Wizard Tumblr - Tumblr Posts
[guy who just failed to summon a succubus talking to wizard IT]: yeah whenever I try a new summon my circle just laughs at me. what? the circle's summoning history is empty? haha that's weird. any runes emblazoned on the floor... yeah I see them, let me check what they-- oh it's Latin for "no bitches"
I love a good moat but they're mostly decorative since levitate person entered the public domain
sigh
I bought mine on sale for 4.99 a few years back but now they're locking spells on the banlist behind a subscription :/
All magic comes with a price, usually around 5.99 but premium packages are available
Amplify bureaucracy has been doing good work for me recently. Hope it doesn't have any unintended side effects.
Well, it's that time of year again. The arcane census is upon us. And, somehow, the fine folks down at the bureau got their hands on a cursed contract entitling them to one month of my life! Now, as temporary census taker, I must ask:
What is your signature spell?
do not ignore my orb requests I will find you in a dream. i do not promise it will be a good one.
Wizard optometrist who cures blindness by giving the patients more eyes
i do love fucked up eye imagery. too many eyes where they shouldn’t be. no eyes. Things that are not eyes in place of eyes. it is like stained glass. to Me
Girls wizards trip to the wizard island
tumblr is really sleeping on wizard island. an island in the middle of a volcanic caldera lake named for the fact that it looks like a WIZARD HAT. and yes you can go there.
Yeah can you grab me a metaphor? Any kind will do
On my way to the cosmic horror store to grab some ingredients, does anybody need anything while I’m there?
I think that new applicants are being put off by the baseless and unfounded rumours of the last few being driven to gibbering madness :(
Following 73 spell matrix explosions and at least two inadvertently created magic dead zones, I think I will stop trying to devise a ritual to determine from a description of an arbitrary computer program and an input, whether the program will finish running, or continue to run forever.
Doxxing myself for fun and participation
So, I've gotten a random surge of motivation to try and take a map of the actual Wizard Island and then edit it to include where all the local wizards have their towers and lairs, plus council lairs. I need all of you guys to tell me where your spots are via marking them on the map here. If we get to the point where its too many some of you are going to have to be in villages, so please clarify if you are chill with being not isolated. Now for me getting the attention of every wizard I know.
@the-illegal-wizard-council @the-wozard-council @the-wozard-council @the-council-wizard @the-wetland-wizard-council @the-worse-wizard-council @the-better-wizard-council @the-wizard-council-blog @wizard-council-bureaucrat @wizard-council-librarian @the-necrobotanist
Reblog this with @s for all the ones I missed. Here's the map, just mark it with a dot or something. IWC is in the woods I'm guessing.
I had a dream the other day that whenever a post got popular on tumblr people started reblogging it with a picture of a wizard angrily pointing and saying ''the weight of 470k tumblr users be upon ye" or however many notes it got
accident in the potions lab woops
As a student in wizard university: all constructs and magical servants have the right to organize and bargain collectively in order to demand a safe work environment and fair protections
After completing my first lair: [posting on wizard legal advice forums] am I allowed to raise undead to cross a picket line? My homunculi unionized and I have no respect for them
this one won't have funni tempo but you get the point
ok you know how calcium is technically a metal right yeah so I cast transmute metal (titanium skeleton) and heat metal to make my own spell known as luci's seering skeleton
I'm going to build a kobold orbital bombardment platform and drop a dust off dryness nuke on you goblin rail gun
The dust of dryness used pellet is within a small wall of force cube and so when it hits the floor the pellet will be broken and release 95 570 liters of water. With nowhere to go due to being in a tiny unbreakable sphere the water will undergo nuclear fusion.
Then we will drop concentration on the wall of force releasing the nuclear blast equivalent to 228 gigatons of TNT
Thus I will prove that kobolds are the best
I’m going to build a goblin railgun.
PSA for my fellow wizards
Do not attempt use hydra stem cells as a steroid !
I was experimenting on my homunculus as one does when I had a brilliant idea, since when a Lernean hydra has one of its heads chopped off it grows back two I had the idea of using Hydra stem cells and integrating them within the homunculi muscles.
The idea being that as you work out your muscles receive microscopic damage that would now instantly grow back twice as much
As a result my Homunculus would rapidly become, as the youth might say "yoked or perchance shredded or maybe even Jacked" then through our soul link I too would become large and muscular with little to no effort.
There was however one small problem
I did not account for the idea that the cells would interact badly with the body and be unable to tell what is damage
As a result my Homunculus and through the soul link I too rapidly become a massive mess of hundreds of limbs in a roughly spherical shape filled with bundles of organs.
It was most unpleasant
I had to move my soul into a clone body
Any wizards who know what to do pls help !!!
There has been a breech in between my trash dimension (the demi plane I use as a bin ) and the para-elemental plane of dust ! Even worse my automatic waste disposal system blasts the rubbish with lightning
As a result when I next opened my trash dimension to throw away some expired potions....a huge wave of statically charged dust came out and stuck to everything!!!
There is dust in my clothes
Dust in every corner of my tower
Dust in my forbidden library
There is even dust in my inner sanctum
And even worse because of the static charge it sticks to things so I can't simply brush it away and it's nonmagical in nature so I can't dispel it either !
What should I do ?
Welcome to wizard garage sale
Everything must go
(I'm moving to a new tower in another plane of existence and I can't take it all with me, because of import laws )
Talking skull £30
will tell you all about steam trains
Anti candles £12 each
produce darkness instead of light
Spare Spell book £25
Mostly conjuration and transfiguration spells
Komodo dragon familiar -NA-
Needs to go to a loving home. To be adopted not bought.
Magic beans £60
Will grow overnight into a magic beanstalk
Low level spell scrolls £1.50 each
Flying magic bicycle £499.99
Vintage, Top speed Mach 3, slightly scratched paint otherwise in good condition
Animated suit of armour £64
Named Reginald. (Warning not stainless. Reginald needs to be cleaned regularly to prevent rusting )
Assorted knick-knacks thingamajigs and doohickeys, 99p each. By one get one free
Enchanted Banjo £40
when played spits fire at 2300°C
Sturdy cauldron £28
Seen better days but still usable
Evil Cursed Sofa bed of despair £10
I don't know if it's the magic or just the design but this sofa bed is always just a tiny bit less comfortable than you can possibly bear. It's also possessed by an Eldritch entity.
(reblog and tell me what you bought so I can keep track of stock and record my sales. I don't want to be caught by the magic IRS, they use dragons )
We have
Cloak of bees
Conjure lesser Florida
Dispel caffeine
Dashamirs despicable damp towel
Waltz of the peonies
Frog rain
Inflict intrusive thoughts
Refrigerate teeth
Detonnate pie
Crack screen
Hovolitz outrageous haggler
Psychic bagpipes
Barnaby's bouncing beam
Instant culinary ageing
Aura of banana
Scatter
Throngle
Mighty muscles of mayhem
Greater nuh uh
Resonant impact
Instant tidying of ilmater
Welcome to wizard garage sale
Everything must go
(I'm moving to a new tower in another plane of existence and I can't take it all with me, because of import laws )
Talking skull £30
will tell you all about steam trains
Anti candles £12 each
produce darkness instead of light
Spare Spell book £25
Mostly conjuration and transfiguration spells
Komodo dragon familiar -NA-
Needs to go to a loving home. To be adopted not bought.
Magic beans £60
Will grow overnight into a magic beanstalk
Low level spell scrolls £1.50 each
Flying magic bicycle £499.99
Vintage, Top speed Mach 3, slightly scratched paint otherwise in good condition
Animated suit of armour £64
Named Reginald. (Warning not stainless. Reginald needs to be cleaned regularly to prevent rusting )
Assorted knick-knacks thingamajigs and doohickeys, 99p each. By one get one free
Enchanted Banjo £40
when played spits fire at 2300°C
Sturdy cauldron £28
Seen better days but still usable
Evil Cursed Sofa bed of despair £10
I don't know if it's the magic or just the design but this sofa bed is always just a tiny bit less comfortable than you can possibly bear. It's also possessed by an Eldritch entity.
(reblog and tell me what you bought so I can keep track of stock and record my sales. I don't want to be caught by the magic IRS, they use dragons )