Sad Fic - Tumblr Posts
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
John, a nervous but determined young man in his late 20s, sits at a table in a coffee shop, glancing towards the entrance every few seconds. Suddenly, Jamie, an attractive and friendly guy around the same age, walks in, carrying a book and wearing a warm smile.
JOHN: *excitedly* Oh, hey! Jamie!
JAMIE: *slightly surprised but friendly* Hey, John! How are you?
JOHN: *nervously* I've been good, thanks. Can I join you?
JAMIE: *sincerely* Of course, have a seat!
John gathers his courage and sits down across from Jamie. He takes a deep breath and begins the conversation.
JOHN: *awkwardly* So... I've been meaning to talk to you for a while now. I hope you don't mind.
JAMIE: *curious* No, not at all. What's up?
JOHN: *nervously* Well, I've noticed that we have a lot in common, and... I was wondering if you might be interested in going out sometime?
Jamie appears genuinely flattered but a bit taken aback.
JAMIE: *sincerely* John, I really appreciate your honesty, but I should tell you that I'm gay.
JOHN: *startled* Oh, really? I...I didn't know that. I'm sorry if I assumed something wrong.
JAMIE: *kindly* It's alright, John. It happens. Thank you for being understanding.
JOHN: *relieved* Of course. I just wanted to make sure I didn't misinterpret anything. No hard feelings?
JAMIE: *smiling* No hard feelings at all. I'm flattered that you're interested in getting to know me better, even if it doesn't work out romantically.
JOHN: *grinning* Well, in that case, would you be interested in grabbing a coffee as friends?
Jamie's smile widens, and he nods.
JAMIE: *sincerely* I'd love to, John. As friends, it is.
They both share a moment of relief and understanding, laughing together.
JOHN: *excitedly* Great! How about tomorrow evening? There's this new café that just opened downtown.
JAMIE: *enthusiastically* Sounds perfect! Count me in.
They exchange contact information and the conversation carries on, shifting to other shared interests and future plans.
FADE OUT.
Who Needs Family Anyway?
Summary: The Weasleys take you in when you get kicked out of your toxic pureblood home and treat you as one of their own, showing you everything you missed out on growing up.
When they find out you never got to celebrate your birthday, they promise to make your next one absolutely incredible.
But it seems promises don't mean as much as you thought they did...
***
Warnings: Just angst and sadness, I hurt myself with this one.
I kind of hate it but I'm posting it anyways because it took forever
Word Count: 3078
A/N: So Charlie exists, also your birthday is July 21st in this story
Happy Reading! :)
Today was the day that you had been so excited for all year since you moved in with the Weasleys.
July 21st.
Just a little over a year ago your pureblood supremacist of a mother had disowned you. It was three days before your birthday and the two of you had gotten into a bigger fight than usual about the “idiotic blood traitors and mudbloods!” you were friends with at school, which resulted in some nasty spells from her doing more damage than should be possible and her throwing you out of the house, not even giving you the slightest chance to grab some of your things.
You had spent the next week sleeping on park benches and trying to get a proper meal with what little money you had on you before Mrs. Weasley had found you in the road while she was shopping for some groceries. Once you explained what had happened between you and your mother, Molly didn’t even bat an eye before insisting that you come home with her.
After a bit of resistance from you and insistence from Molly, you finally agreed to go home with her. She apparated the both of you to the burrow where you found nearly the whole Weasley clan (and Harry) somewhat shocked by your sudden appearance.
You were very good friends with Ginny, despite being in Rons year, and you were one of George and Fred’s favourite students in the years below them. Because of that you were fairly well-known and liked among the Weasleys, however, they all knew that they would never have a chance of seeing you during holidays due to your parents and their strong feelings concerning the whole pureblood supremacy deal.
Molly had gently escorted you inside and towards a couch in the living area of the burrow, all the while quietly reassuring you that everything would be alright and letting you feel the first sense of comfort you had felt since the beginning of that summer break.
Once your situation had been explained to them, the rest of the family had welcomed you in with a warmth you hadn’t known existed before your years at Hogwarts.
While telling them about what happened, you also mentioned the fact that you were on the street through your birthday. They were all shocked when they learned that not only would your mother go to such extremes, but she would do so mere days before your birthday!
You had shocked them all even further when you offhandedly mentioned that your birthday was never really celebrated in your house, your mother had always said it was unbecoming of a lady to fuss over such frivolous occasions.
Each and every one of them that were present immediately assured you that next year, they will make sure you have the best birthday possible to make up for all the lost years. Fred and George spoke up promising that they would show you what real family looks like while Ginny simply hugged you tight, not wanting one of her best friends to be hurt any longer.
You had settled in with them quite quickly after having Arthur apparate you to your mothers house to pick up your things, including the key to your personal vault at Gringotts. After all, the Weasleys were already so gracious in taking you in, they shouldn’t have to pay for everything you need especially with the amount of children in the house already.
During the Christmas break that year, you got to meet Bill and Charlie. They immediately accepted you as their second little sister, showing you so much brotherly love in such a short amount of time that it was nearly suffocating.
Fast forward to the current day, the middle of summer break, your one year anniversary of living with the Weasleys fast approaching, your birthday just a few days before.
You were so excited to spend your birthday with them all since they told you the year before that they’d make it fun for you. Molly had even put a big red mark on her kitchen calendar just to make sure she’d remember.
Honestly, you didn’t have very high expectations, you really would be more than satisfied with anything really, the only things you hoped for were that they would have a cake for you, and that they would remember.
The night before your birthday you fell asleep in your shared room with Ginny, with a soft smile on your face in anticipation of spending tomorrow with the people you love. You hadn’t officially called them your family yet, your hesitance mainly due to your “family” you grew up with.
However, in that moment you were sure that this time you had chosen the exact right people.
They were your family.
***
You woke up the next morning with excitement running through your body as you practically jumped out of bed. You looked to the other side of the room, expecting to see Ginny, only to realize that her bed was already empty meaning she must have been downstairs already.
You shrugged a little to yourself as you quickly got changed into a comfy summer outfit and made your way down to the kitchen. Once you walked in, you saw Molly standing at the stove using her wand to finish cooking what looked like eggs, Arthur sitting at the table reading the Daily Prophet with a cup of coffee and Percy sitting across from him, staring into space looking as though he were trying to collect all the inner peace he could before the day fully started.
Arthur glanced up from the newspaper as he heard you enter the room.
“Ah good morning y/n! Fine day isn’t it?”
Although you might’ve been expecting some sort of birthday greeting, you just brushed it off and returned his greeting with a “Yes sir, I’m looking forward to today.”
Percy gave you a slight nod in acknowledgement as you passed him, which you returned with a smile and wave.
“Hello Molly!” You greeted her as you walked in her direction.
“Good morning, y/n, dear. Say, would you mind going to wake up Ron? He should have been out of bed a full thirty minutes ago but I still haven’t seen him! Honestly sometimes that boy really just gets on my nerves, he needs to learn to wake himself up or he’ll sleep his life away.”
You interrupted Mollys ramblings with a quick “No worries, I’ll go wake him up.”
Feeling slightly disappointed that nobody had said anything yet about your birthday you trudged out of the kitchen and started up the stairs. You were most of the way to Ron's room when a red-headed blur zoomed past you down the stairs with a loud laugh. Not 10 seconds later, a large violet-headed blur all but flew down after it with a distinctive scream of “GEORGE TURN MY HAIR BACK TO RED NOW!” only to be followed by a “But Fred you look so much better with the purple!”
Chuckling to yourself at the twins' antics you, oh so helpfully, added “like a very pretty grape” from your spot on the stairs before taking the last couple steps up to Ron's room.
You walked into the room without bothering to knock, already knowing it would take much more than that to wake the boy up.
You glanced over at the boy sleeping soundly as you thought to yourself ‘Aw he looks so peaceful’ and as that thought passed through your mind you knew exactly what you would do. Turning yourself back towards the entryway you reached for the door handle. Then, all at once, you slammed the door shut as hard as you possibly could while simultaneously launching yourself backwards, effectively crushing a very shocked and still extremely sleepily-dazed Ron.
He had shot upwards out of his deep sleep with a yelp, awoken by the sound of the door slamming, which meant that when you landed on him he got shoved sideways, falling off the bed entirely.
“Why, y/n/n? Why do you choose to make my existence miserable?”
“Because I’m basically your sister at this point so I know you love me even when I’m mean. Also, if you tried to get me back Molly would ground you for ages” you responded with a laugh causing him to roll his eyes good-naturedly because you both knew there was definitely truth behind your words.
“Whatever, y/n.” He grumbled as he stood up and began moving around the room sluggishly attempting to find some clothes for the day.
Again being a bit confused at why even Ron hadn’t said anything about your birthday yet you tried to prompt it out of him hoping he would say something.
“Hey, Ron, what day is it?”
“Maybe the 21st? The 22nd possibly? How should I know?” He spoke, still seeming disgruntled at being yanked away from his precious slumber. He let out a comment of “What do I look like, the bloody calendar? Honestly.” Although it was more to himself than you as he walked towards the door to exit the room, you felt your heart sink a little more.
It seemed like most of them had forgotten your birthday and you couldn’t help but feel incredibly let down.
You dragged yourself out of Ron’s room and headed back to the kitchen to get something to eat. You joined the rest of the family at the table, quietly reaching for some of the toast laying out on a dish. They all carried on their separate conversations, filling the room with the usual loud chatter that would usually bring you so much comfort but today only made you feel even more forgotten. Ginny who was sitting next to you reached over to hug you from her seat, breaking away from conversation briefly.
“Good morning, y/n/n!” She pulled away from the hug and continued on, speaking softly. “Are you feeling okay? You seem a bit quiet this morning” to which you didn’t know quite how to respond.
Should you tell her that it was your birthday and see if that would change anything or should you not bring it up and see if anyone would remember your birthday at some point? Internally choosing the latter, you spoke in the same soft tone “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bit of a headache is all.”
“Okay well let me know if there’s anything I can do to make you feel better” she gave you a sweet smile before turning back to her conversation with Percy about whatever studies he had read in days passed.
A single tear ran down your cheek as you silently excused yourself from the table, retreating to the landing just off the first floor where yours and Ginny's room was located.
You laid in bed with the covers over you for what could’ve easily been 2 or 3 hours, not answering Ginny the couple times she came to check on you, instead pretending to be asleep.
The day went on like this for the most part. Staying hidden in your bedroom, joining everybody for meals before returning to your room and telling them you had a headache when anyone would ask why you kept going back to your room.
You laid in bed wishing that once, just once, somebody would remember your birthday and care.
That somebody would show a sign that they remembered this day. That they remembered you.
It wasn’t until after the sun began to set that you went downstairs to sit in the living room with the rest of the family and settled into an armchair with a book you had been meaning to read.
Everybody was busying themselves with their own individual activities; Ron winning a game of wizards chess against Percy, Ginny reading a book she got last Christmas about quidditch plays and tactics, George and Fred working on a new creation that does Merlin knows what, while Arthur was reading and Molly was elsewhere.
Every Weasley member seemed content, and despite the noise coming from everyone in the room (mostly the twins) it felt oddly peaceful.
But of course, nothing lasts forever.
You were reminded of this fact when the door to the burrow burst open to reveal a very tired, somewhat disheveled looking Bill and an overly hyper Charlie, both with big smiles on their faces regardless of their contrasting appearances.
“It took an overpriced trip on the Knight Bus, two dragons, and a very hesitant peacock, but we’re here now!” Charlie announced to the room, a proud smile on his face.
“Now where is our little Iris?” Bill asked with an equally proud smile.
That was the nickname Bill and Charlie had given you.
When you had met them during the previous Christmas break they had been informed of your old home situation as well as your birthday and how everybody was planning to make it extra fun for you when the time came around. After hearing all of that and noticing your optimistic attitude despite all you’d been through, they nicknamed you ‘little Iris’ because the iris flower represents hope and courage as well as the fact that it normally blooms in July, right around your birthday.
**You can blame Bill for the overly detailed flower nickname - he went through a floral phase a few years back and still remembers everything he learned**
Back to the present moment, Molly must’ve entered the room to see what the ruckus was because she immediately ran over to her two eldest sons pulling both of them into one large hug with a short shout of excitement.
The rest of the Weasley siblings crowded their oldest brothers, exchanging hugs and greetings.
“What are you two doing here? I can’t say I’m complaining but what's the occasion?” Arthur inquired, putting his book down as everyone settled into their spots, some on couches, some on the floor.
“What do you mean ‘what’s the occasion’?” Bill asked, sending a puzzled glance in Charlie’s direction.
Charlie looked back at Bill, seeming just as confused as he was as he spoke once more.
“It’s y/n/n’s birthday of course!”
If you thought the family of gingers couldn’t get any more pale than they normally were, you couldn’t be more wrong.
Every single Weasley apart from two new arrivals blanched and turned to where you were hiding yourself underneath a blanket, guilt and understanding immediately flooding their expressions.
Charlie spoke again, still a bit confused at what was going on. “What's going on? Why am I not seeing any decorations or fireworks or-”
Bill placed a hand on Charlie’s shoulder, silently asking him to stop whatever was about to come out of his mouth before looking between each of his family members individually.
“Really?” was the first thing to come out of his mouth, accompanied by an expression on his face that could only be described as a mixture of blatant anger and disbelief. “How could you all possibly forget that it’s her birthday? Especially after making such a big deal of building it up all year! I cannot believe that you-”
Bill was starting to raise his voice, feeling very overprotective of the girl he thought of as a sister. However, the last thing you wanted to do was cause conflict between family members so you piped up, interrupting Bill before he could yell.
Sticking your head out of the blanket trying your hardest not to let them see the tears that were dropping from your eyes, you spoke up in a shaky voice “It’s alright Bill, it’s really not a big deal, I understand.”
Charlie stood next to Bill and chimed in, finally understanding what had happened.
“It’s not okay, y/n! You deserve to be celebrated on your birthday and most of it has just been wasted!” It felt like Bill and Charlie were only going to get more upset the more you said it was fine so without sparing a single glance towards the others, you stood from the chair and ran out of the room and up the stairs.
You climbed up the stairs, past yours and Ginny's room, up past the twins room and Percy’s room, not stopping until you reached the attic. You climbed into the attic, crawling through it, avoiding the Weasley family ghoul as best as you could in your tearful journey, and pulled yourself through the little window in the corner to sit on the ledge.
Living with the Weasleys has been great, but it’s a lot more chaotic than you’ve ever been used to dealing with year round so it didn’t take too long for you to find this little escape spot. You found it one night when you couldn’t sleep, just before going back to school, crawling out to sit on the little ledge with just enough room for a few people to sit comfortably with their legs dangling off the edge.
This was your safe haven on the occasions when the fun chaos of the Weasleys got to be too much.
You sat down and finally just let yourself breathe in the night air, looking up at the starry sky as the tears fell for what felt like the thousandth time that day.
You were still observing the stars above when you felt somebody sitting on either side of you.
“Happy birthday, little Iris. We’re sorry that it went so awful.”
Feeling so exhausted from all that the day had made you feel you couldn’t help yourself as you simply replied with “All I wanted was a cake, maybe a card too?”
Bill wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his side as he spoke softly. “Well then it’s a good thing we came prepared, isn’t it Charlie?”
Charlie reached next to him and pulled a full size birthday cake, seemingly out of nowhere.
“Ta-daaaa! It’s your favourite kind too! Now, you’ll just have to imagine that there are candles lit on top of it because we didn’t have a chance to pick any up on the way here but hopefully it fits your birthday cake expectations regardless. Although we could probably find some sort of substitute somewhere, maybe one of Ron's f-”
“It’s perfect. Really, I love it so much and you both as well. Thank you for remembering, you’ve made this day a whole lot better.”
“Of course, anything for a sister of ours.”
“Happy birthday, y/n.”
~~~
If you liked it, please share and reblog!
<3
close as strangers | jeong jaehyun
title: close as strangers
pairing: jeong jaehyun x fem!reader
genre: childhood friends to strangers to friends, college!au, fluff, angst | requested
warnings: angst
summary: something breaks between you and Jaehyun when he starts dating the one who seems to be the love of his life. And you’re not sure you can cope with him slowly pushing you out of his life.
words: 7.446k
a/n: can't believe I finally wrote another one of the requests I got, the others will come out, I promise. I'm not sure it's exactly what the requester wanted (probably it's not sad enough, idk??) but I hope you'll like it anyway. Please let me know what you think with comments, reblogs or even asks!
“I’m not being annoying, I’m telling the truth,” you huff when Jaehyun pushes you away with a playful tug and calls you annoying for the nthtime.
“I’m not a loser, I have never been,” he replies, crossing his arms on his chest, and staring straight in front of him, trying to ignore you.
“Oh, please,” you roll your eyes, jumping on top of him and pulling his cheeks, moving his face side to side.
“Ouch, ouch,” he hisses, trying to pull away from your hold, but you only laugh and think that he looks so cute with his red cheeks, soft brown hair falling delicately on his forehead and beautiful eyes. “Stop it, fine, fine, I’m a loser.”
You cheer, happy about your victory but don’t move away from him. To strangers’ eyes it should be weird but for you two it’s only normal. You can’t even remember a moment when Jaehyun wasn’t by your side after you became best friends in kindergarten.
“I’m always right,” you quip, kissing his still red cheeks.
“She looked intimidating, I’m not like this anymore,” he defends himself again, and you find it entertaining. “You can’t call me a loser because my first crush was a failure. It’s been years.”
You shake your head, “I give it to you that she was too beautiful to even look at you,” you joke and at that he playfully hits your arm, only making you chuckle. “You were a loser in a cute kind of way. And you still act the same.”
Jaehyun huffs, shaking his head and gesturing for you to get off him. “See, you are annoying.”
You smile, silently following him into the kitchen, watching as he grabs a drink from the fridge and hands one to you. “So annoying I’m not even sure I can confess something to you.”
A furrow forms on your face, studying him with your tilted head. “Confess?”
“Yeah,” he says and when he meets your eyes his face blushes even more, “God, no, don’t think what you’re thinking, I don’t love you.”
“Oh, thank god,” you reply, but your heart doesn’t feel as light as your voice coming out of your lips. You hate it, or maybe you hate the way he says it, as if it would be so weird for him to love you. But you’re quick at shaking those thoughts out of your brain, at least for now. “So what is it?”
Jaehyun sighs, scratching his neck before nodding at the drink in your head, “You don’t want it?”
You gulp, you’d need it, but you’re not sure you’ll love whatever news he will drop and you’d like to avoid spitting it on his face. “No, sorry.”
He shrugs, grabbing it from your hand, and the light touch sends shivers down your skin.
“So, there’s this girl…”
There’s this girl…
Unfortunately, there’s this girl. Unfortunately, Jaehyun is head over heels for her.
He’s a loser, or maybe even more. So much that he gets annoying and you can’t stand him.
There should be nothing wrong with it, you should live this like any other of his crush, or relationships, but something inside of you is not letting it happen. You blame it on the fact he always talks about her, bringing her into every conversation even when she’s got nothing to do with it. You can’t see that you’re blinded by a feeling you never even imagined feeling.
Jaehyun is your best friend, nothing less, nothing more.
But apparently, your heart stopped seeing him this way a long time ago.
“I hate this class with a burning passion,” Jaehyun huffs, throwing away the pen he’s writing with as if he could throw away the headache that’s torturing him while he’s uselessly trying to memorize everything he needs for the exam.
You chuckle, lifting your eyes for a split second to look at him, grey hoodie over his hair and pissed-off expression staring at you as if you’re an alien for understanding everything so easily.
“I envy you so much, you’re so smart,” he complains again, drifting his gaze because the more he looks at you the madder he gets.
Your eyes roll back. “I’m not smart, lately all your blood is flowing in your pants, that’s why you can’t understand anything about uni lessons anymore.”
He glares at you. “Shut up, we didn’t even fuck.”
“Us?”
“Me and her,” he almost screams, staring at you with wide eyes. “Don’t make weird assumptions about us.”
You bite your lip, but not enough that you can stop yourself from asking a question you shouldn’t ask. “You wouldn’t?”
Jaehyun blinks repeatedly, staring at you with a furrow on his face. “Would, what?”
“Fuck with me.”
He scoffs, shaking his head, “Are you serious? Of course, I wouldn’t, we’re best friends.”
“Well, there are a lot of best friends that do it.” You know you’re shocking him with every word, you can see it in his wide-open eyes and mouth, but you can’t stop. It shouldn’t, but it is hurting your pride.
“Not us,” he replies as if it is obvious, it should be obvious, at least, and he doesn’t understand what had taken over you today. “Why would we?”
“I’m not saying we have to,” you whisper, tapping your shoes against the floor. “But you know, it can happen.”
Jaehyun laughs, “Sex never happens. It’s not some kind of fatality.”
“When you’re drunk?”
“Oh, yeah, depending on how drunk you are that falls into assault actually.”
You roll your eyes, “You know what I meant, just enough that you… you know what is happening but not enough to think about the consequences.”
“Yeah, that’s why we make sure to never cross that line when we drink, because we won’t let it happen.”
You hold back a bitter laugh, “You’re talking as if I’m the ugliest person you have ever seen.”
“I didn’t say that, you’re beautiful, you know I think that. I even think you can be hot when you want to,” he laughs, surely referring to your personal struggles of stepping out of certain comfort zones but you don’t find it funny. “Come on, you know I’m saying I won’t because we’re best friends, I’ve known you since you eat stick glue and the teachers wouldn’t let you close to them.”
You ignore his recall of that fun memory and go straight to the point, brain completely fogged by your hurt pride, rationality gone. “What if we weren’t?”
“But we are.”
“What if we weren’t?”
Jaehyun chuckles, at this point his laugh is awkward, and he hates he can’t seem to find any sign of a joke in your eyes. “Yes…” he answers hesitantly, and you don’t know if he means it or if it’s because he wants to make you happy and fool.
But you don’t press him anymore, after all, it doesn’t matter, you are best friends, and you can’t turn back time and change the events that lead you there right now, so you bring your attention back to the books.
“I can help you with what you don’t understand, I’m here for that,” you say.
“Are you mad? I genuinely think you’re beautiful, you know it. I just don’t want to lose you with sex.”
“I know, I agree, it got nothing to do with you, actually. Sorry, a bit of paranoia for a dick absence of six months,” you lie, blaming it on your lack of activity in bed would’ve dusted off that awkward moment you were going to reply in your brain for months probably. And Jaehyun believes it, an expression full of pity forming on his face and the same usual ‘your value doesn’t come from men wanting you,’ and you know, it might not come from men but from him? It does.
But it’s fine like this, at least with that lie you’re sure you didn’t scare him off, and when you propose to stay for dinner he doesn’t run away but helps you with that. It’s just you and him, like it had always been, only with a fire inside of you that you never wanted to light up, and you know it will burn you.
“You need to fix this room,” Jaehyun jokes, his breath puffing against your hair while you’re lying in your bed.
“Leave me alone, I’ve been sad lately,” you pout, rolling your body and hiding your face in the crook of his neck, his scent filling your senses.
“I can help you if you want,” he replies, caressing your back in circles.
“With my sadness?” You lift your neck to stare at him, finding him looking at you.
“With your room,” he shrugs.
You let out a whine, groaning while you pull away from his hold against your will. You like being there, embraced in his warmth. Jaehyun feels familiar, he always had, even before he actually was. And now you need to lull yourself into that feeling more than ever. But as you look around and see the state of your bedroom you realize he’s not wrong.
“You know how you could help?” You say, jumping around and facing him.
Jaehyun smiles, sitting up straight and leaning in. He’s so close to you that you can only see his eyes while all the rest fades away. “With a kiss?”
Your heart starts throbbing and you’re sure the temperature of your skin is rising, but you try to hide the dumb smile that’s forming on your face. You don’t answer, only melt on the spot when his lips meet your skin, pressing against your cheek with a loud sound.
“Fixed,” he giggles, caressing your cheek, ear and hair in a move he had always done since you were kids, the only difference was that now his hand cupped half of your face with ease. “Better?”
You hum, smiling but feeling another sting in your chest. You hopeful, hopeful girl wishing he would’ve kissed your lips instead.
“I wanted to propose to go buy groceries, by the way,” you chuckle, pulling the sleeves of your sweater over your hands.
Jaehyun laughs, shaking his head. “Yeah, your weird second sadness fixing.”
“Hey!” You yell, faking an offended grin on your face and he only pulls out his tongue before jumping in front of the closet and opening the doors. You don’t have time to tell him to stop that he’s crushed by a mass of clothes, and you’d like to be mad about it but when he sits on the floor with clothes all over him and glares at you, you can only laugh.
“It’s funny? I could’ve been killed and you’re laughing,” he jokes, scrolling the clothes off him and reaching you, starting to tickle you. “God, I’m a loser but you are so messy.”
“Stop, you will kill me,” you cry when his fingers are still torturing you, and only when you kiss his cheek he stops. “I’m sorry, I tried to warn you but you were too fast.”
Jaehyun rolls his eyes, letting out a sigh before a nervous laugh rolls out of his lips when he sees the mess in the room. “Now we will have to fix this, you know?”
You hum, hugging him, resting your chin on his shoulder. “It won’t take long if we’re two.”
“You did it on purpose, didn’t you?”
“You decided to open my closet, and for what?”
“I wanted to pick your clothes,” he whines, grabbing a handful of clothes and placing them on the bed to fold them. “Remember we used to do it?”
You laugh, doing the same and facing him on the other side. “When we had to go somewhere together and we wanted to have the same vibes, not to go buy some bread.”
“When aren’t we together?” He asks, staring at you with a superior grin.
“Fine, you’re right,” you give up, not able to hide the smile on your face. “But it wasn’t a sabotaging program from me.”
After half an hour the clothes are back at their place, this time folded and placed so they won’t fall on whoever dares to open the doors. And Jaehyun is waiting for you to change into the clothes he picked.
“All black because I have to match you?” You ask, looking at what he chose.
“Of course,” he shrugs, sitting on the bed, waiting for you to change into the new clothes. “Where are you going?” He asks when you start making your way to the door.
“Bathroom? I have to change?”
He chuckles before a furrow forms on his face when you stare at him with a serious expression, “We never changed in another room.”
“Yeah, but you’re dating now, or sort of.”
“Sort of,” he says, shaking his head to move back the hair that covers his eyes. “Come on, we always did that, even when one of us was dating.”
You hum, walking back toward the bed, placing the clothes on the soft duvet to get rid of the ones you’re already wearing. Jaehyun is right, you’ve always done it. Things like this, so intimate, so private, always happened between you two without a glint of embarrassment. But now it’s different. Now that your fingers slowly grip the hem of your sweater to pull it over your head, you feel as if he’s eyes are burning into your skin. You know he’s not looking at you in a different way, but you wish he did. You wish he would stand up and stand close to you, letting the sweater fall at your feet, while his broad body presses against you, slowly trapping you between him and the wall before he kisses you as if he waited all his life for that moment.
But it doesn’t happen. He never waited for that moment to happen, you did, probably, without realizing, thinking that this, the beautiful relationship you had, was going to turn into something different. But when you’re out of the sweater, it doesn’t fall at your feet, and your back is not pressing against the wall, and the humiliation of the thought that crossed your mind makes you dress once again quickly.
“Should we get something for dinner,” he proposes when you’re almost done with the shopping, cart half-full.
“Are you staying?”
“You don’t want me anymore?” He pretends to be offended, staring at you with wide eyes and a hand on his chest.
You roll your eyes, “Okay drama queen, let’s choose something and then let’s go, you need to help me with all these things.”
“See, you only use me for my muscles,” he pouts, pushing the cart, and purposefully hitting you with a swing of the hip.
“I’m sorry I don’t have any other strong man like you in my life,” you mimic in a silly voice, fanning yourself and resting your head on his shoulder.
“Though I was a loser,” he grins, looking down at you.
“Oh, you are.”
The evening proceeds as usual for you two, he helps you put things back in place, you spend a good ten minutes bickering over what you should choose to eat for dinner (as if the fight at the shop wasn’t enough), and then you settle down on the couch to eat while watching one of your favorite series, one of the few things you don’t even take a second to decide. Your head rests against his shoulder when you’re not eating or commenting on something, and his arms stay wrapped around your shoulder for the whole time.
It feels like home.
Jaehyun knows exactly where to throw the things you used, he even washes the dishes while you go wash up and then you switch places, drying them while he does what you just did. He even knows where you keep the blankets so you could lay back on the couch comfortably.
And that’s how you fall asleep, with Jaehyun’s arms wrapped around your waist and his chin resting on your head, squeezing into the small couch because sleep took over you before you could even think of dragging your tired legs to your bedroom. Netflix is still running, playing more episodes before it goes on standby and the night is quiet outside while you lull into each other.
It feels like home.
The bubble that you and Jaehyun lived in is menacing to burst. You don’t want to be a hater, but every time he talks about her you feel your insides turn upside down.
You think that meeting her will soothe you down a little, that maybe you can find something in her that it’s not as amazing as Jaehyun says to be, something he hates but he didn’t see, too focused in the rush of the moment.
But when you meet her, your last hope falls apart.
Of course, Jaehyun is head over heels for her.
Not only she is objectively beautiful, funny and smart, but she’s everything he ever wanted.
You know his type, thanks to all the nights up spent talking about love and the other kids in your classes, from the silly, meaningless flings in elementary school, until now. His type never changed a lot, and now that you look back at it, and stare at her in silence, you realize you never fit in the box.
Yes, you’re beautiful, funny, and smart, but not in the same way she is, not in the way Jaehyun wants.
If you had to place her and yourself on a line, you would be on the far opposite ends.
“So, how did you meet?” You ask, even if you already know it, but you need to fill the silence while Jaehyun left you two alone to get in line to grab the food, and somehow you don’t want to know more about her.
She smiles at you, teeth so perfect that you wonder how they aren’t fake and then says, “It was a coincidence, you know those cliché types of meeting in movies?” You nod, playing with the napkin at your side. “We run into each other while we were both running late for the bus, we never caught it but we met each other. Destiny is great sometimes.”
You nod, mumbling ‘sure,’ forcing yourself to be happier about it. Because if he’s happy, you’re happy and vice versa, that’s how it always worked in your friendship. But right now you can’t be happy about anything, you can’t do anything but feel a lump in your throat when Jaehyun comes back and leaves a small peck on her forehead while placing the food in front of her but doesn’t do the same with you. He would’ve had. He used to be so physical with you and now you feel like you can’t even remember what a hug feels like.
But you swallow the gulp in your throat and try to make conversation, trying not to hate her because she doesn’t deserve it. Because now you know that even if you went back in time and changed things, Jaehyun wouldn’t have looked at you anyway. He probably wouldn’t have even looked at you like a friend, so this was the best you could get.
This was a dream. The same dream that was before, only with a stinging pain in your chest.
Somewhere along the line, it turns into a nightmare. It’s not when you realize that this is meant to be, that they are not a temporary story bound to break but something meant to last. After six months Jaehyun still looks at her with the same heart-shaped eyes, ears almost perking up like a dog when her name is spoken, and cheeks turning cheesily red every time she looks at him.
And you can only shake your head thinking that he is a loser, and the reason you hate it so much it’s because Jaehyun is not a loser for you.
You are for him. You are a clown, probably, and it’s even worst.
“Where were we when it happened?” You barely register Jaehyun talking to you, too lost in your thoughts, shaking your head to stare at him while your brain works fast to remember what he was talking about.
“Oh, it was the cabin we went to for my eighteenth birthday,” you say, forcing a smile to curl your lips.
“Yeah, right, that place was magical, we should go someday.”
“Oh, yes, that would be great,” you reply, thinking he’s talking to you but when he giggles your smile drops.
“No, honey, me and her,” he says, finger moving back and forth between himself and his girlfriend. “Remember that there was some sort of couples discounts or tours, there was a spa, right?”
You gulp, but push down the burning sensation in your throat it’s hard. “I guess, I don’t remember,” your voice comes out more stern than you want but Jaehyun doesn’t notice, he doesn’t care.
“Maybe I’ll text your mom, she’ll definitely know,” he says before turning to her again.
And you sit there, in silence, fighting back the tears because selfishly you don’t want your memories of your eighteenth birthday to be fogged by their new ones. That was your place, one of the many, and the idea of him going there kills you.
It’s dramatic, it’s stupid, but it’s exactly how you feel.
“I booked two seats at our favorite movie theatre, and you won’t believe it, but the movie we wanted to see it’s in our favorite room and I also got our favorite seats, the magic of the internet,” you cheer happily over the phone, your pc still open on the cinema page with the confirmation of the payment.
“Oh,” you hear Jaehyun from the other side. “For this Friday?”
You hum, still smiling thinking that you finally got to see the sequel you both waited for so long.
“I don’t think I can.”
You furrow. “What do you mean? Friday it’s our cinema night out, we always go there when there are new movies we like. We’ve been waiting for this for years.”
“Yeah, I know but it slipped my mind,” he says. “I have to meet her parents.”
Your jaw falls on the floor. It feels surreal, at this point you’re not even mad because he forgot but he’s going to meet her parents? After eight months?
“You hate meeting parents,” you chuckle, the words coming out of your mouth in a way that’s screaming you can’t believe them.
“Not hers.”
“What do you mean? The only parents you don’t hate are mine.”
“Maybe not anymore,” he sighs, and you can picture him rubbing his chin from the other side of the line. “Listen, she cares about this a lot.”
“I care about it too.”
“A movie over a dinner with my girlfriend’s parents? Please be serious.”
You hate how mocking his voice is, you hate that to him your plans are nothing.
“But I told you this Monday I was going to book them, why couldn’t you postpone it with her?”
“Because her mother proposed, I couldn’t say I couldn’t go because I had to watch a stupid movie.”
You hum, squeezing your eyes shut to push back tears, hoping he couldn’t hear your sniffle.
“Yeah, sure, have fun.” You have to close the call, his words and voice hurting you like thousands of needles against your skin.
You stare blankly at the screen, the map of the theatre still open with the colored seats you had selected and the transaction approved. A small crack forms in your heart when you realise that the night you had planned together wasn’t going to happen.
You get up, closing the laptop, you would’ve checked later if you could’ve got a refund, but now you just wanted to stare at your ceiling and let yourself go to silent tears.
It was just a stupid movie.
It was just a stupid movie.
If only after a while a lot of things didn’t start to be stupid.
Lunches out at your favorite place during lesson breaks.
Nights up playing video games at your place or watching movies at his.
Even studying together for the exams, or your usual study hangouts to keep up with the lessons, became stupid.
Jaehyun being in love wasn’t painful anymore, but Jaehyun cutting you out of his life was killing you.
If he sat next to you during lessons it felt like a miracle and even then he would talk to you just a little. And you couldn’t understand why. It wasn’t the first time he was in love, and for how serious their story could be, was it necessary to cut you out like that?
You shared every moment together. And you can’t accept this ending like this.
“It’s been a lot since we last have been together,” you say, for a mere coincidence you two are walking together out of the last lesson of the day and he still hasn’t pulled away to go somewhere else, barely even warning you.
“Yeah, I’ve been busy,” Jaehyun replies, head low on his white converse on the ground.
You’ve been ignoring me, you’d like to answer but don’t. Not really in the mood to ruin this moment, it feels normal, like all the days you used to share going everywhere together. There weren’t silly jokes, and your arms weren’t intertwined, but it was better than nothing.
“Why don’t you come to mine this weekend? We don’t have a lot of essays, we could just order take out and spend some time together, like the old times.”
“Yeah, why not,” Jaehyun replies, turning his head to look at you with a smile.
Yeah, the old times.
The ones that are long gone now that you’re sitting on the floor, pillows all around you, your blanket covering your bodies, empty food boxes at your feet and the tv playing a movie not you nor him are paying attention to.
You’re too focused on him and he’s too focused on his phone.
You can see from the smile on his face that he’s texting her, he had been since all night actually. You could barely make a conversation while you were eating, either receiving no answer or syllables as one.
The old times are long gone, and you’re not sure you can live like this.
The decision came to you one night, after hours of crying all your tears while going through your old chats with Jaehyun and scrolling through the pictures you’ve taken together.
You couldn’t live like this anymore.
If he had decided to cut you out of his life, you were going to do the same with him.
But saying it was easier than doing it, and now that you found yourself under the tree you used to wait for him when you had different lessons, you don’t feel so confident about this anymore.
This is worst than confessing, it’s more humiliating because if you did that, he would simply reply that he doesn’t like you back, but saying you need to cut strings with him means that he won’t fight for you. You already know it, it had been written in the last months when he started to slip away from your hold more and more, at first without you even noticing, and now you were there.
“Hey,” he calls your name, and it feels weird on his tongue now, it’s not playfully, it’s not teasing, it’s not full of love, it’s cold and distant, and you hate that his happiness with another person took you there. You can’t blame yourself, because even though the pain, you always supported them, you couldn’t make him pay for not proving something for you, so why was he making you pay for feeling something for somebody else?
“Hey,” you smile back before taking a deep breath, trying to gather the courage to break off the longest-running friendship of your life. But no amount of nights up and preparatory speeches prepared you for this. It’s a crash of words and screams. Jaehyun doesn’t get why you would break your friendship for some ‘no’ and you telling him it wasn’t just that.
“Than what it is? I don’t get it, are you jealous I’m happy?”
“God, no, why would I even be jealous,” you reply with a bitter offended chuckle. Yes, you are jealous, but jealousy is not the thing that is making you do this, you could live with that, you could live watching his eyes light up when he stares at somebody else, you could live hearing her name roll out of his lips so sweetly, you could even live with them being always together, reminding you every second how happy they were. What you can’t live with is the pain his detachment brings along. You can’t do it anymore because now that your head lifts up and you look at him, you can’t recognize the person you grew up with anymore.
“Then can you tell me what’s wrong?” He insists, huffing loudly.
You bite your tongue, you can’t confess, you can’t tell him you love him, you can’t. It’s a secret you want to bring to your tomb, but you slip.
“You do what?”
Your eyes widen when you realize what you said, hands covering your mouth as if you could take it back. And you find yourself thinking that having the power of turning back time would be a great thing. You would’ve used it so much, but you don’t have it, and you’re forced to pay the price for all the stupid mistakes you’re making.
“Nothing.”
“You love me?” He asks before a groan of your name comes out of his mouth to demand an answer you don’t want to give him.
“No, I love you as a friend, and I… I hate that you’re cutting me off,” you lie, lips shaking, eyes full of tears falling freely down your cheeks. It’s pathetic, you can’t even remember the last time you cried in front of him, but it surely wasn’t as humiliating as this. There was no reassurance in his eyes this time, no strong arms to wrap around you and hold you tight while he whispered that everything would’ve been alright, but there was no use for a lie, nothing was going to be alright. It was just an already written mess.
“Don’t lie to me,” he hisses through gritted teeth, and you lower your head, sobbing silently.
“It doesn’t matter,” you scream to the ground, to yourself. No, it doesn’t matter, what you feel doesn’t matter, you don’t matter. To him, you don’t matter, not like you used to for sure.
“It does, that’s why you wanted to know if I would have sex with you?”
You rub your face and shake your head. “No, I… I don’t care, I don’t even want you to love me back. I need us to be done.”
“Because I said no? Because I hang out with my girlfriend? You are jealous, of course, you care.”
“I’m not jealous, I wish I at least still had the same place in your heart, I was your best friend, you loved spending time with me, we were close, we were happy and now, you avoid me. You don’t even sit next to me in class.”
Jaehyun sighs, shaking his head before turning around and walking in a circle. You wish you could read him like you used to do, but you can’t understand if he’s mad or sad, maybe both.
“How you loving me doesn’t come between us?” He asks when it seems he made up his mind.
“It doesn’t, it’s… it’s not even love. I need time alone, Jaehyun,” you sigh, his full name rolling out of your lips hurts. “I’m happy for you, I truly am, but you’re so distant and you’ve never been like this and I can’t take it.”
Another loud sigh comes out of Jaehyun’s lips, the more he stares at you the less he could understand, but he couldn’t blame you for feeling what you felt, you surely didn’t do it on purpose and you hated what you felt more than him probably, considering you were suffering so much to the point of breaking what held you together for so long.
“So what do we do? Ignore each other?”
You sniffle. “You are already ignoring me.”
“I – I’m sorry, maybe I did but I didn’t notice,” he justifies with a slightly offended tone. “I’ve never been better than now, and I don’t want this to change.”
“And that’s fine,” you reply, holding your bag closer to you, “It’s fine but I need you out of my life because like this, with you being half in and half out, I can’t go on. I can’t move, and I… I just hate being this away from you. But it’s fine, as long as you’re happy, I’ll be fine.”
You thought that was going to be liberating but it turned out not to be. Not when Jaehyun was the only one you knew. Sure, you talked around on campus here and there, but the only one you could count on was him. Too afraid to meet people and too tired to open up with them.
Jaehyun already knew everything, in fact, no one else knew you how much Jaehyun did.
And not having him anymore was the worst feeling ever.
It was hard not picking up the phone to tell him something in the heat of the moment, but all your last sent texts with no answer or ‘I’ll watch it later,’ were the awakening you needed to put the phone down and feel your heart sink to your knees. You couldn’t have texted him anyway but the reminder of the last cold months was enough to make you believe it was the right choice.
You had survived a lot of things, with him by your side, you could survive even this, without him.
So you try to concentrate on your studies, hoping all the words will drown you in a sea that is not as acid as the one that your brain drags you into when Jaehyun crosses your mind. And it works, only until you decided that you can’t lose your sanity over books and essays and maybe you should find a better way to cope with this.
It’s not easy, every step you move on your own reminds you of how present Jaehyun has always been in your life. From the silliest things such as studying or buying something you needed, to the biggest and most important steps of your life.
It’s heart-wrenching, really, to imagine your future without him. The graduation you planned won’t be the same, the holiday you longed for so much after that won’t probably even exist, and there won’t be nights up spent together trying to navigate the job world. And when your mind wonders further you realize there will be no wedding day, even when you would’ve found the right person for you, the one that can truly take that place in your heart and push Jaehyun out of there, he won’t be there, by your side, being your man of honor. And you won’t be at his, and now it sounds better like this, but with time, knowing you would’ve moved on from him, it only brings a lingering pain in your chest.
You miss him.
You miss yourself with him.
Because even after a few weeks when you decided to go out, sign in some college clubs to make new friends, and you do, you find a group of people you like, you still can’t be your true self like you were with him. They wouldn’t get you, there are high possibilities they might even find you weird, with your random singing and dancing, and your silly faces to make him laugh, or the started conversation in the middle of another one even if they weren’t related at all. There are so many more sides of you they would never understand. And you can only be yourself in the four walls of your room, but even there, you feel like you’re hard to find.
Time passes by and you feel like you’re doing better. You finally found your place in the world without him, taking time to focus on your passions, your studies, and new people that are slowly making you feel understood.
You barely see Jaehyun anymore, let alone interact with him. When you cross in the corridors or in class you ignore him just as much as he ignores you. Well, at least you try to, because you feel that if you stare for too long you will fall in the same hole you got yourself out of with difficulty.
And you succeed until the holiday approach and you feel just a bit lonelier, you can’t help but think back at the times you spent together, afternoons spent walking around town to see the decorated shops and city’s lights, or drinking hot chocolate together while you studied the last things before the winter break, or how his mother would video call as a coincidence all the time when he was in the bathroom and you two would end up talking more than them.
But you learned how to sigh and shrug those thoughts away, coming to terms with the fact that you will always miss the feeling of home he meant for you.
But it still hurts, not like before, but it’s still there, when your eyes linger on him and his arm wrapped around her in some classes you share, or when you barge into them outside, his head laying against hers, or her eyes looking up at him while her nose scrunches and he kisses that playful pout away.
It’s an annoying type of pain, it’s not even love anymore, or at least you try to convince yourself, it’s like when you feel the need to scratch a part of your body you just can’t scratch, that’s what Jaehyun is, a part you will have to carry with you forever, even if he’s not part of your life anymore, because he will always be a part of you.
But you’re doing fine.
You truly are.
It simply gets heavy at times to carry that dead weight around, but you are light. There’s a bright future waiting for you, and you’re hopeful you won’t be alone with your new friends supporting you and distracting you when sometimes your brain decides to sabotage you.
But you’re still moving on with your life, small steps taking you further on the road every day. Well, that’s it until one morning you open the door to find Jaehyun standing there with his same old brown jacket, ruined shoes and the same, somehow still familiar, face.
“What are you doing here?” Is the only thing your brain manages to formulate, it’s not a harsh question, there’s not even hesitation in your voice, you’re just genuinely surprised.
“Can we talk?” He asks, moving his weight side to side on his feet.
So a few minutes later you are sitting on the couch, a cup of coffee in front of you and silence fills the room with a weird atmosphere. You don’t think it’s awkward, but it’s not even as comfortable as the silence between you two used to be. Anyway, you can’t keep this going for much longer, you’re not used to having him so close, you can still faintly make out his scent that now is surely mixed with hers, and that brings back too many memories you’re not sure you want to revive right there.
“So? Do you need something? Or maybe something happened?”
Jaehyun doesn’t answer right away, he sighs, nervously tapping his feet on the floor and playing with his thumbs before he turns around to look at you.
“I know why you wanted us to stop being friends, and I respect that. I didn’t react in the best way but I was surprised and mad, I won’t lie, I know I pushed you away but back then I still had you, and when you decided to cut me off I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I had to do it,” you say, crossing your legs and studying his expression, he’s barely making eye contact with you, gaze moving around to room to find words he probably doesn’t even know.
“I know,” he hums, lowering his head. “But I miss you. And I… I’d like to at least be friends again but I also respect if you don’t want to, maybe you still love m –”
“No,” you stop him, “I don’t… I liked you, at least I think so.”
“Is there really a difference?”
“Yeah, the latter should be less painful.”
“Was it?”
You raise your gaze, locking eyes with him, and when you still feel a striking pain in your heart, you deny it with a movement of your head. “But I don’t love you anymore,” you still add. It’s true. You miss him, but that’s a different feeling.
“So… can we be friends again? I promise I’ll make up time with you. I was so caught up in her that I just… I didn’t notice you were slipping out of my mind.”
You hum, shaking your head and scratching your neck. “It’s fine, it was in the past.”
“Yeah, but I hurt you.”
“I’m fine, Jae. It doesn’t matter.” Or it does, but is there something you can do to fix it? You can’t turn back around.
He nods, drifting his gaze away again and you know he’s waiting for an answer you’re not sure you can give him. Not right on the spot. It’s true that you want him back, but you’re not sure taking him back won’t break you down again.
“I need to think about it,” you whisper after a few minutes, watching his eyes drop, that wasn’t the answer he wanted, but you have to put yourself first. If there was something that this taught you was that lesson. After all, you were always going to have yourself and not anybody else.
“My mother says hi,” you say while pushing your phone back into your pocket and start to walk back to Jaehyun’s side.
“Oh, it’s been a while since I last heard from her,” he replies, a small smile curls his lips as he keeps moving next to you to reach the closest cafe.
Yes, after a week or more of asking yourself the same question you were able to make a decision and take him back. You had set some rules, telling him that you needed time, and maybe sometimes you would’ve needed time to yourself, but Jaehyun understood, after all, you two were always the same, even if you changed, even if you drifted apart, he was still the only one that knew you so deeply and vice versa.
So, it started slowly, allowing each other to text, not as often as you used to do, not with the same tone or conversations of your old texts, but it was something. After a while, he started sitting close to you during some lessons, not always, and not only because he wanted to be with her, but also because you didn’t want to have him that close again. You still needed time, and even if you got back together you could feel it wasn’t the same as before. You don’t talk about the future anymore, and the few times some doubts spill out you two are never in each other’s plans. You don’t rest your head on his shoulder anymore, not that one night you decided to watch a movie together, not the few times you sit next to each other in class. You don’t poke his cheeks, burying your finger in his dimple. You don’t change in front of each other anymore. You don’t go grocery shopping together. You don’t spend nights up rewatching your favorite series.
And you are terrified that with time you wouldn’t have recognized not even a small piece of him. But you let that in the future, deciding to focus on the present, and on yourself.
You are fine, you found yourself again, and you had Jaehyun in your life.
Nothing is as before, you used to be home to each other, different sides of the same coin, partners in life, and now, you’re just standing there, side by side, an invisible line separating you.
In strangers’ eyes you two look just fine, like any other friends would appear, but to you, in your heart, you’re as close as strangers.
I hope you liked it, if you did please leave feedback is always appreciated! ♡
A really short fic I wrote about Byakuya and Hisana! It's probably a bit inaccurate because I wrote this a while back when I had just gotten into Bleach, but otherwise...enjoy!