Lovbvg.txt - Tumblr Posts

what’s /really/ keeping me here ?

polyamory

i’m so confused? i work at this place as a server and in the mornings i pour soup in cups for ppl to take home.

this morning i asked when it’ll be ready and the chef making the soup says “what day is it.. the same time next month.” and i was just so lost because i’m like ‘well that doesn’t make sense now does it’ but somehow i believed her. then when she realized i didn’t really understand what she was saying she was just like “let me just get a ladle and stop confusing you”

but like?? why didn’t you just answer me? she knew what i mean when i asked when it would be finished, so why complicate it by not just saying what u need to say? i just don’t understand

another coworker made a soup joke calling me “soup queen” bc they always have me making it, but the difference is, that was actually funny. and a joke.

i’m so confused? i work at this place as a server and in the mornings i pour soup in cups for ppl to take home.

this morning i asked when it’ll be ready and the chef making the soup says “what day is it.. the same time next month.” and i was just so lost because i’m like ‘well that doesn’t make sense now does it’ but somehow i believed her. then when she realized i didn’t really understand what she was saying she was just like “let me just get a ladle and stop confusing you”

but like?? why didn’t you just answer me? she knew what i mean when i asked when it would be finished, so why complicate it by not just saying what u need to say? i just don’t understand

my school is using the puzzle piece symbol for autism acceptance D:

i was just thinking ab it, and my sister actually used to think she was autistic, too.. weird that this has happened twice, huh, mom?

i am constantly in a state of confusion

its so weird how comforting it can be to fall back into old habits ..

i feel so guilty for being suicidal , if i could stop it i would in a heartbeat i want to be happy to be alive

i was getting supr overstimulated today, and i was dumb and went to the source of what was causing it (an echoey room w a buncha ppl in it) and tried to get them to stop but tht made it worse obv -_-

it just kinda was grating my ears and seeping into my brain and it just wouldn’t stop. i narrowly avoided shutdown w help from my friend tho :>

i’m tired of being less like me. i hate holding back my happy jumps and being embarrassed by my interests !! i WILL learn to let ppl see that

i always think i’m faking my autistic traits, especially when i notice them more frequently

i am my worst critic fr

i love feeling physically empty, there’s something ab it that makes me feel strong. i think thts the worst part

i’m not like my autistic coworkers and ik i’m not supposed to be bc it’s a spectrum , but it still just makes me feel like i’m lying to myself hah

i think my ed is getting worse ,,im getting sucked into it more and more + im supposed to be upset/disappointed but deep down i’m happy :(

my mom and sister both, separately, called me out for how literal i am. and i didn’t exactly realize just how often i take things the wrong way until now

i have been led to believe my sister has hopped on the autism train suddenly.. and it kinda upsets me bc she didn’t take me seriously ab it when i brought it up years ago, but whatever i guess

not to b all ‘woe is me’ but its so hard to stay clean, i feel like a fuckin failure bc i can’t keep my hands off my blade. and ik i’m facilitating the issue bc i keep it accessible to me, but fuck it’s just so frustrating

sumtimes i think i love too hard.