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Lokean Parable: Let Baldr Be the Best (Baldrs Draumar)
Baldr was a prince of the Aesir. He was handsome and well liked, but also very insecure. Even though he was a prince, he didn’t feel like the other Aesir respected him as much as he deserved. Everyone knew that Thor was the best warrior, and that Skathi was the best hunter, and that Heimdall was the best at following the rules. But there was nothing that everyone knew Baldr was the best at.
One evening, after Thor had regaled everyone with another of his great tales about roaming the outlands, Baldr went to his mother, Frigga.
“I can’t stand it.” He said. “Why are there no great tales of my bravery and daring?”
Frigga smiled lovingly and put her hands on his shoulders.
“Because my dear, you are a prince, and you are too important to send roaming the outlands.”
This cheered Baldr for a moment. Being important was a good thing. But the he realized he wasn’t the most important, so it was just one more thing that someone else was better at.
“If I’m so important, how come I’m not the best at anything?” He asked.
“You are the best at being my son.”
Baldr shrugged. “That’s not much. That only means I’m better at it than Hothr, and he is bad at everything.” He said, and walked off to his hall to sleep.
Frigga thought all night about this, and in the morning, she decided to do something about it. She went to everyone and everything and made them promise that they would let Baldr be better then them. She made the deer promise to let Baldr run faster, and the steel promise to let Baldr be stronger.
“Thor” Frigga said, “I want you to promise to always let Baldr win when you two spar.”
Thor shrugged. “That seems weird. But you asked it, and so I will promise.”
“Skathi” Frigga said, “I want you to promise to always let Baldr hunt better than you.”
Skathi looked at Frigga with eyes like pine shadows in winter. “If that is how it must be.”
“Heimdall” Frigga said, “I want you to promise to always let Baldr follow the rules better than you.”
Heimdall nodded sagely. “I don’t know what that means, but you are in charge and I will always do as you command.”
In this way, Frigga made sure that Baldr was the best at everything and that nothing bad would ever happen to him. Baldr had great fun, challenging Thor to wrestling contests and winning, going hunting with Skathi and getting the most deer, and making up new rules that Heimdall couldn’t follow better because he didn’t know about them.
But all this happened while Loki was away on a long journey in the outlands, and one day, he came back to Asgard. He found Thor, covered in bruises and drinking mead.
“Thor,” asked Loki, “while I was gone, did everyone lose their fucking minds?”
Thor shook his head. “No, but Frigga made us all promise to let Baldr be the best at everything.”
Loki took the horn that Thor was drinking from and downed the rest of it. “That is so much worse.”
Thor shrugged. “It’s not so bad. Baldr will get bored of it sooner or later.”
Loki looked over at Baldr, who was wearing medals representing all things he was best at, including a medal that read ‘medal for having more medals than anyone else in Asgard.’
“I don’t think he will.” Loki said, and left the hall.
The next day, Loki found out that Frigga hadn’t exacted any promises from the mistletoe plant because it wasn’t good enough at anything for her to bother with. Loki made an arrow from the mistletoe wood and poisoned it with a poison made from the white berries. That afternoon, Baldr was showing everyone again how he was stronger than arrows or swords, and telling them to ‘take their best shot.’ All of the Aesir indulged him, except for his brother Hothr, who was blind.
“Hothr,” said Loki, “You should honor your brother as the other Aesir do.”
Hothr shook his head. “It is too embarrassing. Yesterday, I missed and hit a cow instead. Everyone laughed at me, and Baldr won’t stop calling me ‘slayer of cows.’”
“That’s ok.” Loki said. “Take this bow and arrow, and I will guide your shot true. No one will make fun of you after that.”
“I would like that. Thank you.”
“My pleasure.” Loki said, and did as he promised. The mistletoe arrow struck Baldr in the heart and killed him instantly.
This caused great confusion among the Aesir. Odin made the journey to the afterworld where Baldr was feasting, and demanded the Hel send him back to Asgard. Hel was Loki’s daughter, and while she didn’t want to offend Odin and the Aesir, she was suspicious of the demand. She agreed to return Baldr, but only if everyone in Asgard agreed that he should come back.
Odin and Frigga gathered everyone together and they all agreed that Baldr should come back. All except Loki.
“Will you release everyone from their promises if he returns?” Loki asked Frigga.
“No.” She said. “And this time I will get everything. Even the mistletoe. Even you.”
“Hard pass.” Said Loki.
Frigga leveled her finger at Loki. “Fine. You aren’t even one of us anyway. Everyone who isn’t a half breed and a traitor has agreed. Hel must send Baldr back.”
But Hel refused. When the reply came, Frigga was furious. She found Loki getting ready to return to the outlands.
“Someday soon,” she said to Loki “you will pay dearly for this.”
Loki slung his pack over his shoulder and looked around at Asgard, at the halls, and at all the Aesir and Vanir who lived there.
“Someday soon,” Loki said “we will all pay dearly for this.”
When Vash's voice went a octave lower 😳😳
Matthew Mercer I stand in awe and terror of you
*ahem* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-@crossover-enthusiast-*inhale* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
WOKE UP TO THIS!!!!!!!!!
STRANGER THINGS SHIPS FEST 2023 #️⃣4️⃣ (187 votes) - Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson 🔁 alternative timeline/pre-series Steddie ’83 edition
https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/theyre-not-human-how-19th-century-inuit-coped-with-a-real-life-invasion-of-the-walking-dead
Indigenous groups across the Americas had all encountered Europeans differently. But where other coastal groups such as the Haida or the Mi’kmaq had met white men who were well-fed and well-dressed, the Inuit frequently encountered their future colonizers as small parties on the edge of death.
“I’m sure it terrified people,” said Eber, 91, speaking to the National Post by phone from her Toronto home.
And it’s why, as many as six generations after the events of the Franklin Expedition, Eber was meeting Inuit still raised on stories of the two giant ships that came to the Arctic and discharged columns of death onto the ice.
Inuit nomads had come across streams of men that “didn’t seem to be right.” Maddened by scurvy, botulism or desperation, they were raving in a language the Inuit couldn’t understand. In one case, hunters came across two Franklin Expedition survivors who had been sleeping for days in the hollowed-out corpses of seals.
“They were unrecognizable they were so dirty,” Lena Kingmiatook, a resident of Taloyoak, told Eber.
Mark Tootiak, a stepson of Nicholas Qayutinuaq, related a story to Eber of a group of Inuit who had an early encounter with a small and “hairy” group of Franklin Expedition men evacuating south.
“Later … these Inuit heard that people had seen more white people, a lot more white people, dying,” he said. “They were seen carrying human meat.”
Even Eber’s translator, the late Tommy Anguttitauruq, recounted a goose hunting trip in which he had stumbled upon a Franklin Expedition skeleton still carrying a clay pipe.
By 1850, coves and beaches around King William Island were littered with the disturbing remnants of their advance: Scraps of clothing and camps still littered with their dead occupants. Decades later, researchers would confirm the Inuit accounts of cannibalism when they found bleached human bones with their flesh hacked clean.
“I’ve never in all my life seen any kind of spirit — I’ve heard the sounds they make, but I’ve never seen them with my own eyes,” said the old man who had gone out to investigate the Franklin survivors who had straggled into his camp that day on King William Island.
The figures’ skin was cold but it was not “cold as a fish,” concluded the man. Therefore, he reasoned, they were probably alive.
“They were beings but not Inuit,” he said, according to the account by shaman Nicholas Qayutinuaq.
The figures were too weak to be dangerous, so Inuit women tried to comfort the strangers by inviting them into their igloo.
But close contact only increased their alienness: The men were timid, untalkative and — despite their obvious starvation — they refused to eat.
The men spit out pieces of cooked seal offered to them. They rejected offers of soup. They grabbed jealous hold of their belongings when the Inuit offered to trade.
When the Inuit men returned to the camp from their hunt, they constructed an igloo for the strangers, built them a fire and even outfitted the shelter with three whole seals.
Then, after the white men had gone to sleep, the Inuit quickly packed up their belongings and fled by moonlight.
Whether the pale-skinned visitors were qallunaat or “Indians” — the group determined that staying too long around these “strange people” with iron knives could get them all killed.
“That night they got all their belongings together and took off towards the southwest,” Qayutinuaq told Dorothy Eber.
But the true horror of the encounter wouldn’t be revealed until several months later.
The Inuit had left in such a hurry that they had abandoned several belongings. When a small party went back to the camp to retrieve them, they found an igloo filled with corpses.
The seals were untouched. Instead, the men had eaten each other.