All Too Well

All Too Well

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Prompt - 'It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well.'

Hogwarts was bursting with excitement as many students prepared to go home for the holidays. This was the first year you had something to look forward to as your boyfriend, James Potter, had extended an invitation from his parents to you for their annual christmas party.

Everyone was chattering away loudly as they headed down to the train, all ready for the holidays to begin.

James and you walked together hand in hand surrounded by his friends. Sirius, Remus and Peter joined the two of you in the cart and it wasn’t soon before the train pulled away from the station and the five of you were headed home.

You and James hadn’t been dating for long, just over four months, but you knew you were head over heels for him. It was hard not to fall for him, everything about him felt safe, when you were tucked up against him, feeling his laugh rumble through his chest, you felt like that was the closest to home you’d felt in a long time.

Sitting here now, James’ arm wrapped around your shoulder pulling you into him, you felt yourself falling a little bit more in love with him. You let your head rest on his shoulder, smiling as you felt his lips against your head before he turned back to joking with Sirius.

The comforting feel of being pressed against James and the movement from the train was all it took to lull you to sleep.

“Y/N/N,” A soft voice said, gently shaking you awake.

You scrunched your nose up, blinking hard before opening your eyes and seeing James next to you wearing a soft smile.

“We’re here.” He told you before standing and holding a hand out to you. It wasn’t long before the two of you were on the platform saying your goodbyes.

“I’ll see you soon,” You told him, watching as he glanced from his friends back to you before nodding. He leaned down to give you a quick kiss, saying goodbye to you and made his way over to his little group.

As much as you loved James, though you’d yet to say those words to him, sometimes you couldn’t help but feel like you came second place to his friends. It wasn’t like you wanted him to give them up and only spend all his time with you but some days you couldn’t help but wish he paid half as much attention to you as he did them.

You frowned as you shook your head, blaming those thoughts on the lingering tiredness before making your way over to where your parents were waiting for you.

-

You had barely heard from James since you’d arrived back home for the holidays, a few letters here and there but no calls using the fireplace. In one of his letters James had told you that his parents had offered to let you come around a few days earlier and sleep over, wanting to get to know the girl their son was dating.

You were excited to finally spend some time with James and he had told you that he and Sirius were going to Diagon Alley to get some Christmas presents. You had agreed to meet up with them in The Leaky Cauldron and began to get ready for the day.

It wasn’t long before you were ready, bags packed and slipping a red scarf around your neck. You said goodbye to your parents before taking the floo over to The Leaky Cauldron.

You saw James and Sirius tucked away in the corner and quickly made your way over, pulling your cloak tighter around you to combat the chill. James spotted you first, smiling widely over at you and standing up to pull you into a hug which you eagerly returned before he pulled away slightly to press his lips to yours.

The three of you were quick to settle in with food and drinks but it wasn’t long before you were heading out into the cold and finishing up some shopping. By the time you were walking through the front doors of the Potter Manor you couldn’t help but smile at the warmth, a stark contrast to the cold air outside. As you looked around the house you couldn’t help but feel at home somehow, the atmosphere unlike any other pureblood house you’d been in, this one was comforting, inviting and you found yourself at ease as you slid your scarf off, letting it rest on the bannister.

After introductions were made Mrs Potter had pulled you into the kitchen with her, hot chocolates lined up as she rested a leather bound book on the counter. You couldn’t help but smile as she opened the first page, a naked baby James Potter crawling across the page. You looked up at James, laughing as you watched his cheeks turn red. Another page showed a young James Potter looking tiny as he sat on a twin sized bed, round glasses making him look even smaller as they took up a large portion of his face.

As Mrs Potter flipped through the pages, she recalled stories from James’ youth leaving you all with big grins on your faces as you listened and laughed.

You looked over at James as his mum continued with her stories and saw him looking at you with a warm smile. You bite your lip, trying to contain your smile as you glanced down at the book again, you couldn’t help but think how much you wanted to make more of these memories with him.

-

You had been staying at the Potters for two nights now, sleeping in the spare room as Mrs Potter had instructed. That night you found yourself tossing and turning and decided to head downstairs for a drink hoping it would help.

“Hey,” You said softly, smiling as you saw James’ already in the kitchen with the refrigerator door open, lighting the room with a soft blue light.

You watched as James smiled at you as he held his arms open, you were quick to step into them, glad to finally have a moment alone with him. As much as you loved his parents and hearing their stories and as much as you liked Sirius you had to admit you missed James despite the fact he was always there.

“Hey,” He replied, just as softly. The house was huge, the two of you could have spoken normally and not woke anybody up but the atmosphere felt nice, it felt delicate and as James held you close it felt right to keep your voices low.

“You know there’s going to be dancing at this party, don’t you?” He asked, causing you to pull back far enough to look up at him with wide eyes.

“I can’t dance.” You told him.

“It’s easy,” He insisted, smile widening as you shook your head at him.

“Yeah maybe if you were taught to waltz before you could walk.” You scoffed watching as he laughed with a roll of his eyes.

“I think you’re getting me and Pads confused, baby.” He grinned before pulling you away slightly and wrapping your arms around his neck, letting his own rest around your waist as he began to sway the two of you.

“See, easy.” He said as he took one of your hands in his and spun you around, smiling as you giggled before he took the lead and began dancing with you in the kitchen, no music needed as the two of you laughed softly as you stepped on James’ feet before slowly getting the hang of it.

In that moment you felt yourself fall a little bit more in love with James Potter.

-

The day of the party was here and the Potter manor was buzzing with energy. Mrs Potter was constantly in and out of the kitchen with different platters of food as house elves helped set up the decorations.

The manor felt more like home than the day you had arrived, several large Christmas trees had been set up in different rooms, fairy lights softly lighting the room and Gryffindor house colours were used in the decorations causing you to giggle.

James had his arm around you but he was more interested in the conversation he was having with Sirius, one that you weren’t paying too much attention to. Eventually though you got bored of being ignored and stood up, rolling your eyes slightly as James didn’t even look up.

“Can I help, Mrs Potter?” You asked, looking at the flustered woman who was preparing another tray of food.

“Oh no dear, you go and enjoy yourself.” She said shaking her head

“It’s no trouble, I’d be glad to help.” You insisted, watching as she looked up at you with a warm smile.

“Alright dear, you come here,” She said and with that you quickly got the hang of her methods and were soon helping her transport all the food into the living room, James still not noticing your absence.

-

As you headed back up to your room to get ready for the party you couldn’t help but frown as you walked past the living room, watching as Sirius, Remus and James all laughed together.

You weren’t jealous of his friendship with the others, Merlin, you loved that he had such a close relationship with them but at the same time you wished he put a little more effort into your relationship as he did with them.

You really tried to ignore it most days but sometimes you just couldn’t push the nagging feeling aside that you put more effort into this relationship than he did. With a shake of your head you headed into your room and began to get ready, trying not to focus on any more negative thoughts.

It wasn’t long before the party was in full swing and you made your way downstairs alone after waiting to see if James would come to your room. There was a frown on your face but as you stepped off the last stair you forced a smile onto your face and pushed through the crowds.

James looked incredible as he was dressed in a suit, laughing with an even bigger group of friends. You made your way over to him, not letting your smile falter as he didn’t acknowledge you.

You let your hand grab his but this time you did frown as he gave it one squeeze before letting go, turning his back to you as he began to joke with a guy you hadn’t met before.

A part of you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but another part of you hated feeling like you weren’t good enough to James, like you were always second best to him. You left the group as discreetly as you could, not that anybody noticed when you did leave, and pushed your way outside.

The back garden was huge and just as beautiful as the inside, decorated with fairy lights and decorations. Despite the many, many people who were outside it was quite easy to find an empty space to sit.

The hot chocolate clutched between your hands was the only thing keeping you warm against the winter air. The night sky was nearly black despite it still being quite early in the evening. The wind was harsh enough to blow your hair in every direction but you didn’t care as you sat looking up at the stars frowning in thought.

You hated feeling like this was the end of things between you and James but at the same time you couldn’t help but think that it was long gone already and no amount of fighting on your behalf could do anything to salvage it. You hated that this thing between you and James felt so painfully real, felt like it could be amazing, and it was now just nothing.

You hated that you felt you were asking for too much when really all you wanted was your boyfriend to notice you, to pay attention to you. As you sat alone outside, the sound of music and laughter coming from behind you, you couldn’t help but sniff as you tried to fight back the tears, not feeling fine at all.

The realisation that your relationship was done made you feel like all the magic from the world had disappeared, you felt like everything was for nothing as you sat there remembering every moment between you and James. You recalled only the other night as James and you danced together alone in the kitchen, feeling happier than ever as he spun you around in his arms, you remember as he dragged you through the castle, running from the teacher on patrol as the two of you had snuck out out of hours for a date, you remembered him teaching you how to ride on a broom which ended with the two of you on the floor with bruises but only laughter could be heard.

You remembered it all too well.

In that moment it felt like you were paralyzed, it felt like time had frozen as you tried to figure out what to do next. You didn’t want to cause a scene for the Potter’s but you also knew you couldn’t stay, not anymore.

Eventually you managed to pull yourself up and made your way through the house, avoiding anyone you might know and headed up the stairs into the guest room Mrs Potter had let you use. You were quick to pack your things away, hesitating when you came across one of James’ jumpers before shaking your head and leaving it on the bed folded neatly.

You looked around the room one last time before making your way out, heading downstairs and pausing before sneaking into the floo room where guests were still coming in from, taking one last look at James across the room. He had a wide grin on his face, laughing along with his friends and you couldn’t stop your eyes filling up with tears, the lack of you not bothering him at all.

It wasn’t long before you were home, thankfully your parents were at their own Christmas party at a relatives house, leaving you home alone.

You made your way up to your room and it wasn’t long before you collapsed onto bed and let the tears fall down, heartbreaking sobs leaving you as you cried for every moment between you and James.

You thought what the two of you had was rare, you had been there for it, remembered each moment all too well and yet here you were…alone.

You loved James Potter so much and maybe you got lost in translation, maybe you did ask for too much by wanting him to acknowledge you more or maybe he had just lost the one real thing he’d ever known and not even realised it.

-

James had tried to floo you several times and wrote to you even more. You hated that it took you leaving for him to finally notice you. You replied to one of his owls with a letter of your own telling him that you couldn’t be with him anymore, telling him that you deserved better and that you didn’t want him to contact you again.

James received the owl and only then did he realise how badly he had messed up. That night as he began packing away his things, he came across the red scarf you had left there on that very first day and if he went to sleep that night curled up around it, breathing in your scent, well nobody had to know. It was too late now, he really had messed up and no amount of reminiscing would solve it.

_________

James Potter Taglist - @haroldpotterson, @lovinnholland, @rottenstyx, @asherhunterx, @secondaryjob, @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @mrs-scottmccall, @roseslovedreams , @j-cat

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Gilmore Girls Masterlist

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- Why Can't This Be Real? (Part One)

- I'm So Glad This is Real (Part Two)

- No Kissing at the Counter

- Opposite's Attract

I Almost Do

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Prompt - ‘I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye.’

It had been an exhaustingly long case, both you and Derek being forced to act like nothing was wrong between you when in reality being around the man made you want to cry.

Things had been great between you, together for over a year, moved in with one another, things had been great. You couldn’t even pinpoint when things had started going bad, you just remembered that the two of you were arguing more, you remembered that in the last few months you’d spent more time in the guest bedroom than you did in your own.

The tension between the two of you eventually seeped into your work life and Hotch had taken to keeping the two of you as far away from each other as he could whereas he usually paired you with each other for most assignments, knowing how well the two of you worked together.

Derek was the one to finally put an end to the relationship after months of fighting, months of faking smiles and telling everyone things were fine, everyone had rough patches, after months of sleeping alone and days without talking to one another.

“We can’t do this anymore Y/N,” He had snapped one day, the two of you were arguing in the kitchen. Hateful words thrown at each other in the heat of the moment. Derek sighed before softening his voice and repeating, “We can’t do this anymore.”

You blinked against the tears, you knew he was right but it didn’t mean you wanted it to end. All you wanted was for the fighting to stop, you didn’t even know what you were fighting over anymore. You’d never fallen out of love with Derek, you still loved him more than anything but ultimately you knew he was right.

“I know,” You replied, voice just as soft as his.

You watched his face fall, your expression mirroring his as you both came to terms with the fact your relationship was just over.

Derek took a step closer to you, lifting his hand to cup your face, giving you plenty of time to pull away before he dipped his head down and let his mouth connect with yours.

It was then you let the tears fall, the saltiness could be tasted on both your lips as he kissed you softly, trying not to let his own tears fall.

When he pulled away he rested his forehead on yours, looking at your face he couldn’t help but let a single tear fall as he brushed yours away.

“I love you baby.” He whispered, causing you to scrunch your nose up as you tried desperately to stop more tears from coming.

“I love you too,” You told him, nodding slightly as you did.

From then on everything became tense. You and Derek didn’t know how to act around each other. Hotch continued to keep you separate and the two of you avoided each other as best you could and you did quite a good job considering the close quarters you worked in.

Emily hadn’t hesitated to offer you her spare bedroom as you looked for your own apartment and she watched as you fell apart after rough cases, the only thing that could help was the one person you couldn’t have.

Sometimes Derek reached out, a phone call or a text, but you never replied. As much as you loved him, and you did love him more than words could say, you couldn’t say hello to him again and risk another goodbye. You knew he probably hadn’t even considered that but the first breakup was so painful, you couldn’t go through it again.

Tonight though it took everything in you not to call him. Tonight you just wanted to be with him, his arms secure around your waist, holding you tightly, his touch grounding you. You wanted him to kiss your forehead and whisper sweet nothings that always made you feel better.

But you didn’t call or text him. You didn’t get in your car and drive to the place you once called home. There were so many times where you had nearly given in, nearly gone to him, almost done it, but you resisted.

The thought of having him back just to lose him again was far too painful.

You knew in some ways that it was probably for the best the two of you had parted ways before you ruined everything with each other forever. At least calling it quits when you did meant there may have been a possibility, somewhere down the line, there was a chance you could reconnect, be friends again, be in the same room without any tension.

It had been an exhaustingly long case, both you and Derek being forced to act like nothing was wrong between you when in reality being around the man made you want to cry. You bet at this time of night that Derek was still up, just as tired as you after a long, hard week. You bet he was sitting in that chair by the window, looking out at the view, in the seat that you had both once occupied, you in his lap with his arms holding you securely.

You hoped he was thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him, you hoped he missed you as much as you missed him. You hoped one day that the two of you would be ready to find each other again and this time not let each other go.

______________

Derek Taglist - @canadailluminate, @mrs-scottmccall, @j-cat , @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @chickensrule, @classyunknownlover, @rosaliedepp, @cassidymb121, @grccnaway, @averyhotchner, @chaoticevilbakugo, @sia2raw, @silverose365, @ellevandeberg, @taecube, @alexxavicry, @parkershoco, @father-violet,

I Knew You Were Trouble

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Prompt - 'I knew you were trouble when you walked in.'

You had known from the beginning that Loki was trouble, the moment Thor had brought him back to Earth and he had entered the tower with that cocky grin and smug attitude. You knew then he was trouble but you couldn’t help yourself.

It wasn’t a shock when you realised you had feelings for him though you did curse yourself for it. Loki had never given you any indication that he felt the same way as you, hell half the time he acted like he didn’t care at all and for some reason you liked that. So really it shouldn’t have been a surprise that you were on the opposite side of the scale, you falling hard for him and him taking a step back.

You had thought you were doing a pretty good job at keeping your feelings a secret, not wanting anybody to find out but being a part of The Avengers, being so close to them on a daily basis, meant it was hard to keep secrets from each other. That’s why you weren’t as surprised as you probably should have been when Tony called you down to his workshop under the guise of a new suit.

He showed you all the new gadgets he had installed and waited until there was a silence before he asked you;

“You know what you’re doing?”

“Huh?” You said, looking up at him, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion as you looked from the suit to him.

“C’mon kid,” Tony said with a huff of laughter, “Loki.”

You stayed silent, raising an eyebrow as you waited for more information but apparently that was all the explanation you were getting.

“What about Loki?” You asked, watching as Tony rolled his eyes.

“I see the way you look at him,” He told you, scrunching his nose up as he did, causing you to laugh, “You know what you’re getting yourself into?” He asked again.

“Tony, trust me, there’s nothing to get myself into.” You told him firmly and you weren’t lying, there was nothing between you and Loki, no matter how much you wished otherwise.

Tony just laughed as wrapped an arm around you, letting his head gently knock against yours as he led you out of the workshop and stepped into the lift with you.

“What am I gonna do with you, kid?” He asked, causing you to roll your eyes but there was a smile on your face too. “Just be careful, you hear me?”

“Aren’t I always?” You grinned up at him, letting out a laugh as he shot you a look.

“Get out of here, Y/L/N.” He said as he playfully pushed you away as the lift door opened.

You shot him one last smile before heading over to the common area. As you joined Clint, taking a tablet into your hands and beginning to scroll, you pushed all thoughts of Loki out of your head.

-

You sat alone in your room, staring blankly ahead at the wall, tears pooling in your eyes but you refused to let them fall. It had been a bad mission, god was it a bad mission. It should’ve been an easy situation to defuse, a few robots that had appeared from who knows where and began to shoot lasers all throughout New York.

There were more casualties than there should have been that day.

Loki had heard all about the mission from Thor before he came to find you, JARVIS being more helpful towards him than ever but he figured the AI was looking out for you as he gave your location up easily.

Loki knew that you had been the one to defeat one of the final bots after being assured that the area was cleared but the bot had ended up killing several civilians that hadn’t been accounted for.

He stood in the doorway, frowning at how pale you looked sitting on your bed. He wished he knew how to help but what could he say to make this better, was there anything that could be said to make this better?

“Hey,” He said softly, watching as you jumped despite his soft tone. “My apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

You didn’t reply, instead you nodded and forced a shaky smile onto your face.

Loki continued to watch you, not knowing what the right words for this situation were. The two of you had known each other for a while now but he had never let himself get too close to you, everything about you intrigued him but he knew he couldn’t act upon that so instead he kept your friendship at arms length and didn’t let himself get caught up in you.

Which was working great until now, now he wished he had gotten as close as possible to you because maybe then he could find the right words to say, maybe then he could give you the hug you looked like you so desperately needed.

Instead he went for a tactic that would leave everything to you, you could decide how little or how much you wanted to lean on him as you carried this hurt.

“Care for a drink?” He asked, holding up a bottle towards you and smiling as you looked up at him in confusion.

The silence spread on for a few moments and Loki was convinced that it meant no but when you slowly nodded he shot you a comforting smile.

Loki took that as all the permission he needed to enter your bedroom, letting the door shut behind him was a soft click. You pushed yourself up on the bed, continuing to watch Loki’s movements in confusion.

You knew your feelings for Loki but he had always made it clear that he didn’t feel anything, even if he never said it. The two of you may have been friends but there was definitely a difference in how he treated you to how he treated the others, like he didn’t want to get as close to you.

So why was he asking you if you wanted to have a drink with him?

As confused as you were you were also glad for the distraction, maybe that’s why you had said yes despite the confusion because your thoughts were now on Loki and not the terrible mission you had just endured.

It wasn’t long before you and Loki were settled down, one drink in and things felt a little awkward.

Three drinks in, however, both of you had relaxed enough and were grinning at each other as you spoke about nothing important. Loki wasn’t going to be the one to bring up today's events, right now his only goal was to take your mind as far away from it as possible.

A few more drinks in and personal space between Loki and you had gone. You leaned your head on his shoulder as you laughed and his arm ended up around your waist. It wasn’t long before you tilted your head up to look at him, the expression on his face changed immediately, the grin fell into a soft smile as he glanced from your eyes to your lips.

He leaned down, giving you time to pull away and when you didn’t he let his lips meet yours. The kiss was soft, it was hesitant, obviously testing the waters, and then it wasn’t. Then it was messy and heated and the two of you were pulling away panting for breath.

Loki stared down at you for a moment with wild eyes before his lips connected with yours again. He pulled you down, hovering on top of you as he trailed kisses down your neck and it wasn’t long before your mind was well and truly off the mission, the only thought you had now was Loki.

-

You woke up the next morning with a groan, the light shone far too brightly through the curtains and you knew despite feeling exhausted you couldn’t go back to sleep but the bed was warm so you made no move to get up just yet.

You lay there, in your bed, remembering the night before.

It was definitely a mistake but you couldn’t find it within yourself to regret it. You’d wanted Loki for so long and if this was the only way you had him, just one amazing night with him then you were going to savour it.

You opened your eyes and frowned as you saw the empty bed. Was Loki’s plan for him to be gone by the time you woke up, to just pretend that nothing had happened? You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you pushed yourself from the bed and began to change.

It didn’t take you long before you were dressed and heading into the kitchen on your floor. As you stepped out of the bedroom you froze as you saw Loki plating up two plates of food, him looking up at you with that smile of his.

“Morning, I made breakfast.” He told you, lifting the pan in his hands up as proof.

You felt your eyebrows knit together in confusion, not quite sure how this was going to play out. Just two minutes ago you had been so sure that Loki had left, ready to forget all about last night and instead you found him making breakfast?

“Thank you,” You said softly, taking a seat when he pulled it out for you.

Breakfast was a fairly quiet affair and it wasn’t until both your utensils were down that he spoke up.

“About last night,” He began before pausing, not knowing quite what to say despite going over it all morning. “I shouldn’t have come on to you like that, we were drunk and your head wasn’t in the right place after your mission. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of that and for that I’m sorry.”

“Hey, I knew what I was doing,” you told him, watching as he looked at you with wide eyes, a small frown on his face. “I knew what I was doing, ok? Trust me I may have been drunk and, yeah, the mission got to me, but I would have told you no if I didn’t want it.”

“So you don’t regret last night?” He asked, looking over at you with an unreadable expression.

You hesitated for a moment, you’d admitted as much but actually saying it out loud left you feeling unsure. You weren’t sure how he felt about last night, he hadn’t given much away about his feelings other than his own doubts of how willing you were.

You’d meant what you said, no matter how drunk or emotional you were, if you didn’t want his advances you would have told him, trusting that he would leave it at that. But you hadn’t said no, you wanted that night, if that was all you were allowed with Loki then you were glad you’d had it.

“No, I don’t.” You answered after a few moments of silence and you watched his face closely looking for any indication as to how he felt but he gave nothing away.

“Me neither,” He finally admitted softly, looking up so his eyes met yours. “So, where do we go from here?”

Before you could reply an alarm sounded through the tower, alerting you to another Avengers level threat, usually that was not a sound you wanted to hear but now you were relieved, having no idea how to answer Loki’s question.

You shot him a smile before you were up and out of the door.

-

As the months passed, you and Loki became closer and closer to the point where you were spending most of your free time together, the two of you went out for dinner together, no matter the time the other was always there to listen.

The team also noticed, they watched as Loki and you moved in sync with each other, whether it be training together in the gym or making breakfast in the common area kitchen. Tony wasn’t completely sold on whatever was happening between the two of you but he couldn’t deny that Loki had toned down his animosity towards the others and he especially couldn’t deny the smile on your face whenever Loki was around.

Months in and you and Loki had yet to define what was happening between you. You wanted to ask him, so badly, what this was but every time you tried you ended up backing out of the conversation, not ready to lose this closeness.

The two of you had slept together several more times and the time you spent together alone felt so much like dates that you were left feeling so uncertain.

On paper the two of you had been dating for months but in reality you had no idea what was happening.

“I told you from the start I didn’t think this was a good idea,” Tony said after he had pulled you aside and told you to talk to him after seeing you take your frustration and confusion out on a punching bag. You told him everything from the first time you slept with Loki on that drunken night all the way up until now. He sat and listened, patiently waiting until you were done. He could tell how much this was eating away at you, how much you needed to talk to somebody and even if you didn’t like the advice he had to offer, he was glad you trusted him with this. “But we both know you’re not gonna listen to me, so this is just a mistake you’re gonna have to make.”

You rolled your eyes but there was a smile on your lips. You knew Tony hated the idea of you and Loki together, not trusting Loki at all and not wanting the God to drag you down with him when things inevitably went south.

“Can you give me some helpful advice please?” You asked, causing Tony to laugh.

“Sure thing, kid.” He grinned, “You already know what you have to do. You gotta talk to him, Y/N/N, you want this thing to go somewhere you have to start at the beginning, define the relationship and if he says something you don’t like, you leave.”

Tony made it sound so simple but you knew it wouldn’t be, when was it ever that simple?

You knew why you kept backing out of having the conversation, it was because despite how Loki had been acting towards you, you actually had no idea how he felt. Sure the two of you had gotten closer, sure you went out to the movies and to dinner and the such and yeah Loki showed up at your door with take out and movies but at the end of the day you didn’t know if he wanted to be with you.

You could admit, even if it was only to yourself, that you had fallen hard for the man. The way Loki made you feel, nobody had ever made you feel like this before. Tony was right, even though it would be way more complicated than he made it sound, ultimately you knew he was right.

Tony watched your face shift from unsure to determined, he knew his words had gotten through to you. Honestly he didn’t have the best feeling about this but he knew how you felt and he knew you needed to do this, needed closure on how Loki felt.

All Tony could do was be there for you when things went to pieces.

-

It had taken a few days but you were finally going to talk to Loki. You had both invested too much time into each other for him not to like you, the way you were with one another, that wasn’t how friends acted.

You hadn’t told him you were coming, the two of you had long since had an open invitation in place, no matter the time. It wasn’t rare anymore for one of you to show up in the others room unannounced.

In the elevator you felt your nerves spike and ended up pacing in the hallway for an extra ten minutes trying to convince yourself that you could do this, you needed to do this. Despite the nerves though you had a pretty good feeling that Loki felt the same and that was the hope you clung to as you walked up to his door.

Again you paused but not for long. You let your hand close around the cold door knob and touch a deep, calming breath before pushing it open. In that moment it felt like a number of things happened at once, too fast for you to comprehend but before you knew it you were in the lift and heading down to the workshop.

Upon opening the door you saw Loki and a woman dressed in Asgardian clothes joined together at the lips, her legs around his waist as he pinned her to the wall, fingers tangled in her hair as her arms wrapped around his shoulders.

They both turned at the sound of the door opening, Loki looking at you with wide, pleading eyes, letting the woman’s legs drop from him. The woman, who you now recognised as the lady Thor brought to Earth once or twice a month to check on Loki’s progress and take notes to take back to Asgard, was also looking at you with wide eyes but before either of them could say anything you were gone. Loki tried to follow you out but by the time he made his way out the door, the elevator had already closed.

-

“You were right.” Were the first words out of your mouth as Tony looked up at you as you walked through the door.

He frowned as he took in the tears streaming down your face, mascara mixed with tears.

“C’mere kid,” He said as he pulled you into his arms, wrapping you in a tight hug.

You couldn’t say just how long the two of you stood in the doorway for but eventually you pulled away. Tony didn’t let you go far, taking your face in his palms and wiping away the tears. You smiled at him shakily and he gave you a sympathetic smile back, before pressing his lips to your head and guiding you further into the room.

It wasn’t long before you were tucked up against him on the sofa, a cold glass of water in your hands, courtesy of one of the bots. Tony hadn’t pushed you, hadn’t asked what had happened, he just let you take comfort in his presence whilst your mind played the scene over and over again.

“He was kissing that Asgardian handler.” You finally said and Tony’s eyes widened in shock, he hadn’t had high hopes for Loki but that was honestly the last thing he thought you were going to say.

“I’m sorry, kid.” He said. There were no words to make you feel better and he hated that. Ever since you’d joined the team Tony had taken you under his wing, training with you, helping you out in the lab once he realised you had an interest in building tech, overall he had taken his time and gone above and beyond to make sure you were happy and never wanting anything. Overtime he came to think of you as his own kid, he was always there for you when you needed him, now was no exception.

“Thank you for not saying I told you so.” You said with a sad laugh, eyes filling with tears again as you shook your head.

Tony couldn’t help but smile at that. He knew there was no warning you away from Loki, he had known from the second he saw that look on your face that you were going to do what you wanted even if he told you that you were going to get hurt. As much as he wanted to protect you, he knew you had to make some mistakes on your own and he just had to be here to pick up the pieces.

“You really think I’d say that?” Tony snorted, smiling as you turned your head on his chest to look up at him with a raised eyebrow. “I knew he was trouble but when do you ever listen to me?”

“Maybe I’ll start.” You shot back, a small but real smile on your face.

“Somehow I doubt that, kid.” Despite everything with Loki, you were thankful to have Tony. You wished you had listened to him from the beginning, you hated feeling like this. You knew the two of you hadn’t defined what was happening between you but you never would have thought he’d be kissing other girls.

Right now all you wanted was to push every thought of Loki out of your mind and there was no-one better suited for the job than Tony Stark.

______________

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Prompt - ‘But you're in London and I break down 'cause it's not fair that you're not around.’

You and Emily had never gotten along. From the day you walked into the BAU there was tension between the two of you though you hadn’t known why. As you settled into the job, becoming more comfortable around the team, your relationship with Emily became more tense as the months passed.

Nobody knew why you didn’t get along but it was common practice now for Hotch to make sure you didn’t get paired together on cases as more than one argument had occurred that meant neither of you were doing work.

Rossi had tried to get it out of you repeatedly, tried talking to you about Emily and what history you had but there was no history, before the BAU you hadn’t even heard of her. You didn’t know why she hated you or why you couldn’t stand to be around her, all you knew was that nobody knew how to push your buttons more than Emily Prentiss.

The tension between you and Emily was intense, both of you overly passionate in your arguments and that’s why it didn’t shock you the first time you fell into bed with each other. Rossi had always told you that with tension like that he was surprised that there were no underlying romantic feelings. You’d always scoffed when he said that but some part of you knew he was right, not about the romantic feelings of course but the way you and Emily got way too heated when you fought, it was only a matter of time before you turned that energy to something else.

In your defence, it had been a bad case. The unsub had been killing women that resembled you so naturally you offered to go undercover. Hotch readily agreed, there was nobody better at undercover work than you, the Undercover and Sensitive Operations Unit had been trying to poach you from the BAU for years but you turned them down every time despite loving undercover work.

It should’ve been easy but when was anything that involved the BAU easy?

They got you set up in a ground floor apartment and for the next few days you played your part as a regular citizen, going to the unsubs hunting ground in hopes of catching his attention. On the fourth day, however, another woman’s body had been found and the team had to respond to that.

You figured you hadn’t caught the unsub’s attention yet and so your guard was down but after disposing of the woman’s body, the unsub found his way to you. Nobody had profiled him to be stealthy, everything about him profiled as reckless, so when he was able to sneak up behind you and knock you out…well, the team had to refigure the profile before it was too late.

Thankfully the team managed to track you down before the unsub could really start his work, so after a few stitches in the back of the ambulance and pleading with Hotch not to send you to the hospital, you were on your way back to the hotel with the team and staying the night as it was too late to call the jet.

“You sure you’re alright, kid?” Rossi asked you from the front seat. You were sitting in the back between Derek and Spencer.

“I’m fine, Rossi, I promise.” You insisted, rolling your eyes as he shot you a look through the mirror.

It wasn’t long before you were pulling up to the hotel, the others pulling up just behind you.

“You’re rooming with Prentiss.” Hotch told you as he held a room key out towards you, bracing himself for the argument that he had no doubt was coming.

“Excuse me?” You said as the other joined you.

“Y/N,” Hotch began but you cut him off.

“Seriously, I just got kidnapped and nearly tortured and now you’re telling me I have to room with her.” You said, gesturing towards Emily with your chin before glaring up at Hotch.

“It’s one night, Y/N, and it’s already late. Just go to bed and get some sleep.” He told you as he slipped the key into your hand and walked away leaving you glaring at his back.

“Goodnight kid.” Rossi smirked whilst patting you on the back.

“I hate you all.” You grumbled before following him into the hotel missing Emily’s eye roll.

You couldn’t even remember how it happened. One minute you had been arguing with Emily and the next the two of you were frantically kissing each other, hands everywhere exploring each other's bodies, clothes were pulled off quickly and the two of you ended up sleeping with each other.

When morning came the two of you refused to acknowledge what had happened. You pushed yourself out of bed first and headed for the shower and by the time you had come out Emily and her bags were gone. You found a text from Spencer saying everyone was meeting downstairs to head to the jet and quickly packed your things away before heading down to the lobby.

The arguments hadn’t died down between you and Emily, though for the first few days after sleeping with her you avoided each other more. It would be months before you would sleep with her again but after the second time it became a regular occurrence. Anytime either of you needed to relieve some stress or if a case became too much, you found yourselves in each other's bed, never talking about it in the mornings but always knowing the offer was there.

Everything was going great until Emily had to go and talk about it.

-

“Are we seriously just never going to talk about this?” She asked one night.

You were at her apartment, not long back from California. It only took one glance at Emily, one nod from her, before you were climbing into her car and into her bed.

“What?” You asked, half asleep and not expecting her to strike up a conversation.

“Are we not going to talk about us?” She asked again and this time you pushed yourself up onto one elbow to look at her.

Emily had to hide a smile as you looked at her through sleepy eyes. Sometimes when you came to her, she knew it wasn’t about a case, no matter what you said, sometimes she could tell that you just needed to sleep but there was too much going on in your mind. Sex had always been a sure fire way to make sure you slept.

“Us?” You asked, feeling too tired for this conversation.

Why was she talking about ‘us’? There wasn’t an ‘us’, she hated you, she had from the minute you stepped into the BAU so why on Earth was she talking about ‘us’?

“Come on, are you really going to sit there and say you still hate me?” She asked, raising a brow at you. “We’ve been sleeping together for months now, Y/N.”

She was right, it was probably near on a year since your undercover case when you first slept together. What confused you though was the fact she said you hated her, you had never claimed to hate Emily, only mirrored her attitude towards you.

“You’re the one who hates me.” You grumbled, instead of answering, causing her to roll her eyes.

“I don’t hate you, Y/L/N,” she said like you were an idiot, “sure I argue with you but you’re the one who started this.”

“What are you talking about?” You asked, sitting up now and glaring down at her. “You’ve had it out for me since the day I started working at the BAU.”

“What are you talking about?” She asked right back. “I didn’t have it out for you. I was excited to get a new team member and you were nothing but cold towards me.”

“You’re kidding right? First day I was there all you did was posture and glare at me!” You snapped and began to make a move to get out of bed.

“Wow, ok, just wait, ok?” Emily said as she put a hand on your forearm, stopping you in your tracks. “Listen, I think, maybe, we might have gotten lost somewhere. This isn’t how I wanted this conversation to go, ok?”

You didn’t reply, instead you shook her hand off of your arm and crossed them over your chest. You didn’t make a move to leave though so Emily continued.

“I just wanted to know what this is between us, ok? You say this is just sex, fine it’s just sex but if you want something more…” She said, trailing off.

Your eyes went wide at her words. You could honestly say you hadn’t considered anything more with Emily, not thinking that there would ever be a possibility of more. Hell, half the reason for your fiery arguments was because you were jealous of how she acted with everyone else, she treated everyone else like she liked them and then when she turned to you it was like she was a different person.

“You’d want something more?” You asked, avoiding giving an answer causing her to smile.

“This isn’t about me.” She said, reaching over hesitantly and placing her hand on your knee.

“It’s as much about me as it is about you.” You shot back causing her to roll her eyes.

“Fine,” she relented, not wanting to start an argument. It would be so easy for you to argue with her now, your go to deflection when it came to each other was to argue, pointing your weapons at the others deepest hurt. “Yes, I’ll admit that lately I’ve been thinking about something more with you.” She confessed, her voice steady and confident…more confident than you felt right now.

With Emily you knew where you stood, you were meant to not like each other, you were meant to argue and fight but now she was completely rewriting the narrative and you felt out of place. Thoughts of what could be crossed your mind and you had to say you didn’t hate what you saw.

“How would we even work? I mean, I don’t think we’ve had a single conversation where we haven’t argued.” You said and Emily watched a small smile pull on your lips.

“We’re not arguing now.” She told you, causing you to roll your eyes but the smile stayed so she figured she was on the right track. “You don’t have to say anything now.” She told you softly.

You shook your head.

Giving it a try couldn’t hurt…right?

“You get one date to impress me, Prentiss.” You said seriously causing her to let out a laugh of disbelief before she pulled you back down onto the bed and wrapped the blanket around you.

“You really are something, Y/N.” She said, causing you to smile into her chest before the two of you finally fell asleep.

-

Emily had impressed you and it wasn’t long before you were falling for her hard. You told yourself you wouldn’t get attached but it was hard when Emily was so amazing.

The arguments didn’t stop at work but they became lighter, you stopped aiming for each other's biggest weakness and instead poked fun at each other, the arguments turning into bickering.

The team had raised their eyebrows but everyone was too thankful that the arguments had stopped to bring it up, deciding that it was best to let the two of you work things out and bring it up to them. Though that didn’t stop Derek poking fun at Emily and Rossi at you.

The two of you began getting paired up together on assignments, working in harmony together causing Hotch to shake his head at the pair of you. How many times had the man told you both how well you’d get on if you just gave the other a chance? He’d lost count but surprise, surprise the man was right.

Everything was going great. You and Emily were spending most of your free time together, she took you out to dinners, movie dates, she took you to gallery exhibits and you made sure to return the favour. Though all the going out dates were amazing, the two of you were partial to staying home, cuddling on the sofa with a glass of wine and something forgotten playing on the TV as the two of you focused on nothing but each other.

Really, should you have been surprised when it came to a crashing halt?

You were all gathered at Rossi’s for JJ’s surprise wedding and you were outside with Spencer but excused yourself to go and grab a drink from inside. Just as you were about to round the corner you paused as you heard Hotch ask:

“How are you?” You heard Emily let out a sharp exhale causing Hotch to speak again, “That bad? He asked.

“What?” You heard Emily ask in confusion, causing you to smile.

“That’s your tell,” he told her and the two of them continued on like that for a moment before Hotch drew the conversation back to the original topic.

You stayed hidden, not liking the fact that you were eavesdropping but you had noticed something had been off with Emily, it had been ever since she had come back to the team but then the two of you got together and things went back to normal. However, in recent days she had been acting nervous but shrugged it off everytime you asked.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hotch asked and you leaned closer, awaiting her response.

“Absolutely,” she said after a moment of silence, “but not now.”

“First thing tomorrow?” Hotch replied.

“It’s a date.” Emily assured him and you were quick to move when you heard footsteps.

Once Hotch had passed, making his way over to Beth, you rounded the corner and saw Emily stood alone with her drink.

“A date, huh, should I be worried?” You asked with a forced smile. Emily looked at you in surprise before smiling at you.

“Of Hotch?” She asked before shaking her head, “I wouldn’t be.”

Though she was smiling at you, you could tell her thoughts were somewhere else.

“Are you sure everything’s ok?” You asked, watching as she stayed silent before nodding.

“I’m sure.” She said before taking your hand in hers and leading you outside.

It was a beautiful ceremony but your mind was focused on Emily. You noticed the looks of concern Penelope kept shooting her and the sad expression of Derek’s face.

You wished somebody would tell you what was happening.

-

You dropped it for the night, not wanting to ruin the happy atmosphere from JJ’s wedding but the next day you were determined to get an answer from Emily.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked as she entered her apartment after meeting Hotch.

“You tell me.” You shot back, not in the mood for any more deflections.

“Y/N,” She sighed, moving to come closer to you but you took a step back causing her to stop.

“Just tell me what’s going on.” You pleaded, eyes wide as you silently begged her. You watched as she sighed before nodding to herself.

“I got offered a job to run the London Interpol office.” She told you honestly, not wanting to drag this out any further. There was no delicate way to tell you but she couldn’t help but wince at her own words.

She watched as you frowned, eyebrows pulling together as you took in her words. She watched your mouth move but no words came out.

“What?” You finally spoke.

“Clyde offered me a job, running the head office. I haven’t given him an answer yet.” She told you quickly.

“But you’re going to say yes.” It should have been a question but it wasn’t, you knew Emily. If she was still thinking about this then she wanted it.

“I haven’t given him an answer yet.” She repeated, causing you to roll your eyes.

“But you’ve already made your mind up, right?” You knew she had, you knew she was going to choose this job.

“Y/N,” She pleaded but you just shook your head.

“No, it’s fine.” You said, nose scrunching as you pushed back tears, refusing to cry.

“Ever since I got back it’s been…I haven’t been able to grab onto my old life and pretend nothing happened.” She told you and you got that you really did but still you were allowed to be sad.

“You started this with me, Emily!” You yelled suddenly, fury coursing through your veins, “You started this relationship with me, I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t ask you to be with me, that was all you! And now you’re just leaving for some job in London!”

“Y/N please,” She began, she knew you were right. She hadn’t been fair to you.

“Good luck in London,” You scoffed before pushing past her and making your way out of the apartment, ignoring her calls for you.

You had told yourself at the start of this not to get attached to Emily but now as you sat alone in a bar, playing back the memories of the two of you, you could see that you had fallen hard for her…you loved her.

Weeks passed since Emily left. You didn’t say goodbye to her before she left, though she tried to contact you. You hated that you felt like this, the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as you sat in your empty apartment. You didn’t want to miss Emily, you didn’t want to need her.

You just wanted her to come back and be here with you.

When you were first getting together with Emily, if you had known what you knew now you never would have played so nonchalant, you would have told her that you loved her, you would have said those three words every single day.

But now she was in London, surrounded by taxi cabs and busy streets and yet none of them would bring her back to you.

-

You were finally on your way home from a long case, sat on the sofa watching as Spencer stared at the empty seat across from him, still reeling from losing Derek.

You missed him too. Being on this team, losing people, it was draining. You were still mourning the loss of Emily and it had been so long since you last saw her.

Hotch had taken himself off to answer a video call but you weren’t paying attention, you sat with your headphones in and looked down at your phone blocking everything out but your attention was brought back up when Hotch tapped your shoulder and gestured for you to take your headphones out.

“Huh?” You said, sitting up and turning to him.

“We have a case.” Hotch announced causing everyone to groan but before anyone could start complaining he said something that made you turn pale. “It’s Emily.”

The jet stayed silent, Hotch and Rossi glancing at you worriedly.

“What do you mean it’s Emily?” JJ asked which you were grateful for.

Hotch was quick to fill you all in on the information Emily had given him about the copy cat murderer but you were hardly paying atttention. Emily was coming back, she was going to be in New York with you.

You stayed behind the team as they entered the station, not ready to face Emily just yet. It had been so long since you last saw her and you hardly knew what to do.

“There she is!” You heard Rossi exclaim as he pulled Emily close, kissing her cheeks. You watched as a bright smile spread across her face.

She looked great.

JJ and Spencer hugged her, her smile only widening with each new person. You watched as she hugged Hotch before her attention finally settled on you.

“Y/N,” she began, feeling overwhelmed as she took you in. “Hi.”

“Nice to see you.” You said softly, playing with the hem of your jacket.

“It’s nice to see you too.” She replied, desperate to reach out to you but terrified of the response.

Hotch cleared his throat causing you both to turn away from each other.

“Rossi and JJ are heading to the crime scene,” He told her, “I’m assuming you want to join?”

Emily agreed and with one final glance at you she walked out of the door.

-

“What was that about?” Tara asked you, the only person on the team not aware of your relationship with Emily.

You shook your head, blinking back against the sudden wetness in your eyes before turning to Hotch. You didn’t even have to ask him if you could have a minute, he just nodded at you and told you to take as much time as you needed.

You managed a grateful smile before turning around and finding the bathroom. You locked yourself in a stall and sunk down to the floor, letting the tears flow. You hadn’t known just how hard it would be to see Emily again after all this time.

You thought you were getting over her but seeing her again, you were still so in love with her.

She might have been here in New York with you but she wasn’t staying and she wasn’t yours.

-

Once the case was wrapped up everyone was getting ready to head to the jet. Hotch had already told you of Emily’s decision to fly back with you all and as much as you hated the glimmer of hope you also held onto it like your life depended on it.

You didn’t speak to her on the plane and she gave you the space you needed and once you were back at the BAU she excused herself to see Penelope.

“How are you?” Hotch asked when the two of you were alone.

You sniffed before shrugging, not entirely sure how to answer that but Hotch was patient and he let you sort through your feelings before answering.

“I want to hate her,” You told him quietly, watching as he smiled sadly at you, “I want to hate her so badly. It’s her fault I fell for her in the first place. But seeing her today made me realise, I’m still in love with her, Hotch.” You confessed aloud for the first time, eyes filling with tears again and Hotch was quick to pull you into a hug.

“I don’t wanna need her this way.” You said into his chest.

“I know, I know.” Hotch said as he rubbed a comforting and grounding hand along your back. He watched as Rossi peeked into his office but shook his head causing the older man to shoot you both a sympathetic smile before leaving.

Eventually you pulled away and composed yourself, giving Hotch a forced smile before you and he made your way out of his office, joining the rest of the team in the hallway.

“We’re having family dinner,” Penelope told you, Hotch and Tara, “you in?” She asked and you wanted to say no so badly. You wanted to go home and ignore everything until Emily Prentiss was out of the country.

But another part of you wanted to go, wanted to have the chance to at least talk to her. You hated how you’d left things with her, her thinking you hated her and you not knowing how she felt about you.

You saw most of the team looking at you in concern so you plastered a smile onto your face and agreed to go.

“If somebody is paying for the alcohol, I’m there.” You said, causing them to laugh.

“Yes!” Penelope cheered, “This is happening. You get to tell me everything about Mark and by everything, I mean everything about Mark. I want all the details.”  She said and the rest of the team watched your smile falter before you took a breath and forced it back.

Penelope seemed to notice her mistake as she winced and gave you and Emily an apologetic look but you just shook your head and stepped into the elevator.

The rest followed in and it wasn’t long before you were all sitting at a table, Mexican food in front of you and it was easier than you thought it’d be. You sat between Rossi and Hotch, talking and laughing like nothing was wrong.

You took the time to steal glances at her, savouring how beautiful she looked as she laughed at whatever Penelope was saying to her.

“You should talk to her before she leaves.” Hotch said to you. You turned to face him and bit your lip before nodding.

“I know but…I don’t know how to talk to her anymore.” You admitted, hating that you didn’t really know the woman you loved anymore.

“It’ll be easier than you think.” He promised as he patted your hand and excused himself to the bathroom.

Once JJ saw Hotch leave she nodded in your direction, encouraging Emily to get up and make a move. Emily sighed, she wanted nothing more than to talk to you but after the last conversation she really wasn’t sure how it would go.

Biting the bullet, she stood up and made her way to Hotch’s seat.

“Mind if I sit here?” She asked, causing you to look up in surprise. It took you a minute to respond but eventually you nodded. “Thanks.” She said softly, giving you a small smile.

The rest of the table continued chatting, not wanting to make things more awkward for the two of you.

Emily didn’t know where to start, she had dreamed of seeing you again for so long and now she had the chance and she was blowing it.

Thankfully you started the conversation but the topic made Emily wince.

“So Mark, huh?” You asked when the silence became unbearable. Rossi, who was sitting next to you, had to hold back a snort of laughter at your bluntness.

“What about Mark?” Emily asked, unsure of how you were going to take the fact she had a boyfriend.

“Nothing, nothing,” You said with a shrug, “just never really pictured you with a Mark.” You told her, nose scrunched in disgust causing her to smile.

“What’s wrong with Mark?” She laughed, watching as a small smile graced your face.

“Nothing, it’s just…Mark? Really?” That was the ice breaker the two of you needed and by the time Hotch was sliding into Emily’s seat the two of you were leaning into each other’s personal space, talking and laughing with each other.

It was the happiest the team had seen you in a long time.

“So,” You asked during a lull in conversation, “when do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning.” She told you quietly.

“You can’t stay longer?” You asked and there was a brief pause where Emily looked at you, an unreadable expression on her face. “Not for me, of course. For the team, they miss you.”

“Of course.” Emily agreed. “I miss them too but you know, I gotta get back…Mark and all.”

“Ah, Mark.” You said with a nod causing her to smile sadly.

After that Penelope captured Emily’s attention and she got swept into a conversation with the other girls. You were able to leave the table without them noticing and headed outside, not noticing Rossi following behind you.

He took one look at you and pulled you into his arms.

“C’mere kiddo.” He said as he did and you willingly went to him, needed the comfort right now.

“I’m ok,” you assured him after a while, pulling away from him.

“I know you are.” Rossi said, causing you to smile. “You’re tough but you’re allowed to miss her.”

You just nodded but didn’t respond, not that Rossi was expecting you to.

“I think I’m gonna head home.” You told him after a moment of silence.

“You want me to drive you?” He asked but you shook your head.

“No please, stay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You said and made to leave, before you turned the corner though you turned back to Rossi, “Thank you.” You called, causing him to smile at you before waving you off.

You hadn’t been asleep long when the knock on your door came. You groaned, cursing whoever it was as they wouldn’t stop banging.

You pulled yourself out of bed, not caring about your appearance, and pulled the door open. Before you had time to register who it was, a pair of soft lips connected with yours in a desperate kiss.

“Wow.” You said, pulling away and coming face to face with Emily.

“Y/N,” She began but you cut her off. Whatever she was about to say would be guaranteed to ruin this and you didn’t want that, if you could get one more night with Emily you were taking it, consequences be damned.

A one more night you got. The two of you fell into bed together, every move desperate, needy, hot…making up for all the time lost between the two of you. Your bodies moved in sync like you had never stopped being together.

Everything felt right and it was easy to pretend that things were normal but then morning came.

“I have to go.” Emily told you as she accidently woke you up getting out of bed.

“Emily,” You began, not ready to lose her again, “just come back, be here, please Emily.” You pleaded with her but knew it was no use.

“I have to go back, Y/N. Baby, please believe me,” she said, sitting on the bed and cupping your cheek, “I want to be here but I have a life there.”

“You have a life here, Emily.” You argued back but she just shook her head.

“It’s different.” She said and you didn’t know what else to say.

What could you say? She had made her mind up a long time ago about where she wanted to be and it wasn’t here with you, it was across an ocean in London with Mark.

“Okay,” You said, nodding your head. “I’m not saying this to make you stay, please don’t think I am but I have to say it, Em, because I regret everyday that I never told you.”

The look on her face told you she knew what you were about to tell her, her eyes filled with tears as she nodded at you.

“I love you.” You confessed softly, tears streaming down your face.

She pulled you in for a kiss, so gentle that it made you cry even more.

“I love you too.” She whispered against your lips.

Watching her leave again somehow hurt more this time around, probably because you had both admitted you loved each other but it still wasn’t enough. You still weren’t enough for her to stay.

She left and left you in pieces on your bed, tears steadily streaming down your faces as you buried your face in the pillow that still smelled like her, cursing that you needed her this way.

You just wanted her to come back to you.

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The Moment I Knew

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Prompt - ‘What do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn't show?’

For months now you’d had your suspicions that Peter wasn’t being honest with you, that he wasn’t being faithful. At first it was easy to ignore, Peter was just late to things but he always had a decent excuse but then he started missing dates, the first few times he’d missed them he had called and apologised profusely but eventually the calls stopped coming, leaving you sat in a diner or stood outside a movie theatre alone. From there you could go days without seeing or hearing from him, despite your best efforts.

You knew but you weren’t ready to admit it to yourself yet.

One last chance, you had told yourself that you’d give him one last chance.

-

Peter made his way over to you as you finished up at your locker, ready to head home after a long school day. He smiled at you, a boyish grin lighting up his face, before he leaned down to kiss your cheek.

The two of you made light conversation as you headed towards the exit, things still tense between the two of you after Peter blew off your last date.

One last chance.

“You’re definitely gonna be at my party, right?” You asked as the two of you came to a stop before you had to separate to get home.

Peter looked down at you, his eyebrows drawing together as he frowned but he shook his head as if shaking away unwanted thoughts.

“Of course I’ll be there, baby.” He told you, promised you. You gave him a dubious look which made him feel even worse. He knew he had been terrible to you lately, he knew he was an idiot but with Spiderman and the workload at school and trying to cover all his injuries so you or May didn’t notice, even with his healing ability, it was hard. It was all becoming too much. He hated keeping it a secret from you, hated lying to you and cancelling on you constantly but he had to do it. He needed to be Spiderman, he needed to help people. “Y/N, I swear I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He assured you before leaning down to kiss you softly.

“I promise.” He whispered against your lips and you sighed before nodding.

You went to bed that night praying Peter Parker kept that promise.

-

It was the morning of your birthday and so far everything was going great. Your family had woken you up with gifts and breakfast and there was a flurry of texts and posts wishing you a happy birthday.

Peter had yet to text or call you but it was still early so you figured he was just waiting until he saw you at the party but despite what you told yourself you couldn’t help the worry that started to set in as you were getting ready.

The party was at your house, large enough to host the array of guests that would be coming, and your parents had gone all out on the decorations. Twinkling lights lit the room up nicely, balloons, flowers, streamers and all sorts of other decorations had been set up making the room look amazing.

“You look incredible!” Your friend said as she stepped in with a large group of people from your school. Everyone wished you a happy birthday, handing you cards and gifts that were set upon a table.

As more people flooded into the house, you couldn’t help but glance at your phone repeatedly and yet each time you checked there was no message from Peter.

It wasn’t long before the party was in full swing, music was blasting, people were dancing and laughing as they sang along and yet you weren’t enjoying yourself. You stood off to the side with your eye on the door, waiting for Peter to walk in.

If he burst through the door right now, with that smile of his, you would’ve been so happy. You would have pushed away the fact he was late, that he hadn’t called or texted you, you would’ve just been happy he was there.

“Y/N!,” you turned to face the person who called you, it was Josh, one of the jocks on the basketball team. “Happy Birthday!” He beamed, pulling you into a hug. “How’ve you been?” He asked when he pulled away.

You forced a smile onto your face, trying to pull yourself out of your memories, memories from just the other day when Peter had promised, he’d promised, he would be here. You made friendly conversation with Josh but kept one eye on the door throughout it.

It wasn’t long before you were left alone again and couldn’t help but let your mind wander back to all the times Peter had stood you up. Yet you always told him it was fine, sure you argued about it but at the end of the day you loved him, you didn’t want to lose him.

But now, as you stood alone at your own party, the new dress you’d bought just for the occasion and the red lipstick meant nothing. You had nobody here to impress. The one person who you wanted here most hadn’t bothered to show up, even worse he hadn’t bothered to tell you why.

Looking around the room, everyone else was laughing, they were having a great time and you hated that you weren’t amongst them, laughing along with them as you enjoyed your birthday.

As the hours ticked on, the party showed no signs of dying down despite how much you wanted the night to be over. You just wanted to be alone.

“Hey Y/N,” It was Peter’s friend, Gwen. From the look on her face she knew something was wrong and the sympathy on her face was too much for you.

You felt your eyes fill with tears, watched as Gwen’s eyes softened some more, before you pushed past her and made your way to the toilet. Gwen followed you down the hall and managed to get in the bathroom before you shut the door.

She watched as you clutched the sink like it was your lifeline, she watched as the tears fell down your face and mascara stained your cheeks. She watched her best friend’s girlfriend fall apart because he had messed up again.

Eventually you managed to stop crying and turned to face Gwen. Your makeup was ruined but you didn’t care, it was the last thing you cared about right now. You just wanted everyone to leave.

“He said he’d be here.” You told her hopelessly.

Gwen didn’t say anything, what could she possibly say to you right now? Nothing would make this right and she was furious at Peter. She had known Peter had been blowing you off lately but despite her best efforts she couldn’t get him to tell her why. But there was no excuse good enough to make up for him making you feel like this.

So instead she stayed silent and pulled you in for a hug.

Once you made your way back to the living room the lights dimmed and the many, many guests started to sing Happy Birthday to you. You forced a smile onto your face as you wiped your cheeks, trying to hide what had happened in the bathroom.

You felt Gwen place her hand on the small of your back and blinked away the tears that came as a result.

Once people were done you thanked them, quickly blew out the candles and made to leave.

“What’s wrong?” One of your friends asked as she caught you by the arm, taking note of your ruined makeup and the mascara that hadn't quite been wiped away.

You didn’t say anything, couldn’t say anything. What could you say when the tears started to stream down your face again in front of everyone you knew?

People gave you sympathic looks, more people trying to ask what had happened but you just shook your head.

You didn’t even care that you were crying in front of all these people, none of them mattered to you. The only person that mattered was the one person who didn’t bother to show.

In that moment though, you knew things between you and Peter were done. You knew you couldn’t carry on with this, couldn’t carry on being stood up, being lied to, being ignored. You put so much effort into this relationship and the one time, the one time, you wanted Peter to show up, the one night he knew was important and he didn’t care enough to even text.

That was the moment you knew.

You pushed through the crowd and made your way to your bedroom. You let the door shut with a gentle click before you leaned your back against it, letting your head hit the hard wood.

It was only a moment later that the sob left you and it was followed by more and more until you were sliding down the door, heartbreaking sobs drowned out by the music as you buried your face in your knees.

This, this was the moment you knew things had to be done between you and Peter.

-

You had cried yourself to sleep, still sat on the floor and by the time you woke up the music was turned off and you couldn’t hear any voices. Your eyebrows knitted together as you tried to figure out what had woken you up when you heard your phone buzzing from next to you on the floor.

You looked down and felt an ache in your chest as you saw Peter’s smile beaming up at you, it was your favourite picture of him, half asleep, his hair was a mess but he looked beautiful.

You considered ignoring the call but decided it was best just to rip the band aid off. You’d always thought breaking up with somebody over the phone was weak but right now, in this moment you understand how people did it. The thought of seeing Peter physically hurt.

With a sigh you pressed answered.

“Y/N?” He asked into the phone and you took a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself before speaking.

“What?” You asked, your voice croaky from crying.

You heard Peter let out a deep sigh, the line staying silent for a moment before he spoke.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t make it.” He said and you wished you had the energy to fight him, wished you had the energy to stand up for yourself, to tell him he should be sorry, tell him that you were worth so much more than that. But you couldn’t, you didn’t have the energy to do anything involving Peter Parker. You already knew it was done and there was nothing else to say.

“I’m sorry too,” You said, “I can’t do this anymore, Peter, this is done.” You told him and you heard his breath hitch through the phone.

You couldn’t see the tears pouring down his face as he held a hand to his face. He knew he had messed up, he had every intention of going to your party but then something had happened and Spiderman was needed.

The whole night was a mess.

“Please Y/N,” He said, fully prepared to beg for you right now. He loved you so much and he wasn’t ready to lose you, he couldn’t lose you.

“No Peter,” You whispered, not able to listen to him. It was too late for him to fight for you now, he should have fought to keep you when he had you. “Goodbye.” You said softly before hanging up the phone and letting your head hit the door as more tears fell down your face.

You knew in that moment you’d made the right decision, you couldn’t compete with whatever Peter was hiding from you. You couldn’t be second best to a secret but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt more than anything, finally letting Peter go.

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