R/pe Tw - Tumblr Posts

I've been on Tumblr for years, but my husband knows my main account so I started this side account.

I've seen Tumblr move mountains for people so I'm hoping and praying that you guys can move mountains for me.

I'm 26 years old. I've been with my husband since I was 16 and he was 20. I know now that he was attracted to me because I was young and manipulatable but at the time I was so flattered that an older college guy wanted to be in a relationship with me.

Looking back there were a lot of red flags. He didn't like any of my friends and he told me who I could hang out with and when. He told me that my school work wasn't important because I was going to be a stay-at-home wife after high school while he went out and earned a living. As teenager living in a household that was unstable and on the brink of collapse, the idea of having a strong man take care of me was very appealing and so I overlooked the red flags.

He liked to get me drunk. He'd take me to his shitty apartment and he would load me up with Mike's Hard Lemonade and Smirnoff Ice and then we'd fool around. I had a lot of pregnancy scares from 16-17 because he didn't like to wear a condom and when I was drinking it was harder for me to insist. When I was 18, I got on the pill at least. He was always pushing my boundaries in the bedroom. I'd say no to something and he'd give me the silent treatment until I let him do it. Or he'd just do it even though I said I didn't want to.

He graduated college the year I graduated high school, and we moved in together. From the beginning, he was controlling, keeping tabs on me and watching the bank account like a hawk, but I chalked it up to needing to be frugal. We were really poor, but he promised to take care of me.

Eventually, though, I had to get a job to make ends meet. He didn't like that. The first time he hit me was when I told him I'd been interviewing for jobs. It wouldn't be the last.

God, just. Ten years I let him tell me I was helpless without him, I was weak, and stupid, and only he would ever love me. I let him hit me. I let him separate me from my friends and family. I let him kick my cat.

But I'm done. I'm going to get me and Midnight out of here.

For the first time I told with details the first time I was almost r*ped, how I felt and how i think it affected me and what happened after that

Before that I had only said "I was almost r*ped when i was 10"

I just donated blood for the first time

Kinda cool, every 30 seconds they were asking me if I was okay

And they gave me a pen and a box with food

And now I have therapy lol

"oh you're more afraid of getting raped than of getting killed. That's purity culture bla bla bla"

No bitch, I'm more afraid of getting raped because that shit changes your life forever no matter how much you try to go back to normal, I was almost raped and it changed my life forever, now imagine if I had been raped?

What am I going to do if I die? I'm dead!

If I'm raped I'm still alive and I have to deal with the physical and emotional scars, I have to deal with the feelings of guilt, and feeling dirty, I have to deal with not being able to experience intimacy of any lever again the same way I did before, I have to deal with not knowing if this little thing will lead to a panic attack or a PTSD episode

Rhaenyra doesn't want to be a man because she feels like one, she isn't trans

She wants to be a man because if she was her mother probably wouldn't have died, if she was there wouldn't have been a war, her claim wouldn't have been questioned, if she was a man she wouldn't need to earn the respect of the lords or the smallfolk, if she was a man they would've handed her their respect on a silver platter with a side of caviar

She wants to be a man because her whole life she's been told she wasn't enough because she isn't a man

If she was a man she could sleep around and her claim wouldn't be questioned, if she was a man and had bastards her claim wouldn't be questioned

If she was a man the fandom wouldn't hate her so much, and wouldn't consider her a spoilt whore for doing something men do x5

I mean you've seen it, Aegon raped several servants and the fandom still loves him, even saying that Dyana was exaggerating or that it was "normal" back then, Rhaenyra had consensual sex with her knight and they consider it "rape" because of their power imbalance (and only after she rejected the idea of running away with him and abandoning her duties)