Kobold Posting - Tumblr Posts
@the-gnomish-bastard
As 11 kobolds in a trench coat we will not stand for these accusations ! Kobold engineering is the peak of innovation !
Our bike would be bigger and better !
It would be a wheel barrow a large bottle connected to an air pump and we will pump the water and it will make the wheelbarrow bike fly super duper faster
*goes of into a high pitched angry tangent*
Gnomes have shit and bad deitys ! They don't know how to fight properly so they use dirty stupid tricks !
*grumble grumble grumble*
Justice for Kurtulmac and glory to Tiamat !
*grumble grumble grumble*
Every species has a different way of engineering and craftsmanship. To show this, we’ll use a bike as an example.
A Gnome-made bike will be quick, efficient, and have several hidden features like inspector gadget. It will probably also have several bells, none of which make a bell-like sound.
A goblin bike will probably be made of wood, bones, and scrap. It’ll work, but not very well after the first few times. It probably has a compartment to keep cool rocks and bugs you find.
A Kobold bike is a stolen goblin’s bike, just lit on fire and somehow shittier.
An orc bike will be the most metal thing you have ever seen, figuratively and literally. The wheels are made of metal. Shit has spiked wheels. This thing will be passed down as an heirloom. Lot of spikes.
An elvish bike should not work. By no means is it structurally sound. It looks like it should collapse. They think the look is all that matters, and the only reason they get away with it is because they enchant the shit out of it. Likely made of glass and given a long and weird name.
A Dwarvish bike will have wheels of stone, a bell that somehow plays the sound of a giant war horn, and they put a molten engine in it. They made a motorcycle. It will be covered in the most intricate runes you will ever see.
A halfling bike is probably made from tied tree branches. Still works though.
Giff? It has a gun.
Mindflayer? You know that shit is covered in tentacles and it fucking teleports.
The gith don’t have bikes. They’re just riding dragons and killing the mindflayers.
Goliaths just use boulders for the wheels.
The fey are just being dicks. They don’t have bikes either, but they use the people they tricked as bikes.
Demons can’t make bikes. They just buy them.
Devils sell the bikes to the demons.
Celestials have replaced the wheels with wings.
The beholders are disintegrating everyone’s bikes because they’re angry that they don’t have legs.
The Tarrasque just really wants a tricycle.
I'm going to build a kobold orbital bombardment platform and drop a dust off dryness nuke on you goblin rail gun
The dust of dryness used pellet is within a small wall of force cube and so when it hits the floor the pellet will be broken and release 95 570 liters of water. With nowhere to go due to being in a tiny unbreakable sphere the water will undergo nuclear fusion.
Then we will drop concentration on the wall of force releasing the nuclear blast equivalent to 228 gigatons of TNT
Thus I will prove that kobolds are the best
I’m going to build a goblin railgun.
Ok it'll be a sphere then
And we will set up a ton of Glyphs of warding loaded up with counterspell
No invention ever works on the first try
That's why you blow up some gnomes first to test it /J
I’m going to build a goblin railgun.