Living With Panic - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

I'm so sorry for the previous venting post, I was feeling really low mentally and my hypochondria got the best of me. I'm feeling better today, although it took a lot of courage, mental strenght and my meds, to get to this state. I went out to shop today, though! Read half of the novel I need to do a seminar paper on, changed my sheets, drank tea on the college dorm room yard, listened to Queen, talked to loved ones and even colored a coloring book too! Yesterday I washed my hair and my family found a little kitten back home 🥹 I can't wait for the time I will get home and meet him/her (we don't know the gender yet). For my fellow hypochondriacs, I recommend the Instagram page of both @honsetlyholistic and @cherellethinks on Instagram, they help me tremenduously every day!

As Queen would say: "Just keep on trying!"

Even if some days are extra hard, I'm still here. Not giving up the fight.

- Reni

Positive things I've done today:

- washed my clothes

- read some more for that seminar paper

- went out to a meet-up for relax group therapy

- went to the post office to send a birthday card home to my best friend

- talked to my loved ones

- not done yet, but I'll wash my hair too later

I'm really stressed about tomorrow as I have to go back to the cardiologist for heart ultrasounds and the thought of even going there makes me shake with fear. But I'll do it anyway 🥹

- Reni

I had the most awful morning ever; I really thought I won't be able to go to the cardiologist to have my heart ultrasound, but I took my meds, my grandma talked to me on videochat until I got there and somehow, I managed, even though my heart was beating so fast the whole time. But it went well, there's nothing wrong with my heart! (although I'm still waiting on that 24 hour EKG results)

I came home, I cried happy tears, I drank tea, made pasta, finished the book AND the seminar paper I had to finish and even watched 3 episodes of a reality TV-show with my roommate which is a HUGE HUGE step as I couldn't even watch a YouTube video in a long time. Maybe the new meds are starting to take effect, dunno, but I'm glad I had a good day. I even laughed!! I can only repeat myself: HUGE milestone!

- Reni

Sorry for not updating in a long time. I've been feeling better in the last couple of days and I'm really glad, seems like the new meds work just wonderfully. I've been able to watch Eurovision on Saturday (Nemo is a sweetheart, but Baby Lasagna would've deserved that win, I'm absolutely in love with that man), I was on a family gathering on Sunday and today one of my teachers told me that my writing is really beautiful and clear, it made me so happy! I still have some symptoms that drive me nuts during the day, but overall I feel more capable of existing now and I can do things in an easier manner. I know 80% is thanks to the medication but I also needed to change my mindset regarding some things, so yeah, learning that now.

Don't give up, guys, it's worth fighting, I promise!

- Reni

Haven't posted in a while, I'm sorry. The truth is, I've been feeling better and I'm kind of learning how to live again and how to have trust in myself and my body. The meds are working just fine, I'm also done with the cardiology visits and my heart is very very healthy, I only have problems with my big pulse which is a result of the anxiety, but I take meds for that too, so everything is okay. I can't wait to go back to my hometown still though, unfortunately I won't be able to do that until the end of June because of university duties, but oh well, that's life I guess. I am still afraid of certain bad things happening, so the negative thoughts did not suddenly leave my mind, but I'm trying very hard to re-gain confidence, because I know deep inside that I am capable of so much more...

I can only repeat what I've said a thousand times before already: healing is a process, a wave, stop being so hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can with the resources available to you. And it will get better.

- Reni