Shingeki No Kyojin - Tumblr Posts
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Attack on Titan Actor AU :
(Part1)
Season 1/2
Mikasa was the first one to be casted.
Armin and Historia are in real life cousin, Hisu is the oldest .
Eren is the youngest of the 104th cast.
Jean and Reiner go to the same college and are roomates.
Connie does his own stunts .
Grisha Jaeger is an Oscar winner actor.
Bertholdt is singer and his song went viral after the series premier.
Ymir and Marco are child actors, they have multiple succeful movies were they started separately.
Erwin and Carla Jaeger are married and have a daughter.
Hange used to be a model and a famous brand ambassador.
Levi doesn't get the hype behind his character, but is grateful for the fans.
Annie and Sasha are both olympics athlethes and participated in the Youth Olympics, Sasha won a gold medal in Archery and Annie was 4th in gymnastic.
Petra is actually the directors daughter.
Mike Zacharias is the best horse rider of all the cast.
Part 2?
Attack on Titan Actor AU (part 3)
Levi likes to take pictures on set, he has a folder for each cast members. He shares them on his socials during their birthdays.
Bertholdt keeps a notebook on him, he writes down songs ideas.
There was a rumour about Eren and Mikasa dating, the actors both denied it when Eren posted a picture of him with Mikasa's boyfriend.
Armin has a major in archeology.
When the shooting ends very late Jean likes to cheer on his castmates to bring some energy.
Sasha and Reiner often send food trucks to everyone on set to thank them for their hard work.
Historia makes origamies in her trailer and gives it to the cast.
Erwin adopted his horse after finishing his part on the series.
Connie is the best at keeping a serious face during filming.
Hange hides snacks on set so that she could eat them between takes.
Ymir cried so much during filming her final scene, they had to stop shooting so that she calms down.
Pieck forget her lines a lot when filming with Zeke because she finds him intimidating.
Yelena's real voice is really soft she just aggravate it for the character.
Zeke teenage crush was Hange, he was very honored to share screen with her. Hange in return teases him a lot about this info.
After his performance, Marco got a lot of job offers, but he decided to quite acting and become a doctor.
Annie cried when she watched the finale episode.
Attack on Titan junior high is literally the gayest fever dream ever.
Well said
I love the bittersweet ending, and I think it truly suits where the story went from the end of season 2/3 - it was no longer black and white “kill the titans to save humanity”.
To be honest the worst part of this whole thing is how the fandom is misreading the characters and being selfish about the ending. No, the ending is not going to satisfy everyone, but be grateful for the incredible story that has been built up over eleven damn years. Being so rude and selfish over an ending that doesn’t suit your taste isn’t going to change the author’s vision. Isayama created something beyond what anyone else had come up with in its time.
Instead of whining over one chapter, say
Thank you, Isayama
What Was It All For?
Or, Hamliet’s review of SnK 139: the Final Chapter.
Disclaimer: this isn’t intended to dunk on people who love/dislike things I love/dislike in the review. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and feelings thereof.
That said, the ending is pretty in line with my predictions. While I’d give the final chapter an 8/10, the series as a whole gets a 9/10, because it nailed its themes. I don’t think endings can ever please anyone, but this is a solid one narratively. It is bittersweet: there is hope, but also pain, cruelty and beauty. It isn’t perfect, but the story was never set up to end with a fairy tale eucatastrophe. It was also never set up to end with a nihilistic ending. Whether the ending feels more bitter to you or more sweet depends on particular attachments, and it’s okay to feel how you want to feel.
The reason I personally find it satisfying is because the text did not suddenly swing a way it wasn’t heading all along: the message and themes and majority of the arcs were very, very clear, throughout the manga for the most part but especially this final arc. In fandoms, especially in long-running series, people can get attached to their theories and headcanons at the expense of ignoring the actual text. I’ve been guilty of this myself too, but I don’t think SnK pulled any last minute switches (yes it dropped some things; I’ll touch on that below).
About the conflict not being solved…
There is hope now. Paradis does have allies. Like, that’s Hizuru.
The fact that the conflict is not solved is at admittedly disappointing, because I’d like it to be, and yet thematically better that it is not solved. The framing of the genocide has always been wrong, but my one qualm has always been that if the genocide actually led to peace, then… the framing would be a bit whacked. I thought this would be explained away by saying the cost wasn’t worth it, that it was a pyrrhic victory. Instead, Isayama’s doubling down and saying not only is the cost not worth it, it solved nothing and set the stage for potential future conflict, which is probably the best way he could have ended this.
They have only to work towards peace slowly, with lots of risks, but it’s the only option. That’s part of what freedom means: freedom to make choices, good and bad. Eren’s attempted shortcut only hurt.
There are never guarantees.
About Ymir…
The attachment she feels towards King Fritz is framed as a negative thing and tt isn’t romanticized. However, I feel this wasn’t fleshed out well and that we needed more build up to this, but it’s not the end of the world (OR IS IT? sorry I couldn’t resist).
Basically, I felt it was hamfisted and a bit told, not shown. I think Ymir’s story suffered the most this ending, which sucks because she’s important to it. I don’t think the fact that Ymir loved King Fritz is inherently problematic–feelings towards abusers are very, very complex (yes, you can love or be in love with an abuser, and it doesn’t justify what they do to you, really). I think the series needed a chapter or two to explore this better.
About Historia…
Along with Ymir, this is the biggest complaint I have about this final arc. I think we should have gotten the rest of that conversation in 131–as I’ve said before, I think the point of that conversation was that Eren could not stop his friends from making a decision he did not like. However, this needed to be emphasized more, especially given the context of what that choice was and its disturbing implications.
My sister commented that the pregnancy is likely intended to be Historia choosing a pregnancy to maintain her life instead of being fed to Zeke as a way of fulfilling her promise to Ymir: to live instead of martyring herself. This is probably the case, but personally, I think Isayama really goofed with the framing. Historia seemed miserable, was even commented to not be taking care of herself, and while that can be explored with nuance (sometimes choices aren’t what we want), it wasn’t, so Isayama messed up here too.
As for early leaks suggesting she was just fine with genocide, it’s actually much more nuanced in the translation. Her actions here don’t seem exactly OOC given her declaration about not caring about the world, but it needed more exploration.
I don’t like that she didn’t get to see freckled Ymir again like everyone else did. Even a panel of her appearing as she delivered the baby or something–c’mon, Yams.
I’m going to headcanon Historia named Baby Girl Ymir.
About Mikasa…
I love that Mikasa is the hero in the end, even more so than Armin.
Personally, I see that last panel as Eren sending a memory before he died as a way to tell Mikasa it is okay to move on, and the bird flying away as a sign Mikasa will indeed rise and move on despite Eren always being a part of her. That said, I personally would have preferred to see Mikasa be rewarded for choosing to kill Eren, at least by giving her a family and/or showing her in Hizuru. But again, unlike the early leaks which framed it as Mikasa abandoning everyone and being miserable forever, the others are on their way to her. She will live, and she does have a family on their way to her.
About Hizuru, her mark wasn’t fully explored, which is one of the dropped points, but not one with a lot of consequence.
The implication is vague enough, but I liked Jean combing his hair and it being either for Pieck or Mikasa ;)
About Eren…
I don’t like Armin thanking Eren for destroying the world, because it doesn’t fit with the rest of the framing, but otherwise the story hit the framing well.
The takes that Eren is OOC aren’t textually supported at all. Eren has never, ever been rational. Like, find me ONE place in the entire story where he’s been rational, and where he hasn’t wanted to escalate from 0-100 real quick. He’s always been a hothead with a child’s black and white view of the world. Historia called him out on it, Levi did, everyone did. Throughout the story, it was a recurring challenge.
Eren is a big baby who has always been prone to violent outbursts (I mean he killed people at age 9 with no remorse and at age 10 went up to soldiers who were drinking on the job and screamed at them), and it’s tragic. Yet it’s why Eren has always stood out as a protagonist–because he’s allowed to be extremely flawed instead of a role model. And it sounds like I’m dunking on him, but I’m not, because this chapter reminding me of what I loved about Eren: he is a terrified, traumatized, self-loathing child.
I wish he had let Mikasa hug him. Good grief, she loves him so much, and he needed that love so desperately.
The point of his character is that it is tragic: he’s stuck in Neverland. It’s why he’s such a good character. I wish he had been able to grow up, but he didn’t and he chose not to. He chose to die; this was a sort of suicide. If I were in his place, I hope I would choose better, but who really knows? SnK doesn’t encourage us to condemn, so I don’t say this to condemn him.
About fandom…
It is really intriguing to me that Reddit Dudebros are raging that Isayama made Eren “an incel” as if their theories about Eren causing the rumbling all to protect Historia and the baby weren’t incel-esque? Like, it’s not that Mikasa wouldn’t sleep with him (she loved him), but instead that Eren could not be vulnerable enough to accept that love. He was too scared, too selfish and too selfless at the same time in that paradoxical human way.
Vulnerability is the opposite of toxic masculinity. It is brave, far braver than going into battle, and Eren was too scared, too ashamed to look Mikasa in the eyes, even though Armin begged him to keep trying.
She would have forgiven him. She would have run with him.
Honestly, Eren is a Reddit Dudebro. That’s the point. They were reading themselves into Eren–as they were meant to–but failed to comprehend the framing and themes of the series, because they’re used to stories catering to their fantasies. They expected Eren to validate them, but instead Eren was written to call them out on their toxicity, entitlement, and lack of actually creating meaningful change. But also like Eren, they do have some reasons to feel scared, feel traumatized, and are genuinely suffering–but it doesn’t excuse their inflicting that suffering on others. They are still human.
The beauty of Eremika is that even if Eren was a nightmare for most of the world, he was loved. Even if he couldn’t accept that love, he was loved. Even if he hurt and lashed out and was the worst villain in history for no reason other than “I felt like it,” he was loved.
And it was that loved that saved the world. It was that love that made him existing in this world worth it. We know that Mikasa would never wish she had never met Eren. We know she would and will love him unconditionally, forever. Even if she moves on, she will love him.
For Mikasa, despite the pain he caused her, the fact that he was born into the world was enough, and without her love, the world never would have been saved. It’s complex and hard to articulate exactly what I mean, but essentially SnK is saying Eren still deserved to be born and despite his cruelty and evil towards the end, he was loved, and that was beautiful.
It’s not a popular message, this callout of toxic masculinity, nor the undercurrent underneath it, which challenges humanity to love and find beauty in the middle of cruelty, and asserts that no one, no matter how horrible a person in the world’s eyes, has a wasted life just because they’re here.
About Armin and Annie, Gabi and Falco, and Levi:
I never thought Armin and Annie’d be canon, and now Armin’s out here saving his father-in-law. Cherry on top. Annie and Gabi are kind of foils to Eren in that Annie is very selfish and Gabi is very ideologically-focused, but they are able to overcome their flaws, get positive growth, and deserve their happy endings. I also loved Gabi throwing Falco into an embrace. Levi, too, deserved this.
Overall:
Anyways, I found the ending beautifully existentialist, far from perfect and worthy of criticism, sure, but highly satisfying on a thematic level. SnK was my first manga and anime ever, so really, it’s a major part of the reason I have this blog.
Thank you, Isayama,
y’all i am suffering. hisu looks so happy with her baby, gabi and falco are grown up and taking care of levi (??lmaooo), mikasa is the love of eren’s life. this chapter definitely wasn’t a bad ending, i really like it. i wish it had been more sad but i also think mostly everyone was given a realistic conclusion? from what i’ve seen at least. levi has finally attained the peace he and his comrades had dreamed of so long ago, eren managed to protect his friends, also we got petra panels and mikasa in the ponytail which are both clearly the best parts of the chapter.
i might have different thoughts on the ending when i read the full chapter though!
also y’all need to realise that eren wasn’t the fucking bird. y’all look so stupid using that to criticize the ending, yall made it up just as an excuse to bitch about snk. you guys look so stupid, it’s embarrassing. at least give valid criticism.
Sometimes Pinterest kills me
repression, and the guilt it causes when you're not with me - an annie x reader drabble
Feelings are easily ignored one would think, especially if the aggravator is locked away in a stone made of clear crystal. When you can see her but not touch her, talk to her but get no reply, overthinking sets in and guilt surrounding your relationship with Annie is embedded to to bone.
The stone floors all look the same. From room to room, the bumps and lines are all in the exact same place. Dents and crevasses paint a marble of patterns on the walls, almost identical to the room next to it, and the one opposite. Even if we move into a different room, they all look the same. The beaten, worn stone turns more battered the more you’re in the room. Like your mere presence is enough to make stone regret and cave into itself. Like your mere presence causes confident stone to pull away and retreat into dirt.
The guard that frequents this room pays attention to more than just her stone. She hears, she listens. Every word spoken is captured by the guard’s ear. She knows everything, she sees it too. Their watchful eyes burn into your back when you visit her. You can’t say more than simple ‘hellos’ and ‘I’ve been good’. Their sorrow glares and the glances full of regret and shame. Every movement shows what you really are. Every shift, every stance - it gives you away. Shows your true self to them and they can’t help but look away, filled with disgust. They ought to have you removed from her care.
All of the lingering feelings. All of the thoughts about her that never leave no matter how much you focus on other things. It all leads back to her. Your stupid Annie. So, you vowed to leave them in this room. You vowed to not think about her unless you were with her. You vowed to not smell her hair, to hear her laugh, to say her name. Unless you were with her.
Her lifeless expression seen under the stone never wavered. Her face never moved, not an inch. Her shoulders tense and her legs stiff. For even she knows what you are. You never hid it with her. Despite her mundane choice of words and her nonchalant attitude, the shame and guilt vanished in the moments you were with her. Those perpetual, repulsive thoughts seemingly disappeared when you were with her. She let you get it all out, “Repressing feelings is never a good thing”, she would say, to try and coax more feelings out of you. It’s ironic now. All that talk about being free and letting go, and she went and suppressed herself inside a stone. One that can’t be broken. At least she’s free from all of your guilt.
But the guilt and shame hunts you down. The knowledge of your moments together, all your hushed sighs and the rustled bed sheets, always found you. Like a poltergeist with a nasty attachment to you. It pushed doors open, the creaks reminding you of the bed bouncing. It opens windows and the wind blowing in howls like a subtle moan. You’ll never escape it.
And everyone knows. They see it clear as day. They whisper about you in the dining hall. They gossip and glare as you walk past, heading for the cold, dark room. Where else would you be? No other room holds your heart inside it. You follow the everlasting hallways to her room. The abstract patterns in the stone ways start to bend and form words. Even the walls know. They’ve seen everything. Every touch, every fuck, and every stare, even those not reciprocated. The words etched into the walls bore back at you. They scream, they holler, they shout. They’ve seen the guilt and heard every repressed thought of her. No act of reconciliation goes unnoticed. Every attempt to get her out of that god forsaken stone.
You come to the door, but it’s broken open, hinges barely holding onto the wall. The room sits empty, no guard to listen in on all your intimate and private moments with her. But where is she? Her stone lays shattered across the floor. The pieces scattered everywhere and the stone concrete floors are drenched in wet slime. The feeling disgusts you, it’s all too familiar for you to handle. Yet, she’s gone. But you mustn't think of where she could be. She isn’t with you anymore, so you cannot think of her. You vowed not to.
Down the hall, in yet another dull, gray room, shouts emerge and thuds vibrate the floor. You don’t bother to deal with that issue. You’re too preoccupied with the dilemma you face currently. For you are forever guilty without her. The room that encompassed your safety has vanished. Those repulsive thoughts flood back to you, clouding every corner of your mind. The shame can finally hunt you down and finish the job off. Footsteps come chasing towards you. They grow louder and louder as they inch closer. Finally, you’ll meet your end and be set free. A life without her is not one worth living. The walls spill out all of your secrets. The people gossip and whisper. The guilt grows louder.
Every inch of the building shakes. The walls, the floor, the door - everything. It rattles and rumbles. The walls finally start to crumble and break. The dirt seeps from the corners and the beams start to fall from the ceiling and crash onto the floor. You back out of the room. All your secrets being left in that room, setting you free. Freedom finds you, not guilt. The room has fallen and all your tainted vows fall with it. It’s all destroyed. You’re free to think. About her. About it all. Free to think about every touch, every fuck, and every reciprocated stare. And the smell of her hair, her laugh, and her name, Annie.
You hope, you dream that you get to be with her. To finally be free of the shackles you put yourself in. that room is no more and neither are your perpetual, repulsive thoughts. Simple eye contact is all you need. All the remnants of shame, guilt, and fear have since left you. You touch, you hold, you feel. She grabs you and you feel weightless. Her arms wrap around your neck and you two collapse to the floor. Her existence is enough to make you feel free.
Porco is definitely my fave AOT character to draw
Zeke: hi.
Levi: you should ki11 yourself!! NOW!!
Would you smoke with him 🚬?
Would you smoke with him 🚬?
it's so try
EMs scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to make it seem like Jean is a bad person, they said Jean took advantage of Mikasa and had his way with her, like omfg these people need to go to a park and touch some grass.
Some people doesn't understand Jean's character at all, he's one of the best written characters in the entire manga. Sadly, some people only see him as the man who wants to steal Mikasa from Eren and keep her to himself.
If Jean actually wanted to take advantages of Mikasa, he would've took the chance back in chapter 116 when he had the chance. Jean knows how much Eren means to Mikasa but he respects her feelings and doesn't even dare to interfere in her life.
Instead of talking badly about Eren and make him look bad, he defended him! He knows Eren well and would never try to take advantages of Mikasa when she's hurt because that's not Jean at all. Jean is very respectful and he's not that type of guy.
If you read the manga properly and understand the characters, you would know or notice that Jean actually cares a lot about Eren and loves him. He also cares about Mikasa more than himself, he's one of the most selfless characters in the manga, but if you think otherwise, you should re-read the manga.
The Reality of Levi Ackerman's Personality
If he were "personality-less" (a difficult thing to define, honestly) as some people say, it would be due to the sheer trauma he's been exposed to. Humans, when in traumatic situations, turn to the fight-or-flight response for help and turn on the Monkey Brain to survive. This is something of an emotional/personal growth stunt. This is why it is very difficult for people who went through trauma as children. They are not rediscovering themselves; they are discovering themselves. Levi, who has only just escaped the endless trauma of the war, is now crushed under the weight of grief for his mother, the things he saw at the underground brothels, his friends, his comrades, mental issues from all he's witnessed, a sudden loss of independence, and the reality that he's a cripple and will never be the way he used to be (which will only feed the hypervigilance he inevitably developed).
It's been some forty years. His personality is built out of the trauma he's endured, so of course, he isn't going to look/act like your normal guy.
As an old guy with nothing to do, he'll go out and discover himself. The food he likes (in the underground and in the scouts, you take what you get and don't complain), the hobbies he enjoys, posssibly new friends who he won't be so afraid to lose to death, etc. But he's going to spend a lot of his time trying to heal from forty years worth of trauma. He probably won't, not before his life ends, so in short, Levi has quite a few excuses to be the way he is.
Dear lord I now know what they mean when they say ‘pictures you can hear’
Goddamn even the way they animate grapple lines in this scene is sexy…
It is currently four in the morning and I have finally finished the Attack On Titan manga. I am distraught.
Typically
This makes many references to No Regrets (an insight on Levi before he enrolled in the Scouts.) I also tried a new writing style, so please, give me feedback!
includes: Erwin, Levi
warnings: alcoholic themes, depression, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), mentions of suicidal thoughts/actions
length: 2,028 words
•°•°•°•
Erwin Smith was typically content in his mattress by 10:30, praying to whatever gods that may (or may not) be out there that his slumber would be blissful and refreshing. He typically knew of his subordinates' locations and their relative mental states this late into any given night. He typically had most of his paperwork signed and stacked into a neat, organized pile.
Though tonight, as trepidation rolled over him in slow, progressing waves, Erwin Smith was neither content nor situated in a well-put-together office. He did not know where the Captain was or when the elusive man would return. He did not know beforehand that multiple contracts would need the Captain's signature. Hell, Erwin did not know if Levi could even write in cursive. At the moment, he did not know a lot of things.
Erwin wasn't exactly enthusiastic about experiencing these feelings of troubling uncertainty.
The dense thud of staggering boots on the half-rotted wooden flooring impeded Erwin's vexing thoughts. Moving from his spot by the window that overlooked the training grounds, he hastily stalked towards his office door. Yet as his fingertips were mere inches from the handle, the door slammed open, catching the Commander off guard.
Erwin back-stepped as no one other than Levi himself lost his footing from kicking the door open. The door frame was the only thing that aided Levi's attempt at steadying his balance; Erwin was far too focused on darting his bewildered eyes over Levi's condition.
Was the blunt and foul-mouthed Levi Ackerman. . . Drunk?
No, that couldn't be right. The man despised everything about alcohol: the lasting effects, the heavy smell, the noxious health problems. Every time the Corps tried to get Levi to drink, he had remarked about booze being nothing more than poison marketed as a miracle tonic. But, what else could explain the unfocused eyes that were typically sharp and observant or the swaying small frame that was typically nimble and composed?
"Have you been drinking, Levi? You look terrible."
The vicious scowl Erwin received told him that the way he worded his concern was extremely misinterpreted.
"Oh, fuck you, jackass. Not everyone can look like a shining star, Smith." Levi's words were unnaturally slurred, further proving what Erwin refused to accept. "Get outta my way and let me in."
Erwin cautiously stepped to the side- as he'd rather keep this peculiar sight to himself and spare the Captain's dignity. Levi's shoulder shoved against Erwin's bicep as he stumbled into the Commander's office. A snarl remarking Erwin's height was woven into the tense atmosphere of the room.
"Where have you been?" Erwin asked as he gently shut the door, keeping an apprehensive gaze on Levi.
He simply received a distracted scoff. Erwin took a deep breath before he huffed out of his nose. He watched as Levi fumbled through various unlocked drawers in search of who-knows-what.
"Levi-"
"Where's your Devil's water, Smith?" Erwin narrowed his eyes in confusion before Levi, belligerently, elaborated. "Your liquor, dip-shit. Where have you stashed it?"
Erwin pressed his lips into a thin line before he offered a calculated answer, "I don't hide alcohol in my office." A spiteful string of obscenities left Levi's swollen lips, the drunk balling his fist tight by his sides. "Liar! You're a filthy deceiver, you know that? You're worth less than the shit in the stables! A sleaze bag from the Underground would be more helpful than you!"
Erwin paused, studying Levi like Hange would study a Titan. "Are you okay, Levi?" He knew the question was redundant the moment the words left his lips.
“Fuck!” Levi yelled, tugging on his already loose cravat. “Am I okay? What kind of bullshit question is that? Hell, my uncle used to tell me that life’s like a toilet paper roll; you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole- and you know what? You’re that asshole, Smith!”
"Be careful of the open window, Levi," Erwin warned, as polished and unwavering as ever. His indifference to the slew of insults and profanities made Levi's blood boil.
Erwin only moved closer when the Captain disregarded his warning and continued to near the dangerously open casement. Erwin tuned out the vulgarities that were continuously hurled at him with an intense enmity, the gears clicking together in his head.
There was a chance Levi's destination was through the window- a chance Erwin was not willing to take.
"What are you doing? You're going to fall out," Erwin said more forcefully.
The change in the Commander's tone didn't seem to phase Levi, who was resting his forearms on the window sill. As Levi's weight shifted to his unstable upper body, Erwin could feel his heartbeat pounding in his throat, temples, fingertips- everywhere except his chest.
Levi went quiet, his drunken tantrum utterly forgotten as childlike wonder filled his eyes. In the moment of calm after the storm, Erwin couldn't fail to notice that Levi looked so much younger when he wasn't so pent up. The Captain was significantly more demonstrative when he was intoxicated; and may it be good or bad, Erwin was content with Levi seeming mortal.
"He used to hate heights, and she smoked him for it," Levi broke the moment of silence with hardly a whisper. "It was all a game to her."
Erwin's features, which were glazed over with faux insouciant, didn't match the curious gaze he studied Levi with. He stood inert, fearful of scaring Levi into a diligent silence or another aggressive episode. Erwin didn't ask for extensive details, nor did he implore Levi to move away from the window again. He simply waited, having an idea of what was plaguing his inebriated soldier's mind.
"You know, when you found me, we were heading to get a job done," Levi spoke so softly that Erwin felt the need to hold his breath to hear him properly.
The Commander took Levi's brief pause as an opening to speak, despite having nothing to say. "Is that so?"
Levi exhaled something grim; something that nearly sounded like an empty chuckle. "Yeah, Smith, it is."
Levi ignored how Erwin wearily moved closer as he adjusted himself further out of the window. The Captain relished in a twisted feeling of pride knowing that he could make his superior jump to aid him, that he could make the man twitch with such a deep sense of uneasiness- so much so that it shone in his perceptive blue eyes.
"Levi, get away from-"
"He was so nervous for the mission, despite it being so. . . " Levi swayed his hand through the night air, searching for the right word after cutting Erwin, and his concerns, off. "So pointless," is what he settled for.
"It was just a run-through," he huffed out a sigh, "check the brothel for any kids, start trouble if there were. Then, haul ass to the surface to get the brats to somewhere safer. Simple, right?"
Erwin swallowed, his gaze settling on Levi's reflection in the mirror.
"But, something always has to fuck me over," Levi spat with a clenched jaw, capturing the window sill in an iron grip. "Isn't that right?! You simply adore dancing all of your puppets around until they can't take it anymore- but you don't stop, do you?!" Levi screamed at the full moon in the sky.
Erwin sharply exhaled through his nose, Levi swaying side to side like empty ODM gear in the breeze. Levi swore and stretched his fingers out to relieve the tension in them.
"I bumped into a guy whose ego was as big as his body. The bastard was huge and wouldn't let it go." Levi hung his head, the stars bringing back memories he'd rather forget. "I think you were there when we had settled the issue and took off."
Erwin remembers like it happened yesterday. He could never forget the first time he saw Levi fly on the Wings of Revolution; it was enchanting.
Levi outstretched his arm, one foot leaving the floor as he reached to the giant moon glowing against the night sky.
"Levi, you need to stop being heedless, or you'll fall and end up dead!" Erwin finally snapped, his hand darting to grab Levi's. He missed his target, the shorter one moving unexpectedly and making Erwin snatch his pale forearm.
The wind from the chill night ruffled the forgotten paperwork on Erwin's desk, Levi's eerily hollow chuckle overlaying the white noise. Empty steel-gray finally looked into Erwin's ocean blues, heavy-lidded and worn thin.
"Don't you know I'm stupid? The hell does 'heedless' mean, blondie?" Levi wore a painful grin.
Erwin furrowed his brow in worry, loosening his grip but not letting go. "Careless," he said gently, thumbing fondly at Levi's flushed skin. "It means. . . Careless."
Levi's bottom lip trembled, and Erwin swore he saw his small body twitch with a hiccup. "Maybe that's what I want, Commander- to end up dead," Levi breathed, sending a cold surge through Erwin.
"Hey, don't say that," Erwin said quickly in a hushed tone. His free hand gently cupped Levi's shoulder.
"Why not?" Levi's voice was so small. It scared Erwin. "Every time I shut my eyes at night, all I see is their faces, hear them call my name." Erwin could feel Levi trembling.
"I know, Levi. By the walls, I know how it feels to begin to go numb. How it is to lose everything close to you, and still need to press onwards," Erwin murmured.
"Oh, sure. You see the face of every comrade that you've sent to death in your dreams. I'm sure you remember each and every soldier." The sarcastic bite in Levi's tone made Erwin unhand the man's arm.
"Excuse me. . ?" Erwin breathed, stupidly hoping he had misheard Levi.
"You don't know how it feels to be looked at like a human shit stain for simply trying to survive! You're just Mr. Fucking Perfect, right?" Levi's fruitless attempt to push Erwin away by his chest only agitated the blonde.
"Another pompous asshole that wouldn't hesitate to judge me from getting on all fours back then just to be able to eat twice a week!" Levi's (false) accusations were making Erwin increasingly angry.
"You're no different than everyone in the Capital-"
"You'd better watch your mouth, Ackerman."
Levi sucked in a short breath so quickly, it made his throat dry up; though, that might've been caused by the snarl of his surname. He didn't get another chance to speak as Erwin loomed over his frame.
"Who gave you an escape route when you had nowhere else to turn? Was it the Capital? Who was it that believed in you when everyone else wanted you to hang? The Capital, perhaps? Apologies, my memory is hazy."
Levi had seen Erwin agitated, seen him berate cadets and superiors alike with no backlash. But the man was always so poised and assured. Sure, the unsettlingly strong fire behind his crystal eyes was never smothered, but it was not once openly expressed.
Until now.
It had Levi- the nephew of Kenny the Ripper, the Captain of the 104th Cadet Corp, Humanity's Strongest Soldier- intimidated enough to shrink in on himself.
"I don't mean to scare you, Levi. I truly don't. But when you have the audacity to lump me into the crowd of discriminatory pedophiles and rapists? After everything I have done for you?" Erwin scoffed, ending his rant.
"I-I... I'm-"
"I don't want you to apologize. It's difficult to believe that you would. It's just not like you," Erwin swallowed thickly as Levi sniffled.
"Levi, I-" Erwin cut himself off, clenching his jaw.
Want you. Need you.
I think I'm in love with you. What a dream it would be to say. But he shouldn't. And he won't.
"You should sober up here while I get work done. How does that sound?" Erwin felt the urge to vomit after those words burned off his tongue.
"Thank you," Levi hardly whispered. "Thank you, Erwin."
Closing his eyes tightly, Erwin nodded, leading Levi to the couch the was sitting against the sidewall.
"Of course, Levi. I would do anything for you."