Older Siblings - Tumblr Posts

Yet when the younger sibling hits the older sibling with the branch, and the older sibling can't fight back, they still get punished. It's just that for your whole life

I don’t like my brother. Sometimes even now I cry because all I’ve ever wanted for so long was a sibling who loved me, who cherished me, who I could come to and cry on their shoulder when our parents were fighting or yelling at me, or when I had a bad day. When I was younger I felt he took away the one thing I craved most in life, an older brother, and now I see myself trying to fill the void of that, the void of emptiness that should be filled with love from a sibling but most important the bond between a sister and a brother. But it goes both ways and I can’t blame everything on him, because at some point I stopped wanting to try with him, I stopped trying to be in his presence all the time asking “you wanna hang out” you want to “play games?” I stopped trying to his little sister and I became hatful and devilish with my words. But it hurts to remember all the terrible things he as done to me, SA-ing me, gaslighting me, being friends with the bully that made me suicidal at 12. I don’t even know how it all started but once it did it seemed to never stop rolling off that hill of rage and hate for me. I think the worst part is I still love him, I still cry over him, and it feels engraved in my DNA to love him and I do and I used to despise that when I was younger. We’re toxic for one another and it feel like we tear each other down and when we explode at each other we go for the gut with our words and it always ends in tears. No one actually knows why we are like this, I don’t even think we know but I just wished I could erase all the bad memories I have of him because maybe then I’d want to be his little sister again and maybe then he will finally be the older brother I used to think he was.

Why can’t we love like normal siblings?