James Potter Angst - Tumblr Posts

All Too Well

Click here for my masterlist.

Click here for Red (Taylor's Version) Masterlist

Add yourself to my Taglist.

Prompt - 'It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well.'

Hogwarts was bursting with excitement as many students prepared to go home for the holidays. This was the first year you had something to look forward to as your boyfriend, James Potter, had extended an invitation from his parents to you for their annual christmas party.

Everyone was chattering away loudly as they headed down to the train, all ready for the holidays to begin.

James and you walked together hand in hand surrounded by his friends. Sirius, Remus and Peter joined the two of you in the cart and it wasn’t soon before the train pulled away from the station and the five of you were headed home.

You and James hadn’t been dating for long, just over four months, but you knew you were head over heels for him. It was hard not to fall for him, everything about him felt safe, when you were tucked up against him, feeling his laugh rumble through his chest, you felt like that was the closest to home you’d felt in a long time.

Sitting here now, James’ arm wrapped around your shoulder pulling you into him, you felt yourself falling a little bit more in love with him. You let your head rest on his shoulder, smiling as you felt his lips against your head before he turned back to joking with Sirius.

The comforting feel of being pressed against James and the movement from the train was all it took to lull you to sleep.

“Y/N/N,” A soft voice said, gently shaking you awake.

You scrunched your nose up, blinking hard before opening your eyes and seeing James next to you wearing a soft smile.

“We’re here.” He told you before standing and holding a hand out to you. It wasn’t long before the two of you were on the platform saying your goodbyes.

“I’ll see you soon,” You told him, watching as he glanced from his friends back to you before nodding. He leaned down to give you a quick kiss, saying goodbye to you and made his way over to his little group.

As much as you loved James, though you’d yet to say those words to him, sometimes you couldn’t help but feel like you came second place to his friends. It wasn’t like you wanted him to give them up and only spend all his time with you but some days you couldn’t help but wish he paid half as much attention to you as he did them.

You frowned as you shook your head, blaming those thoughts on the lingering tiredness before making your way over to where your parents were waiting for you.

-

You had barely heard from James since you’d arrived back home for the holidays, a few letters here and there but no calls using the fireplace. In one of his letters James had told you that his parents had offered to let you come around a few days earlier and sleep over, wanting to get to know the girl their son was dating.

You were excited to finally spend some time with James and he had told you that he and Sirius were going to Diagon Alley to get some Christmas presents. You had agreed to meet up with them in The Leaky Cauldron and began to get ready for the day.

It wasn’t long before you were ready, bags packed and slipping a red scarf around your neck. You said goodbye to your parents before taking the floo over to The Leaky Cauldron.

You saw James and Sirius tucked away in the corner and quickly made your way over, pulling your cloak tighter around you to combat the chill. James spotted you first, smiling widely over at you and standing up to pull you into a hug which you eagerly returned before he pulled away slightly to press his lips to yours.

The three of you were quick to settle in with food and drinks but it wasn’t long before you were heading out into the cold and finishing up some shopping. By the time you were walking through the front doors of the Potter Manor you couldn’t help but smile at the warmth, a stark contrast to the cold air outside. As you looked around the house you couldn’t help but feel at home somehow, the atmosphere unlike any other pureblood house you’d been in, this one was comforting, inviting and you found yourself at ease as you slid your scarf off, letting it rest on the bannister.

After introductions were made Mrs Potter had pulled you into the kitchen with her, hot chocolates lined up as she rested a leather bound book on the counter. You couldn’t help but smile as she opened the first page, a naked baby James Potter crawling across the page. You looked up at James, laughing as you watched his cheeks turn red. Another page showed a young James Potter looking tiny as he sat on a twin sized bed, round glasses making him look even smaller as they took up a large portion of his face.

As Mrs Potter flipped through the pages, she recalled stories from James’ youth leaving you all with big grins on your faces as you listened and laughed.

You looked over at James as his mum continued with her stories and saw him looking at you with a warm smile. You bite your lip, trying to contain your smile as you glanced down at the book again, you couldn’t help but think how much you wanted to make more of these memories with him.

-

You had been staying at the Potters for two nights now, sleeping in the spare room as Mrs Potter had instructed. That night you found yourself tossing and turning and decided to head downstairs for a drink hoping it would help.

“Hey,” You said softly, smiling as you saw James’ already in the kitchen with the refrigerator door open, lighting the room with a soft blue light.

You watched as James smiled at you as he held his arms open, you were quick to step into them, glad to finally have a moment alone with him. As much as you loved his parents and hearing their stories and as much as you liked Sirius you had to admit you missed James despite the fact he was always there.

“Hey,” He replied, just as softly. The house was huge, the two of you could have spoken normally and not woke anybody up but the atmosphere felt nice, it felt delicate and as James held you close it felt right to keep your voices low.

“You know there’s going to be dancing at this party, don’t you?” He asked, causing you to pull back far enough to look up at him with wide eyes.

“I can’t dance.” You told him.

“It’s easy,” He insisted, smile widening as you shook your head at him.

“Yeah maybe if you were taught to waltz before you could walk.” You scoffed watching as he laughed with a roll of his eyes.

“I think you’re getting me and Pads confused, baby.” He grinned before pulling you away slightly and wrapping your arms around his neck, letting his own rest around your waist as he began to sway the two of you.

“See, easy.” He said as he took one of your hands in his and spun you around, smiling as you giggled before he took the lead and began dancing with you in the kitchen, no music needed as the two of you laughed softly as you stepped on James’ feet before slowly getting the hang of it.

In that moment you felt yourself fall a little bit more in love with James Potter.

-

The day of the party was here and the Potter manor was buzzing with energy. Mrs Potter was constantly in and out of the kitchen with different platters of food as house elves helped set up the decorations.

The manor felt more like home than the day you had arrived, several large Christmas trees had been set up in different rooms, fairy lights softly lighting the room and Gryffindor house colours were used in the decorations causing you to giggle.

James had his arm around you but he was more interested in the conversation he was having with Sirius, one that you weren’t paying too much attention to. Eventually though you got bored of being ignored and stood up, rolling your eyes slightly as James didn’t even look up.

“Can I help, Mrs Potter?” You asked, looking at the flustered woman who was preparing another tray of food.

“Oh no dear, you go and enjoy yourself.” She said shaking her head

“It’s no trouble, I’d be glad to help.” You insisted, watching as she looked up at you with a warm smile.

“Alright dear, you come here,” She said and with that you quickly got the hang of her methods and were soon helping her transport all the food into the living room, James still not noticing your absence.

-

As you headed back up to your room to get ready for the party you couldn’t help but frown as you walked past the living room, watching as Sirius, Remus and James all laughed together.

You weren’t jealous of his friendship with the others, Merlin, you loved that he had such a close relationship with them but at the same time you wished he put a little more effort into your relationship as he did with them.

You really tried to ignore it most days but sometimes you just couldn’t push the nagging feeling aside that you put more effort into this relationship than he did. With a shake of your head you headed into your room and began to get ready, trying not to focus on any more negative thoughts.

It wasn’t long before the party was in full swing and you made your way downstairs alone after waiting to see if James would come to your room. There was a frown on your face but as you stepped off the last stair you forced a smile onto your face and pushed through the crowds.

James looked incredible as he was dressed in a suit, laughing with an even bigger group of friends. You made your way over to him, not letting your smile falter as he didn’t acknowledge you.

You let your hand grab his but this time you did frown as he gave it one squeeze before letting go, turning his back to you as he began to joke with a guy you hadn’t met before.

A part of you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but another part of you hated feeling like you weren’t good enough to James, like you were always second best to him. You left the group as discreetly as you could, not that anybody noticed when you did leave, and pushed your way outside.

The back garden was huge and just as beautiful as the inside, decorated with fairy lights and decorations. Despite the many, many people who were outside it was quite easy to find an empty space to sit.

The hot chocolate clutched between your hands was the only thing keeping you warm against the winter air. The night sky was nearly black despite it still being quite early in the evening. The wind was harsh enough to blow your hair in every direction but you didn’t care as you sat looking up at the stars frowning in thought.

You hated feeling like this was the end of things between you and James but at the same time you couldn’t help but think that it was long gone already and no amount of fighting on your behalf could do anything to salvage it. You hated that this thing between you and James felt so painfully real, felt like it could be amazing, and it was now just nothing.

You hated that you felt you were asking for too much when really all you wanted was your boyfriend to notice you, to pay attention to you. As you sat alone outside, the sound of music and laughter coming from behind you, you couldn’t help but sniff as you tried to fight back the tears, not feeling fine at all.

The realisation that your relationship was done made you feel like all the magic from the world had disappeared, you felt like everything was for nothing as you sat there remembering every moment between you and James. You recalled only the other night as James and you danced together alone in the kitchen, feeling happier than ever as he spun you around in his arms, you remember as he dragged you through the castle, running from the teacher on patrol as the two of you had snuck out out of hours for a date, you remembered him teaching you how to ride on a broom which ended with the two of you on the floor with bruises but only laughter could be heard.

You remembered it all too well.

In that moment it felt like you were paralyzed, it felt like time had frozen as you tried to figure out what to do next. You didn’t want to cause a scene for the Potter’s but you also knew you couldn’t stay, not anymore.

Eventually you managed to pull yourself up and made your way through the house, avoiding anyone you might know and headed up the stairs into the guest room Mrs Potter had let you use. You were quick to pack your things away, hesitating when you came across one of James’ jumpers before shaking your head and leaving it on the bed folded neatly.

You looked around the room one last time before making your way out, heading downstairs and pausing before sneaking into the floo room where guests were still coming in from, taking one last look at James across the room. He had a wide grin on his face, laughing along with his friends and you couldn’t stop your eyes filling up with tears, the lack of you not bothering him at all.

It wasn’t long before you were home, thankfully your parents were at their own Christmas party at a relatives house, leaving you home alone.

You made your way up to your room and it wasn’t long before you collapsed onto bed and let the tears fall down, heartbreaking sobs leaving you as you cried for every moment between you and James.

You thought what the two of you had was rare, you had been there for it, remembered each moment all too well and yet here you were…alone.

You loved James Potter so much and maybe you got lost in translation, maybe you did ask for too much by wanting him to acknowledge you more or maybe he had just lost the one real thing he’d ever known and not even realised it.

-

James had tried to floo you several times and wrote to you even more. You hated that it took you leaving for him to finally notice you. You replied to one of his owls with a letter of your own telling him that you couldn’t be with him anymore, telling him that you deserved better and that you didn’t want him to contact you again.

James received the owl and only then did he realise how badly he had messed up. That night as he began packing away his things, he came across the red scarf you had left there on that very first day and if he went to sleep that night curled up around it, breathing in your scent, well nobody had to know. It was too late now, he really had messed up and no amount of reminiscing would solve it.

_________

James Potter Taglist - @haroldpotterson, @lovinnholland, @rottenstyx, @asherhunterx, @secondaryjob, @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @mrs-scottmccall, @roseslovedreams , @j-cat

@janesofia7, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @wierdstark, @chickensrule, @rosaliedepp, @divanca2006, @silverose365, @90sbella, @tc-blossom, @transparentweaselpartyeagle, @mystic-writings, @touchdeprivedwh0re, @mrs-brekker15

@alexxavicry, @sweetdreamsjg, @alwaysclassyeagle

In Another Life

Click here for my masterlist.

Prompts - anon - ‘I can’t help but wonder if I told you sooner, would I be where she is now?'

If somebody were to ask James Potter what Y/F/N Y/LN was to him he would have smiled, it would have been a smile that spread across his whole face, a smile that made his eyes light up and he would have told whoever had asked him that Y/F/N Y/L/N was one of his best friends, his family. He would gladly take any chance he could get to talk about you, the same way he did with Sirius, with Remus and Peter too. 

If somebody were to ask you what James Potter was to you it would have been an entirely different reaction, if the person was looking close enough. To some people they would see a smile that seemed sincere enough, would hear you say he was your best friend but other people, if they looked deeper would see a completely different reaction. Sure they would still see a smile but they would notice that it didn’t quite meet your eyes, that it seemed strained, almost shaky. Of course they would hear you say that James Potter was your best friend but they would also hear the sadness behind those words, the longing. Whereas James could talk about you for hours, you would move the conversation on as quickly as you could.

You and James had made fast friends after both being sorted into Gryffindor and after spending seven years together, practically joined at the hip, it wasn't a surprise when you found yourself having romantic feelings for him. It must have been around fourth or fifth year when you realised you fancied him, around the same time everyone else your age was starting to actually like the idea of having a relationship…around the same time James Potter realised he liked Lily Evans.

You watched as he pursued her, watched as childish pranks turned into mature and serious displays of affection that eventually won the girl over. You watched as every moment of their relationship played out before your very eyes. You were the one James turned to when it came to wanting an opinion on important dates, on gifts and you smiled, each time you forced a smile onto your face and shoved your feelings down and helped him whenever he asked.

The moment that broke your heart the most though was when James showed up at your door one afternoon, you remembered it clear as day. He had looked nervous, more nervous than you’d seen him in a long time, and you had immediately invited him in, the two of you taking a seat on the couch. 

“What’s wrong?” You had asked him, watching as he smoothed his palms against his thighs before taking a breath and moving one hand to pull something out of his pocket. 

You physically felt your heart shatter as he opened a black box and presented a ring. It was a beautiful ring and you hated it. 

“What do you think?” James had asked after a few moments of silence passed between you. 

You blinked back the tears, refusing to cry in front of him, and instead forced another smile and looked from the ring to him before nodding, telling him it was perfect. That seemed to be the thing to relax him and a grin spread across his face as he started talking about how he was going to ask her out and all you could do was smile.

With the threat of the war hanging over everyone in the wizarding world, James and Lily decided to marry quickly after the engagement. Nothing extravagant, family and friends gathered together to witness the couple's marriage and you found yourself in line surrounded by other guests, making your way into the venue.

“Bride or groom?” A wizard at the door asked you and all you could do was stare at him for a moment. 

Despite being in love with James Potter you did actually like Lily, she was your friend and it only made your feelings all the more worse. Such formalities seemed strange when you knew them both so well.

“Bride or groom, miss?” The wizard asked you again and you shook your head.

“Sorry, um, groom.” You said in a small voice, stomach in knots as it felt like you were about to step into some sort of nightmare, perhaps you were already in one. The wizard smiled, pointing you in the direction of the groom's side of the room.

You had always known there was no chance of a relationship between you and James, not when he looked at Lily like he did but there was a part of you, a part of you that you hated, that had hoped for…something.

James Potter would always be your almost, the one that was meant to be but never could.

With a deep and shaky breath you smiled at the wizard and forced your feet to move. Once you were in the room your eyes immediately locked onto James. He looked handsome, of course he did, standing at the front of the room, talking with Sirius with a nervous but excited look on his face.

You felt your forced smile soften into something real because despite everything you really were happy for him. He was so in love with a girl who loved him as deeply as he did, he had found happiness even with everything going on. As much as you wished he had found that with you, you were happy for him. 

Despite being happy for him though you really couldn’t wait for this day to end.

It wasn’t long before everyone was seated and the quiet murmurs of conversation stopped as music filled the room and the guests rose from their seats. You stood and turned to the back of the room, breath catching as you saw Lily in the doorway. 

She looked beautiful. 

The dress she wore was gorgeous, hugging her waist and flowing out around her feet, a train following behind her as she walked the length of the aisle, holding a bouquet of flowers and a bright smile on her face that almost looked painful.

Tears welled up in your eyes and you desperately tried to fight them back as you took a shaky breath. It was real before, it had been real from the moment James had shown you the ring but now, watching her, you couldn’t help but wonder how different things could have been. How if you had told James how you had felt all those years ago things might be different. If you had told him would that be you walking down the aisle with a real smile on your face as opposed to the fake one you had worn for years?

Lily Evans really did make a beautiful bride and stood next to James, the pair of them so obviously in love with each other, you couldn’t help but finally let a few tears fall, choking back a sob as they said their ‘I do’s’.

You’d managed to stay to yourself after the ceremony, the party taking place at the Potter’s, which had been decorated as beautifully as everything else surrounding the wedding. Thankfully, James was so busy mingling with guests you had gotten away with isolating yourself, standing to the side of the garden with a drink in your hand trying not to look at the happy couple.

You had tried for years to push your feelings down, to accept that nothing would come from them and that they would only damage your friendship with James. Logically you knew all of that but emotionally you just couldn’t let go. James was one of the few good things in your life, the few solid things that you could always count on and it hurt, it hurt watching them together no matter how irrational it was.

You’d lost track of how many times you’d fought back tears today, cursing yourself as your eyes started stinging against and scrunched them shut as tightly as you could, effectively shutting out the rest of the guests and missing the way James spotted you from the other side of the garden and excused himself from the conversation he was having to make his way over to you, a frown on his face as he stepped closer.

“Hey,” He said softly, knocking his shoulder against yours gently and not missing the way you jumped.

“Hey.” You replied just as quietly, hoping that there was no proof of the fact you were on the verge of tears.

“Why are you over here?” He asked, keeping his voice at the same level, if you were closer to the party you would have struggled to hear each other but this far away it was fine.

You stayed silent for a few moments, taking a breath and forcing another smile on your face before turning to face him.

“Needed a minute,” You finally said and watched as his concerned look seemed to deepen, “How’s married life?” You asked to distract him, pointedly ignoring the pain in your chest at both the topic and the laugh James gave.

“Merlin, if you’d have told me how much talking I’d have to do I might’ve reconsidered the whole thing.” You let yourself chuckle along with him, hoping that it sounded convincing.

“I’m happy for you.” You told him and watched as his chuckle faded into a soft smile. Unable to stop yourself, you leaned your head down so it was resting against his shoulder and James didn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around you, letting his head rest on your head, placing a soft kiss to your hair.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my whole life, Y/N/N,” He told you and you could hear the sincerity in his tone, his voice almost a whisper as he spoke, “I just keep thinking, how did I get so lucky, you know? I found my soulmate and I got to marry her, how often does that happen?”

What a question, how often does somebody meet their soulmate and it actually works out for them? You could answer that, you could tell him that people rarely got that lucky and instead would spend the rest of their lives in love with somebody who they could never have, you could tell him that the ache in their chest should get easier to live with but it didn’t, it never would.

You pulled away from James, feeling a new set of tears well up, or maybe they were the same tears, either way you pulled away from him.

“You sure you’re alright?” James asked again, noticing the wetness in your eyes but you just nodded, lips thinning into a smile before you took a breath.

“Congratulations James.” You whispered and turned away from him, making your way across the garden and into the house, missing James’ frown.

You found yourself locked in the toilet, this time you were unable to stop the tears from falling down your face uncontrollably, your back pressed to the door and a hand over your mouth in a weak attempt to muffle any sobs that escaped. 

You knew you had to get back up, knew you had to go back out there and you knew, above all, you had to move on. You knew you could do the first two even if it would take everything in you to go back out but the third one, you knew it was impossible.

You would spend the rest of your life in love with a man you could never have.

Eventually you forced yourself up and splashed some water on your face, trying to get rid of any traces of tears before you left the room and headed back outside…just in time for the first dance.

Sirius spotted you and smiled softly, gesturing for you to join him as he stood with the guests to the side to watch the dance. Music filled the air and the couple started to move beautifully together just as you reached Sirius.

Sirius didn’t say anything, he didn’t take his eyes off of Lily and James but he did wrap his arm around your shoulder and pull you into his chest. The two of you had never spoken about it but you knew he knew. 

You didn’t dwell on the thought though, didn’t care how pathetic you seemed to Sirius, you just kept watching the scene in front of you and couldn’t help but picture yourself in Lily’s place, an unfair thought but one that appeared anyway.

Maybe in some other world you were with James, maybe you were looking lovingly into his eyes whilst he held you close and whispered things that made you giggle. Maybe all these people were watching you and him move around elegantly to the music and maybe somebody else was standing to the side wishing they were you. 

Maybe you were by his side in another life.

But this was the life you had, a life where the man you loved had married another girl, a life where you hadn’t even gotten a chance with him, a life where your days were numbered due to the war and a life where you would never, ever be able to stop loving James Potter.

______

James Potter Taglist (link in bio to add yourself) - 

@haroldpotterson, @rottenstyx,  @asherhunterx, @secondaryjob, @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair,  @mrs-scottmccall,   @j-cat,  @cinderellacauseshebroke,  @black-rose-29,    @chickensrule,  @rosaliedepp,  @divanca2006,  @silverose365,   @tc-blossom,  @transparentweaselpartyeagle,  @mystic-writings,  @touchdeprivedwh0re, @alexxavicry,  @sweetdreamsjg,  @alwaysclassyeagle, @carmellasworld, @labellapeaky,  @maeve-7,  @lazysheepperfection, @serrendiipty, @father-violet, @izzyyy-1, @morganaah, @kaitieskidmore1 , @loki-laufeysons-wife​, @srhxpci, @mrslizzyolsen​, @idli-dosa, @eichenhouseproperty, @ack3rlevi, @lovelyvante

james potter masterlist — 𖤓

❤︎ — fluff | ☁︎ — angst | ✿ — san’s favs

pretty nice — james finds you crying ❤︎

always — you're lonely at the annual dance, and james wants to dance with you ❤︎ ✿

beautiful — james likes lily, right? ❤︎ ✿

in another life — james wanted kids, you didn’t. you see him and lily with harry years later ☁︎ ✿

kiss and make-up — james helps you do your make-up ❤︎

Hi, i wanted to request a james potter x reader thingy :))

So the idea is that james and reader broke up during hogwarts/directly after because they had the children talk, james really wants to be a father but reader is terrified of pregnancy so they break up. But over the years the reader keeps yearning for james and eventually they meet again when james and lily are together and have baby harry and its just really angsty 😭😭

Hope all of this makes sense i thought of this while listening to a song lyric

thank you for the request babe i love how your brain works <3 this is quite angsty so hopefully you like it! and now i’m curious to know what song 👀

also here’s some shameless promotion for @astonishment’s series with the same name, it’s deliciously tragic (☹️☹️☹️) and everyone should check it out!!

in another life | j.p.

“Calm down, babe,” Sirius mutters as you walk in step, looping his arm through yours.

You nibble on your bottom lip anxiously, sighing as you glance over at him. “It’s not that easy, Siri. I’m seeing him after what — four years? I can’t just calm down!”

He rolls his eyes, reaching towards you and thumbing at your lip to save it from your torment. “You’re seeing me after four years.”

You turn to Sirius, and he huffs out a laugh at your deadpan expression. “Well, you never asked me to marry you.”

Sirius wiggles his eyebrows, his lips curving up into a grin. “Marry me?”

“Fuck off, Black.”

James and Lily Potter were holding a meet-up of sorts, and had invited most people in your year at Hogwarts. You were hesitant to go, given your history with James, but Sirius insisted you tag along. You knew he, Remus, and Peter had stayed in touch with James. Rightfully, you ought to have too. But neither of you tried to; maybe you both knew it was better that way.

Sirius simpers, coming to a halt in front of the large black gates of the mansion. He reaches forward and begins to twist the lock, and you instinctively reach over and grab his hand to stop him. He turns to you, confusion twisting his features. “What are you — oh. Oh, sweetheart.”

He softens when he sees the expression on your face. You’re biting your cuticles, and the anxiety in your features is palpable. Sirius sighs and firmly pulls your hand away from your mouth, intertwining your fingers together. “It’s gonna be okay. Just be cordial with him. There’s no bad blood, right?”

“Right,” you mutter, albeit uncertainly.

“But, um…” he sighs, dropping your hand to rake his fingers through his hair. “There’s something I should’ve told you before. But I didn’t wanna freak you out.”

“What?”

The apprehension in your tone causes Sirius to wince. “James and Lily, they… they’ve got a baby.”

There’s a beat of loud silence as the fact sinks in, a mount of uncertainty and hurt settling in the pit of your stomach.

“Oh.”

You’re trying not to show it, but the heartbreak on your face is painfully obvious. Sirius pouts, moving to take your hand again. “Babe, I’m sorry. I should’ve –”

He doesn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, the gates swinging open to reveal a beaming James Potter.

“Pads,” he grins immediately, eyes locking on Sirius as he moves towards him and swoops him into a quick hug.

You take the moment to look James over. He looked exactly like you remembered — messy curls, toned biceps, that movie-star grin. Yet something felt different, in the way he pulled Sirius into a hug without all the raucous fervour he would’ve at 16, how he held him so gently at arm’s length while talking to him. He’d softened, you realised, from the responsibilities of fatherhood and being a husband.

They pull apart a moment later, and his gaze drifts to you. His smile loses a bit of its sunshine, not softening but not quite dimming either. “Y/n, hey.”

There’s a moment of hesitation as he looks at you, but then he seems to decide upon giving you a hug too.

“Hi,” you mutter as he shortens the distance between you, needling his arms under yours to press them to your back. You embrace him in return, and a sudden pang of hurt shoots through your heart at the familiarity of the action.

Perhaps he was remembering it too, from the way he tightened his grip. Both of you were heavy on physical touch, and it was undeniably the best part of your relationship back in Hogwarts — how he’d always have a hand wrapped around your waist, how you’d wake up to cuddles and hugs every morning. You didn’t exactly have anyone to hug anymore, living alone.

So you convince yourself that the reason you hold on to James for slightly longer than necessary was because you craved human touch, not because of… anything else.

Finally, James pulls away, his arms dropping to his sides as he gives you a small smile. You plaster one onto your face too, for his sake. “So,” he starts as he turns around, beginning to lead you and Sirius into the mansion, “how’ve you been, Y/n?”

You can feel Sirius’ gaze burning holes into the side of your head, but choose to ignore him. “I’ve been great, yeah. You?”

James nods. “That’s cool. Yeah, I’ve been good too. Things have been fun, but kind of busy; you know, with work and Lily and the baby…” He seems to realise what he’s said, and clears his throat awkwardly. Oh, of course. The baby.

Sirius is beside you in an instant, arching his eyebrows and nudging your elbow to respond.

“Oh, um… congrats on the baby, by the way.”

James turns around to face you as you walk, and you give him a grin to prove that you’re being genuine — to show him that it didn’t feel like there was a knife being twisted in your gut every time the word baby was brought up.

His eyes soften, and you know he can tell how you’re feeling. But he gives you a grateful smile, and says no more as the three of you come to a stop in front of the house.

“By the way,” James mutters as he pushes the door open, “you guys are like, an hour early. You’re the only ones here.”

You immediately turn around to glower at Sirius for subjecting you to more torture than necessary by bringing you early. But he all but smirks as he follows you in.

Your eyes coast around the mansion, taking it all in. It’s decorated in a minimalist aesthetic, white couches and brown rugs. It was pretty, that was for sure; but you couldn’t help but think how different it was from James’ place in the dorm — posters and stickers all over the walls, boisterously red curtains and LED lights. It used to be so full of life.

Honestly, you might’ve guessed an old couple lived here, if not for the small signs of their life as a family — the pacifier on the dining table, a cradle at the far end of the living room, and the heart-shaped photo frames lining the walls.

James watches you, a small smile playing on the edges of his lips. “You like it?”

He knows you wouldn’t like it, it’s everything you aren’t. Your dorm had been just like his; trying to fit as many vinyls and posters onto that small space next to your bed as possible. There would be fairy lights in every corner and succulents on the nightstand, a dreamcatcher which he’d gifted you hanging right above your bed. You were messy, as a person, and with your love too. You thought he was messy as well; but apparently he’d gotten his shit together already.

“Yeah, it’s simple. Pretty.”

“Honey —“ Lily bustles out the kitchen, a small gasp escaping her lips as she sees you and Sirius. She’s holding a ladle in one hand, and has her other arm wrapped around a baby perched on her waist.

You don’t register it when she kisses your cheek and hugs you, asks you how you’re doing and leads you to sit on the couch. Your gaze is locked on the baby, every second spent staring at him worsening the nauseous feeling at the back of your throat.

You must’ve asked for his name, because the word, “Harry,” registers in your head. This beautiful baby, with Lily’s deep green eyes and James’ luscious curls, was Harry.

Would you have named your baby Harry? Probably not, it was too generic. But it was too late now, to pick out names and choose a less boring aesthetic for a house together.

You had lost your chance back in seventh year, that night when you were laying on James’ bed, limbs tangled together as he raked his hands through your hair with all the love in the world. You’re gonna be my husband one day, you’d whispered, feeling so much affection for him you thought your heart would burst. Yeah, baby, he’d replied with a soft smile. We’re gonna live in a mansion, with our dogs and children and —

Children?

I don’t… I don’t want children. And that’s where it all started going downhill, that’s the moment James’ smile turned upside down and his hand dropped from your hair. It had turned into an argument, a screaming match — and eventually a reason to break up. James couldn't understand much you feared it, the pain of pregnancy and the exhaustion that came with motherhood. And some part of you knew that you weren’t blameless either — calling him awful things and accusing him of not loving you; though love was all he ever gave till the day you told him it was over.

The feeling of Sirius’ nails digging into your palm brings you back to the present, and you see him nodding absentmindedly as Lily rambles about how much trouble Harry’s been, and oh, she’s picked up a hobby of crocheting, and…

You flit your eyes to look at James sitting opposite you, gazing at you with his brows pinched in concern. Your emotions must’ve been obvious on your face, then. But he immediately looks away when Lily calls out to him, holding up Harry for him to carry.

You watch silently as James squeezes into the chair next to his wife, taking the small, lovely baby between his large, calloused hands. He smiles at Harry, looking at him though he was the most precious thing on earth. James’ fingers bunch Harry’s tiny shirt as he brings him close to his face, gently pressing a kiss to his forehead. Lily’s head lolls onto James’ shoulder as he shifts Harry into a comfortable lying position in his arms.

There you have it. The perfect family, with the gorgeous wife and the adorable baby and the man who could’ve been yours if you wanted.

It’s too much for you to take, and Sirius squeezes your hand as you start to shake. Harry coos, and you melt at how James’ face breaks into a sunny beam. He tilts his head to press a soft peck to his wife’s hair, and there’s so much love in that simple gesture that you feel like you could die.

You feel Sirius’ worried gaze on you, your hands trembling and your knee bobbing up and down. The taste of blood from how hard you’re nibbling on your lip is grounding; it brings you back to yourself, who you are, and not who you could’ve been.

“Hey,” he murmurs softly from beside you, but it doesn’t get lodged into your brain. The only thing you feel is your vision of the perfect family blurring, soft streams of regret rolling down your cheek. Sirius makes a small noise of pity from beside you, and James looks up instantly, eyes widening as they lock on you. Lily is fast asleep, baby Harry staring at you with his thumb stuck into his mouth.

“Y/n, you okay?” James asks gently, but you don’t reply, still looking at him with that distraught look on your face. You open your mouth, but you don’t seem to have the vocabulary to express the heartache you felt right that moment. It felt strangely like grief; like you were mourning for the version of yourself you never got to meet, for the version of James who didn’t have the chance to be yours.

James' mouth twists downwards in a frown as he stands up and steps closer towards you. It’s like an alarm is set off in your head, and you immediately jolt back to the present, sucking in a deep breath.

Your legs act of their own accord as you stand up, Sirius’s hand falling limp on the couch as he looks up at you in surprise. You gulp down the lump in your throat and fiercely brush the tears away, James coming to a halt in front of you. “Y/n, baby —“

“I’m not your baby.”

James slaps a hand to his mouth, eyes as wide as Harry’s now. “Fuck, no, it — it just came out. I didn’t mean to. Shit, you’re crying.”

“I’m okay,” you warble. James opens his mouth to retort but you don’t let him, knowing that the longer you spent here, the more the gaping hole in your chest would grow. You couldn’t bear it anymore, watching James with his wife and wishing it was you instead. The worst part was that it was all your fault, your stupidity and your rejection.

“I’m fine, really. I…I’m gonna go now, it was nice meeting you. Convey my love to Remus, Peter and the girls.” You pick up your bag, moving to the front door with a befuddled James tracking your movements.

“Y/n —“

“Bye, James,” you call out halfheartedly as you slip into your shoes. He comes to stand at the door, rocking Harry from side to side. He looks almost disappointed as you make to leave.

“I’m sorry.”

You look up, surprised. “It’s not your fault.”

James’ lips pursed together with guilt, seeming like he wants to say something as he opens and closes his mouth. He finally sighs, “It’s not your fault either.

It was startling, how he still knew just the right thing to say — he always had. The regret that had been clogging up your heart for years was drained out upon hearing that one sentence. James didn’t hold the utter failure of your relationship against you, and that was enough. If you couldn’t have his love, at least you had his forgiveness.

You give him a half smile and nod, turning around to leave. You’d go back to yours, more of a house than a home. But at least no one but yourself could hurt you there, there was no one to turn away and no hearts to break. No one to love.

“Hey.”

You spin back around to face the door, heart stopping upon seeing the moistness in his eyes. You hear the scratchiness in his throat as he sucks in a deep breath.

“James…”

“No, don’t — don’t say anything. I just wanted to tell you, um…” he defeatedly runs a hand through his hair and exhales shakily. “I hope we worked out, you know, in another life.”

That catches you off guard, your heart involuntarily squeezing in your chest. James looks almost embarrassed as he says it, but you see the vulnerability in his eyes. He was right — maybe there was some planet on which you were less of a coward, another world where he could put a ring on your finger. He’d been yours to lose in this life, perhaps he was yours to love in another.

You clear your throat, feeling nausea brimming in the pits of your gut. “Yeah, I… I hope so too.”

You spare yourself one last glance at him before turning towards the exit, praying he didn’t see the tears dribbling down your cheeks.

You squeeze your eyes shut and will yourself to trudge forward, before he can call out to you and break your heart all over again.

In a few long strides, you’re out the gates; out of James’ life again.

fake dating with james? major angst end with fluff?

okay, to be completely candid with you guys, this is my first time writing like this. i’ve never really done fics or even small drabbles before, so i deeply apologize if this is the worst thing you’ve ever read. i promise i’m trying to get better. this has also been sitting in my drafts for so long, since i couldn’t decide how to end it.

summary: you fell in love with your fake boyfriend. he fell in love with you, too.

warning: not as much angst, sorry </3. fluff, horrible writing, a lot of rushing. james rants ab his love for you

Dating James was like a dream, truly. Even though it was fake, meant to just be a ruse to make Lily jealous, he made it seem like it was perfectly real. He walked you to every class, offered you his jumper the moment you shook in the slightest, gave you his breakfast if you were still hungry. He even made sure to throw in a grand gesture every once in a while — a large bouquet of flowers, buying you a nice outfit or that expensive perfume you wanted but couldn’t afford. Anything he could do.

The only problem was how much you liked dating him. It was hard to remind yourself that it was all fake — that it was all happening just to make another girl jealous, because that’s who he was in love with. Lily. Not you. And it broke your heart every time you were reminded of that. Every time he’d kiss your cheek and murmur something about Lily watching, whenever he’d come to you with so much excitement over the plan working, whenever he’d immediately pull away as soon as you two were alone. It all hurt.

And that was why you had to end it. Today, before you could chicken out and let yourself get lost in something that’s not real.

“James? Can we talk?” You questioned softly once you found him in his dorm room, Remus and Sirius studying something on one of the beds, and Peter trying to make light conversation. “Um — somewhere private.”

“Yeah, of course.” The bespectacled boy gave you a grin, quickly slapping Sirius lightly on top of the head to signal for him and Remus to leave, before nodding his head for Peter to do the same. After a few grumbles, the three eventually left the room, leaving both you and James alone. “Hey, did you see Lily at breakfast today? Marls said she was ‘bout ready to stab someone, must mean the plan’s working.”

“Right, yeah, that’s great, James.” You murmured distantly, almost as if you weren’t really listening, which was what caught James attention. A frown came over his face and he took a step closer to you, tilting his head slightly in confusion.

“Is something wrong? What did you want to talk about?”

“Us. I mean — this whole dating thing. Fake dating thing.” You clarified, mentally sighing at how nervous you already were. It was already proving to be more difficult than you could handle.

“I think we should end this.”

“This? The plan? No. Why would we do that?” James questioned frantically, his frown only growing. Truly, he didn’t know if he was upset because he didn’t want to backtrack with Lily, or if it was because he didn’t want to stop being with you.

“Because, it ran it’s course. It worked, it did what it was supposed to do. I think going on any longer would just be beating a dead horse, y’know? And you can’t exactly get with Lily if you have a girlfriend, even if it’s fake.”

“No — No, we have to keep going. We’re not done yet,” James was trying to come up with a reason. He didn’t know why, you did have a point. But the idea of ending things caused a feeling in his gut, and he didn’t like it. “There — there’s the Yule Ball. We can’t break up before the Yule Ball.”

“Ask Lily. I overheard her talking with Marlene and Mary about how she wished she could go with you.”

“Then I’d just seem like an asshole who left his girlfriend for another girl.”

“James,” you sighed. He was making it more difficult than you thought he would. You almost thought he’d be happy, that it had worked well enough he could be with Lily now. “It won’t seem that way. Ask Lily to the Yule Ball. This has to be over, okay? I just — it has to be, I’m sorry.”

You left before he could come up with another reply, leaving both yourself and James completely devastated and wishing for something that never really existed.

Two weeks and some moping later, it was finally time for the Yule Ball. Something that you should be excited for — all of your friends were.

But, it was hard to be excited when you knew the person you were in love with would be going with another girl. Sirius had offered to go with you, as friends, of course. You had updated him on why you ended things with James and you figured he wanted to distract you from it all. However, you declined — you knew he wanted to go with Remus and you didn’t want to stand in the way of their night.

Amos Diggory had asked you as well — you thought about saying yes at first, not wanting to be the only person without a date, but it would be cruel to lead him on, so you simply said you wanted to go alone.

It hurt, hearing Lily gush over James as she got ready. You were so used to hearing her complain about his antics and gestures, and now she was swooning and you didn’t think you could bear it. Mary kept sending you sympathetic glances — clearly your moping hadn’t been as subtle as you thought.

It even hurt when you were there, surrounded by friends. James avoided eye contact, always either making an excuse of getting drinks for him and Lily or simply staying silent — something very rare for him.

A slow song eventually came on, all of your friends rushing off with their dates to get the first dance of the night, all of them blushing and giggling. And you were happy for them, you were. You just wished you could join in the feeling, rather than sitting alone to the sidelines.

The even was going by dreadfully slow, and you were beginning to contemplate just leaving early — making an excuse that your head hurt, or you were sick — whenever Amos came up to you.

“Hey — I know you didn’t want to come with anyone. Or with me, at least. But you seem lonely,” he started, before plopping down on the seat next to you. “Do you want to dance? No strings attached.”

“I — that would be lovely, actually.”

He grabbed your hand, pulling you up and over to the “dance floor,” which was really just the middle of the Great Hall. You immediately felt less awkward than you had before — even if it wasn’t James, at least you weren’t sitting by yourself.

“Did you say no to me because of James?”

“What?”

“Did you not want to come with me because you’re still hung up on James? You two seemed really… happy, together. I guess I should’ve figured you weren’t over him.”

“Oh, we were never actually —” You were cut off, both yours and Amos’ heads looking up to the figure who interrupted you. James.

“Sorry, mate, do you mind if I steal her for a moment? Thanks.” James didn’t wait for either of you to respond, instead pulling you to the complete opposite side of the room.

He avoided making eye contact with you, leaving you more confused than you were two seconds ago. What was the point of pulling you over here if he didn’t have anything to say?

“It looked like you and Lily were having fun,” you decided to speak, hoping to ease whatever tension was building between the two of you.

“What? Oh yeah, sure. I guess,” he said, practically waving you off. It was as if he wasn’t even listening, his mind in a totally different world. “I need to say something. And I need you to not interrupt me. Okay?”

You nodded, part of you terrified for what was about to come. You couldn’t think of anything you had done to him recently. You hadn’t even spoken to him, how could you have possibly upset him? What could he possibly need to talk about?

“I’ve always been in love with Lily. Since as long as I can remember, it’s been her. I didn’t even give anyone else a chance, because she had to be the one.”

“Gee. Thanks for the reminder, James.”

“Wait. I’m not done. I never gave anyone a chance. Not a serious one, at least. And — and then you showed up. And I know it was supposed to be fake, and it was supposed to just make Lily jealous. But, somewhere I think… I think I realized that maybe she’s not the one. Because whenever you ended things, it felt like — I don’t know, it sort of felt like my heart was missing.”

He kept rambling, and you opened your mouth to interrupt. To ask if he was saying what you thought he was. But, he quickly shushed you, holding a finger up to signal he was still talking.

“And, I thought maybe I just liked the attention. Liked being in a relationship. But, I’m here with Lily and it’s not the same. It doesn’t feel the same. I don’t feel the same. I just, I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re the only person who made me feel so seen, so… so me. Does that make sense? I just, I think I might be in love with you.” He finally finished up, letting his eyes fall to your face, his eyes wide as if he had just confessed to murder.

You could tell he was nervous, but you stayed silent, blinking slowly as you processed his words. “You can — you can say something now. Please say something.”

“I think I may be in love with you, too, Potter.” You finally spoke, watching the grin that slowly took over his face once he realized what you said.

“Really?” He tried not to show how giddy he was, tried not to seem too much like a child who was just told they could get ice cream. But how was he supposed to contain himself when you just told him you loved him, too? How was he supposed to pretend like he wasn’t on cloud fucking nine?

“Yes. Now, are you gonna kiss me, or do I have to do it myself?”

Harry Potter Fic Rec Masterlist

Fred Weasley

The Bet by @gigicreates562

Anyone But You by @desideriumwriter

Sirius Black

nothing... yet

James Potter

Fake Dating by @fragileruns

Remus Lupin

It's nice to have a friend by @jamespottersdaisy

oh my literal god this is one of my all time favorite fics recommend it to everyone

Wolfstar

Gilded Constellations by @thebestofoneshots

Request #2 | James Potter x Fem!Reader

Re-uploading due to me being shadow banned :(

Warnings: James is an idiot, mentions of him liking Lily, mentions of insecurity (reader), mentions of food and eating, mean/out of character Lily, most definitely typos and grammatical errors as it’s not proofread, slowwww burn (ish), overexerting, strict parents, swearing, lots of mentions of physical activity

Word Count: 10k

James Potter Masterlist

The library is one of your favourite places to be. It’s quiet, peaceful, and the best part is everyday you are in a new universe. Whether that universe is fighting dragons, or travelling to a new distant land, or your favourite… finding love in the most unexpected situations. But, this week, you aren’t allowed to be engulfed in such fairytales, not with N.E.W.T.s coming up. Definitely not with your family breathing down your neck about how you must achieve a perfect score. Your nightstand overflowing with letters and howlers, not to mention the lack of Hogsmeade trips.

“Y/N Y/L/N! If you think we would send you off to some foolish trip with your N.E.W.T.s coming up, you are wrong! What kind of parents do you think we are? This is your fut—”

“This is your future–bla bla bla,” you mumble, tossing the piece of parchment on your nightstand. It topples to the ground with an inaudible thud.

Everyone is out at Hogsmeade today, so you are alone, well almost… “Remus,” you whisper. “Remus!” A little louder.

His head snaps to look in your direction. “Oh! Hi Y/n.” He walks to you with a kind smile. “What are you doing here?”

“Studying,” you answer. “Speaking of…” Your eyes trail upwards to a book that you can’t quite reach on the shelf. “Help a poor girl out?”

He chuckles, “Sure.” With ease he plucks the book off the shelf.

“Thank you,” you say when he hands it to you. You avert your gaze from the book to him. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at Hogsmeade with your friends.”

He shrugs. “Studying,” he answers with the same energy as you had.

“Parents pressuring you as well?”

You both casually stroll to one of the empty wooden tables and sit.

“No, no,” he assures, quickly. “Nothing like that, it just… keeps me distracted you can say, especially when I’m… stressed.”

You nod in understanding. “I know… it must be difficult for you… well then!” You clap, snapping the both of you out of a grey daze. “Want to be my study partner?”

Keep reading

when I search james potter angst, I do not want to see a million james x reader posts where the reader is too busy pining over him and gets sad. nope. give me actual james potter angst. give me james potter, mr people pleaser, mr ive been the sun for so long i feel like i dont have a personality outside of it, mr i dont know who i am if i cant help people, give me james potter who breaks down and locks himself away, give me actual, genuine, james potter character analysis angst.

please and thank you 🙏