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All Too Well

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Prompt - 'It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well.'

Hogwarts was bursting with excitement as many students prepared to go home for the holidays. This was the first year you had something to look forward to as your boyfriend, James Potter, had extended an invitation from his parents to you for their annual christmas party.

Everyone was chattering away loudly as they headed down to the train, all ready for the holidays to begin.

James and you walked together hand in hand surrounded by his friends. Sirius, Remus and Peter joined the two of you in the cart and it wasn’t soon before the train pulled away from the station and the five of you were headed home.

You and James hadn’t been dating for long, just over four months, but you knew you were head over heels for him. It was hard not to fall for him, everything about him felt safe, when you were tucked up against him, feeling his laugh rumble through his chest, you felt like that was the closest to home you’d felt in a long time.

Sitting here now, James’ arm wrapped around your shoulder pulling you into him, you felt yourself falling a little bit more in love with him. You let your head rest on his shoulder, smiling as you felt his lips against your head before he turned back to joking with Sirius.

The comforting feel of being pressed against James and the movement from the train was all it took to lull you to sleep.

“Y/N/N,” A soft voice said, gently shaking you awake.

You scrunched your nose up, blinking hard before opening your eyes and seeing James next to you wearing a soft smile.

“We’re here.” He told you before standing and holding a hand out to you. It wasn’t long before the two of you were on the platform saying your goodbyes.

“I’ll see you soon,” You told him, watching as he glanced from his friends back to you before nodding. He leaned down to give you a quick kiss, saying goodbye to you and made his way over to his little group.

As much as you loved James, though you’d yet to say those words to him, sometimes you couldn’t help but feel like you came second place to his friends. It wasn’t like you wanted him to give them up and only spend all his time with you but some days you couldn’t help but wish he paid half as much attention to you as he did them.

You frowned as you shook your head, blaming those thoughts on the lingering tiredness before making your way over to where your parents were waiting for you.

-

You had barely heard from James since you’d arrived back home for the holidays, a few letters here and there but no calls using the fireplace. In one of his letters James had told you that his parents had offered to let you come around a few days earlier and sleep over, wanting to get to know the girl their son was dating.

You were excited to finally spend some time with James and he had told you that he and Sirius were going to Diagon Alley to get some Christmas presents. You had agreed to meet up with them in The Leaky Cauldron and began to get ready for the day.

It wasn’t long before you were ready, bags packed and slipping a red scarf around your neck. You said goodbye to your parents before taking the floo over to The Leaky Cauldron.

You saw James and Sirius tucked away in the corner and quickly made your way over, pulling your cloak tighter around you to combat the chill. James spotted you first, smiling widely over at you and standing up to pull you into a hug which you eagerly returned before he pulled away slightly to press his lips to yours.

The three of you were quick to settle in with food and drinks but it wasn’t long before you were heading out into the cold and finishing up some shopping. By the time you were walking through the front doors of the Potter Manor you couldn’t help but smile at the warmth, a stark contrast to the cold air outside. As you looked around the house you couldn’t help but feel at home somehow, the atmosphere unlike any other pureblood house you’d been in, this one was comforting, inviting and you found yourself at ease as you slid your scarf off, letting it rest on the bannister.

After introductions were made Mrs Potter had pulled you into the kitchen with her, hot chocolates lined up as she rested a leather bound book on the counter. You couldn’t help but smile as she opened the first page, a naked baby James Potter crawling across the page. You looked up at James, laughing as you watched his cheeks turn red. Another page showed a young James Potter looking tiny as he sat on a twin sized bed, round glasses making him look even smaller as they took up a large portion of his face.

As Mrs Potter flipped through the pages, she recalled stories from James’ youth leaving you all with big grins on your faces as you listened and laughed.

You looked over at James as his mum continued with her stories and saw him looking at you with a warm smile. You bite your lip, trying to contain your smile as you glanced down at the book again, you couldn’t help but think how much you wanted to make more of these memories with him.

-

You had been staying at the Potters for two nights now, sleeping in the spare room as Mrs Potter had instructed. That night you found yourself tossing and turning and decided to head downstairs for a drink hoping it would help.

“Hey,” You said softly, smiling as you saw James’ already in the kitchen with the refrigerator door open, lighting the room with a soft blue light.

You watched as James smiled at you as he held his arms open, you were quick to step into them, glad to finally have a moment alone with him. As much as you loved his parents and hearing their stories and as much as you liked Sirius you had to admit you missed James despite the fact he was always there.

“Hey,” He replied, just as softly. The house was huge, the two of you could have spoken normally and not woke anybody up but the atmosphere felt nice, it felt delicate and as James held you close it felt right to keep your voices low.

“You know there’s going to be dancing at this party, don’t you?” He asked, causing you to pull back far enough to look up at him with wide eyes.

“I can’t dance.” You told him.

“It’s easy,” He insisted, smile widening as you shook your head at him.

“Yeah maybe if you were taught to waltz before you could walk.” You scoffed watching as he laughed with a roll of his eyes.

“I think you’re getting me and Pads confused, baby.” He grinned before pulling you away slightly and wrapping your arms around his neck, letting his own rest around your waist as he began to sway the two of you.

“See, easy.” He said as he took one of your hands in his and spun you around, smiling as you giggled before he took the lead and began dancing with you in the kitchen, no music needed as the two of you laughed softly as you stepped on James’ feet before slowly getting the hang of it.

In that moment you felt yourself fall a little bit more in love with James Potter.

-

The day of the party was here and the Potter manor was buzzing with energy. Mrs Potter was constantly in and out of the kitchen with different platters of food as house elves helped set up the decorations.

The manor felt more like home than the day you had arrived, several large Christmas trees had been set up in different rooms, fairy lights softly lighting the room and Gryffindor house colours were used in the decorations causing you to giggle.

James had his arm around you but he was more interested in the conversation he was having with Sirius, one that you weren’t paying too much attention to. Eventually though you got bored of being ignored and stood up, rolling your eyes slightly as James didn’t even look up.

“Can I help, Mrs Potter?” You asked, looking at the flustered woman who was preparing another tray of food.

“Oh no dear, you go and enjoy yourself.” She said shaking her head

“It’s no trouble, I’d be glad to help.” You insisted, watching as she looked up at you with a warm smile.

“Alright dear, you come here,” She said and with that you quickly got the hang of her methods and were soon helping her transport all the food into the living room, James still not noticing your absence.

-

As you headed back up to your room to get ready for the party you couldn’t help but frown as you walked past the living room, watching as Sirius, Remus and James all laughed together.

You weren’t jealous of his friendship with the others, Merlin, you loved that he had such a close relationship with them but at the same time you wished he put a little more effort into your relationship as he did with them.

You really tried to ignore it most days but sometimes you just couldn’t push the nagging feeling aside that you put more effort into this relationship than he did. With a shake of your head you headed into your room and began to get ready, trying not to focus on any more negative thoughts.

It wasn’t long before the party was in full swing and you made your way downstairs alone after waiting to see if James would come to your room. There was a frown on your face but as you stepped off the last stair you forced a smile onto your face and pushed through the crowds.

James looked incredible as he was dressed in a suit, laughing with an even bigger group of friends. You made your way over to him, not letting your smile falter as he didn’t acknowledge you.

You let your hand grab his but this time you did frown as he gave it one squeeze before letting go, turning his back to you as he began to joke with a guy you hadn’t met before.

A part of you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but another part of you hated feeling like you weren’t good enough to James, like you were always second best to him. You left the group as discreetly as you could, not that anybody noticed when you did leave, and pushed your way outside.

The back garden was huge and just as beautiful as the inside, decorated with fairy lights and decorations. Despite the many, many people who were outside it was quite easy to find an empty space to sit.

The hot chocolate clutched between your hands was the only thing keeping you warm against the winter air. The night sky was nearly black despite it still being quite early in the evening. The wind was harsh enough to blow your hair in every direction but you didn’t care as you sat looking up at the stars frowning in thought.

You hated feeling like this was the end of things between you and James but at the same time you couldn’t help but think that it was long gone already and no amount of fighting on your behalf could do anything to salvage it. You hated that this thing between you and James felt so painfully real, felt like it could be amazing, and it was now just nothing.

You hated that you felt you were asking for too much when really all you wanted was your boyfriend to notice you, to pay attention to you. As you sat alone outside, the sound of music and laughter coming from behind you, you couldn’t help but sniff as you tried to fight back the tears, not feeling fine at all.

The realisation that your relationship was done made you feel like all the magic from the world had disappeared, you felt like everything was for nothing as you sat there remembering every moment between you and James. You recalled only the other night as James and you danced together alone in the kitchen, feeling happier than ever as he spun you around in his arms, you remember as he dragged you through the castle, running from the teacher on patrol as the two of you had snuck out out of hours for a date, you remembered him teaching you how to ride on a broom which ended with the two of you on the floor with bruises but only laughter could be heard.

You remembered it all too well.

In that moment it felt like you were paralyzed, it felt like time had frozen as you tried to figure out what to do next. You didn’t want to cause a scene for the Potter’s but you also knew you couldn’t stay, not anymore.

Eventually you managed to pull yourself up and made your way through the house, avoiding anyone you might know and headed up the stairs into the guest room Mrs Potter had let you use. You were quick to pack your things away, hesitating when you came across one of James’ jumpers before shaking your head and leaving it on the bed folded neatly.

You looked around the room one last time before making your way out, heading downstairs and pausing before sneaking into the floo room where guests were still coming in from, taking one last look at James across the room. He had a wide grin on his face, laughing along with his friends and you couldn’t stop your eyes filling up with tears, the lack of you not bothering him at all.

It wasn’t long before you were home, thankfully your parents were at their own Christmas party at a relatives house, leaving you home alone.

You made your way up to your room and it wasn’t long before you collapsed onto bed and let the tears fall down, heartbreaking sobs leaving you as you cried for every moment between you and James.

You thought what the two of you had was rare, you had been there for it, remembered each moment all too well and yet here you were…alone.

You loved James Potter so much and maybe you got lost in translation, maybe you did ask for too much by wanting him to acknowledge you more or maybe he had just lost the one real thing he’d ever known and not even realised it.

-

James had tried to floo you several times and wrote to you even more. You hated that it took you leaving for him to finally notice you. You replied to one of his owls with a letter of your own telling him that you couldn’t be with him anymore, telling him that you deserved better and that you didn’t want him to contact you again.

James received the owl and only then did he realise how badly he had messed up. That night as he began packing away his things, he came across the red scarf you had left there on that very first day and if he went to sleep that night curled up around it, breathing in your scent, well nobody had to know. It was too late now, he really had messed up and no amount of reminiscing would solve it.

_________

James Potter Taglist - @haroldpotterson, @lovinnholland, @rottenstyx, @asherhunterx, @secondaryjob, @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @mrs-scottmccall, @roseslovedreams , @j-cat

@janesofia7, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @wierdstark, @chickensrule, @rosaliedepp, @divanca2006, @silverose365, @90sbella, @tc-blossom, @transparentweaselpartyeagle, @mystic-writings, @touchdeprivedwh0re, @mrs-brekker15

@alexxavicry, @sweetdreamsjg, @alwaysclassyeagle

please more shy!reader with rockstar remus i’m foaming at the mouth

big scary rockstar gone soft tells u off for neglecting yourself ♡ shy!fem!reader | 1k words

Being a roadie is interesting.

Though roadie can feel generous – you're not a tech, you don't move things, but you're basically the unofficial errand girl. You learn to navigate cities you've never been to before and to mend things in a pinch. You always know where everything is, all the time. If a techie can't find something, they come to you. 

You don't learn to talk to people. A year on the road and everybody knows now to just tell you what they need without any small talk. Everybody except Remus. 

"Dove," he says as soon as he sees you, an empty room between you, "how are you? You look tired." 

You set the guitar strap in your hand onto the desk. The room is a riot of equipment, coats, rucksacks and drinks and food and ashtrays, and you suppose you fit in well – you're a mess, simply put. Wearing the shirt you'd slept in and jeans with a bleach stain up the side, your hair rumpled and pulled back from your face. Of course he'd come to find you now. 

"I'm okay," you say. 

Remus weaves through mess to sit on the table opposite you, legs so long they don't leave the ground. "Good. Are you sleeping okay?" 

You shake your head and hold up Sirius guitar strap. "It's… finicky."

Remus narrows his eyes. "I told him to throw it away." 

You nod with a needle held between your lips for a second while you snip a new thread. "He says it's lucky," you murmur, taking the needle back into your hand. 

"It's disgusting. You don't have to do that."

"Show's in an hour." 

"I know. You look like you haven't slept since the last one." 

You haven't. You don't feel very happy that he's noticed it, though, and you frown. 

"Is there something you wanted, Remus?" you ask with as little emotion as possible. Silly to be upset. Sillier to show it. 

"To see you." 

You stab yourself in the hand with your needle and gasp. "Shit." 

Remus jumps down from the table and is quick at your side. A fat bead of blood wells and trickles down your finger, further soiling the guitar strap in your lap. 

Your eyes go wide at getting blood on Sirius' things and Remus takes it for something else. 

"Hey, it's okay. Let me see," Remus says softly. 

It's nothing. A pinprick. Remus takes your hand in his, his palms and fingers calloused from years of playing bass. Still, his touch is achingly gentle. 

"It's nothing," you say sheepishly. 

He hums like he doesn't agree but lets your hand go, sitting on the arm of your big padded chair. He's taller than you to begin with and this new height adds to how intimidating he can be. 

Then, like sun peeking through low clouds, the suggestion of a smile. A reluctant one, for sure.

"You have to take care of yourself," he says, a short fall from stern. 

"I do." 

"No, listen. I'm not kidding around. You need to sleep. You need to rest."

You swallow around a lump in your throat and shrug. "This is my job. I'm on shift right now, so if someone wants me to-" 

"Sure, but what about this morning? I know you don't start until two. If you can honestly tell me you were having time to yourself before two, then I'll leave you alone." 

You can't honestly tell him that. 

Remus works the guitar strap out of your hand and moves it to the end of the desk where you can't reach, looking down at you all homespun and handsome, eyes edged in the tiniest hints of dark stage makeup, his hair tousled and perfect. There's a bemused edge to his telling off that you don't miss. 

"Sleep deprivation will make you sick. And then who am I gonna have to talk to before the shows? James?" 

"Mean," you say. 

"He can handle it." 

Remus takes your wrist into his hand and ducks down so you're forced to look at his face. His smell drifts towards you, woodsmoke and something fresh, something a little odd, like parsley, coriander. You take a very deep breath. 

"I need you to be good," he says. 

Your eyes go wide. 

"Are you good?" he asks. 

You realise he isn't saying good as in well-behaved, but good as in healthy. The heat is already there, your cheeks flushed, embarrassed to have assumed the wrong meaning. Your pulse jackhammers under your skin. 

"I'm fine," you whisper. 

He tilts his head, hair falling across his forehead. "We can do better than fine." 

When did we become a we? you ask yourself. 

He massages your wrist. You gaze up at his expression hoping it might reveal the right answer, what you're supposed to say; he's impassive and you're speechless. 

Remus doesn't need any words, apparently. He sidles closer on the chair and tugs your arm slowly over his thigh until your head is pressed to his ribcage. His thumb pushes against your palm, his fingers finally thread through yours. 

Maybe you don't need to say anything, either. You close your eyes and let yourself relax against his warm torso. A thousand sounds echo outside of the room – metal scratching and dragging and last minute sound checks. It all fades to white noise as Remus drops the side of his head against your crown. 

"Can't believe he had you fixing that thing. It's disgusting," he murmurs. 

"It's 'vintage,'" you quote. 

"Even if it were, it's a biohazard." 

You flex your fingers where they rest between his. "And I was just touching it. You're infected," you whisper teasingly, lethargy loosening your tongue. 

Remus laughs a startled laugh and squeezes your hand tighter. "I can deal with that."