I sneer, irritated. - Stop pretending you don't like it, I see you as you are.” “And you ha-hate it.” She restrains herself, biting those beautiful lips to contain herself.

She is so pretty, although her body is that of a woman. Seeing her in pain because of me, biting her lips to keep from moaning, while I expressionlessly look at her and continue…. well, it made me so hard.

“Yes, it did. - I confirm cold. - I hate it.”

As I continue to move my hand more than my fingers, and her pelvis trembles, I begin to kiss her inner thigh. Even her skin tastes good….

“Sunghoon? - She calls me all at once, Wonyoung, coming out of the bathroom and probably heading for my room, which is empty, though. - Fuck, this idiot… Where are you?!” She shrieks.

I turn to Amanda; her cheeks are so red they look like the color of her lips. She is frightened and dares not breathe a word, but I…. don't know what the fuck is wrong with me today, because I start masturbating her again.

Really, I don't care.

“Don't give us away.” I whisper, looking into her eyes.

She has tears in her eyes, I can't tell if from fear of being found out or because she is enjoying it so much she can't hide it. She has to cover her mouth with both hands as her big frowning eyes continue to rise unnaturally upward; she can't physically hide her gasps completely but there's a good chance Wonyoung won't hear.

She's so obedient and pretty, I really want to fuck her, besides, my dick is practically sticking out of my boxers because of how hard it is, as if it hasn't gone through three rounds already.

Fuck.

“Really? He came out without saying anything?!” Wonyoung rants, in the hallway, but I meanwhile lower myself between Amanda's thighs and start licking her.

She tries to call me on the phone (I can hear the ringtone) but realizes I left the phone in my room and maybe gives up, I hear her walking down the hallway, her step is light and elegant.

In all this I have not lost concentration, at this moment my mind is dedicated only to Amanda's pleasure. It doesn't matter, I can't fuck her right now, but I want her to remember what I'm doing to her, I want her to know that the best, I'm the one.

“S…Sun…g…” She whispers, exhausted, as her body shakes completely from the spasms.

I move my face but my fingers go deep, shaking her from within. I can't help biting my lips as I look at her desperate expression, it's her I want to bite but I start to feel anxious, I've been missing for a while now.

Suddenly Wonyoung tries again to open the Jungwon's room door, which I have obviously locked, while Amanda literally seems to be dying.

Partly out of fear, of course, partly because she is coming on my fingers, she has arched her back and is squeezing her eyes tormented, she must not be making any noise but she is having a deep orgasm, perhaps the very danger has brought her to the peak of her pleasure.

The door is shaken several times, she can't have simply made a mistake again or she would have remembered it. Does she want to enter because suspects something? No, that's impossible. If she wants to enter it is only because she is curious.

Amanda is lying on the bed looking lifeless, strands of hair partially covering her face as she breathes, naked, in front of me. “It's over, isn't it?” She asks me.

You mean to tell me you didn't like it! Liar.

“Wonyoung is about to find out about us - she whispers, but I can still understand her. - The scandal… from the scandal … you will never r-recover.”

Ah, she was talking about this…

“Don't worry about useless things. - I sigh, remaining silent for a few seconds to see if Wonyoung has wandered off. - Just go to the bathroom and lock up. I'm going out now.”

The stupid girl after getting up grabs Jungwon's shirt again, does she.... does she really want to rattle me? Even in such a delicate situation? And why should she make me nervous if she's wearing someone else's clothes when she ends up in anyone's bed anyway?

I don't know, I don't have enough time to rearrange ideas, I simply take the shirt from her hands and throw it on the floor.

“No.”

She looks at me, it's obvious she wants to say something but still she doesn't, simply lowers her gaze and executes.

Good, right? That's exactly what I wanted, yes. I think so as I see her lock herself in the bathroom - and yet I'm not satisfied and the expression with which she left me…. makes me feel nervous.

I know it's not “right” what I'm doing but I mean…. it's not exactly like dating. She's here to fuck and I want to fuck, the fact that I'm a tad fixated on her just depends on the intensity of the desire to fuck her.

I shake my bangs nervously, looking at myself in the mirror on Jungwon's closet.

I know that.... I shouldn't do it to Wonyoung either though... it's never happened. I'm not saying I'm a good person, maybe if I were a normal person and not a celebrity I would be a real bastard cheating, but dating girls in my position is complicated.

Even if they are drop-dead gorgeous, I don't have the time to get to know them. And, according to the logic that I have only and exclusive physical attraction for Amanda, well…. it's just that she's always near me, she lives with me, I see her all the time, and the more I see her the more I think about her.

Stop.

This is bullshit.

She is a fake little girl who thought she was having fun, but no, I won't let her. Just like I won't let her get any closer to Heeseung.

It's not that I want to protect her or anything else…. just that Heeseung is just as dick-motivated as I am, only I don't profess love or talk bullshit. Right?

Right, let's go back that way.

Wonyoung doesn't notice me, because back in my room she started trying to find out my cell phone code. She'll never figure it out, but I want to keep watching her cute, childlike expression as she concentrates on thinking of the most likely number combination.

After a few tens of seconds I sigh, she looks at me surprised but not nervous, on the contrary she laughs.

“Where have you been?” “Don't try to block my phone, I can't remember the other code.” “Then give me your pin.” Wonyoung smiles, annoyed. “Three, zero, one, four, nine, three, eleven, six, eight, four, thirty-five…” She wrinkles her nose adorably. “Are you kidding me?” “Don't cross the line, Wonnie.”

How dare I tell her that?

“I have no problem giving you my code.” She responds offended, throwing my cell phone on the bed. “Neither do I, you wouldn't find anything in it. - I sigh, moving closer to her, who lets herself be held in my arms. - But we don't have to.”

She kisses me first and I kiss her back.

I like Wonyoung because at heart she is independent, yes, but like any other woman she wants to be loved, what she tries to exert on me is an innocent force.

Nevertheless, keeping up with her starts to become less easy, perhaps because I am not myself these days, perhaps because we never see each other enough.

Moreover, she will never be the kind of woman willing to wait for me at home, to take care of our family. She will always be too bright, regardless of whether I shine as much or not.

On the contrary…. no, I am not thinking about anything.

This not thinking about anything, though, makes me nervous, and I kiss her more animatedly, moving to her long, elegant neck and then to her shoulders as I lay her gently on the bed and over her.

I need to cum, I'm going crazy.

Thus begin two more long rounds that see me almost completely defeated, but she is no better off either. Her hair is all disheveled and even her enduring makeup shows signs of failing.

I'm surprised to hear the door open, it's later than I thought. Who the fuck is that?

I throw my sweatshirt at Wonyoung as I walk out of my room and look around. Amanda is still locked.

I'm not really surprised when I see Heeseung looking like he ran all the way here, seeing me in the hallway shirtless, sweaty and tired, walking against me nervously. Shit, this is no time for his bullshit.

“Wonyoung is here.” I tell him, serious. He surprised stops, before hitting me (which he seemed about to do). “What?” “Yes - I look at the door to my room - she's home.” “What about Amanda?!” He asks in a nervous whisper. “I sent her on errands.” “She won't answer me at the phone, where did you send her? What if something happened to her?”

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 16

I look at him, I feel like a block of ice, I find his manifestation really pathetic. Wonyoung, my famous girlfriend, she is in our house and this is simply dangerous. But what does he do? He only thinks about Amanda.

“Speak softly.” I answer seriously. “Tell me where she is or I'll think you killed her.” “I'd like to do that just to see your reaction.” I sneer, how annoying…. “I don't care right now. - He admits honestly, it's been a long time since I've seen Heeseung give a look like that. He's worried, really. - You can't just-” “She doesn't answer you because I told her to.”

Why? Why say such a thing now? Why do I feel so bad all of a sudden? I want to hurt him, I want to see the disappointed look on his face, as if I just broke his heart.

Why don't I even feel guilty?

“Really? - He asks, looking me in the eye. He appears obviously nervous but I don't flinch. - To her… Was that okay?” “That's right.”

I do not have time to realize that he has loaded against my abdomen a strong fist, so hard that I stagger and bend over my abdomen. I don't want to let out moans of pain, but I think the blow was felt anyway.

“You piece of…” I cough, the asshole really hurt me. “And what did she say?” “Kiss Sunghoon's ass, I think.” I laugh, getting up and going over to lash him, a fist, in the side. Heeseung bends over, sore. “Now I'm going to kill you.”

At that moment Wonyoung enters the hallway, who cannot have heard, given how we were whispering. She is frightened and worried; she must have sensed the commotion and noise of our moaning and became alarmed.

She is wearing only my sweatshirt, with her legs almost completely uncovered in front of Heeseung, who, however, after looking at her for a few seconds, looks away, fortunately for him.

“I'm g-going away.” Wonyoung pretends to be more shy than she is, re-entering the room to dress, perhaps imagining a fight between the two of us because of her presence here.

I look him in the eye, he does the same, then bites his lip really pissed off and walks past me, slamming his shoulder against me.

Did he really decide not to say anything to Wonyoung? He could very well have exposed me, created a mess, just for the sake of making trouble for me. Instead he doesn't, and? This just to protect her? After telling him that she ignores him to please me?

I'm going fucking crazy.

I go back to the room.

Wonyoung is almost ready, chatting perhaps with her driver for him to pick her up. I reassure her about the fight with Heeseung, but several minutes pass, surely too many before the driver arrives because someone else is going home.

Just then Wonyoung's driver seems to have arrived as well, so she gets ready to leave but I alarmed that she might see, I don't know, Jungwon coming back into the room and find his unknowingly door locked, I have to leave first.

I calm the girl down and go out, and just as it was supposed to go, since today is definitely NOT my day, there he is, smilingly returning the good maknae leader.

“What a pale face. Nice pecs.” He exclaims happily, walking toward his room. I stand in front, looking at him seriously. “Don't go in just yet. There's Wonyoung, wait.... in Jay's room, I-I'll explain later.” “You stutter? Uh, then it's serious.” He chuckles happily. “Will you?” “Who knows.” He laughs.

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 16

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