Lgbt Help - Tumblr Posts

So my employer has decided not to claim my unemployment even though I'm eligible due to my family being immunocompromised. I can go back to work after my second vaccinnation but that isn't until May 30th and bills are due. I was expecting a paycheck that would pay my power bill but here I am and it is due immediately.

My recent trauma makes this a big blow. I can try to return to work on May 30th but since my family has only one car it will be difficult.

If you can help or commission and you want a fic or reading, please put that in the notes and I'll contact you for more info.

I have five wips coming up and astrology readings at the end of the week.

Thank you to anyone who helps or boosts.

Donations/Commissions

Am I abnormal???

Ok so I've known I have always wanted to have a males body like. How do I explain this so it make sense. So whenever I look in the mirror I hate seeing my feminine features, like for one I have D cup boobs so it's alot harder for me to not notice them half the time. And my face structure is a bit more feminine at least to me. My voice is feminine and over all I just hate seeing my female body.

But when it comes to pronouns and things like that. I really don't give two fucks what you call me. You can call me he,him,she,her, it, they,them, that being I don't care. It's also like that's with my name but like a bit different because my name birth name is Iliana, so to make it easier on my younger relatives and siblings I told them to call me Ilias because everyone tends to call me Ili. And to help out my best friend as well seeing as big changes stress her out. But truthfully I have always loved the name Elijah but that's just a me thing. Anyways don't need to get into me choosing a name. Because what someone calls me isn't that big of a deal to me what pronouns you use also isn't that big of a deal. Because in my mind I'm human so that's the only part that matters to me. Yeah I would prefer if people didn't use my birth name as much, but at the end of the day at least to me it's just a name it doesn't truly matter at least in my books.

I'll get more into this topic in a new part because I feel as if I wrote to much already.

Am I abnormal??? part 2 of me questioning life.

So the point of the tittle is am I crazy,wrong, or abnormal to think the way I think. Because it's like I know I want to transition from a feminine body to a more masculine body. Because I know that would help me alot I'm my mind and all that but, I feel as tho I shouldn't seeing as I don't really want to have my pronouns to be masculine. It's like my brain is so fucking confused when it comes to what pronouns I want people to call me by because I don't care what people call me. But in my mind I feel like I should care what people call me and the fact that I don't care is bad. Like I'm gonna be judged for not sticking to the he/him pronouns if I want to transition.

There is also the fact that the feelings I have repressed now will truly come out and that scares me. Because I'm so in the middle with a few things right now its just I know things I'm repressing now will truly come out because I feel like I will feel more true to myself. I know transitioning is not going to"fix me" but I feel as tho it will help open up the door I have been trying to keep locked. A few examples are

I will probably actually start truly dating again because I wouldn't feel like I'm scamming someone or lying to them.

I will actually start enjoying doing more"feminine" things (I try not to do a lot lot things I actually find interesting because I feel as tho that would just play into me being biology female)

I might actually start enjoying life and want to make friends again.

I stopped trying to make friends and talk to people when I got out of a really toxic relationship with my ex boyfriend. It was bad for ALOT of reasons and I mean ALOT. But at the time I was seeing him I just was starting to come to terms with who I was and he would use this and my age to his advantage like he would threaten to tell people about it. He woul tell me he would tell my father seeing as I was living with him at the time. He would say shit like he's the only one who would accept me the way I was and things like that. That no one would want a abnormal freak of nature like me and things like that.

Anyways what I wanted to know and ask is am I crazy,wrongs, or abnormal for thinking like this?