Mental Illness Tw - Tumblr Posts

Bitches be like "I don't believe you have a mental illness, I have never seen you break down"... WELL you can keep pushing me KAREN and I'll give you a breakdown that will make the fucking news

All of the avengers need a therapist ASAP!

Why isn’t there a fic yet?!?!?!?!!?

Appearently, according to my ex-step-father, I'm way too intelligent not to be using my mental illness as an excuse and as a tool to manipulate everyone around me.

Then he went on and compared it to substance dependency and addiction.

I'm sorry, I know this isn't the type of stuff I usually post, but this just absolutely reduced me to tears. I've been struggling with depression and all the fun ways borderline personality disorder affects your everyday way of thinking for years, wanting nothing more than to be able to live and view life like a normal person. This coming from someone who I have lived under the same roof for a decade, someone who has seen me struggle - and most important of all, seen how I interract with people, how scared I am to hurt anyone - and then he accuses me of just hiding behind the shy, sweet girl's facade...

This is the first time I met someone who actively does not believe that mental illness can be impairing. And this is a person who claims to know me the best aside from my own mother.

EDIT: I was dependent on alcohol for nearly two years, I know all about the addiction, its withdrawal and the way it makes you act.

You’d think,

That having been assigned a psychologist (who made my case their pet project, no less) and a psychiatrist that happen to be a married couple would make my recovery easier. Patient discretion be damned, I trust them both with my mental health. So I'd like to believe they discuss my case at least the tiniest bit.

I've notified my pshychologist over half a year ago about how I'd like to change my meds because they affect me negatively (if I take the prescribed amount, I get knocked out for 12+ hours), they said they'd get me an appointment with my psychiatrist.

I spoke to them BOTH about this issue, after that.  Several times. Yet nothing came of it.

'Oh, I'll lower the amount, then.'

Well fuck me sideways, I love a good sleep, but I'd actually like to be fucking functional during the day, so I could get my life back on bloody track.

I'm sorry for the rant, and I know this isn't what I usually post about, but I'm just... done.

I already wrote about my step-father's opinion on my mental problems over a year ago. Well this lovely man is now living with us again. It started with him not even acknowledging me, unless I did something he didn't approve of, then it gradually went downhill from there. At this point I don't feel welcome in what I thought was my home and am reluctant to leave campus and visit even on weekends.

This is bad because of two main reasons.

Firstly, because that's the one place where I truly feel at ease and spending time there, with my dogs, helps an immense amount. But the fact that I can't go join them in the living room without getting angry or annoyed glances and mutters from my step-father is slowly making me feel ostracised and incredibly alone in my own 'home'. I'd rather stay on campus. At least there I don't have to tip toe into the kitchen for water / food.

Secondly, my mum is guilt tripping me into going back anyways, assuring me to no end that that IS my home and constantly saying, in a hurt voice, that it pains her to see us feud and that the tension is awful - but only when we are alone and I think only to me. While not friendly, I have been nothing but polite to my step-father the whole time, I am at a loss at what else I could do to ease the situation.

We talked a bit about it today (before she shut me down, saying she is 'not in the mood') and one thing is clear: my step-father still believes that I am lying about my condition and that I'm just manipulating everybody, especially my mother. He still believes that I'm a deadbeat, spoiled brat, who is whining and avoiding responsibilities while using my diagnosis as an excuse.

I'm tired.

I want to talk to him, I want to talk to my mother. I want to talk this shit out, but it'd be a miracle if I ever get them to sit down with me.

*inhales*

I just realized...

If Owo had a blog or something then..she would post trauma art and things like that and holy heck she’s gonna be those actuallytraumatized people huh?

❝ Yes you have ! ❞ Rafe snapped at Sarah knowing that he's seen it in her eyes. Even if she thinks she hasn't, he's seen her do it. At least...he thinks he's seen her do it.

❝ Because he always compared me to you. Why can't you be more like your sister, why can't you do what your sister does, why can't you just do like you're told like Sarah does...Always the comparison when I'm supposed to be the older one setting the example. No matter what I did for him -- it was you he favored. ❞ He finds himself with his finger in her face but he pulls it back fast, then brings his hands to his head, through his hair.

Then he hits his head with his knuckles hard - the thunks are audible. And then he starts to pace back and forth only to force a laugh when she makes note that he was so wrapped up in the coke and he looked down at everyone else.

He mutters something under his breath , but it's the same thing , the rhythm is there to indicate that he's repeating the same thing over and over and then he says it loud enough.

❝ Because it quiets the voices ! ❞ he shakes his head, pacing back and forth. ❝ They go quiet and I can think, I can think and not hear what they tell me, what dad tells me. Dad wouldn't help me, Rose wouldn't help me...❞ Tears form in Rafe's eyes, and they proceed down his cheeks.

❝ It's all I can do to make them be quiet, to not feel so stupid and so weak and useless...❞

while rafe chases his escape in drugs, sarah had chased hers outside of the walls of tanny hill. she refuses to fall in the same footsteps as her father or god forbid, rose. a life of meaningless wealth and status and unfulfilled happiness. she wants real love and enjoyment of life. no something just to show off with and in her pursue of that, she say what most of her family thought. how they were so wrapped up in their materialistic lifestyle that they lost sight of the real definition of family.

the thing is, even with that knowledge, sarah still hopes that one day they can maybe find their way of being family again. or at least get rafe back as a brother. but that day seemed so far in the future, especially when they are at each other's throats like this.

"that is where you are wrong. i never looked at you like how ward or rose did. i was always worried about you. when dad got mad at you, i wanted to help but you were always so angry with me, with dad. i didn't know how to help." because sarah was young after all. before the gold, before john b, before her life almost ended multiple times. "all i wanted was my big brother back but you were so wrapped up in barry and his coke but looked down on anyone else."