Own Post - Tumblr Posts
Caminito Del Rey, Andalucía, Spain
June 2024
Catedral de Sevilla
Sevilla, Andalucia, Spain
June 2024
B&W verticalisms, mind the cobblestone lover's paradise
Lisboa, Portugal
June 2023
The most unrealistic part of fanfiction, that I'll ever read. Is when it's a long distance relationship, an Y/N. Tells there lover that, "IMMA BOOK A FLIGHT RIGHT NOW"
like... Honey, you got a few thousand lying around somewhere? As you a broke college student, or just BROKE PERSON.
Can't.. can't relate.
(unless ya got a Sugar Daddy then I can, hahah.)
Solivagant
My mind keeps running back to it, no matter how much I distract myself, the thought never leaves me alone, like it's embedded in my brain, isolating itself pushing away any rational thoughts that try to erase it. Centralizing thoughts was never my thing but never once did an idea dawn me to this extent. It seemed like a age old rule tempting me to break it. My conscious running on the commands of it may be for the best. The idea of suicide creeped inside of me three weeks ago. A pleasant day without any banter, peace coursing through the house but settling with heavy grief as I knotted my black tie around my neck, Nahyun had left a message about his grandmother's death and as his friend I needed to be by his side. I was though a little worried about his lack of grief towards the news of death, his grandmother was always the brightest light in his well lit life.
The atmosphere in the venue reflected Nahyun's feelings and response. I tried, tried my best to coax him into showing his emotions, letting out the raw frustration he was masking behind the straight and pale face but when he answered saying, 'I think everything is fine now, she doesn't have to deal with any more pain. Sometimes death is the solution', I believed him.
Maybe it isn't that bad of an idea if I can't get it out of my head, I mean what more pain can a person suffer after death? No one knows what lies beyond but one does know what's going on now and it's better to seek solace in trying to find an end to the ongoing misery. If Nahyun's grandmother is in a better place, so will I.
Though rather, hers wasn't a decision, but an expected yet unwilling turn of page to where she needed to leave the book behind. It's for the good.
______
But throwing away everything just to get rid of pain..? Is it worth for all I've lived?
Every question was blurred by the previous decision, I mean what choice do I have left, living amongst those who judge me for my preferences, abandonment throughout life, Scrunching nose with look of disgust when they ask me about myself and the hauntings of failures and heartbreaks.
Now, four weeks later here I am, a bottle of pills clutched in my left palm and the right hand resting on the edge of the bathtub, the silent room filled with loud clattering of my teeth. This is it. I didn't care with the goodbyes, didn't wanna be distracted with hollow words of hope.
Assumptions and accusations will be made but I won't be part of it, just the reason for it. They'll have me locked up one last time in their worries.
This is for the best. This- has to be for the best. But.. I'll be gone, forever. I'm scared but I have to do this, I'm useless.
.
(A/: I was currently working on this, so decided to post. Please show some love)
Just so everyone knows, my askbox isn't open because I can't change it on mobile. I'll fix it once I get home, if I can.
Just because 😼
NIИ | Burn | 1994 | co-directed by Hank Corwin, Trent Reznor, & Oliver Stone | Natural Born Killers: A Soundtrack | Released, August 23, 1994 | Nothing/Interscope records
“This thing inside of me, It screams the loudest sound, Sometimes I think I could…Burn”
Women of my blood
And my past,
I thank you.
For brushing your hands through my wild hair
And deeming it fit to braid.
For walking barefoot in fields
And smiling as I walk alongside you.
I have seen your frown lines
When I wound on hospital beds.
I heard your prayers
To a God I do not fully believe.
I felt your love
Through the oranges you peeled
And the gold you hung around my neck.
I am not the first of us to be as I am.
Neither am I the last.
And I know you are not disgusted by my existence nor nature,
As I feel your pride in the wind
And I hear it in our song.
I thank you for bleeding the way I did
And drying my tears from centuries away.
For taking my hand
And leading my dance
Just to hear the mirth of my laugh again.
I apologize for smearing your beauty onto a misfit set of standards,
And I feel your acceptance through the kisses of the animals you grazed.
Women of my blood
And my past,
Thank you.
For embracing me on dark nights
And singing lullabies as I fail to fall asleep.
For raising my voice,
For boiling my blood.
For being the flame on my dampened skin.
You are the laughter I hear in the chorus of our music.
You're the sound of the anklet's chime.
And I hold your hands
And say to the women of our blood,
And my future.
Hold your heart in your hands,
Proudly, vigorously.
Laugh loudly
And listen not when they tell you you're not enough.
Instead,
Spit in their faces
And feel our presence as you dance.
Women of my blood
And my past,
I thank you.
For brushing your hands through my wild hair
And deeming it fit to braid.
For walking barefoot in fields
And smiling as I walk alongside you.
I have seen your frown lines
When I wound on hospital beds.
I heard your prayers
To a God I do not fully believe.
I felt your love
Through the oranges you peeled
And the gold you hung around my neck.
I am not the first of us to be as I am.
Neither am I the last.
And I know you are not disgusted by my existence nor nature,
As I feel your pride in the wind
And I hear it in our song.
I thank you for bleeding the way I did
And drying my tears from centuries away.
For taking my hand
And leading my dance
Just to hear the mirth of my laugh again.
I apologize for smearing your beauty onto a misfit set of standards,
And I feel your acceptance through the kisses of the animals you grazed.
Women of my blood
And my past,
Thank you.
For embracing me on dark nights
And singing lullabies as I fail to fall asleep.
For raising my voice,
For boiling my blood.
For being the flame on my dampened skin.
You are the laughter I hear in the chorus of our music.
You're the sound of the anklet's chime.
And I hold your hands
And say to the women of our blood,
And my future.
Hold your heart in your hands,
Proudly, vigorously.
Laugh loudly
And listen not when they tell you you're not enough.
Instead,
Spit in their faces
And feel our presence as you dance.
Women of my blood
And my past,
I thank you.
For brushing your hands through my wild hair
And deeming it fit to braid.
For walking barefoot in fields
And smiling as I walk alongside you.
I have seen your frown lines
When I wound on hospital beds.
I heard your prayers
To a God I do not fully believe.
I felt your love
Through the oranges you peeled
And the gold you hung around my neck.
I am not the first of us to be as I am.
Neither am I the last.
And I know you are not disgusted by my existence nor nature,
As I feel your pride in the wind
And I hear it in our song.
I thank you for bleeding the way I did
And drying my tears from centuries away.
For taking my hand
And leading my dance
Just to hear the mirth of my laugh again.
I apologize for smearing your beauty onto a misfit set of standards,
And I feel your acceptance through the kisses of the animals you grazed.
Women of my blood
And my past,
Thank you.
For embracing me on dark nights
And singing lullabies as I fail to fall asleep.
For raising my voice,
For boiling my blood.
For being the flame on my dampened skin.
You are the laughter I hear in the chorus of our music.
You're the sound of the anklet's chime.
And I hold your hands
And say to the women of our blood,
And my future.
Hold your heart in your hands,
Proudly, vigorously.
Laugh loudly
And listen not when they tell you you're not enough.
Instead,
Spit in their faces
And feel our presence as you dance.
A letter to no one
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I do.
I swear it...
Just not on your life.
No, I promise I understand that love
Is uh... Great!
Soul wrenching, shining, sweet dreams
Live with love, escape fate.
My heart is open,
Broken but beating.
Oh, I said your love makes feel pretty
Like I'm floating or... Fleeting?
No no, I do love you.
I swear!
On my own, wonderful life
And us, the golden pair!
I love, love, love
The way you... Walk?
The way you smooth down your hair,
Your eyes bright as you talk.
You're so meticulous
And kind
And you have the best kind of laugh
And even better kind of mind.
Don't leave me,
I'm not half as bad as I say.
I'll just be less depressed and anxious
On a less... Difficult day?
No no, I love you!
I swear...
Just not on your life.
You're too important, for me to even dare.
I love you...
Though, is it even true?
Or am I just too scared to look in the mirror
And say "I hate you".
Don't love me.
It's not worth your time.
Because I'll stay broken and crying
Even when our wedding bells chime.
There's too many pieces of my soul amiss.
I'd never burden you with such work.
There's too many demons in my soul,
When I think I've caught them all, new ones start to lurk.
Listen to your mother.
Run as fast as you can.
It's not love if it hurts.
It just bleeds before my ban.
A letter to no one
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I do.
I swear it...
Just not on your life.
No, I promise I understand that love
Is uh... Great!
Soul wrenching, shining, sweet dreams
Live with love, escape fate.
My heart is open,
Broken but beating.
Oh, I said your love makes feel pretty
Like I'm floating or... Fleeting?
No no, I do love you.
I swear!
On my own, wonderful life
And us, the golden pair!
I love, love, love
The way you... Walk?
The way you smooth down your hair,
Your eyes bright as you talk.
You're so meticulous
And kind
And you have the best kind of laugh
And even better kind of mind.
Don't leave me,
I'm not half as bad as I say.
I'll just be less depressed and anxious
On a less... Difficult day?
No no, I love you!
I swear...
Just not on your life.
You're too important, for me to even dare.
I love you...
Though, is it even true?
Or am I just too scared to look in the mirror
And say "I hate you".
Don't love me.
It's not worth your time.
Because I'll stay broken and crying
Even when our wedding bells chime.
There's too many pieces of my soul amiss.
I'd never burden you with such work.
There's too many demons in my soul,
When I think I've caught them all, new ones start to lurk.
Listen to your mother.
Run as fast as you can.
It's not love if it hurts.
It just bleeds before my ban.
A letter to no one
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I do.
I swear it...
Just not on your life.
No, I promise I understand that love
Is uh... Great!
Soul wrenching, shining, sweet dreams
Live with love, escape fate.
My heart is open,
Broken but beating.
Oh, I said your love makes feel pretty
Like I'm floating or... Fleeting?
No no, I do love you.
I swear!
On my own, wonderful life
And us, the golden pair!
I love, love, love
The way you... Walk?
The way you smooth down your hair,
Your eyes bright as you talk.
You're so meticulous
And kind
And you have the best kind of laugh
And even better kind of mind.
Don't leave me,
I'm not half as bad as I say.
I'll just be less depressed and anxious
On a less... Difficult day?
No no, I love you!
I swear...
Just not on your life.
You're too important, for me to even dare.
I love you...
Though, is it even true?
Or am I just too scared to look in the mirror
And say "I hate you".
Don't love me.
It's not worth your time.
Because I'll stay broken and crying
Even when our wedding bells chime.
There's too many pieces of my soul amiss.
I'd never burden you with such work.
There's too many demons in my soul,
When I think I've caught them all, new ones start to lurk.
Listen to your mother.
Run as fast as you can.
It's not love if it hurts.
It just bleeds before my ban.
A letter to no one
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I do.
I swear it...
Just not on your life.
No, I promise I understand that love
Is uh... Great!
Soul wrenching, shining, sweet dreams
Live with love, escape fate.
My heart is open,
Broken but beating.
Oh, I said your love makes feel pretty
Like I'm floating or... Fleeting?
No no, I do love you.
I swear!
On my own, wonderful life
And us, the golden pair!
I love, love, love
The way you... Walk?
The way you smooth down your hair,
Your eyes bright as you talk.
You're so meticulous
And kind
And you have the best kind of laugh
And even better kind of mind.
Don't leave me,
I'm not half as bad as I say.
I'll just be less depressed and anxious
On a less... Difficult day?
No no, I love you!
I swear...
Just not on your life.
You're too important, for me to even dare.
I love you...
Though, is it even true?
Or am I just too scared to look in the mirror
And say "I hate you".
Don't love me.
It's not worth your time.
Because I'll stay broken and crying
Even when our wedding bells chime.
There's too many pieces of my soul amiss.
I'd never burden you with such work.
There's too many demons in my soul,
When I think I've caught them all, new ones start to lurk.
Listen to your mother.
Run as fast as you can.
It's not love if it hurts.
It just bleeds before my ban.
Dear future lover,
Love is art
Laughter is music
And your name, my heartbeat.
I cry at pretty things
Witty words
And silly songs,
The footprints of humanity engraved in my soul.
I like the way rain falls
Or when wind hits my face,
When the sun shines just right
And when blankets keep out the cold.
I love gazing at stars,
Running barefoot in the grass
And pretending that fairies hide in mushrooms and flowers.
When I walk through the streets
And see the paw print of a dog
Or a dandelion growing between the cracks of the cement.
When I remember the way the earth spins
And the moon follows
And the way stars shine so bright.
When I hold dirt in my hands,
Or when I rub my face,
Or remember people long ago lived a life so similar to mine.
When I pluck a flower,
Throw a kiss to the sky
And feel the past dancing around my feet,
Dear Mother Nature hanging up the future overhead.
I collapse of joy into your arms,
And you hold my world of thoughts.
So when you love me,
True and dear,
Remember I'm not just a person
But an everloving being.
Dear future lover,
Love is art
Laughter is music
And your name, my heartbeat.
I cry at pretty things
Witty words
And silly songs,
The footprints of humanity engraved in my soul.
I like the way rain falls
Or when wind hits my face,
When the sun shines just right
And when blankets keep out the cold.
I love gazing at stars,
Running barefoot in the grass
And pretending that fairies hide in mushrooms and flowers.
When I walk through the streets
And see the paw print of a dog
Or a dandelion growing between the cracks of the cement.
When I remember the way the earth spins
And the moon follows
And the way stars shine so bright.
When I hold dirt in my hands,
Or when I rub my face,
Or remember people long ago lived a life so similar to mine.
When I pluck a flower,
Throw a kiss to the sky
And feel the past dancing around my feet,
Dear Mother Nature hanging up the future overhead.
I collapse of joy into your arms,
And you hold my world of thoughts.
So when you love me,
True and dear,
Remember I'm not just a person
But an everloving being.
Dear future lover,
Love is art
Laughter is music
And your name, my heartbeat.
I cry at pretty things
Witty words
And silly songs,
The footprints of humanity engraved in my soul.
I like the way rain falls
Or when wind hits my face,
When the sun shines just right
And when blankets keep out the cold.
I love gazing at stars,
Running barefoot in the grass
And pretending that fairies hide in mushrooms and flowers.
When I walk through the streets
And see the paw print of a dog
Or a dandelion growing between the cracks of the cement.
When I remember the way the earth spins
And the moon follows
And the way stars shine so bright.
When I hold dirt in my hands,
Or when I rub my face,
Or remember people long ago lived a life so similar to mine.
When I pluck a flower,
Throw a kiss to the sky
And feel the past dancing around my feet,
Dear Mother Nature hanging up the future overhead.
I collapse of joy into your arms,
And you hold my world of thoughts.
So when you love me,
True and dear,
Remember I'm not just a person
But an everloving being.
Dear future lover,
Love is art
Laughter is music
And your name, my heartbeat.
I cry at pretty things
Witty words
And silly songs,
The footprints of humanity engraved in my soul.
I like the way rain falls
Or when wind hits my face,
When the sun shines just right
And when blankets keep out the cold.
I love gazing at stars,
Running barefoot in the grass
And pretending that fairies hide in mushrooms and flowers.
When I walk through the streets
And see the paw print of a dog
Or a dandelion growing between the cracks of the cement.
When I remember the way the earth spins
And the moon follows
And the way stars shine so bright.
When I hold dirt in my hands,
Or when I rub my face,
Or remember people long ago lived a life so similar to mine.
When I pluck a flower,
Throw a kiss to the sky
And feel the past dancing around my feet,
Dear Mother Nature hanging up the future overhead.
I collapse of joy into your arms,
And you hold my world of thoughts.
So when you love me,
True and dear,
Remember I'm not just a person
But an everloving being.
NEW BEGINNING EACH MONTH
.
Promises were broken. Her heart sank. The whispers only got worse with time. There was no cure for a madwoman. That much was widely known. Yet, she couldn't shake the feeling from her bones.
The visions still plagued Akirah nightly. She knew it by heart, expected it the moment she shut her eyes. A man made of ice. His translucent skin. His terrifying grin. And his... Oddly loving eyes.
In these dreams, he would smile at her. Say her name with a certainty nobody else had. Her pot burst.
She yelped in pain, clutching her bleeding palm. "Irerius," she muttered, wincing. She felt slightly dizzy.
A cold hand clasped hers, soothing her burning skin. She looked up, her eyes watery. "Darling, what do you do to yourself," the man from her visions sighed.
She stared at him, mind hazy. "I wasn't paying attention."
He pursed his lips. "Visions again?" he pushed gently. She nodded. "Very well. It is a new month after all," he said nonchalantly. Tears fogged his eyes but he swallowed. She tilted her head at him.
"Who... Who are you?" she asked suddenly. Her wounded hand trembled.
He spared her a sorrowful glance. "I'm Irerius, my love. And I promise to take care of you."
Her heart pounded, yet she couldn't help but smile giddily. "Are you going to marry me?" she giggled.
"A million times if I need to," he assured lovingly. The man of ice and the madwoman paid no mind to the pictures hung about their home.
He wouldn't say they already married a year ago. He wouldn't say she was cursed to forget him. All he'd say is that he loved her. And deep down, he knew the madwoman loved him as much.
Writing prompt from @arina_writes on tiktok <3