I Cry A Lot - Tumblr Posts
AW REALLY?! I GOT MENTIONED AGAIN?!? BRO WHAT IS HAPPENING YOU ARE ALL GOING TO MAKE ME CRY STOP BEING SO NICE FR! love you guys too! ;w;
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I would tag more people but I forget some so I'm sorry if I didn't tag you but all of my mutuals that see this I love you and I'm just dumb so I forgot-
Tag anyone you love /p [Tag chain]
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SAFE | EREN JAEGER
pairing: eren jaeger × reader
cw: fluff and (mostly) angst, fear of loss/death, spoilers for the last ep. of the anime and ch. 138 of the manga.
word count: 1.1k
masterlist: all characters
a/n: i was on the zaza (sleep deprived) while writing this, so the brief representation here of the paths is probably not the most accurate, especially given how the cabin scene in the anime & manga left some people confused. either way, hope you enjoy!
The birds chirped gleefully, flying over the roof of your cabin, their sound carrying the message that it was already morning– yet another day beginning and taking away your counted time with your lover, who lay serenely asleep beside you. You observed how the warm sunshine illuminated his face, casting a golden halo around his body that made him look angelic– it distracted you from the plans he would act out in the near future that were, in fact, the opposite of angelic. But pretending didn't hurt, and as long as you were here, you were safe.
You didn't understand the entire complexity and operation of the paths, but they were a very welcome escape for you. After all, if you were to live in reality on earth, Eren would be away from you, tormented and left alone to his own devices– instead, he built you both a home in the paths, which allowed you to run away from everything and just breathe, even if only momentarily.
As the sunlight passed between the curtains and hit his face directly, Eren slowly blinked his eyes open, looking at you.
“You should've slept some more. You seemed peaceful,” you asked, keeping a quiet tone.
“I was,” he replied, his gaze still melting into yours. “And if I got live like this by your side until my death, I'd live in peace.”
“Then don't go.”
“I don't want to go.”
“So stay.”
“You know I can't do that," he muttered. “I have to finish my plan.”
Your expression saddened as you listened to his words. You too knew he would have to leave you for his war, and you also knew you would be alone– all your comrades would go on with their lives, and you would be thinking back to the days when you lived in fear, but in love. It was a cruel reality, the one you lived in, and it was the price you paid for loving a man whose rage and determination made him a slave to freedom. You were, logically, more than aware of the fact that no matter how much Eren Jaeger loved you, he would never put a stop to his plan.
But you could always dream. Dream about a life where the titans never invaded your childhood home, or one where they didn't exist in the first place. In your dreamscape, you could both run off and get married, and Eren would build you a home even better than the one you had at the moment. You would live far away from the bustle in your hometown, somewhere in the countryside, where your days would be serene and quiet. Outside, you would gather the dry laundry with a big basket, watching your husband walk back home with a load of freshly chopped wood in his arms. Perhaps, inside your little cottage, you could find room for children of your own– a boy and a girl, much like Eren and Mikasa– they would each have different features from their parents, both in appearance and character. What would they be like? Would they be stubborn like their father, or curious like you? The possibilities were endless, and you cherished the thought of all of them. You could be a good mother, and you wanted nothing more than to be his wife someday. Maybe in another lifetime. In this one, all you could do was daydream as you mindlessly stared at the man lying next to you in bed.
You focused your eyes on Eren's hair, strands messy from the friction against your pillowcases. He looked serious today, and you moved your dominant hand up to softly card your fingers through his hair, continuing your observation of his features.
“I wish I could stop you from doing it,” you spoke up again.
“I know.” His gaze dropped down to your collarbones.
“It's unfair, you know. I should hate you for leaving me before we even got to live...” you stopped for a second, feeling a knot form in your throat. “But even if all of our friends are going to marry and build their own families while I visit your grave, I still can't hate you.”
“I'm sorry.”
“I know,” you mutter. “I just wish things had worked out differently for us.”
“I do too. You know, when we were younger, I used to think that I would kill every titan, and then we would run away together afterwards.”
Eren's eyes met your own again, and you could sense an odd feeling of nostalgia linger in the air.
“We were so naïve back then.” You smiled, remembering your past days.
“At least now I can save all of you guys.”
You stayed in silence for a moment.
“But no one can save you.” Your hand slid down from his scalp to caress his cheek.
“You've already saved me,” he contested, placing his hand on top of yours, over his face.
“Not from death.” You felt tears well up in your eyes, threatening to fall.
“You can't stop me from dying.” He squeezed your hand slightly. “But you have stopped me from feeling like a dead man many times before.”
You reached your limit of stoicism, and what was a threat became a reality– Your eyes turned glossy and red as tears spilled out of them and fell on Eren's thumb, which brushed under your eyes and gathered your waterworks tenderly.
“What am I going to do without you?”
“Live your life freely.”
“I don't want freedom, I want you,” you choked out between sobs.
“You'll have me for as long as we're here.”
You curled up against him, letting him run his hands through your hair while your tears dried up. Despite it all, you were still with Eren, and he wasn't going to leave you just yet– so you enjoyed his presence while it lasted, listening to his heartbeat and engraving its sound and rhythm into your brain, in hopes that you would never forget it.
The two of you basked in the morning sunlight, and lay in bed curled up together until seconds turned into minutes, and you ended up losing track of time. Not very long after your tears dried, however, you tugged at Eren's shirt, gently guiding his face until his lips collided with yours, crashing like waves in a low tide– slow but impactful. Backing out to breathe, you let your fingertips ghost over his cheekbones, drinking in the sight before you like a relic, praying that all the memories you stored would stay with you for eternity.
Eren was right. You couldn't save him, and he could not stay with you forever. But as long as you were here, in your little cabin, he would be yours, and the two of you could be happy– away from the real world and the harsh truths that awaited you. It didn't hurt to play pretend. For now, you were safe.
Say it louder
I like calm men. Men who don’t shout or break things when they’re mad. Men who tell you exactly how they feel. Men who communicate. Men who talk you in a gentle, low voice telling you what made them mad or what you did wrong, but never blame you and make you feel bad about it.
i just made myself cry while writing and i don’t know if that means the sentence was really good or that my period is coming