Ptsd Cw - Tumblr Posts
DUDE I DONT THINK THIS IS NORMAL HELP-
" Really fucking hurts when it happens to you, doesn't it Lu? Didn't you tell me for centuries to fucking get over it since it's ancient history?
Try taking your own advice sometime."
( Adam rubbing salt xD)
Not a good time, really not a good time.
"Adam, is that really all you ever got out of it?" Oh, he really can't deal with this in any typical diplomatic way right now. He's not sure if Adam's terrible timing is intentional or coincidental but he's not in a good place right now and emotional outbursts are bound to take place moreso than any rational reactions.
"You still haven't gotten it through that incredibly thick head of yours — that everyone made their own damned choices! What a time to try and compare apples to oranges! No one ran any of you through with blades and spears! No one physically ended your life or Lilith's or Eve's! It's just not the same!"
"Of course it hurts! You got your laughs now just... just leave me alone!"
I know that I have been not that active of late and I owe a lot of threads, stress has been getting to me of late. Astormofsilk and I work at a hospital in Flori.da and if anyone has been keeping up with news of a certain evil thing that came at the world and fucked up everyone's shit, you probably have a good idea why my stress levels have been rising. I have also been in therapy for my PTSD and depression, which is also draining. I have been playing the Ma.ss Eff.ect triology Ass.assin's Cre.ed Val.halla and a lot because I can shut everything out. I will be working on drafts in the next two weeks since I am getting my muses back.
I know that I have been not that active of late and I owe a lot of threads, stress has been getting to me of late. Astormofsilk and I work at a hospital in Flori.da and if anyone has been keeping up with news of a certain evil thing that came at the world and fucked up everyone's shit, you probably have a good idea why my stress levels have been rising. I have also been in therapy for my PTSD and depression, which is also draining. I have been playing the Ma.ss Eff.ect triology Ass.assin's Cre.ed Val.halla and a lot because I can shut everything out. I will be working on drafts in the next two weeks since I am getting my muses back.
was previously in a good head space to write, but got upset (triggered) a little bit ago so have just been lurking, in a while the upset will be explained in a meme answer my wife sent me a long time ago that i have slowly been working on answering, once i have had time to calm down
( alice )
Alice returned his grin with a grim smile of her own, eyebrows twitching self-deprecatingly. But she shook her head in response to his unspoken offer, sighing— “Healers don’t want me drinking for a while yet. Have to take at least some of their advice.” Especially after checking herself out of St. Mungo’s months earlier than they’d wanted.
She considered him for a moment, eyes skimming over his shoulders and the taut energy that lingered there. It didn’t surprise her how he’d tensed almost into a fighting stance when she’d started talking; in all honesty, it was the honest answer that surprised her. Alice had still been in the hospital for the battle at the Department of Mysteries, but in the months since, the other members of the new Order had filled her in on enough of the details, and… well, she wouldn’t have understood it fifteen years ago, but Sirius’ temper now made perfect sense to her. Some things were harder to live through.
But here they were, out of time in a way their peers would never really know, out of place with very little do contribute to a war everyone else seemed so prepared to fight again. It made her want to scream, and maybe never stop. It made her want to pull Sirius into her arms and just hold on tight to the last friend she could imagine would understand.
“Yeah, I’ve seen Neville a few times.” Only once at the hospital, which she barely remembered, but now that he was back with Augusta for the summer she was making time to visit. “I don’t really know how to talk to him, to be honest. But he’s—” She swallowed thickly, working to find her voice. “He’s wonderful. Couldn’t be prouder of the young man he’s turned into.”
Her eyes flickered back to Sirius’ face, and she smiled softly. “’Ve heard nothing but good things about Harry, as well.”
he can feel the edge of his mouth rising; just slightly, a phantom of acknowledgement as the whiskey touches his lips again and he retraces the bits of knowledge of her situation: what’s been said about bellatrix’s attack ( heard and not inquired, the event too close to episodes he couldn’t find the strength to open up just yet ) her coma, the fifteen years of it. what it would have been like for him to wake up surrounded by strangers and the terrifying fact that, in all that time, the world had simply gone on with its course. not in awful long stretches beyond the window, but in a violent snap, the kind of injustice you can’t register until it's done.
and perhaps that was it—what he found more disturbing about it all, the idea of that weightless state, the void silence and paralized limbs of coma much more dreadful ( and by far scarier ) than any of his rotten days locked in a prison cell ( and you’d have to consider, he couldn’t stand more than two seconds going back to those memories these days, five if you made the correct approach, perhaps ).
❝ brave, i’ll drink to that. ❞ he conceded, a certain spark of excitement as he settled on the knowledge of how stubbornly strong alice longbottom had to be to live on another day on this particular kind of hell with no help ( he wouldn’t, of that much he was comfortably sure, somehow ). ❝ though i have to say— ❞ his voice, while in an attempt to sound serious, did carry a touch of charm as he walked the few steps that separated him from the nearest couch, dropping himself there as he continued with his initial formulation. ❝ —if you've been told only good things about james’s boy i’m afraid you’ve been lied to, alice. boy is a perfect mess, i’m telling you. ❞ and he did say so with an infinite amount of love. yes, he adored the little imp, and he loved even more any opportunity he had to revisit the stories he’s been hearing about him ( even more now that those could be needed to lighten up the mood, worried as he became about the effect of his question on her ) ❝ did anyone here told you about the ‘ muggle auntie floating out of the window’ thing yet, or…? ‘cause i might think is one of my favourites so far ❞
oh he was eager to fill her in about that one. if she wanted, of course.
mysterious, only gives vague answers to their past, and dislikes specific things for seemingly no reason is how I wanted to be before
I thought "that's the coolest character design" and... it still is but-
but now getting it. now having PTSD, I wish I could go back to before again. to not avoid certain songs, instruments, words, and even a whole calendar month, just to keep myself safe
it just makes me want to write sweet, naive characters who don't know any better because they haven't been hurt and aren't scared