It Its Pronouns - Tumblr Posts

Vent Post, TLDR at Bottom

One thing about me that I don't share a lot is that i'm genderfluid, or at least pretty damn close. I never am comfortable with "manly" things or being called "man" and it all lies within femininity and the trans umbrella for me. But I have days where I feel pretty boyish, albeit pretty androgynous or fem, and I have days (a majority of the time) where I feel like a woman. With respective pronouns to match.

I learned I was GF about 2 years after I started transitioning, feeling like my true self made me truly comfortable rediscovering/incorperating "boy" things again.

But -

I faced some heavy trauma a while ago and it's all pretty much ruined for me. Where It got to the point that I felt great being called a boy or he/him on some days. its now just disgust almost - I dread being called a boy or he/him. Because of this I reverted to only referring to myself as a trans woman.

But I feel like that doesn't always fit me because theres something else there and I know there is, but I can't express it without it hurting. Nonbinary doesn't fit me, demi didn't feel right, they/them felt wrong. I'm up in the air about it/its because I have nobody to call me it.

But, even worse, is that the feeling has started coming back in a really unhealthy way, because intrusive thoughts keep replaying about the identity and trauma. It got to the point where I developed a harmful kink around it. One in which I get excited thinking about being he/him and a man, and sometimes detransitioning.

It caused an already uncomfortable feeling to be even more uncomfortable, so anytime I think of one of those things it excites a part of my brain. But after and/or in a calm rational mind the thoughts hurt. I'm Asexual btw, so it just becomes a highly uncomfortable feeling. I have been wanting to try to reincorperate and reidentify as genderfluid again and trying boy/he/him, etc. but every time it just acts as that kink and gets me uncomfortable as hell

So to my followers that may read this or care, If you ever see me update my bio to he/him or boy or the like, please don't engage with it. At least until i'm comfortable. My name is Maxine, I perfer Max, and I use She/Her pronouns, I'm testing it/its to see if it feels right. I do not want to be called a boy or referred to as he/him unless otherwise pinned/stated. Thankss

TLDR - I'm genderfluid but due to trauma I lost touch with my boy side, and due to intrusive thoughts it's started coming back in an uncomfortable way. followers- please refer to me as She or It even if bio says otherwise. I'll update if it ever changes.

i love getting to be affirming to my trans siblings by using their pronouns in unique ways... but it/its presents a unique linguistic problem that makes it hard to be clear about my affirmations (and it's not what you think, promise)

take the phrase "it's raining," for example. what's raining? the weather? the sky? the day? "it" in this case doesn't refer to anything at all, instead being a non-referential pronoun.

say you're at the airport waiting for your friend – when you see her you might shout "it's Kaylie!" and the "it" in this case once again doesn't really stand for anything, it's a statement of fact. "it" doesn't refer to the person – like, you'd never say "she's Kaylie!" in that situation.

and yet, a lot of places where i'd substitute "it" for "she" can read this way by accident?

like if i wanted to say "she's the most hardworking person i know" then it's obvious i'm using her pronouns correctly, but if i wanted to say "it's the most hardworking person i know" then it reads more ambiguously, as though i could be revealing the existence of some person like in the previous example. it's no longer clear that i'm using its pronouns on purpose.

not my best example ever, i know; there are more ambiguous examples than this, but it mostly depends on context that's hard to summarize in a post.

to be clear, this doesn't mean i have a problem with the pronouns – it just means i have to be more clever if i want to show my it/its friends how much i appreciate them~

Guys for this pride month people can only use my neo-pronouns (it/its, ey/em ze/zem) because ⟟ feel like he/they are being used on me as ⏃ way to avoid using the others at this point by ⏃ lot of people, haven't seen or heard my neo-pronouns used in like over 10 months

Guys I did a cool thing!!!!!! I think I look really cool lol :)

FRIENDLY REMINDER #3

THOSE WHO USE NEOPRONOUNS AND IT/ITS PRONOUNS ARE NOT HURTING ANYONE. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, THEN THAT'S ON YOU. PEOPLE WHO USE IT/ITS DO NOT NEED TO CHANGE THEIR PRONOUNS TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR DISCOMFORT. PEOPLE WHO USE NEOPRONOUNS DO NOT NEED TO CHANGE THEIR PRONOUNS TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR DISCOMFORT. YOUR DISCOMFORT IS ON YOU, NOT THOSE THAT USE PRONOUNS THAT DIFFER FROM SHE/HER, HE/HIM AND THEY/THEM.

Here's Something About Me

(Idk I'm bored and thought y'all might wanna learn a little more about me.)

Okay, so hi(?)

I'm no_fear_queers (it's the same on Instagram), but you can call me Ellis. Nicknames I accept are Eli, Rae, Rae Rae, Frank and Frankie. (These are coming from the middle names I gave myself. Which are: Ryan and Francis. And no, I will not be telling you what my last name is.) Now, Shrimpy -which is the nickname I'm using on Instagram- is a nickname given to me by a friend when we were freshmen in high school. And I'm only comfortable with my friends calling me Shrimpy. I was given this nickname due to the fact that I'm shorter than all my friends. (Well, shorter AND scrawnier.)

As of September 23rd 2023 (the day I'm writing this), I am 21 years old. I am an introvert with social anxiety, depression and multiple sensory issues I will not be elaborating on.

I'm transmasculine and agender. My pronouns are he/they/it/fae.

I'm unlabeled, queer, angled aroace, and ambiamorous. My unlabeled and queer labels are referring to my aesthetic and sensual orientation. (Seeing how I experience aesthetic and sensual attraction.) The ace and aro identities I identify with are grey-aegosexual and proxyromantic. I'll get into what those two terms mean in a second.

I won't give too long of a list of things I don't like. Mostly because my dislike list is pretty long. The things I dislike the most -besides conservatives and queerphobia of any kind- are bright colours, bright lights (especially when they're flashing lights--mostly due to a sensory issue), sweet potatoes, rom-coms and weddings. (Mind you, I don't outright HATE weddings. I just don't like them. Especially since I'm not much of a people person.)

My favourite shows are NCIS, Bones, Criminal Minds, Bob's Burgers, Futurama, Supernatural, Creeped Out, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Kitchen Nightmares, Hell's Kitchen, and Hotel Hell.

My favourite movies are The Bob's Burgers Movie, Renfield, Demonic, Smile, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. (Mind you, I like watching horror movies in general but there's only ever been like the two I've actually enjoyed watching and liked more than others.)

My favourite colours are black, red, grey, blue and green.

My favourite video games are Left 4 Dead, Left 4 Dead 2, Skyrim, Cooking Champions, Terraria, Minecraft, Animal Crossing New Horizons, The Sims 3 and The Sims 4.

My two favourite things to do are write and play video games. And my favourite holiday is Halloween.

Anyway, on to the definitions I promised:

Grey-aegosexual is a microlabel for ace-spec people who partially relate to aegosexuality, but experience it infrequently or very weakly, and may not feel they fully relate to the aegosexual label. One may very rarely enjoy or get aroused by sexual content or specific people, but only under specific circumstances, and are otherwise sex-neutral or sex-repulsed.

Proxyromantic is a form of romantic attraction in which one has a connection with a romantic orientation, or with the concept of romantic orientations, but does not have the will and/or the ability to figure that romantic orientation out for themselves. Proxyromantic could also be considered a microlabel under the term quoiromantic, the main difference being that one feels as though they have a romantic orientation and understands the concept of romantic attraction, but they don't have the will and/or ability to figure it out.

(This turned out to be longer and more of a mess than I had originally planned.)