Kpop Thoughts - Tumblr Posts

Who’s K-pop’s biggest lover boy and why is it Christopher Bangchan?

being a kpop stan is such an experience in inaccurate perceptions because people look at this life and assume i love these guys because they're pretty and perfect and look amazing 24/7.

when in reality it's the fact that Yoongi has one double lid and one mono lid that makes his face so endearing to me. being face to face on live with a make-up free-Bang-Chan-face is one of the most soothing experiences i've ever lived through. the rough texture of Hongjoong's skin makes him 500x more beautiful to me. when i see one of my idols mess up on stage or do something embarrassing, it just makes me love them more because i remember they're just a fucking person like me.

https://www.tiktok.com/@fozmeadows/video/7303811057179495722

Not to keep dragging up the anime controversy but I feel like this tiktok makes some good points that I haven’t seen people discuss yet (censorship, thought policing, etc.) Wanted to share with you cause I thought you’d find it interesting

I wish I was feeling more articulate these days but fortunately fozmeadows is out here doing the lord's work.

Tbh, the thought policing that is happening in supposedly "leftist" and "progressive" spaces these days is kind of terrifying. I know redneck conservatives in my area who are more laid back and accepting than a lot of people I come across these days.

Especially in younger kpop circles, there is so much purity culture, so it's almost not surprising that this blew up the way it did.

People enjoy dark media for a variety of reasons. I love watching explorations of the lengths people will go both to damage each other and to survive. It helps us to confront the dark aspects of humanity in a safe way.

Anyway I just woke up so idk if any of that makes sense. I don't usually participate in "kpop drama" but as a writer and artist who consistently explores dark themes in my work, and a millenial who is absolutely terrified of the purity culture forming amongst gen zs and zoomers, I felt obliged.

Just curious because I can’t ask this question on Reddit (idk why, I was just curious)

What made you unstan a Kpop group or soloist, and why?

You can answer either anonymous or as yourself. Whichever.

People are taking it too far!

TW// d3@th, thr3@ts, other sensitive matter

I know it’s been happening for a long time now, but honestly, it’s gotten WAY TOO FAR! Like, it’s not even funny ever! Way too many people are getting hurt, and cutting at each other’s throats for a problem that’s been created by some nobody.

Let me tell y’all something, GROW THE FUCK UP! Enough is enough! Y’all took it too far, and now apologies don’t mean shit! And sending death threats won’t help either.

Why would anyone even THINK it was a good idea to start stupid shit on Twitter just because you saw an opportunity, and then when it’s blown out of proportion, you go and apologize? WHY ARE FANWARS OPPORTUNITIES TO MAKE SHIT WORSE?!?! Are you fucking high? Were you smoking rock or something? Drugs aren’t a joke, and I’m not making one, because drugs can make you do fucked yo shit.

Get it through your thick idiotic skull: KPOP IS A MUSIC GENRE, SOCIAL MEDIA IS A PLACE FOR CONNECTION, AND FAN WARS NEED TO STOP NOW! ENOUGH! Are you fucking kidding me?!?! I will not witness another downfall of a precious human being just because of some group of stupid ass trolls who were bored one day and decided to start some shit for entertainment. Keep fucking around and watch: Karma will come with a freight train and shades.

Yes, we are all human beings, but we’ve evolved and we have to stop using this as an excuse as to why we make mistakes. At this point, this was a decision that was DELIBERATELY made amongst the group. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?! When people make mistakes, it isn’t deliberate. We should be smarter than this. Go pick something else to do because THIS isn’t it at all!

I don’t know what’s going on in their house, but I do hope they fix whatever issue they have. The damage has been done, but it’s too big to forget, so this will take a long time to get over from. The bullshit that’s happening in the world, especially in Kpop. I mean, there’s been beef between artists in Hip-Hop, but that’s a them issue. But the beef between fandoms, ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS THE BIG FANDOMS?! I would not be surprised if all the social media platforms went on lockdown. Such a fucking shame.

If anyone of you have Twitter, please report and block the accounts in the screenshots. Hopefully, Twitter sees the termites that’s been eating at their walls.

If any of you have twitter, say hello to these accounts and, if you like, drop a FUCK OFF comment along the way.

Google translate isn’t too accurate, but I got the gist enough that they’re a fucking joke, and a bad one at that.

It’s so funny how a robot (forgive me, I forgot her name) has citizenship in Saudi Arabia, yet idols can’t live a life. No dating, no marriage, nothing.

I mean, let the robot have the citizenship, I don’t care. But we should all let idols date, smoke, drink, fart, sleep, eat, shit, dance, sing, and walk around without people sniffing up their butts and suspect anything.

Music Within My Life

I would like to share my story with you.

Ever since I was little, I have always enjoyed the music I’ve listened to, and I would have a habit of going back to listening to them as an adult. Music takes me to a place where I can be myself, have fun, and be at peace. If there was any song that I liked, I’d either danced or sang to it. And while growing up, I have seen the success of one group, a downfall of another, even one-hit wonders. It’s to a point where I saw a group that was successful for 3 years of their career, then they broke up overnight. I couldn’t grasp what happened, but I didn’t fully understand as I was still young, so I moved on. All I know was that one group’s break-up was not going to stop me from enjoying more music. There were plenty of artists that were putting out music, and it was extremely comforting to know now that I grew with them. 

If you can see my iTunes account back then, trust me, I had something and someone to listen to. Even now! This much I know: I will always be a music fan (or stan as people nowadays would call it.) before I show any loyalty to anyone. If the music is comforting, exciting, warming, thought-provoking, and even emotional, best believe it’s in my playlist. And before these audition shows and survival shows, companies always found talent, either at venues or talent shows. There are stories from the award-winning artists who share how they got to where they are today, and majority of the time it’s moving. What’s even more moving is when they share who inspired them to make music. 

I would go on and on about what I’ve experienced with music, but then this essay would be too long. And it’s about to get really long with what I want to share.

Fast forward to 2010: I never thought in my entire life that I would ever transition into K-pop until I saw Ninja Assassin (yes, strange I got into K-pop because of a movie). Here’s the thing though, I got into K-pop because the actor in that movie happened to be Rain, who’s one of the most influential K-pop artists in South Korea, and I learned that from doing research while I was in my 1st year in college. From then on, I began listening to other artists and groups (mainly groups because I’m a group-type girl). Now, of course I still listened to other American artists, but K-pop music basically has taken over my playlist. When I got into 2ne1, however, that’s when I stayed in K-pop. I could have stopped at any time I wanted, but I didn’t because what I saw in 2ne1 felt familiar with what I was used to, but they were extremely different from the rest of the groups that were present in the genre. And trust me, there were plenty of groups to get into, and with so many options, why would I stop? Overall, I just enjoyed listening to K-pop for not only being so theatrical and colorful, but also for expressing individuality. 

But after years of listening to K-pop, I started to feel exhausted, and it started when I came across Pentagon in 2020. Not to say that their music is exhausting. It’s actually the COMPLETE OPPOSITE. However, after 2ne1 disbanded, I held on to their songs and kept listening without giving other groups and soloists a chance. Of course, I did listen to BTS and BlackPink, but even though they took the world by storm, I still couldn’t let them in with my love for 2ne1. Yes, they’re different from each other, but I wanted some familiarity from the big groups, and I couldn’t find them. So, between 2014 and 2020, I was just casually listening to other groups, including BTS and BlackPink. That is, when 2020 came around, and with the pandemic, I came across Pentagon. Now, I didn’t fully recognize them until I saw clips of different content when I realized that maybe I was meant to give this group a chance. When I did, not only did their music bring that familiarity in my life, but I also started to consider my career path very seriously. Their love for music is what encourages me to love art altogether. Immediately, I wanted to be part of their fandom. Of course, I went through my ups and downs, but my ups overshadowed the downs, and I said to myself, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Here’s where I started to feel exhausted: I was so oblivious about what was in the shadows of K-pop that I didn’t even know about the problems until later. All I was into was the music and the expression behind it. Music has always been my comfort, and I never wanted to lose that. It’s gotten to a point where I wanted to protect music at all costs when I learned about the scandals and the drama between the companies, the artists, and their fans. Then I remembered, my fear for the exposure of K-pop started to come true as more people would know about it, and I would fear that it would blow out of proportion. 

What’s also exhausting is the increase of standards with album sales, charting, streaming, collecting, and voting, and to spend so much time just being concerned about those things instead of being concerned whether a song is good or not activated my anxiety. It was bad enough that I felt anxious about life outside of K-pop (with work and home), to be active in voting and helping the group succeed in a genre so competitive was basically icing on the Christmas fruit cake. To even keep my favorite group relevant when there are groups with an increase of numbers in fans BEFORE debut caused me to not sleep as if I was back in college writing 8 to 10-page papers. Of course, at the end of the day, I made the choice, but I made the choice because I don’t want to lose another group because I truly believe in them and their music. 

It’s exhausting to have to “properly” stream a music video so many times to make them count towards any music show criteria, to make more than two accounts to help with pre-voting and live voting, to collect tokens in apps that keep crashing and slugging, and I NEVER HAD TO DO ANY OF THAT WHEN I WAS INTO K-POP IN THE BEGINNING. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THERE WERE CRITERIAS TO GET ANY TROPHY. I just saw that the groups from the big 3 were selling albums, getting so much attention, and getting awards. All I did was listen to their songs and have a great day. Yeah, I will sit here and tell you that I have played music videos on repeat or played different music videos countless times because of how much I enjoyed them. Now, it’s just not fun anymore. It’s exhausting, almost a nightmare. Even as much as the fandom makes it fun to stream and collect, it’s exhausting. I wanted to stop after the 2nd week of promotion, but I didn’t because I would feel extremely guilty to not have helped my favorite group even stay relevant in this genre. 

My breaking point was when the fandom and I learned about what was going on between the artists and the company. It was like the straw that broke the camel’s back, and it was painful, agonizing even. I learned so much about this group, but there’s still so much to learn as time passes by. Usually, groups that have gone through scandals and horrid rumors, they would either split up or go through a long hiatus, especially when they lose supporters. But not this group. This group have fallen so many times but proven numerous times that they can get back up and they have supporters that have their own stories they can share themselves. They have so much faith, so much willpower, and so much creative juice that can last a lifetime, and it’s something that I’m working to develop and amplify for myself. 

What’s ridiculous to me is that people lose their morals, or if they had any, by going after a group of extremely talented people because they haven’t reached the same type of success as the other groups and insult them. They would use words like “flop” “ugly” “lame” “disbanded” “fuck pentagon”, spread false rumors about them, and hold their past against them to bring them and the fandom down. It’s exhausting to ask “why? why do that? did they do something to you for you to say these things about them?” The usual answer would be, “because they want attention.” And they lose their morals for what? Is it to look cool? Is it to help their favorite artists succeed? Last time I checked, that damages the artists more than it helps them. 

(I also learned that their actions say more about the harassers than it does about the harassed. It also just screams jealousy. Or is to basically express their self-hatred and take it out on good people.)

I don’t mean to seem mean, rude, or insulting in any way, but the music being broadcasted now compared to back then just lacks expression and individuality. Actually, no. That’s wrong. That’s not what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say is, in as much as how they sound good, what the “popular” music lacked for me was familiarity. There are songs where I can put them on speaker, and it takes me away into the night. Those songs are playlist songs. But then there are songs where I almost thought my ears would bleed, or my brain cells would explode into dust. The songs that do that for me are first-time one-time listen. Then, there are also songs that seem like, “meh, it’s pretty good. Hopefully someone else will get to enjoy it.” To those songs, I’d say, “Thanks, but someone else will enjoy it.”

I have never thought that listening to music would be exhausting when I’m so used to music being enjoyable and comforting. A good number of people would say that art, let alone music, is subjective, which is absolutely correct. But to throw it like a frisbee around to defend something that is just bad waters the meaning down. At that point, I feel that music is just being disrespected in my eyes. There have been songs back in the day that were so bad, and they were either a hit or miss, but in this case if the popular groups sing it, it’s going to always hit, no matter how bad the song is. It’s as if people just gave up on quality of music and just went with the status of the artist. Why? I don’t know. All I know is that I’ll never give up my faith in music for the sake of popularity. 

I didn’t follow Pentagon because I felt pity for them, nor because of their growing popularity. If I did, I have no right to support them nor listen to them. They deserve more respect than that. They deserve more appreciation than that. I follow them and listen to their music because of their music, and their love for it. Not only that, but their fandom is also filled with people with creative minds, talent, willpower, and character; things that the group uphold even for themselves. Not to say that other groups don’t have it, as I’m sure they do, but I just feel it more from them and their music. I have listened to their older songs, their newer songs, watched their performances, and even their own entertainment, and I just genuinely enjoy them. 

This may fuel some angry people, maybe even force someone stop reading by the 5th paragraph, but My point is groups like Pentagon deserve respect. They deserve recognition, and they deserve love just like everyone else deserves it. Each member of Pentagon has their own individual talent that embodies their own aura, and yes, this is me praising them. I praise people who have talent and are full of character and demonstrate them towards others. What I feel exhausted about is that there are groups who have potential, but half their fandoms just demonstrate something completely different. I don’t expect the fans to behave and act the same way as the artists, but there’s no need to bring in toxic behavior and start shooting venom at others. I do hope that one day, at least a quarter of them will change. 

This is getting too long, so I may, or may not, write a part two of this, but to conclude this, I will have to say that K-pop has changed within the music industry, and it’s gotten to the point where I am starting to steer myself into other music genres just to breathe. K-pop went from expressing individualism in a world of tradition to numbers and popularity as if it’s a math class. Music may be complex, but it’s not complicated. It’s simple: listen to a song, if you like it, great; if not, move on. No need for explanation, no need to criticize it, no need to be of concern as if it’s end of the world. To me, it feels more like The Hunger Games than it is a festival. 

That is all for my long ass rant. I bid you a good day.

ꜱʜᴏʀᴛ ꜰʟᴜꜰꜰ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛꜱ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʟᴇᴇᴅᴏ

Your phone chimed across the house, however you were unable to open it because of your struggle to reach the top of the shelves for your charger.

Having been peacefully on the bed before noticing your phone being low on battery, you sighed and went on a search for your charger which you normally always put on your cabinet.

You knew it was your friend who came over yesterday who did this. You would never put your charger anywhere but your cabinet, let alone a top shelf, where you knew you couldn't reach.

Technically about to give up, you stormed off outside of the room, frustrated and about to use the last of the battery on your phone to yell in anger at your friend over call.

“Need help?”

Turning over, you saw Leedo standing right outside of the storage closet, the place where your charger had been found. You jumped back in surprise and held your heart to the small jump scare that you faced by your boyfriend, who was holding a grin on his face knowing what he had just done and clearly being proud of it.

“Leedo! What the heck are you doing here?”

“This is my house too, you know.”

Annoyed at yourself from forgetting such an obvious fact, you looked the other way in annoyance as he walked in front of you, looking up at your charger and smiling, patting your head in the process.

Before you knew it, you felt yourself being lifted from the ground, becoming taller then the shelf itself.

“What-” you frowned at your boyfriend, grabbed your charger and let him put you down.

“You’re really gonna take any opportunity to flex-”

“Yes” he interrupted, seeing the smirk creep onto his face. You rolled your eyes and started making your way out.

“You could've just grabbed it, you reached the charger.” You said as you made your way out the door, and even though you couldn't see him, you knew he had that stupid smile on his face which always made your stomach spin 1000 miles per hour.

“I like it better this way” he responded.

ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ꜰᴀɴᴅᴏᴍꜱ

This or That - Ateez Ver

❒ Smut (I didn't wanna put this on my main masterlist so here it is :D)

Dreamcatcher as Mom's

❒ Fluff

Random texts with Girlfriend Yiren

❒ Fluff

Imagine being wrapped in between YangYang’s arms, embraced in his warm touch while he gives you soft kisses on the top of your head. The night sky infilling your room as the dim light of the moonlight enters through the window. And simply the only thing he can bring himself to say is:

“I love you so much and I hope you know it.”

Your breathing becomes more regular, burying your face further into his chest as his soft eyes direct a small gaze at you.

He lightly brushes your hair, licking and giving small pecks to your ears.

Yangyang was your boyfriend, and sometimes it felt too hard to believe.

I thought I had all my EXO biases in check. Then Cream Soda happened. Have you seen them in this video? No way I have a favourite. Not possible. Too handsome.

Being nice is not a one time only thing...

Today came the sad news of yet another Kpop idol passing away, police claiming it might be suicide. I send all my love and thoughts towards the people that loved Sulli dearly and that now are in grievance.

My time lines are filled with condolences and essays about why bullying can hurt people and that we should spread less hate. And that is great. But a lot of these messages say things like "please be nice today", "on this day we should not spread hate" and that is all well and great. But what about tomorrow? What about yesterday?

The Kpop community is full to the brink with hatred and animosity and I think it is not ok to let down those weapons only when someone actually died. Is it hard for people to be nice more than one day in a year? Can't you be more considerate and empathetic every day or at least try to be? I know that the people writing these messages probably don't mean it that way. But I feel like we should be more aware that being nice and respectful towards each other is something we can do every day of our lives and not just when we are shocked by these kind of news.

And trying to be is already enough sometimes. If you are nice and respectful 7 out of ten cases but you at least tried to be in those other 3 cases, then that is already so wonderful. Everyone gets emotionally riled up sometimes and if we say something hurtful then, it is a shame and we have to apologise for it. But it won't make us a bad person, it would make us human. Not thinking about what my words will do to others however, spreading malice thoughts and feelings without feeling like we did something wrong makes us assholes. Sorry for the swear word...

I do not have a big following, so there won't be many people seeing my thoughts. But I still feel like sharing this is something I had to do. I hope you understand.