Loki Funny - Tumblr Posts
Loki: I'm normal
Loki's mind: the year is 2027. flowers refuse to bloom. odin is dead. cats are trapped in bags. the police are always dabbing. everything is on fire. sirens are blaring from the nearby ikea. Mario kart is on all the billboards. food tastes like wii music. all is good in the world.
loki’s inner monologue in endgame (since marvel didn't provide it)
Loki: wow aren’t they discreet? Thor - clearly from the future, might I add - just lumbered past my window and thinks I didn’t see him…
Loki: is future Tony really checking out past Steve?? right now?? while on a time mission?? get your head in the game STark how’re you going to ‘avenge’ anything if you cant think straight at a time like this, honestly smh
Loki: I cant believe this. They’re attempting to steal the tesseract. in broad daylight. with cameras and people around. did they really think no one would notice?? i’m standing riGHt here…??
Loki: and they FAILED too?? how do you mess up that badly? I mean its good for me because I get the ~tesseract~ but really?? I thought Stark was meant to be a genius?? How did their plan go that badly and who authorised them to have time travel with plans like these??
Loki: so what you're saying is; everything is society's fault, and we as individuals never need to take responsibility for anything?
Thor: Uh no, not exactly. I was just saying that-
Loki: Yeah, I like that. I didn't do anything wrong because I can't do anything wrong because we're all just products of our environment, bouncing around like marbles in the game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that is our random and cruel universe.
Thor: No, wait, that's not what I'm saying!
Loki: Yeah, it's not my fault. It's society. Everything is because of society!
“I don’t even need sleep anymore I just die for a couple of hours each day”
— Loki
Frigga : The books I sent, do they not interest you?
Loki : Why is there an entire pile of tomes by that Shakespeare fellow?
Frigga : A polite young man from Midgard insisted that you needed them.
I wish they hadn’t cut this part. I headcanon that while other magic users might learn this ability, controlling any form of water comes naturally to Loki because of his Jötun heritage.
all ‘Norse Mythology’ recordings | transcript under the cut! | original
Loki, jealous of his brother Balder and angry at Odin, commits murder with mistletoe.
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Frigga: Loki is late. Again.
Thor: How did this happen ? I called him at 8 o'clock this morning and pretended it was 11.
Heimdall: I printed up that fake schedule for him saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Frigga: I set his clock to say PM when it’s really AM.
Odin: Oh boy. You may have overdone it.
[Loki bursts through the door]
Loki: WHAT THE HEL TIME IS IT?!
*Loki and Tony Stark standing on the balcony of Stark Tower in Avengers 2012 surroundings*
Loki: Did you get the mind stone out already of the scepter?
Tony: Yep. Done and done.
Loki: Good, may I have that?
Tony: The scepter? What for? I mean sure. Here.
Loki: Thank you. *throws the scepter out of the Earth’s atmosphere*
Tony: Wow. Good aim. How long have you been wanting to do that?
Loki: You have no idea.
Loki: I have a black belt.
Jane: In Judo? Tae Kwon Do? Karate?
Loki: From Gucci.
Truth or dare Avengers style...
Tony: Alright folks! TEAM-BUILDING TIME!
Everybody: *groans but sits down*
Tony: Oh come on... it´ll be fun!
You: Last time you said that we set Furys office on fire...
Loki: *grins* Well, that was the ONE time it actually WAS fun.
Cap: For you... I was the one getting caught red handed trying to douse the flames and who got to hear swearwords I never knew existed.
Tony: See, FUN. Now shut it and play along!
----1h later---
Tony: Truth, dare or drink - Bucky! What's the first thing you would do if you woke up one day as the opposite sex?
Bucky: *grins* Not going to tell *drinks*
Bucky: Truth, dare or drink - Loki! Boxers or Briefs?
Loki: *snorts* Commando!
Loki: Truth, dare or drink - (Y/N)! Absolute favourite place to be?
You: ...beach?!
Loki: (Y/N), you are lying!
You: Am not... *blushes*
Tony: drink up, no use to disagree with the god of lies!
You: *not drinking*
Loki: Well, time is up *twirls fingers...You disappear and reappear in his lap.*
Tony: *laughs* THIS is interesting
Loki: Well, hello there *grins*
You: *whispering more to yourself* At least I am still dressed...
Loki: NOW it is getting interesting!
“Valentine's Day.
The worst day of the year...for you anyways.
Everyone you see is all lovey dovey with each other as they stare at each other with love filled eyes.
It made you want to throw up.
Okay maybe your overreacting a little but it's just not nice to be single on Valentine's Day.
This doesn't mean your going to ruin it for everyone else...”
Is your dream man going to sweep you off your feet or will valentines end bad for everyone?
