Ficlit - Tumblr Posts
where a little old lady owns a bodega and her customers are frequently vigilantes, anti-heros and morally ambiguous mutants and phd students. and they are all sweet as pie to her. they listen to her talk about her grandchildren and her cat. these hardened criminals become the sweetest ppl with mrs. lo who gets help stocking her shop by like someone who has no qualms hanging a drug dealer out a window.
so like mrs. lo’s shop is on an unwritten list of places that aren’t robbed. until like some super-villain has the gall to have a throwdown in mrs. lo’s neighbourhood and now the hero has a group of lawless vigilantes showing up to help them just because mrs. lo is in the hospital with a broken arm. and like two of the most sinister vigilantes are now running her shop for her while she recuperates
“so who do i have to kill?”
“what, they eat planets whole -”
“so i need a bigger gun, fine, lemme call some people”
“what the fuck-”
“hey, language, kids play in this street. i thought you were a hero”
Steve Rogers leaves dishes in the sink.
Concept: fairy tale where the wicked step-parent (who is of course also some sort of warlock) transforms the princess into a swan, as one does, but rather than running off to mope around in a lake and be beautifully tragic, the princess decides to stick around the palace and cause problems on purpose.
hey cassie! this is really random but recently i reread city of heavenly fire and at the end of the book, when magnus gives alec the notebook with the story of his life in, it says theres an inscription in the front starting with "dear alec ... " and i just really want to know what the rest of that inscription says and was wondering if you ever wrote it? thank you, i love you and your books so much, they mean the world to me💛
I did write it as an extra for Ilumicrate’s Red Scrolls of Magic box; they kindly gave me permission to post it here.
Dear Alec, I once told you that you were not trivial. It broke my heart that you would think so. I should have known then that one day I must tell you this. It was never your fault that I didn’t talk to you about my past. Centuries are not easy to speak of, and they were not easy to live. There have been people I loved who thought that because I laugh so that I don’t weep or break, that I was trivial. There have been people I loved who learned more of me, and thought I was evil incarnate who must be destroyed. I didn’t know how to make those I loved think of me as more than nothing, or less than a devil. I have seen the hearts of warlocks go hard and fragile as glass over time, seen them shatter and destroy the world around them. I have seen hatred and evil in Shadowhunters and Downworlders and mundanes. I never dreamed that I would meet a son of the Angel who could love me. Once I met you, so many feelings seemed made new: love, and hope, and fear you would see me for what I truly was, and turn your face away. That you, steadfast and clean-hearted and clear-eyed, would be right to turn away. I never doubted your heart. Only my place in it. I hoped for a long time to meet someone like you. I didn’t know I had almost stopped hoping, until you came. Whether you choose me tonight or not, whether you want me for always or never again, thank you for being all that you are. Alexander Gideon Lightwood, archer boy who never misses, my hope past hope. You will know me better after you read these stories. I don’t know what you will think of me then. I only hope you know this one truth about me, with all the good and all the bad. I spent days dying in chains, thinking you would never know this, so let me tell you now. I will love you as long as I live. However long or short my life may be, it seems to me that I could never find time enough to love you as you deserve. Loving you made me believe in eternity. Aku cinta kamu.
“Never have I ever” Quentin begins, with the deadpan calm that only being Toby’s squire can bestow, “bitten the Luidaeg.”
Toby takes a drink.
August looks stunned while Simon’s eyes widen with growing horror.
May and Tybalt exchange an exasperated glance that says louder than words, “of course she did.”
Toby is already regretting agreeing to this family bonding night.
A Killing Frost spoilers with no context:
double-dating but make it terrible
Etienne hugs, now. He’s a hugger
who’s a good boy girl goblin? Is it Spike? Is it Spike? It is! Yes it is!
competitive liver regrowth
“maybe we can just talk it out?” says Toby, already bleeding
*distant sounds of an otter just biting the shit out of an octopus*
[this is like the third consecutive book I’ve read that’s had a significant moment with soup (chowder is soup); wtf]
Toby literally straight-up stabs herself in the heart
gee, Dianda, why’d your mom let you have TWO trophy husbands?!
On the topic of humans being everyone’s favorite Intergalactic versions of Gonzo the Great: Come on you guys, I’ve seen all the hilarious additions to my “humans are the friendly ones” post. We’re basically Steve Irwin meets Gonzo from the Muppets at this point. I love it.
But what if certain species of aliens have Rules for dealing with humans?
Don’t eat their food. If human food passes your lips/beak/membrane/other way of ingesting nutrients, you will never be satisfied with your ration bars again.
Don’t tell them your name. Humans can find you again once they know your name and this can be either life-saving or the absolute worst thing that could happen to you, depending on whether or not they favor you. Better to be on the safe side.
Winning a human’s favor will ensure that a great deal of luck is on your side, but if you anger them, they are wholly capable of wiping out everything you ever cared about. Do not anger them.
If you must anger them, carry a cage of X’arvizian bloodflies with you, for they resemble Earth mo-skee-toes and the human will avoid them.
This does not always work. Have a last will and testament ready.
Do not let them take you anywhere on your planet that you cannot fly a ship from. Beings who are spirited away to the human kingdom of Aria Fiv-Ti Won rarely return, and those that do are never quite the same.
Basically, humans are like the Fair Folk to some aliens and half of them are scared to death and the others are like alien teenagers who are like “I dare you to ask a human to take you to Earth”.
Not nearly enough “Sirius Black makes himself at home in Privet Drive because there’s nothing the Dursleys can do to get him to leave” fic out there, and it’s a crying shame.
An old and homely grandmother accidentally summons a demon. She mistakes him for her gothic-phase teenage grandson and takes care of him. The demon decides to stay at his new home.
Obsessed with the idea of a Teenager Leverage AU
Ex-Insurance Investigator Nate Ford being forced to team up with three of the best thieves and criminals in the United States but they're literally children and he nearly kills Dubenich on the spot upon learning this
16-17 year olds Parker, Hardison and Eliot all being hired to help this stuffy, sad drunk man rob some airplane plans and immediately imprinting on him like Yes, This is Our Dad Now
Enter Theatre Mom Sophie, who was at first Not Happy about Nate suddenly (involuntarily) adopting three teenage criminals, quickly deciding that Yes I Can Work With This and if they're going to keep doing crime than at least they're going to know how to talk their way out of it (Eliot is the only one she doesn't fear for)
Que every shenanigan that happens in the 5 seasons of Leverage but the silliness and heartbreak scales are turned up to a 20
It is a beautiful day, and you are a horrible research transport vessel. Things are progressing as normal (i.e. it's boring) when a SecUnit pings you, lies right to your metaphorical face, and then tries to bribe you with human media to give it a ride. This is as unexpected as it is unprecedented, and the sheer nerve of it is really to be admired. There's no protocol to this, so what should you do?
Now, this is against a bunch of rules, and could be dangerous if you weren't so impressive and incredible, and you're technically an employee (and can probably rewrite the Univeristy charter at will (until someone notices and puts it back)) so those rules are for other entities.
So, what you should do is allow the rogue SecUnit with a broken governor module and a sketchy story aboard. If you check the files it dumps and find zero (0) malware (which is confusing), and it doesn't even try to trash the place or lay in wait to ambush a crew member, then you've got a good candidate!
Next, what you're going to want to do is absolutely nothing. Just watch it patrol your halls until it's time to leave. Continue staring at it while you're undergoing embarkment procedures. Maybe analyze it a little (you've got plenty of processing power to spare) when it finally sits down and starts watching media. Allow it to settle in and get comfortable while you stare at it and get further and further from port.
Now that you two are alone (intimacy is key!) and you've determined that watching media is all the SecUnit is going to do, it's time to make contact! Make sure to open by telling it it's only survived due to dumb luck, and letting it know you could melt its brain into putty. This starter will work to develop conversation naturally and smoothly, just like you've seen the humans do, and it will be smooth sailing from there!
This has been Perihelion's guide to making friends/finding life partners/fuck off Holism I had to work hard for this find your own