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How can I hold on when every day feels like a battle?

How can I believe in us when the world seems to be conspiring against us?

© Flynn Caulfield

I'm unsure of where to turn or what to believe. Is this love worth fighting for? Or am I simply clinging to a dream that is destined to shatter? The weight of it all is crushing me, leaving me feeling small and insignificant.

—Flynn Caulfield, from "Extinguished"

Dorianne Laux, from Smoke; “Last Words”

I don't wanna lose you, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's inevitable.

—Flynn Caulfield

Sunrise.

Extinguished

Another storm raging within me. The world outside my window is a blur of gray. Every raindrop that falls from the heavens seems to carry a piece of my heart with it, washing it away with the relentless torrent. Leaving me feeling more hollow with each passing moment. I am a prisoner of my own house, unable to escape the confines of my grief.

I once believed love was a tranquil oasis. But now, it feels like an unrelenting war against forces beyond my control. I feel like I'm drowning, suffocating under the weight of societal expectations. You've been extinguished, leaving me in the darkness of despair. A heavy stone around my neck. I gasp for air in a world that doesn't seem to want me.

They paint me as a stain on their perfect little family portrait. It's as if I'm a leech sucking the life from their prized possession. But I'm only a young woman with a heart full of love. Their words feel like a thousand tiny daggers, impaling my soul.

I long for the simple days when our love was a secret, precious treasure. Untainted by the prying eyes of others. I've tried to stand tall against the acid rain. But now it seems so unattainable, like a distant star I can only admire from afar. And nothing I do seems to be enough.

I fear that this is slowly eroding the foundation of our love. Honey, I can feel it crumbling beneath our feet.

You try to be strong for both of us, but I can see the strain it's putting on you. You're caught in a crossfire between your heart and your duty. It's a heavy burden to bear.

Sometimes, I wonder if it's all worth it. If the pain and heartache are worth fighting for. Oh, I wish I could just vanish into thin air and leave all of this behind. But then I look into your hopeful gaze, and I see a love so pure, so unconditional. And I know that I can't give up on us.

I'm tired of being a victim. I'm tired of feeling like I don't belong. I'm going to fight for our love. No matter what it takes. No matter how difficult it may become. I'm going to prove to everyone, including myself, that we are worth fighting for.

© Flynn Caulfield

I keep replaying our conversation in my head.

—Flynn Caulfield

I love your blog! 🩷

Aww thank you! :)

I love yours too! 🫶🏻🩷

"I see the hurt in your eyes. It's a reflection of the mess I've made of things."

—Flynn Caulfield, Gilded Cage

Ernest Hemingway

The feminine urge to absolutely melt into a mans arms just to be able to turn your brain off and not be scared or anxious for just a few seconds.

Gravity

I see you shine in the crowd that savors your glory Fiercest of elements would agree if I adored you to a fault Oh well, your gravity is mightier than my cry for you in this story

Show me again, what's worth worshipping within this plight Something tells me I will beg to differ While your nectar laden gaze sustains me for a fortnight

Dangle in front of me, a path I can't follow if it led me to a midnight sea My ink falls short in doing justice to your pull Your fleeting presence tells me this can never be

I will feel you in the moonlight that you must be looking at this moment that the night conspires How I would follow you to the ends of the earth if you utter the words How I would let you shatter my heart if it fuelled your command that everyone admires

As much of your incendiary attraction I can stomach which triggers in me a quake I will pen my feelings and send them to the stars that do not align for us But even the most fearsome solar storms can't stop me from basking in your wake

--- The Creaky Writer

I drive across our spot

there are teenagers experiencing love for the first time, like we did.

hands nervously twisting until held silent in each other's palm

new carvings on the tree where ours stood

here's where I finally got the courage to blurt out, I love you

and I didn't tell you, but sometimes I sneaked out of house and sat at out bench

imagining the feeling of butterflies up my throat

how your hand lingered on my hair, just a second too long and you made me feel like the prettiest girl in the world

but that's the thing with butterflies

they like to move

Emily Henry / Funny Story

Every corner holds a ghost of you.

—Flynn Caulfield

Drowning

Sunlight kissed our petals, and gentle rain nourished our roots. We bloomed together. The world was a blur of colors, sounds, and the relentless pressure of your gaze.

We’d been inseparable, or so we thought. But seasons change. And the cracks in our perfect image were growing wider. Deeper. You thrived in the spotlight's glare, while I sought refuge in shadows.

I remember the day we built that sandcastle. It was perfect, just like us. But the tide came in and washed it all away. I see that now as a cruel foreshadowing.

Every touch now feels like an electric shock. Every word sounds like broken glass. How did we get here? When did our love story turn into this tragic script?

Hell! I'm so lost.

You're the warmth that coaxed me from the earth. But even the sun cannot perpetually shine. And in the absence of its golden rays, I have found myself shrinking. My petals closing tight against the cold.

You know, I tried to save it. To nourish those dying petals, but my hands were weak. The soil became barren, unable to sustain life.

One evening, as the weight of your absence pressed down on me, I retreated to my room. The walls seemed to close in, suffocating me with the echoes of our fights. I curled up on my bed. 

Tears streamed down my face. I was drowning, and there was no lifeguard in sight. The girl who laughed easily and dreamt without fear has vanished. In her place is a hollow shell, filled with sadness and despair. I'm crumbling into countless pieces. So fucking tired of the storms that rage within us.

© Flynn Caulfield

"You hold a pretty special place in my heart."

—Flynn Caulfield

I still search for remnants of you in this desolate terrain. But all I find are whispers of the past, carried on the mournful winds. They taunt me with fleeting glimpses of what once was.

—Flynn Caulfield

How Do We Mend This?

The house feels like a hollowed-out echo of itself. The laughter that once danced through these rooms like sunbeams now hangs heavy in the air. We've become two halves of a whole drifting apart like ships in a fog.

It's as if an invisible force has crept between us. Once, there was a lush garden. We tended it together with every passing day. But now, a frost has descended upon our Eden, chilling our hearts and turning our once verdant paradise into a barren wasteland.

Mom keeps saying we need to spend more time together. She's right, of course. But it's not that simple. School, friends, our own worlds—they've pulled us apart. I miss the way things used to be. Oh, I miss you.

Weekends spent in separate rooms. I long for the days when our souls were entwined, when a single glance could convey volumes. Now, our conversations are reduced to awkward silences and polite nods. It's like walking on eggshells.

I find myself wandering through the house like a lost soul, searching for fragments of our past. The worn armchair where we would spend hours talking, the kitchen table where we shared countless meals and secrets—these places now feel like empty shells.

Everything's changed.

Us.

We were the colors in each other's palette, blending seamlessly to create a masterpiece. But somewhere along the way, the colors began to fade, the threads frayed.

I try to reach out and bridge the abyss that has opened between us, but the words seem to catch in my throat like sand.

I fear that the distance between us has grown into an insurmountable chasm. The boy I once knew, with a heart as vast as the ocean, seems to have retreated to an island of solitude. How can I reach you across this expanse? How can I rekindle the flame that once burned so brightly within us? 

I don't know what the future holds. All I know is that I can't lose you completely. We've shared too much, laughed too hard, cried too often to let it die. I'm afraid of the silence growing into an impenetrable wall. But most of all, I'm afraid of facing the truth—that maybe it's too late to mend what's broken. I have to find a way to bring us back. For both our sakes.

© Flynn Caulfield

I wander through this barren landscape of my heart.

—Flynn Caulfield

I’ve constructed a fortress around myself Believing it would protect me Instead, it has become a prison Isolating me From the warmth of your heart.

—Flynn Caulfield

The night unfurls its velvet cloak And as darkness envelops me So too does the memory of him.

—Flynn Caulfield