Kinley - Tumblr Posts

Kinley got a promotion!

Kinley is currently working on a garden 🌱

Kinley needs to upgrade 20 objects to complete her aspiration, so she’s going to need all the upgrade parts she can get

🧹🧽🧹🧽

Kinley made Mariko give back her key

kinley decided to take up writing to earn more money

i built kinley a new house

🍽🍽! Angst pleases me lol

Make Me Write Monday

@kinard-buckley also asked for this, so I thought I would just answer this in one ask hehe

This is technically a Denial-Verse Side Story I'm hoping to finish it and post it at some point. I'd say this happens after A Surprise Visit and before The Fire is Inside the House. And 😂 okay, so it's a little more than three sentences, but I've got them, so I might as well show them, right? Enjoy! 🥰

*****

“I think I just had the worst shift of my life,” Tommy said as he dropped his duffle next to the door, a little – a little shocked by what had just happened to him on that shift.

Evan was at the table. He was setting up his table for dinner. In his messy apron and a smudge of sauce on his face. And all Tommy wanted was to sink into his usual chair and lean on Evan’s shoulder and try to piece together what the fuck had just happened to him.

Because he didn’t know how to comprehend it.

He hadn’t been able to his entire shift. His drive back to Evan’s place.

“Tell me about it. You should have seen the bullshit that Gerrard had us do. What he ordered us to do almost got the victim killed. It was – what the fuck is wrong with that guy, right?” asked Evan, and Tommy knew Evan didn’t mean it like this, he really knew, but it felt like Evan was glossing over what Tommy had just said.

And.

And they had been talking about Gerrard for weeks. Weeks. Weeks of an endless barrage of trauma and bad choices on the part of Vincent that seemed to seep into the very fabric of Tommy and Evan’s lives.

Tommy didn’t fault Evan for talking about the man so much. There was bound to be a lot happening that wasn’t good at the 118 at the moment. Tommy understood too well what it was like to be under Gerrard’s leadership.

Evan should talk about it.

Work through his feelings.

Be heard and know that he wasn’t overreacting. That his responses to this man were realistic. His, Chimney’s, Hen’s, Eddie’s, Ravi’s – all of them were correct in their anger and appalment against the man.

But.

But it was also straining.

It was a death of a thousand cuts that was slowly making all of them more and more raw and stressed out. No one did well working under traumatic conditions, after all.

And Tommy felt horrible, but he was so tired. And he knew how bad Evan had it right now. But Tommy wanted to talk about what happened to him.

He just wanted a moment to talk about his worst shift ever.

And this wasn’t as if he didn’t want Evan to talk about his day, but they had been talking about Evan’s terrible days for weeks on end, and Tommy just wanted one day.

One day about Tommy’s horrible day.

Which was terrible. And selfish. And cruel. But Tommy couldn’t help but say, “Evan, I just told you I had the worst shift of my life.”

“And I was talking about my shift too,” said Evan slowly as he sat down at the table, “Because we both talk about our shifts at dinner.”

And.

Yes.

That was sort of true.

“Sometimes, we talk about my shift,” said Tommy as he walked to the table and leaned on one of the chairs, “Sometimes. But we always talk about your day.”

Which was probably unfair to say.

But it was true.

They always talked about Evan’s day. And that was okay. Evan needed that now more than ever. Evan was having a lot of terrible days. But – but Tommy had a terrible day today.

And it hurt that Evan wasn’t seeing that he needed this right now.

Evan furrowed his brow.

“Last dinner we talked about you saving a cat from a tree,” Evan pointed out, as if he had to be right.

Or maybe.

Maybe Evan was just confused at the idea that it hadn’t been exactly equal the last few weeks.

“No, that was four dinners ago,” said Tommy clearly.

Because.

It really was.

“That can’t be right.”

Tommy.

Tommy didn’t understand why this was the sticking point.

“That’s what you really want to focus on right now?” asked Tommy, a little – a little exasperated.

Which wasn’t usually where Tommy lived as a person, but well, he didn’t have the patience he usually did. And that really did feel like the wrong place for Evan to focus on at the moment.

“I – I didn’t mean it as like, the most important part of this discussion. I’m just – did we really not talk about your day the last three dinners?” asked Evan, furrowing his brow.

“Yeah. Evan. We didn’t,” said Tommy softly, “And that’s – that’s okay. But. But that’s not really the point I’m trying to make here.”

“What other point could you be making?” asked Evan, and – and it wasn’t defensive, but it felt defensive, “Should I not be talking about my days? Because they’ve all been terrible. I’m sorry that all of my days have been terrible. I don’t mean to take over the conversation, but it’s hard to not talk about all the things Gerrard does.”

Tommy rubbed his face as he tried to not read that as defensive. Because Evan wasn’t like that. Tommy knew that.

But this was.

Tommy didn’t have the spoons for this.

“You know what? I’m not that hungry anymore,” said Tommy as he – as he walked over to the door and picked up his duffel.

“What?” said Evan, and Tommy immediately heard Evan stand up, “You’re just leaving?”

Tommy took a deep breath in.

A deep breath out.

He turned to Evan, who – who looked pissed. And hurt. And scared.

And.

Fuck.

“Evan, I had the worst shift of my life today. I really did. I do not have the patience. I do not have it in me. I need some space to think without saying something I don’t mean to you right now. I’m going home today. I’m not abandoning you. I’m not leaving you. I just need some space to think,” said Tommy clearly.

“So, you’re running away from the conversation?” asked Evan, and okay, that hit a nerve.

“My mom almost died because she refused to be treated by me, I – ” Tommy started to say, started to yell, and –

And he could see the regret in Evan’s eyes.

The instant regret.

And Tommy regretted yelling that at him. At just springing it like that.

Tommy didn’t yell.

He wasn’t that person.

He needed to not be like this to Evan. He needed space.

“ – I love you, Evan. I need some space,” said Tommy.

And he knew Evan was saying something behind him.

But Tommy couldn’t.

He needed to not be there right now.

He needed to be alone.

He needed to make himself a priority, just this one time.

So, Tommy left for Evan’s loft.

Chapter 2 now posted on Ao3

Buck learns the extent of Tommy's injuries and turns to his family for support.

Excerpt:

When Maddie entered the waiting room, Buck's composure finally crumbled. His large frame seemed to collapse as he rushed into his sister's arms, burying his face in her shoulder. Sobs wracked his body as Maddie held him tightly, her small frame supporting his weight as she rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here now," Maddie murmured, her voice soft and comforting.

After a few moments, when Buck's sobs had quieted somewhat, Maddie gently asked, "Can you tell me what happened?"

Buck's voice was muffled and broken as he managed to get out, "Tommy... car accident... surgery."

To have been a fly on the wall during Buck's phone conversation asking Tommy for a tour.

Like to have witnessed Buck fumbling like a damn idiot would have been a treat.

And Every String Led Me To You (BuckTommy) - one-shot

Summary: It happened when Buck woke up from the coma. At first, he was absolutely sure that he was dreaming because there was no way his hospital room could be so full of string.

or, Buck can suddenly see the strings of fate, including the one that connects him right to Tommy.

BuckTommy Positivity Week Day 7: soulmates/string of fate

Rated: G

Words: 8.6k

@bucktommypositivityweek

-

Read on Ao3

It happened when Buck woke up from the coma. At first, he was absolutely sure that he was dreaming because there was no way his hospital room could be so full of string. So, when the doctors had all started to check on him, Buck had settled on the idea that maybe he was just hallucinating. Or that the lights in the room were doing something weird and his eyes weren’t focusing enough to let him see everything properly. 

Except that it didn’t go away. And once he was actually definitely more awake, Buck began to realize that the strings shot out from people’s chests. He saw it on his main doctor and on Maddie, but he realized fairly quickly that they couldn’t see them. 

Some people had more than others and there were different colors too. When he looked down at his own chest, he found lots of strings. The one that stood out most prominently was red. There were a few green, some blue, and yellow that glowed so much they looked almost gold. 

“Mr. Buckley, are you alright?” 

“Call me Buck,” Buck said. 

The doctor nodded and then started going over what had happened to him. Struck by lighting. Died. Coma. Lucky to be alive. Maddie stood next to him and she looked so happy that he didn’t want to alert her to anything else being wrong. But, something had to be wrong. 

Then, when everyone came in to see him, Buck was a bit overwhelmed by everyone and even more so by all the strings. They kinda blended together a bit but they were definitely still there. 

“Buck?” His doctor asked after visiting hours were over and everyone was gone. 

“Why are there so many strings?” Buck asked. 

“Strings?” She asked, confused. 

Buck hadn’t tried to touch them because he’d been a little worried about what might happen if he did. But, he reached just in front of his chest right where one of the green strings was. He closed his fingers around it and felt nothing. His hand grasped nothing. 

“But they’re — they’re there. They’re everywhere.” 

There were so many tests after that. Although some of them were probably related to the lightning strike and the coma that followed, some were definitely related to the strings. Why else would they bring a psychiatrist to see him? 

Maddie was worried. Eddie looked worried too. His parents had been mostly confused. Bobby was the first one to ask follow up questions. Because even the psychiatrist had wanted him to talk about things that weren’t the strings as if they were trying to get him to admit that he was making it up. 

“What are you seeing exactly, Buck?” Bobby asked. 

They were playing cards and Buck was already feeling a lot better. Maybe some of it was due to the pain meds, but he felt ready to leave the hospital. 

“It’s like if a ball of yarn was unspooled and it just kept rolling and rolling and rolling and other balls were also let go and every yarn started in someone’s chest. Can’t touch them, but they’re there and they’re kinda taut so somewhere they probably end. Does that make any sense?” 

“What else can you tell me?” Bobby asked. 

Buck took a breath. He couldn’t tell if Bobby was just humoring him, but it didn’t really matter if he could talk about the strings without doctors thinking he needed yet another MRI. 

“They’re really bright and there’s a lot of different colors too. The glow. And I think they connect people together. We’re — Bobby, there’s a string coming from me to you. It’s kinda yellow, but it’s glowing. I saw a similar one going from me to Maddie. There was a blue one connecting me to Eddie. Chim too.” 

Bobby stared at him. He was in one of those uncomfortable hospital chairs, his hand of cards held up in front of him, but he wasn’t looking at them as much as looking over them to stare at Buck. 

“They say strange things happen to people when they die,” Bobby said eventually. “You did die, Buck. Maybe long enough that something got left behind.” 

Buck sat up. He put his cards down. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, since they mentioned it, I’ve had the thought that maybe you’re seeing something that is always there but that no one ever sees. Buck, I think you’re seeing the strings of fate.” 

“Strings of fate?” Buck asked. 

Bobby nodded with a small smile. “It’s a theory,” Bobby explained. “Some people think that everyone that is meant to meet will meet and that we’re all just tangled up in strings. Most important of all, the red string of fate that will connect you to your Soulmate.” 

If the strings weren’t there in front of him, Buck probably would have scoffed at the entire idea. Except that he could see the strings and they did come out of people’s chests and he and Bobby were connected. 

“So, does that mean free will doesn’t actually exist?” Buck asked. 

“That is a larger conversation,” Bobby said with a chuckle. 

“Yeah. I just…if things are meant to be a certain way then what is the point of — well, of everything.” 

“Buck,” Bobby said, “I think that is the point. The strings are there for us to follow like different paths. Different choices. You can see them now, but you weren’t influenced in any way to make the choices that brought you here.” 

By the time that he was finally discharged a few days later, Buck had started to get used to the idea. He stopped telling people about the strings even though they were just always there. Weirdly, he could ignore them. Or at least he could until Maddie and Chim arrived to pick him up and he saw the red string that connected them. Soulmates. 

As much as he hated the recovery period, it did give him some time to get used to the strings. Seeing them on his friends when he was with them one on one was interesting because he had strings attaching him to all of them. It also gave Buck time to research. 

He probably spent too much time going down rabbit hole after rabbit hole. Most of it was theory because no one could prove that they existed. Some people did claim to see them, but just like Buck they had no way to actually prove that definitively. 

By the time that he was back at work, Buck just became used to seeing the strings. He could ignore them and if he really thought about it hard enough they kind of disappeared. So, for a while it seemed like everything would just go back to normal. Until he met Natalia the Death Doula. 

Buck saw the string that connected them the moment they arrived on the scene. It was the first string that he’d seen connect to someone he didn’t already know. Buck couldn’t help but be drawn to her and the longer they talked the more interested he became. He decided to ignore the nagging voice that told him he was being influenced by the string existing in the first place. It helped that she seemed to be as fascinated by him right back. Her fascination only seemed to grow when she learned that Buck had died. That made it a little weird, but Buck didn’t care. 

It had been a while for him since he’d attempted anything romantic. A few months later it was all over. For once it wasn’t his job as much as hers. 

“Only a yellow string,” he told himself afterwards. “Of course it wasn’t going to last.” 

Most people had a red string and most of the time Buck didn’t get to see where the other side ended. Bobby and Athena were connected by red. Hen and Karen too. Eddie and Marisol didn’t have a string at all and Buck had no idea what to make of that. Eddie’s red string was stretched outwards and Buck had absolutely no idea where it went. 

The weird thing about the red string was that it pulled. It was the only one that did that. Not often and very gently, almost pleasantly, but it was there and Buck had no idea why it did that at all. He just knew that if everything worked the way it was supposed to, one day he would meet the person that his red string led to. 

The worst pull that the red string ever gave him was that day during the bridge collapse. Buck didn’t know if it had something to do with the emergency or if it was because the person his red string ended on was there. He just knew that the string was as taut as ever and that it tugged at him. 

According to some of his research the red string was the main string and all the other strings were there to inform the red. Buck thought that there was maybe something to that considering how Maddie and Chim had come to meet because of him. Or even how Hen and Karen had gotten together entirely because of Chim whom they both shared strings with. 

“It’s red, the string between you two,” Buck told Bobby a couple of nights before he and Athena were setting off on a very belated honeymoon cruise. 

“I didn’t need you to tell me that, Buck,” Bobby said. 

Buck was a little curious about the string connecting Athena to her ex-husband as well as Bobby’s to his first wife. Did people have more than one Soulmate, or had Bobby and Athena always been meant to be? Buck didn’t really let himself linger on that. If he really let himself think too hard about the strings it would actually drive him a little crazy. 

Like how Eddie and Marisol didn’t have a string attaching them at all. Buck said nothing about it. It wasn’t his place and it was also a bit confusing because he’d sort of assumed that anyone you dated would have a string since there existed an inherent intimacy. Apparently, that did not seem to be the case. It made everything all the more curious. 

The next time his red string acted up was on the night that he, Eddie, and Chim were on their way to meet Chim’s friend from air support. It seemed to both get better and worse the closer they got to the station. Buck had no idea what to make of it.

And then he got very very distracted by the very hot man walking towards them. He stood at about Buck’s height and he could have easily been some sort of model because he had no right being that good looking and not sharing that with the world. 

It didn’t hit Buck until the guy had made it closer that Buck’s string had found its other end. Buck’s red string ended on the very muscled chest of the pilot that Chim had called to help them. He could barely keep his eyes off of him as they walked to meet him, the string between them shrinking and shrinking. 

He missed whatever Chim said to him until—

“I’m Tommy,” Tommy said and he shook Eddie’s hand first. 

“Ev— Evan,” Buck managed to get out. 

Tommy had a nice smile. It crinkled the corners of his eyes and created laugh lines around his mouth. His chin had a cleft and his jawline was sharp. He was hot. It wasn’t a thought that Buck had often about men, but he had eyes, and there was no denying when someone was just that good looking. 

“Nice to meet you, Evan,” Tommy said and Buck had gone years hating the sound of his own first name. He didn’t hate it when Tommy said it. 

“So, what’s happening exactly?” Tommy asked Chim, his eyes leaving Buck and turning to Chim. 

“You okay, man?” Eddie asked with a nudge to Buck’s side. 

“Oh. Uh…yeah. Yeah. I’m good.” 

He couldn’t stop looking at Tommy. The red string between them shone so bright that Buck could actually see the red light reflecting on the space between them and Tommy had absolutely no idea that it existed. As he followed Eddie and Chim towards a helicopter he noted that in addition to the red string, there were strings joining Chim and Eddie to Tommy. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Eddie asked again. 

Buck felt Tommy’s gaze on him and he gulped. “Fine. I’m fine. Just worried for Cap and Athena.” 

Eddie didn’t look like he believed him. 

Tommy had them all get into the helicopter and he stood outside. The wind fluttered his hair a bit and he was looking serious but cool as he talked to Chim. When he went to go grab Hen, Buck almost felt the string pull. It was an odd sensation. 

The whole helicopter ride, Buck grew more and more in awe of Tommy. He was just so confident as he got them up in the air and his dry humor was a revelation. By the time they spotted the capsized ship, Buck had started to think it was all for nothing, and then he began to worry that they were too late. 

He and Eddie shared a look. 

And then…well, then, Tommy actually landed on the capsized ship like it was the easiest thing in the world nevermind that it wasn’t even a little bit flat. 

Buck maybe gapped at him a little until Hen was pulling at him to get out of the helicopter. His eyes met Tommy’s as he did and wow was that intense.

The sun was rising by the time that they were making the final trip back to the coast guard ship. Buck didn’t know how he ended up front with Tommy, but he didn’t mind it one bit. He tried not to be too obvious in how his eyes seemed to stay right to him despite the gorgeous view of the calm blue water below them. 

“Gotta say, I’m glad I wrote that letter of recommendation now,” Bobby said. 

Tommy chuckled. “I’m just happy I could help.” 

“Are you kidding?” Buck asked. “This…we couldn’t have done any of this without you.” 

When he glanced back at Bobby he was unsurprised to find the string that connected Bobby to Tommy. 

“Anyone could have flown out here.” 

Buck shook his head. “But you did.” 

“Take the credit, man,” Eddie added. 

When they landed, they got to see Bobby and Athena reunite. The red string between them closing up until it existed as just a light glow between them. When Buck looked down, he saw his own between him and Tommy. Did it mean they could have something like Bobby and Athena? 

Throughout the night, Buck hadn’t allowed himself to really think about it, mostly because he wasn’t into guys. Or, alright, he’d never been with a guy before. He’d checked some out in the past, but that had been more about admiration for the physique or because yes some guys were hot and there was no way they weren’t getting checked out by most people. His brain was starting to hurt. 

He reached out to Tommy, patting his shoulder. “Thank you.” 

Tommy’s hand brushed his elbow as Buck began to follow Eddie. He felt the tug of the string and then it loosened as Tommy followed. It was very very strange and Buck needed to do more research. 

Days later, his research hadn’t given him much more than what he’d already found previously. Red string meant Soulmate. So, Buck did a different type of research and maybe he shouldn’t have started with porn, but that seemed in many ways the easiest way for him to tell if he actually could be sexually interested in guys. The answer was a yes. Definitely a yes. 

That sent him down a different rabbit hole and Buck learned about the kinsey scale and all the different flags and the different ways that people defined themselves. It was overwhelming and there was so much for him to learn, but Buck was nothing if not eager to learn. 

So he read up on Stonewall and Harvey Milk and the AIDS Memorial quilt. He read about all the men and women that got married after decades of being together without the right to. He read about gay sex and he read about the ways that queer people had been fighting for their rights for just about ever and how the fight was still ongoing. 

Every June, Buck had put up a pride flag on his Instagram, a show of solidarity. He hadn’t known the flag was his too. 

“Is something going on, Buck?” Hen asked in between calls one shift. “You’ve been quieter than usual.” 

“I’ve been doing some research,” he admitted. 

“And you haven’t shared it with us?” Chim asked. “Shocking.” 

Buck knew he was turning pink. Luckily, he was saved by a call. They all ran down and were in the truck in minutes. 

Later that night, he was the one that approached Hen. She had a book in her hand, but she put it down on her lap when she saw him. 

“What’s up?” 

Buck took a breath and he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t admit to a label that he still wasn’t sure fit. 

“Do you remember when I was in the hospital and I was talking about strings?” Buck asked.

Hen raised an eyebrow. “I think we all remember that.” 

“Right. Right. Well, I never stopped seeing them.” 

Her eyes widened at once. “What? Have you been hallucinating this whole time? Buck that’s not alright. We need to tell Cap and get you to the hospital. Is there anything else? I mean if you’re seeing things that aren’t there that isn’t exactly a good thing.” 

“No. No. Hen, I’m okay.” 

She leaned back on the couch. “I don’t really buy that.”

“Well, unlike my math superpowers, this one didn’t go away,” Buck said. “But I know what it is now.” 

Both of her eyebrows shot up. “You know why you’re seeing strings?” 

“Bobby thinks it’s left over from when I died. He called them strings of fate and I researched it a lot and it’s not just some story. They’re real.”

Hen nodded along. “Okay, and you, what, you found other people that can see them?” 

“There are some, yeah. Mostly people that have died and been revived. There’s research on it, but it’s not exactly prone to giving empirical visible data, but I think it’s real.” 

Buck could tell that Hen was at least partially humoring him, but at least she wasn’t insisting that he go to the hospital anymore. She mostly looked bemused. 

“We have a string connecting us,” Buck said, pointing between them. “Most of the strings are yellow, but some are green or blue. Everyone has a red string, it’s supposed to be attached to your Soulmate. You and Karen. Chim and Maddie. Athena and Bobby. All red.”

“Hmm, good to know, not that I doubted it,” Hen said and she was smiling a little. 

“My red string, I found out where it ends.” 

“What?” 

Buck chuckled. “Yeah. I, uh, I’ve been kinda freaking out a little.” 

“If what you’re saying is true then that woman is your Soulmate? What are you even waiting for?” 

Buck looked away. It really would have been nice of dispatch to send them a call. He glanced behind him. Bobby was in the kitchen with Chim. Eddie was at one of the tables talking to Christopher over facetime. 

“It’s, uh, it’s not a woman,” Buck got out. 

“Oh,” Hen said, eyes widening. She dropped the book on the couch next to her. “Oh. Buck, are you…I mean how do you feel about that?” 

“Why do you think I’ve been freaking out?” 

“So maybe the whole string thing doesn’t work that way?” Hen tried. 

Buck shook his head. “I’m freaking out because I had no idea that I liked men that way too and what if I mess this all up because I’ve never been with a guy before? What if this all goes wrong and I screw things up with the person that my string leads to.” 

“Buck,” Hen said in a gentle tone. “You won’t. Look, string of fate aside, any guy that doesn’t accept your journey to realizing this about yourself isn’t worth your time.” 

It was nice to hear it from Hen. 

Tommy had seemed like the decent sort. He’d flown into a hurricane just because Chim reached out to him and told him Hen had a hunch. For all his confidence and skill, he’d still tried to downplay that. 

“You’re right,” Buck said. 

“And, Buck, I’m proud of you.” 

“What?” 

“It isn’t easy coming to terms with who you are and honestly I’ve seen you checking out guys for years.” 

Buck burst into laughter. He could feel how warm his face had gone and Hen laughed too. They got a few looks from the others, but Hen shook her head at them. 

“Had to be there,” she said. In a quieter tone just for Buck to hear, “you don’t have to tell anyone anything until you’re ready.” 

“Thanks, Hen.” 

It felt far too obvious to ask Hen if she could pass along Tommy’s number to him, so before their shift ended, Buck asked as casually Chim as he could. Chim didn’t seem to think anything of it. 

“He’s a cool guy, that Tommy,” Chim said.

“Yeah, I thought so,” Buck said. 

Buck called as soon as he was back home. He was nervously pacing his apartment as the phone rang. On the third ring, it was finally picked up. 

“Hello,” Tommy’s voice sounded a little winded. 

“Uh. Hi,” Buck said. “This is Evan. Evan Buckley, we, uh, we met the other night when—”

“Oh. Evan! Yes. How are you?” 

“I’m good. Great. You?” 

“I’m doing alright,” Tommy said. “What can I do for you?” 

“Are you always so quick to offer favors?” Buck asked. 

Tommy chuckled. Buck loved the sound of it. Wanted to hear it again. 

“Not necessarily, but you did call me out of the blue so I had to assume you needed something. Am I right?” 

Buck didn’t stop moving across the floor of his loft. He had never been so nervous before and that was saying something because Buck did plenty of things that other people would find nerve racking. One area where Buck had always managed to be a little too bold and a little too willing to just go for it had always been when it came to flirting even if often it just led a single night or a single afternoon or morning. Tommy made him nervous and Buck didn’t even think it had anything to do with him being a guy…or at least, it wasn’t entirely that. 

“Oh. Well, yes. I was wondering if you would ever want to give me a tour of Harbor? Kinda hard to see everything in the dark.” 

Tommy took a pause before he responded. “I can do that. Sure.”

“Cool.” 

Tommy chuckled again. “Cool,” he repeated. 

They figured out a time that worked for them in a couple of days and Buck couldn’t find any excuse to keep him on the phone longer. Afterwards, he kinda just hung his head and groaned. Why did he feel like a teenager all of a sudden? And he hadn’t even really asked Tommy out as much as made it into a work thing. He was hopeless. Absolutely hopeless. 

When the day of the tour arrived, he might have also taken his entire closet apart to find the right outfit. His plan was to arrive for the tour and get talking to Tommy and then offer to get a drink with him or something. Then, maybe when they were out of Tommy’s place of work, he could try and show that he was interested in something more. He’d flirt and smile and pull out all his best moves. 

None of that went to plan. He could sort of tell that Tommy was confused about Buck’s request for the tour and yet he led him through the space showing him everything. It was definitely impressive. Tommy was impressive. Buck couldn’t tell for sure if Tommy was flirting with him because he was subtle about it so it could have been passed off for something else maybe, but he did think he caught him checking Buck out a few times and that…well, that was a good sign. 

And then…then Eddie was suddenly there. 

Tommy had plans with Eddie. 

Tommy and Eddie were high fiving and grinning at each other like they’d known each other for ages. 

The outfit that Tommy was wearing that Buck had convinced himself was in some effort to impress him because Tommy was off-shift and had still been willing to show Buck around on his day off, was suddenly less about Buck and more about him going to a fight with Eddie. A fight that they were taking the helicopter to because it was in Vegas. So the whole tour and the timing of it was convenient for Tommy and Buck was nothing more than an afterthought. 

Buck watched them go and he wondered if he’d gotten it all wrong, red string and all. 

The worst part was how foolish it made him feel. He’d convinced himself that he just needed to follow the string and that it wouldn’t steer him wrong. It wasn’t that simple though and he had perfect examples all around him. 

Chim and Maddie had had their ups and downs. Hen had cheated on Karen. Even Bobby and Athena had their issues and they had both been married to other people and had kids with those other people. The red string had to have some kind of fine print that stated it didn’t guarantee smooth sailing. 

So, if Tommy was interested in Eddie then that was…Buck just had to be okay with that? 

All at once, he hated the strings. He wanted nothing to do with them and wished he didn’t even see them in the first place. So, he didn’t call Tommy again. Didn’t ask about the flying lessons he’d been offered or called in the rain check for the beer Buck had said he’d buy for him. He tried not to think about Tommy at all. 

Except that Eddie couldn’t stop talking about Tommy. Not just the fight, but how Tommy had helped him fix up the Chevelle and how Tommy apparently knew muay thai and Eddie finally had someone he could spar with. He talked about how Tommy was a regular at a karaoke trivia thing — Buck loved trivia…it was so unfair how perfect Tommy was. Eddie had even brought Tommy along to meet Christopher and they had definitely hit it off. Chris couldn’t stop talking about Tommy the night Buck wound up babysitting. Even Marisol had nice things to say about him when she stopped by to pick up something she’d forgotten at Eddie’s house. 

Buck didn’t really get Marisol. She was friendly enough, but always a little standoffish. Eddie never brought her around to get togethers with the rest of the 118, either, and Buck couldn’t help but be weirded out by how few strings she had and how she didn’t connect to Eddie or Chris. She also didn’t seem to care that Eddie was spending every spare moment of free time with Tommy instead of with her. Or even how Eddie talked about Tommy way more than he’d ever talked about Marisol. 

So, maybe Buck was simmering in a pot of jealousy and he had no idea why Marisol wasn’t in her own pot over the same stovetop. 

When he saw that Eddie was going to the pickup basketball game with Tommy and that he’d gone and circled the date on the calendar, he felt the pit in his stomach grow. Eddie had been begging him to join him at basketball for weeks and Buck always turned him down. It was tempting to just show up, but at the same time the last thing he wanted to see was Tommy and Eddie’s friendship or whatever it was — god, he really hoped it was just friendship — on full display. 

A glance at his strings told him they were all still there, still as strong and vibrant. Maybe, he just had to trust them and trust that Tommy’s attention would eventually come to him. 

He ignored the way that Eddie was always on his phone with Tommy. He ignored the pang in his chest. He ignored the way that Hen looked at him with questions. He ignored when Chim brought Tommy up and talked about how cool and awesome he was. Buck was well aware. 

One night, when his apartment felt too big and too empty, Buck decided he was done with the pity party. It wasn’t going to help anyone, least of all him. So, rather than wallow, he got in the shower, pulled on clothes that he knew were a little tight and that definitely showed off his best assets, and then he went out. 

Back in the day, Buck had had specific bars and clubs where he went to blow off steam. He’d get a little drunk, maybe pick up a girl that wanted to have a good time and sometimes — most times — they didn’t actually make it further than the bathroom in their haste. But this time, he wanted to try something different. That was how he found himself at a gay bar. 

It was noisy and the music was loud. Getting to the bar to order a drink took some time, but Buck had nothing but time. By the time that he had his beer in hand, he’d gotten to survey the place a little. Strings were everywhere. They were tangled and messy and here or there Buck could see red strings. Two girls at the bar next to him were connected by a red string. They were flirting and smiling and Buck could tell that they’d only just met. He smiled to himself and glanced around some more. 

Two guys making out with their arms wrapped around each other had a red string between them. Another pair didn’t have any string at all. 

Someone tapped his shoulder. He was a few inches shorter than Buck. His blond hair fell over his eyes like a curtain and he had a nice smile. His arms both had intricate tattoos that Buck was immediately interested in getting a closer look at. 

“Hi,” he said. “You looked a little lonely over here.” 

Buck was struck by the idea that he could do this. The guy was looking at Buck with unmistakable want. His eyes had drifted up and down Buck twice and they stared at his lips like he wanted nothing more than to taste them. Buck knew what that looked like on a girl and he couldn’t say it didn’t do something to know he was wanted. 

“It’s my first time here,” Buck admitted. “I’m Buck.” 

“Jer,” Jer said. “Come out and dance with me? No pressure.” 

So, Buck did. He drowned the last of his beer and left the bottle behind and followed Jer out to the dancefloor. 

It was packed with bodies and Jer reached out and grabbed Buck’s hand so they wouldn’t get separated. He couldn’t deny it was strange to hold hands with a guy just in the sense that the hand he was holding wasn’t soft and delicate but stronger with longer and thicker fingers. When Jer stopped, he let Buck go and he swayed in front of Buck. 

“Relax,” Jer said, grabbing Buck by the hips. 

Buck did. The music was too loud for conversation, but it had a good beat and Buck wasn’t the best dancer by any means, but he got moving and Jer helped him along. 

By the end of two songs they had gotten closer and closer and Buck couldn’t say that he was against the feel of Jer’s body against his. He liked the energy that Jer exuded and how he made it easy. And yet…and yet Buck couldn’t imagine it becoming anything more than just this. 

There wasn’t a string between them, but that wasn’t why. It was because Buck wanted Tommy. 

Jer was hot in his own right and there were plenty of other guys that were hot too, guys that even had the same build as Tommy. They just…they weren’t Tommy. 

Buck motioned for the bar when the next song came to an end and Jer followed close behind him, a hand pressed to the small of Buck’s back. He caught the eye of the bartender right away and they both ordered. 

“I can get it,” Jer said. 

Buck shook his head. “No. I got it. Listen, I’m really not—”

Jer nodded. “I know. You did look lonely, it’s why I came over here, but I’m not really looking for anything either.” 

“Oh?” 

Jer rolled his eyes. “Okay, so that’s a lie. I am kind of seeing someone but we’re open and my friend ditched me for this girl she met. You looked like you could use some fun and I mean, have you looked at yourself? Muscles, that nice tight tush. Delectable.” 

Buck didn’t know what to do with most of what Jer had said, but he still paid for both of their drinks which was exactly when he felt his red string pull. He knew which direction to look in and when he turned his face, his eyes met Tommy’s. His hands tightened on the cold glasses and he handed Jer his glass without turning to look at him. 

Tommy strode through the crowd. He was headed right for them. 

“Wow,” Jer said. “Now that is an adonis.” 

Buck laughed. His red string pulled. Tommy was caught up behind a small crowd of people. 

“Kev — my um partner, he would be salivating right now. Actually…looks like you are too. Wait, is he coming this way?” 

Jer bumped Buck’s shoulder and Buck glanced at him. 

“Do you know him?” Jer asked. 

Buck nodded. A couple of feet away from them, Tommy stopped.

“Hi,” Buck said. 

“Evan,” Tommy said and why oh why did he say his name like that. 

“Tommy,” Buck said back for lack of anything else to say. 

“Maybe Tommy wants a drink,” Jer said, nudging Buck and very obviously giving Tommy a once over. 

Buck blinked, looked towards Jer who seemed to be trying to communicate something with his eyes, and then back at Tommy. Tommy was glancing between them. He frowned and kinda made a move as if to walk away. 

“I do owe you a beer,” Buck said.

Tommy’s lips turned up. “You never called,” he said and once more glanced at Jer. 

“I, uh, I didn’t think you wanted me to,” Buck said. “Not to mention, you were pretty busy, so…”

Jer touched Buck’s shoulder. Buck was very reluctant to look away from Tommy for even a second. “Hey, I’m gonna go. I think I see my friend and her new friend over there. It was nice to meet you, Buck. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…namely climbing that man like a tree.” 

Buck was glad he hadn’t taken a drink. He still coughed and Jer pat him on the shoulder, winked, and walked away. Buck shook his head. 

“Friend of yours?” Tommy asked. 

“Kinda met him tonight.” 

“Oh,” Tommy said. “I, uh, I hope I wasn’t—”

“No, no. It wasn’t like that. He was just friendly. Anyway, so, beer? My treat?” 

Buck turned to flag down the bartender. 

“Whatever he wants,” Buck said and pointed to Tommy. 

“What did you mean?” Tommy asked, moving in closer. Buck could practically feel the heat of him and he would be lying if he said he didn’t want him closer. 

“About what?” Buck asked. 

Tommy chuckled. “What did you mean I was busy?” 

Buck felt all of it coming back. All the times that he had to hear about another hang out between Tommy and Eddie. How even Chim had gone to play basketball with them and apparently Tommy was better than Chim had remembered. How he had definitely thought about calling Tommy again a few times but every time it crossed his mind he thought about how Tommy probably already had plans and it had left him changing his mind and feeling like he’d lost out on something before he even got a chance to try. 

“I don’t know,” Buck said. “I guess Eddie talks about all the things you guys have been doing together. Didn’t really feel like there was room for me.” 

“Evan,” Tommy said and it was filled with incredulity and amusement. “You do know people can have multiple friends right?” 

Buck let out a breath. “I know,” he said. 

“I, uh, I was hoping to hear from you,” Tommy said. 

“Oh?” Buck asked, perking up. 

“I thought…well, I thought maybe you were flirting with me. But I kinda asked Chim about you and he said you were straight. Eddie went on a rant about your last girlfriend? Taylor? So I thought I made it up and when you didn’t call I just figured I must have been wrong. But now, you’re here…at a gay bar.” 

When Buck glanced at Tommy’s face, he saw something that looked like hope. Between them the red string shone bright. 

“It’s new,” Buck said. 

“What?” Tommy asked, a cute confused frown appearing on his face. 

“I didn’t know I was into guys too,” Buck said. “Not until a few weeks ago.” 

“Oh?” Tommy asked. 

“When I met you,” Buck confirmed. “It’s always been there. I didn’t think about it or realize and looking back a lot of things make sense. But I didn’t know and then I did—” 

Buck focused on drinking the mojito Jer had ordered for him. The sweet minty taste was perfect. 

“And then you came here?” Tommy asked and he moved closer to Buck’s side. “Did you want to put it to the test? See if you really were into men?”

Tommy was so close that he could feel his warm breath. He could smell his earthy cologne. When Buck shifted closer, his shoulder pressed into Tommy’s chest and he inhaled. 

“I didn’t need to test anything,” Buck said. “I was only here for a drink. My apartment felt too big but everyone was busy.” 

“Not me,” Tommy said. He took a long gulp of his beer and set it down on the counter behind him. 

“I guess not,” Buck said and he smiled. “I guess I finally get you to myself.” 

Tommy chuckled and Buck felt it go through him. He felt Tommy’s hand come to his waist. It was warm and strong. Buck leaned into it, turned into Tommy. They stared at one another and Tommy was smiling. Buck knew he was smiling back too. Tommy’s other hand drifted up between them, fingers catching Buck’s chin. Buck let out a small gasp and then Tommy was leaning towards him. He moved slow, slow enough that Buck could have pulled away. He leaned closer and when Tommy’s lips finally met his, he kissed him back. 

Buck loved kissing. He was a big fan of kissing. Kissing Tommy was on a whole other league to kissing anyone else. When Tommy pulled away, Buck chased him. Tommy leaned his forehead against his and it was as if the whole world around them had faded. Buck started their next kiss and Tommy let him take the lead until they were both out of breath. 

“Would it be bad if I asked you to come home with me?” Buck asked. 

Tommy pecked his lips. “Only if you’re sure.” 

“I am,” Buck said. “I really really am.” 

Tommy finished his beer and Buck drank the last of his mojito. On their way to the door, he spotted Jer. He was talking to the girls Buck had seen earlier. Jer gave him a nod and a smile. 

He didn’t sleep with Tommy that night. Or rather, they did sleep because they fell asleep on Buck’s couch in between kissing and talking and laughing, but he didn’t take him up to his bed despite how much he actually wanted to. It was just that talking to Tommy was just as stimulating. Tommy was smart and quick. He was funny and sarcastic and he didn’t seem to mind when Buck rambled off a fact or two or three all in a row. 

So, he woke up in the very early hours of the morning, his head resting on a strong chest, his arms wrapped around Tommy’s torso, and Tommy’s arm rested over his back, hand at Buck’s waist. Their legs were tangled together. Buck was glad, then, that when he replaced his couch — hopefully for the last time in a while — he’d picked this big comfy one. His thought had been that it would be useful the next time he got injured and couldn’t go up and down stairs. It was turning out useful in other ways, not that they still wouldn’t be sore after spending the night there together. 

He extricated himself as careful as possible, but Tommy still grabbed his wrist and he blinked his eyes open, a smile forming on his lips when he spotted Evan. 

“Time is it?” Tommy asked groggily. He let go of Buck’s wrist. 

“Early. Sun’s not even up yet,” Buck replied. 

Tommy groaned. 

“Hey, lets go upstairs. Well, first I have to pee, but we can go back to sleep.” 

Tommy made a noise that sounded like a groan and when he stood he groaned again. “I’m too old for sleeping on the couch.” 

Buck snorted. “Go up, I’ll be right there.” 

A few minutes later he found Tommy already passed out in his bed. He climbed in and Tommy drew Buck against him. Buck stayed awake for only a few minutes, marveling at how different things were all of a sudden. They barely even knew each other. Buck knew that for his part the string had helped and yet he had no doubt that he and Tommy would have found each other somehow. They were meant to be, after all. 

-

It took almost six months for Buck to tell Tommy about the strings. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell Tommy as much as that he could never find the right way to do it without sounding crazy. He never did stop seeing them, but learned to just ignore them. They were there and they did what they were supposed to do. And yes, sometimes, he was still shocked by the strings he saw.  

Just like when he first met Mara and found a string connecting her to Maddie and Chim, something that didn’t become clear until they decided to foster her for Hen and Karen who also had strings connecting them to Mara. Then, there was the day that he and Tommy ran into Connor and Kameron and the baby that Buck had helped them conceive. Buck had somehow just expected a string to exist between him and the baby, but none existed even if one existed from Buck to Connor and Kameron both. 

That probably would have made for a good time for Buck to explain, but he’d had to explain about the sperm donation and that had seemed like enough to put on Tommy at once. 

It seemed almost ironic that the reason that he had to tell Tommy about the strings was because of Taylor Kelly. 

Buck had never expected to ever have to deal with Taylor again after she published that book, but when Eddie had the idea to involve her in getting rid of Gerrard, he’d been forced to agree that it was a good idea. He did ask too many questions about how Eddie had wound up in contact with Taylor, but she was one of the few people that would be relentless enough to do something about Gerrard, so she had that going for her. 

Eddie invited everyone over to talk it all out with Taylor. Buck had been a little against it until he was reminded about how much Gerrard sucked. So, he’d just insisted on bringing Tommy along. 

As it turned out, a string did exist between him and Taylor, but Buck had expected it. What he didn’t expect was to see where her red string ended, because it did end. It ended on Eddie. 

He had no idea what his face did when he saw it, but he did see the way that Hen was looking at him. 

“Evan, you alright?” 

Buck tried to nod. He swallowed some water and tried not to look at it. Eddie and Taylor hated each other. The whole time that Buck was dating her had been a game of keeping them from being at each other’s throats when they were in the same room. It had been exhausting. 

“Buck?” Hen asked. 

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Buck said. 

Tommy naturally followed him. “Hey, are you okay?” 

So Buck took his hand and dragged him out through Eddie’s kitchen door to the backyard. It was small, holding just a grill and a little patio where Eddie had a table with four chairs. Buck beelined for it. 

“Have you ever heard of the red string of fate?” 

“Maybe? I don’t know,” Tommy said. 

Buck offered up a small smile because it reminded him of every time he brought up something new. Tommy did sometimes already have some knowledge prior to Buck’s ramble, but more of than not he didn’t, or he wanted to listen to Buck refresh his memory. 

“It’s this theory about…well, about the universe. This idea that some people are meant to meet like Soulmates and along the way you pick up all these other little connections to the people that either help you get to who you need to be with or just because they are that impactful in your life.” 

“Okay,” Tommy said. “What does this have to do with—”

Buck shook his head. “I’ll get there,” he said. 

Tommy grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. Buck smiled. “So they’re threads or strings and the red ones connect you to your Soulmate. Tommy, ever since I died, I’ve been able to see the strings. They’re everywhere coming from everyone.”

Tommy didn’t pull his hand away, but he did give him a disbelieving, bemused stare. “Evan, what does that mean exactly?” 

“It means that when I woke up from the coma I could see everyone’s strings.”

“And you told your doctors about this right? Because hallucinations can be a sign of a lot of things.” 

Buck laughed. “Yes. We did all kinds of tests and no one believed me until Bobby explained about this theory. So I looked into it. There are so many people that claim they can see the strings, or that they saw them. There’s scientific research, but they’re not tangible. You can’t touch them and people walk through them all the time. Hard to prove.”

“Okay. Okay. As long as you don’t have a brain tumor, I’m following you on this. So you can see these strings all the time?” 

“Yes. Well, I can kind of ignore them and they fade into the background a bit. I don’t pay them any mind mostly because…well, because they aren’t harming anyone and because it almost doesn’t matter that they’re there. At first I thought it got rid of free will if we just go along and wind up with a predestined Soulmate or something, but it’s more that these connections help us get to where we’re supposed to be.”

“Okay,” Tommy said. 

Buck could see the question in his eyes and he knew why Tommy wasn’t asking it. Buck wouldn’t ask if he were in his shoes even if he really wanted to know. Buck wanted him to know. Tommy kinda went still and he peered at Buck with trepidation. 

“You broke up with Taylor before the lightning. You never saw her string,” Tommy said and he made to let go of Buck’s hand. 

Buck held on quick. He shook his head. “Oh, god. No, Tommy, no, that’s not — look at me, just look at me. Yes there is a string between me and Taylor but it’s yellow. But you’re right, I never saw her strings before.”

Tommy relaxed and let out a breath. 

“You scared me there, Evan.” 

“I know,” Buck said. “I’m sorry. I guess I wanted you to understand it all.”

“Sure.” 

“So, anyway, if you take us for example,” Buck said. “We could have met so many other ways. You left the 118 and I started. Chim and Hen invited me to drinks several times that first year and I know you went at least to a few of those. There’s the time that you flew in and dropped water. The day at the bridge collapse. The day I ran into Lucy at the badge and ladder bar. So many other calls that we’ve both been at in some capacity or another. We’ve been circling each other for years and maybe we weren’t quite ready for each other, but every single person that’s been involved shares a string with both of us. And our string, Tommy, our string is red.”

“Oh,” Tommy said. “So you knew when we met.” 

“Yes, but I don’t think it would have changed anything if I didn’t know,” Buck said. “I mean, I noticed how attractive you were and then the string and then I had a bit of a sexuality crisis.”

Tommy nodded slowly. He pulled Buck’s hand to his lips gave his knuckles a kiss. 

“So,” Tommy said, “why did you freak out in there?” 

Buck had almost forgotten. It was the effect that Tommy had on him and Buck wouldn’t have it any other way. When he was with Tommy everything narrowed down to him and Tommy and nothing else mattered. 

“Well, turns out her red string goes to Eddie,” Buck said. 

Tommy’s eyes widened and then he was laughing and Buck laughed with him. For Tommy the stories were a bit fresh because Buck had been ranting a little when Eddie told him about his plan to sic Taylor at Gerrard, so Tommy got exactly why Buck had reacted the way he had. 

“Evan, tell me you’re joking?” 

“Nope,” Buck said. 

The door to the kitchen opened behind them and Eddie peaked out. 

“Here they are,” Eddie called behind him. “I swear, we thought you were having sex in the bathroom and I was going to be really mad.” 

Taylor stepped out and the string was right there between them, glowing and existing and Buck wasn’t going to do a thing about it. However fate dealt those cards…well, maybe Buck would get some entertainment out of it. 

“I told you they weren’t having sex in your bathroom,” Taylor said to Eddie. “But you are wasting our time, Buckley. Get your muscular boyfriend and come back inside.” 

Tommy met his eyes as they got up and they both stifled laughter. Buck couldn’t wait to tell Hen about it.

Tommy grabbed his hand and they walked back towards Eddie’s house. Tommy stopped him right at the door, pulling him into a short sweet kiss. Buck saw the string between them glow and he smiled against Tommy’s lips. 

found this,

thought of them:

Ngl, 'Tevan', while one of the better options, just makes me think of Tetley (brand of tea bags) and Tefal (cookware company).

I haven’t seen anyone talk about the fact Tommy walks AROUND the table when he’s leaving after flipping Buck’s world on its head. The door is very easily accessible and it makes much more sense to go right instead of left if that’s where he’s going to end up. I get it was probably blocking reasons (a massive camera and multiple crew members were blocking the way) but I like to think that even though he had to rush off he wanted to drag out their time together just a little bit more, and the only way to do that was to take the scenic route round Buck’s kitchen (that or he needed something between them to stop himself going back for seconds).

Let’s focus on the positives:

- tiny sliver of bucktommy content

- gerrard getting metaphorically kicked in the balls

- Marisol most likely finally leaving

- uhhh

Yeah no that’s all I got.

I love that Tommy basically has his own theme song that’s used whenever he’s mentioned. Its all twinkly and just encompasses all the happy, fuzzy feelings Buck has about him. It’s most notable after he kisses Buck first time round but it keeps popping up, most recently when Bobby asks if Buck is going to see him. It’s just another thing that convinced me Tommy is special.

Patiently waiting for the Tommy haters to say that he's commanding the bees to attack LA or some shit. Move over AntMan, Tommy Kinard has control of the bees and somehow its going to lead to Buck and Eddie getting together /s

Lou Ferrigno Jr, I could kiss you on the mouth

My best friend pointed out that Buck and I are basically the same person.

Can’t argue with that since I too would be at a loss for words if Tommy Kinard came into my apartment, apologized for getting between me and my best friend, kissed me on the mouth, asked me out, and then dipped.