Funny Texts - Tumblr Posts
me, grabbing an intercom in ikea: attention all customers. the store will be closing in five minutes. if you are present in the store after closing you will be hunted for sportย
shit that goes through my head pt.1
are bikinis just the water edition of bras and underwears?
regulus talking with the father in law
I'm telling y'all I'm HOPELESS
Friend: *sends pic showing their cleavage*
My gay ass: Cough- do you cough- do you like- ahem- dragons?
HELP ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
Friend: *sends pic showing their cleavage*
My gay ass: Cough- do you cough- do you like- ahem- dragons?
Im gonna marry her probably
Friend: *sends pic showing their cleavage*
My gay ass: Cough- do you cough- do you like- ahem- dragons?
If the past tense of sleep is slept then the past tense of beep is bept.
Actual live text thread guys
(this war was started over a piece of Stelmine/Stellumi art, which is short for Stelle x Lumine. I think I like Stellumi wbu guys?)
Capitalists can have a little socialism, as a treat
My door has been left open,
๐๐๐๐ผ๐๐๐ฟ
DxP REWRITE - Splash Plate
Ramanas Park (once known as Ramanas Island) is off the coast of Sandgem Town (once the Sandgem Flats). Thatโs where the Splash Plate ended up 150 years after Legends Arceus. In game, itโs locked behind Surf, but since theyโre here, why not?๐ง
โญ๏ธ BONUS:
PS: so itโs apparently Tynamo Community Day?? I DIDNโT KNOW??? ๐
๐ผ Diamond x Pearl REWRITE ๐ฝ
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My own police department doesn't believe my story they think I am crazy so when I wind up dead you know I was right
Things that happened this decade Part 1
Cousin: Dammit! I'm not tall enough to ride the Viking! Curse my height...
Me: *looks up from book* oh, what a pity. I mean, it's not like there's things called heels that make you taller than you really are and all that but you know, such a pity. *goes back to book*
Cousin: *squeals* Thank you, cuz! That's a wonderful idea!
Me: *flicks the page to the next one* Whatever are you talking about?
Things that Happened this decade Part 2
Me: *reads book, comes across a cute part, makes inhumane noises cuz OTP*
My siblings: *turns to look at me with a weird look* What...?
Me: *not looking up* Don't. Just don't question it.
My siblings: *turns to look at each other before shrugging and ignoring me*
~
Me: *casually walks around the swimming pool to go to the other one*
Cousin: *pushes me into the pool*
Me: Fu โ!! *falls into someone's arm*
Me: Who the-? *looks up to see my old Crush*
Old Crush: So... You fell for me, Huh?
Me: *dying inside* I โ uh, excuse me for a second...
Me: *gets out of Crush's hold, awkwardly smiles before turning around and glaring at my laughing cousins*
Cousins: Oh fuc...
Me: *cracks knuckles* Oh, you're going down.
Cousins: *runs*
Me: Get back here!
~
Me: *stares disdainfully at Pastel dress* I hate this...
Me: *wears it and goes to Christmas Party wearing it*
My friends: *points at my dress* What?
Me: *glares* Don't.
My friends: Alright *goes back to whatever they were doing*
Me: *pulls on dress* I hate this. It makes me look soft...
One of my friends: That's because you are soft. *fixes my dress*
Me: *gay panics*
~
My mother: So, what do you want for Christmas?
Me: My Hogwarts Letter
My mother: Dear, we already talked about this. There is no such โ
Me: HoGwArTs LeTtEr
My mother: *sighs* Alright!
Me: *lights up* Really?!
My mother: No.
Me: *deadpans*
~
Me: *brings home Bisexual Pride flag that a friend made for me*
My family: What's that?
Me: Uhhhhh... Nothing... *panics cuz I ain't out of the closet yet*
One of my brothers: I don't know, that looks pReTtY gAy tO mE
Me: *sweats and panics more* UHMM-
My brother: Wait... Don't tell meโ
Me: *panics* IM ON MY PERIOD.
My family: *blinks* okay... *leaves because it was awkward*
Me: *looks at my dog who was staring at me* I panicked, I'm sorry.
Satan is coming for me- ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐
Eu tentando seduzir a pessoa q eu gosto:
