Potioneer Draco - Tumblr Posts

End of the world

Dialogue prompt 28- " nothing has changed " " it has and you know it "

Hurt/comfort | Do not pound me it was all her @everlydream

" one ticket ?" Harry whispered hurriedly getting hold of one of the rods to keep himself from colliding into the bus conductor

" to where mister ?" His accent was wheezy and barely audible but coherent enough for Harry to understand what he was saying.

" Devon " Harry replied jerking forward almost slamming his face into the conductor.

The conductor gave him his ticket after having collected the money and Harry walked off to the back of the bus apologizing once in a while when he stepped on someone's shoe or accidentally bumped into someone because of the bus. He finally reached the back seat and sat down in one of the empty seats, sighing to himself.

" biscuit ?" The old man next to him asked but he politely denied and took out his walkman from the Only bag he was carrying, showing it to the old man as if telling him that he'd be doing this while he ate his biscuit then plugging his headphones and stuffing his hand in his pocket. For just one moment he closed his eyes and dropped his head against the seat but because of a jerk he realised he wouldn't be able to sleep so he stayed awake staring in front, his feets crossed ahead of him and his husband's favorite playlist buzzing in his ear, popular jazz from 1940-1960s. He watches as one by one the passenger decreased over time, even the old man next to him had left and he was left all alone in the back with a few other people still sitting in the bus in the front seats. He couldn't help himself but with irony being the tag along tonight he thought of how all his life had nothing but been like this bus, passengers getting off on stops after stops, people going away that he might never see again until there are only a few or one person left who stays till the last, the final destination. His husband tonight had stepped off the bus.

It's been a long, long time buzzes through his ears and he fails to conceal his smile as he is vividly reminded of night of the wedding and how like every couple, they had a song and this was their song. They never wanted to be one of those couple's who have a song or have to embark something as just their own but for once, only once in life they embarked something as their own, the coincidental playing of the same song they had danced on at the last ball at school and the night of the wedding and both times they had started a new journey. He hums along still smiling and looking far ahead at the motionless passangers, the conductor, the bus driver, the Chinatown keychain dangling off on the rearview mirror, he finally allows himself to ponder. What led him here ? The fight, not just any fight but the fight. It had been 5 years since they got married and like every other couple the first few years had been the most amazing one's of their wedded life but from 4th year onwards, ever since they started to looking for slight changes in life things started taking a harsh turn. With Harry working late a lot and Draco coming home burnt in potions and the rejection from the house they wanted because of being gay, everything started messing up, it was one thing after another and they were just holding off themselves, from fighting, from Being disappointed, from being angry or sad, they didn't dwell on their failures but it hurt them a lot even if they pretended it didn't, for the sake of the other, after all they were just trying to protect each other but with everything going haphazard, bizzare even their lives turned into series of unfortunate events and they held themselves off like usual until they faced the 7th rejection from the adoption agency, Harry's demotion onn a case and 3rd rejection for a house and their lack of time for each other crossed the boundaries they had Maintained for so Long. It was like the kettle of water had been whining for so long to take it off the stove but they had left it be and it was finally bubbling water all out and they didn't know what to do.

" So we face another rejection Draco, it's not like it's new for us. We've faced Many and we'll probably face more but we'll get one " Harry has causally said as he dropped off his bag at the table and taking off his coat. He should've sat by next to Draco, put his arms around him and tell him it'll be alright, but he didn't instead he walked into the kitchen and poured himself some water.

Draco Snapped and stormed into the kitchen taking away Harry's glass of water and putting it over the counter to represent that he needed his attention.

" what the hell Draco ?" Harry snapped

" How can you be so damn casual about this Harry, we'd been trying to get an adoption for almost 2 years now, we've made no progress! How can you be calm about this? This is a child we're talking About-"

" I know it's a child we're talking but what do you want me to do sulk and cry and whine about not being able to get one ?" Harry bellowed back, walking away from Draco.

" Are you implying I do that ?" Draco asked offended walking off behind him.

" I didn't say that- all I'm saying is that I can't do anything about it alright- so we don't get one- we still have more agencies to try with " Harry shrugged.

Draco shook his head forcefully " No I'm saying- you can be just a little sensitive- it's like you don't even care- like It doesn't matter to you anymore "

" like it doesn't matter to me ? I'm sorry but I'm working my ass of, over time so I can put money every time we try for adoption- if I had stopped caring I would've just stopped working at all " Harry snapped

" you're not the only working force and I appreciate you working your ass off but so am I okay- But you Harry pretend you don't care anymore, you don't have time for us, for me or for anything else anymore, you have to see that your life isn't just work. The least you can do is ask me how my day was but you've even stopped doing that and it's not fair to me, you don't give me the time and everytime we fail to adopt someone instead of us supporting each other like we used to, we just pretend it's alright like it's a casual thing but it's not- I can't pretend it doesn't hurt anymore, it hurts me a lot okay and the worst part is even if you know about it you don't care. Even Us, Harry- everything about us has changed-"

" nothing has changed-"

" yes it has and you know it " Draco harshly breathed in, driving away the tears that were threatening to spill " I hate this change and I don't want it but there is no going back- at least it doesn't seem like it and even if we talk through tonight we're going to end up being the same way the next time this happens "

" so what are you suggesting ?" Harry asked crossing his arms in his front.

Draco hesitated, closing and opening his mouth several time before he finally spoke up " I need some time- alone time- to maybe just think things through-"

" you want to take a break ?" Harry interjected, his heart collapsing into his organs and his tongue twisting inside his mouth.

" we need to take a break. We've barely talked with each other in such a long time and it's killing me because I want to but I also don't want because this is getting suffocating, it's like everything wrong that is happening I'm blaming you inside my head even though it's not it and I know you're doing the same but too afraid to even let the thought wander- I'm Afraid Harry that we'd need to separate permanently and I don't want that because I still love you and I can't find it in myself to not because despite everything I still want you everyday- just these few weeks- I've constantly felt like being alone and please just understand that you too need some alone time even if you think this is absurd and even if it's just me- I need you to understand that I need some time before it gets too late"

And that's why Harry was here right now all alone humming to the song with his head pressed against the back of the seat, tears stuck at the corner of his eyes. He shook his head smiling thinking how absurd it was that he felt like dancing to this song but the man he wanted to dance with was no longer here and had claimed he needed to get away from Harry, if only for some time.

The specific song was so magical that it could cure any of their mood. There were several times when Harry would be working late at night, going through his cases while Draco would stay awake for him to come to bed or when he'd come home from work all drained and exhausted because of how it had been and Draco would randomly put this song on and despite Harry's Denials and claims that he needed to work or to rest he could never resist himself once he'd see Draco skirting over the wooden floor with his arms in the air as if he was dancing with someone and it always felt like to Harry a space that needed to be filled, no matter what the circumstances were, he just needed to and he didn't know why but after every time he'd dance with Draco, his worries would evaporate and he'd wind up laughing and snuggling in bed with his lover. However he can't remember when was the Last time they danced, an year ago? A forced dance at a ball ? He doesn't remember and he can't remember when he forgot that he still loves Draco more than anything in his life. He can't pin down the moments when he'd came home from work and felt to himself that he needed to be away, when thing's got out of his hands and he was left just like a ghost living each day.

He hated himself right now as he looked at the empty seats besides him and all those others, how barren it felt to not be with Draco but to think of rest of his life this way, he wasn't sure he could even survive.

________________________________

" mister " Harry was violently shaken awake by the shaking of his arm by the conductor, the bus had emptied and he was the only one left " your stop "

Harry nodded, shaking his head profusely to get rid of the sleepiness then got off the bus with his bag.

He walked miles with his Walkman dangling in his hand and the bag slipping off his shoulder often until he reached the outskirts and finally had seen the water's. The advantage of it being night nobody was there and Harry disapparted to the cliff when he knew where he needed to be and sat down by the board " grunta beach ".

Due to High tides the water kept clashing with the cliff and the weather resulted in More of its contribution but he found it pleasing, the sound, the weather and the wind and the music he had again started listening to.

He slipped briskly into his memories with Draco and pin pointing in his mind each time he did it wrong, each time instead of comforting his husband he walked away without caring that it hurt him, where he became an unsupportive husband, where he stopped dancing with Draco randomly, where he stopped kissing him goodnight, and many others that led to this separation and now he was rendered with the thought of going back home to divorce papers sitting on his desk and it hurt more than anything he had ever thought of. The thought of losing Draco forever Haunted him so much and to live a life without him Just crushed his insides but when he saw the disgusted look on Draco's face when he said all those things he said tonight, Harry knew he wasn't going to return and all he thought of was not asking him for one last dance and he finally cried, he let himself weep with the water roaring more loudly as he cried more. He didn't want to live a life without Draco but now, he knew he had no option.

He thought and thought of wanting to correct his mistakes, his life, the points where it went wrong, to go back in time but Harry had fucked up so bad that even if tried to he was Afraid he might never even return and would forever be stuck in time and space and eventually leading a life without Draco. Right now no matter what he did or what he thought of, he knew Draco was gone and he wasn't going to come back.

Maybe it had been an hour or 15 minutes or 45 minute or 3 hour's, he didn't know but he heard some footsteps approach him and Harry didn't care if at this point someone came to kill him, Rob him, mug him or anything, he'd let it happen because his life had no meaning anymore but the steps were awfully familiar and just when he turned around to see who it was he went running off to him and collided into the ground hugging him.

" I'm sorry " Harry cried into his arms.

Draco coughed loudly then wrapped his arms around Harry " I know you are "

" no you don't, I really mean it- I'm sorry- I've been so terrible to you- I've been nothing but a shit husband and you put up with me for so Long but Draco I can't lose you- I don't want to separate- I don't to take a break- I can't lose you-"

" you're not losing me Harry- actually- I came here because I knew you'd be here " he sighed and pushed Harry so he was forced to sit and he sat next to him too with his hands over Harry's to wait for him to interlock them and he did.

" I came here to tell you that it's never going to be too late with you because I don't want to ever be apart from you- these 3 hours away from knowing I had pushed you away were the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I don't want it- but I do need time- not away from you but time with you, I thought I needed away from you but I don't- I need you to be with me when I cry- when I laugh or whenever I do anything, I need you " Draco's voice cracked " I really need you because this is so hard for me- facing rejection everyday- and I've been pretending that I was fine but I'm not- I can't face another rejection Harry and I want to stop trying again for adoption or a home, maybe it's not in our fate- not our Destiny maybe- but I can't deal with having little hope everytime for it to be crushed again "

Harry wiped the tear that fell off his eye and hugged him, kissing on the top of his head, himself crying " I'm sorry that we're facing this but if you need me- I promise you with everything that I will be here for you no matter what- even if they fire me from my job- I need to be with you. It just feels like I've been away from you so long that I've forgotten everything else- I need you too " he paused, knowing what he was about to say was the most soul crushing thing he was about to say but he knew there was no point in hoping any longer " and I think we should stop trying to adopt- we've been trying for so long and Maybe its not for us. So what if we don't have kids- we'll act like ones, we'll be the couple that grows old together with all sorts of fun besides Childern are huge responsibility and I could never, I've heard they're just a huge pain in the ass "

Draco chuckled and Harry kissed his face smiling " I love you Draco- and I mean this so much tonight- more than any other night "

Draco smiled at him, pressing his forehead against Harry " I love you too- it's nice to finally hear you say it "

And Harry knew what it meant and it made him hate himself but right now as Draco remained close to him, he knew he just needed reminding that he loved Draco even if for sometime he had forgotten to love him. And even though they pretended again that having no family wasn't the end of the world but it certainly was the end of a world they wanted to live in and perhaps they'd be fine with it one day.

And this night when they danced again, for the third time they started a new journey of their life.

To heal some hearts- they returned home and recieved news from the adoption agency for twins and a home not to far away.

REQUESTS OPEN / PREVIOUS FICS