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Howl has such overdramatic dumbass energy. I mean, he’s the type of guy who can say completely reasonable things but then slimes his house and says things like “HORROR! DESPAIR! ANGUISH!” as if it’s no big deal.

Honestly, I’m surprised Calcifer doesn’t drag him more for it, but then again, Howl probably says everything with such conviction that it’s hard to argue.

I need a Howl’s Moving Castle “Much Ado about Nothing” AU

Just picture it: Sophie as Beatrice and Howl as Benedick, being little shits towards each other and dramatically denying that they feel anything for each other

- Clearly Howl will get Beatrice’s “taming my wild heart” line, but everything else stays the same

- During the disguise scene at the party, Howl is delighted at the opportunity to dress up in disguise and find out what Sophie truly thinks of him

- And Sophie realizes it’s him in two seconds flat (”I RIPPED UP THAT SUIT AND PUT IT BACK TOGETHER, HOW DUMB DO YOU THINK I AM, HOWL???”) but won’t tell him because How Dare This Asshole Try to Make Me Look Like a Fool

- And man, does she ever DRAG HIS ASS

- And Howl mopes about it to Calcifer, who just wants the tantrum over with (”STOP LOOKING LIKE YOU’RE GOING TO SLIME THE PLACE! NOT BY THE GRATES! DON’T MAKE ME CALL OVER SOPHIE, YOU FOOL!”)

- After Howl’s mope session, Calcifer tells Michael about the situation, who in turn tells Martha, who in turns grabs Lettie and gathers all four of them together

- Martha: So we’re going to trick Howl and Sophie into falling in love by making them overhear that the other has a crush on them.

- Everyone: That... sounds like something they would fall for, yes.

- How could anyone but Martha Hatter come up with such a ridiculous scheme to get Sophie and Howl together?

- And who could anyone but our favourite idiots fall for said ridiculous scheme?

- Calcifer, Michael wait until Howl is upstairs before staging their discussion

- (Calicifer’s doing it just to hopefully get some peace and quiet and attention back on him; Michael’s been dragged into it by Martha even though he’s a terrible liar)

- Of course, Howl is freaking out and, being the drama king he is, cant stop exclaiming and tries to cover it up so poorly

- “SOPHIE LIKES - oh, um, *DRAMTICALLY LOUD COUGHING FIT* ...I’m sick.”

- Martha and Lettie drag Sophie out for a walk around town, and when they have her in a shop, they sneak behind the rack she’s looking at and spill the rumours

- Sophie nearly takes down that rack and probably accidentally enchants a few items while muttering to them about how “This can’t be true, Howl would never... What do you think? You do seem like a sensible shawl, you know, but how do I react to this wonder- I mean, terrible, terrible news...”

- Clearly, Howl and Sophie won’t let their guard down completely after these conversations, but they do develop odd quirks

- Howl won’t leave Sophie the fuck alone 

- “Sophie, Sophie, did you see me cast that spell? Did it impress you? Sophie, Sophie, am I the most charming man in the world yet?”

- And Sophie is even more clumsy and flustered around him than normal, so she ends up snapping at him twice as much, furiously cleans the castle twice over with the most ridiculous determination Ingary has ever known and proceeds to enchant over half of the household’s possessions while she mutters grumpily to herself

- Sophie: “You, stool, how dare you get in the way? You ought to know not to trip people when they are trying to clean, for heaven’s sake! Now, next time you MOVE when people are coming near, you hear?”

- *the next day* Michael: “SOPHIE, WHY DOES THE STOOL KEEP MOVING WHEN I TRY TO SIT ON IT? SOPHIE, PLEASE HELP! HOWL? ANYONE???”

- No one in the castle has known peace for two weeks because of this constant madness

- (Calcifer and Michael greatly regret their participation in the matter)

- Anyway, for the matter of the whole wedding drama, let’s pretend that Fanny has set up an arranged marriage for Martha 

- (Bless Fanny’s heart, she means well, but she has no clue about Michael) 

- The same sort of marriage rejections occurs (which - even though Martha’s been trying to get away from it since the beginning - still is a huge social diss) and Sophie is OUT FOR BLOOD, LET ME TELL YOU

- And while listening to Sophie rant and rage, Howl decides that that’s the best moment to declare his undying love for her

- And ridiculousness of all ridiculousness, Sophie confesses as well but refuses to let Howl sweep her off her feet until he agrees to her revenge plot

- And while Martha’s already got two powerful witches on her side, having the Royal Wizard Pendragon on her side is never a bad thing

- It’s totally Howl’s idea to have the Hatter sisters disguise themselves (Howl’s disguise kink never dies)

- And to fake Martha’s death because he is so fucking dramatic, oh my god

- Calcifer and Michael are in charge for finding out who framed Martha and when they discover them, oh boy, does that person regret the day they were born

- Not only are they dealing with Pissed Off Hatter Sisters, but sweet innocent Michael is discovering bloodlust for the first time in his life

- It’s safe to say that witches and wizards can concoct some pretty unpleasant punishments

- So flashforward: we guilt trip this Terrible Fiancé into marrying Martha’s “double” 

- At the alter, she rips off her disguise and is like, “HAHA, YOU THOUGHT, BITCH!”

- And after dragging his ass for several minutes (it’s a Hatter trait, bless them), she declares that she’s marrying Michael (which Michael didn’t know, but it quite pleased to hear about)

- And after the dust settles, Howl proposes to Sophie in front of them crowd with probably the gaudiest, most ostentatious display of magic anyone has every witnessed

- And flustered Sophie turns him down since they’ve been keeping their romance a secret and she cannot deal with this PUBLIC HUMILIATION, HOWL, WHY???

- (and it’s not like their romance isn’t just them arguing a ton, so everyone assumes they are getting on as normal)

- Howl tries to play it off like it was just a joke anyway and NO, he did not spend FOURTEEN HOURS choreographing this magic display, how dare you infer that he’d do something like that - he is HEARTLESS HOWL, thank you very much

- But after Martha and Lettie basically drag them to the altar, do they begrudgingly admit their feelings

- And the moment after they say ‘I do’ s they immediately descend into bickering once more, but at least everyone admits the arguments are more loving

FINI

Dream screen-writing job, no lie

I want so much to have a movie or mini series adaptation of howl's moving castle that's more accurate to the book. The ghibli movie was really cute and beautifully animated and I'm grateful cause it introduced me to the Castle series but it missed out a lot of what made the book so charming.

There's so many adaptations of the same things this has to be possible somehow

And when they get home, Calcifer tries to get Sophie to explain it to him, which leads to a scandalized and sputtering Sophie and a Howl would slithers out of that conversation quite joyful while his wife screams at him to get back there and take responsibility.

Howl loves the Rocky Horror Picture Show with a passion Howl saw Rocky Horror Picture Show at its premiere in London in 1975 and fell in love instantly Howl went as Frank N. Furter for Halloween one time and Megan absolutely refused to be seen with him Howl occasionally sings Time Warp in the shower Howl occasionally DOES the Time Warp in the shower Howl has slipped and fallen while doing the Time Warp in the shower

I know barely anything about Rocky Horror Picture Show but that sounds accurate tbh

I just love the book so much, man

forgot to say that, without Howl chasing girls and Sophie resenting him for it, the film completely erases part of the point of Sophie being old.  Wynne Jones is using an idea that Beauvoir talked about - that being an old woman is both tragic (as we lose male attention/attractiveness) and freeing (as we are freed from the male gaze).  the idea is that with being old comes liberation, and the true meaning of what it is to be a woman, as society no longer forces gender norms on us.

Sophie is free from Howl’s attentions and therefore safe from harm (a big part of the book is the fact that Sophie believes he eats women’s hearts, and him chasing girls proves this to her).  she takes solace in the fact that she’s old, and finds it freeing.  when she learns more about Howl (notably: that he doesn’t eat hearts and that he’s not evil), she starts to curse her age and resent him chasing girls.  BUT she remains old OF HER OWN VOLITION - Howl notes that she’s perpetuating the spell by wishing to remain “in disguise”.  there are SO many layers to this, and lots to do with gender politics - if she’s still old Sophie can’t get hurt, she likes the freedom, etc.  but of course on a personal level being old is her denying her feelings for Howl, and also a representation of her low self esteem - being old is a defence mechanism and protection, both on a gender level and a personal one.

and the film kinda… loses this?  the only thing that remains is being old = low self esteem.  which really sucks.  because there’s SO MUCH MORE to Sophie being old in the book (perspective I already mentioned), and a HUGE amount of this is gender politics.  that the film just erases.

Chaotic love interests who are just as likely to kiss as they are to verbally rip the other to shreds is my kind of thing

Also if you want to read headcanons for a Much Ado AU with the HMC crew: https://muchadorks.tumblr.com/post/622847792341303296/i-need-a-howls-moving-castle-much-ado-about

Book Howl and Sophie have strong Beatrice and Benedick energy.

Reasons Why Howl Moved to Ingary:

1)      The magic! The fashion! The wizardly aesthetic!

2)      Tax avoidance

I've seen increasing buzz around here about Howl's Moving Castle (book). I think you all deserve to know that all of Diana Wynne Jones's books are filled with characters and plots that are absolutely as delightful and unhinged as that one.

Some Actual Plots include:

Dogsbody - The star Sirius is accused of murder and sentenced to exile on Earth in the body of a dog until he finds a magical item called a Zoi. He's adopted by a young Irish girl living with her abusive and neglectful English relatives. He has to balance his desire to find the Zoi with needing to be a Good Dog for the girl who takes care of him. Also the Wild Hunt is there. Hexwood - A girl finds a magical wood behind her house where she meets a wizard who thinks he's a convict of the intergalactic government, a boy created by the man to destroy said government, and a robot found in a junk heap. The magic wood is actually an alternate reality being generated by an AI who has a grudge to settle with the head of said government. The book is about abuse, PTSD, and trauma. The Dark Lord of Derkholm - Magical world is being destroyed by a company using it as an isekai amusement park for people from another dimension. Bio-wizard is appointed Dark Lord for the year, and he and his family (four of whom are bioengineered griffins) have to find a way to survive the season while everything is going wrong. Deep Secret - Interdimensional detective/diplomat/wizard needs to find a replacement for his deceased mentor. He does so at a fantasy convention, while trying to keep an interdimensional empire from collapsing into civil war after the emperor is assassinated along with all of his heirs.

She's an absolute master at weaving fantasy elements into the mundane world and writing from the PoV of kids. Her books are funny, clever, and full of delightful characters. I'm begging you all to check them out.

I finished the Howl’s Moving Castle book about two days ago and I finally found some thing that perfectly represents Sophie and Howl’s dynamic

Book!Sophie: fuck you!

Book!Howl: I wish you would

I love it so much!

A lil practice in perspective with this piece mostly, so here's Howl and Sophie, who I designed based 50/50 on their book and movie counterparts! I actually would love to revisit this piece and paring in the future, since the book is one of my all time favs

Inktober Day 31 -Fire