Seagoddess - Tumblr Posts

OH!! how the Siren calls.

Lately I have been taking more in to account of how I behave. I see how people respond to me. I can say this is a good and bad thing. I'm usually on the extreme ends of the pendulum. Ether too good or not good enough.

This falls in the relm of me advising people. Being the Reader that I am. I have to choose very carefully how I say things, when I need to advise people. Because they actually do listen to me. One of the people I'm talking about is my dearest sister witch! The Enchantress. The Enchantress and I have been friends for a while. We first met in Harlem. When I starting to phase out of 20's in to my more mature adult phase of my life. She and I, like in the movies met at a coffee house. Sparked conversations over how I was feeling that day. Having felt stuck at a job that did not appreciate me. I could not quit because at that time I was just finishing up my associates. It would have been more challenging to quit while I was focused on my school work.

I nicked named her the Enchantress, because all who meet her are so spell bound by her beauty and her softness. It's something you just have to experience. Words cannot justify the feeling you get when being around her. How as an individual, she radiates more than a group of 10 people. It's just a delight to be around her. I can say I lost my breath by her friendship by how she's influenced my life. To give a better understanding of what she''s about. She's a young woman in her early 30's late 20's that has a career in construction as a safety coordinator. Among the city of New York, she walks all through the city. Strutting her petite curves and her sister locks. Enchanting all who lay eyes on her.

The Enchantress is what I like to call a desire. A love witch. SHE does glamours and love spells. Not that she needs to. But! these are the areas of expertise. It's just what she like to work with. Me! I like to know shit before hand. I don't like to know things last min. You know, things will fall apart and others will make you look like a joke!

When Muggles can tell. That you're different from them, they'll treat you bad. And that's been the case for me. Like Sofia said in the color purple. " All my life I had to fight." " A fem child is not safe in a house full of mens" I mean hey I paraphrased the last part. But! it still holds weight. I'm writing about her because I would like for you all to know of her before. I tell you things about what I experience with her. that also effect me too. This is a story that needs to be told.

.................To be continued!!

WHATS WRONG?

Absolutely........ Nothing, nothing is the matter. For the first time in decades I have felt normal!!!! Ok, OK, Ok, I have to admit, with some help of a quarter of a 100 MG eatable. I feel great!!

Today I was not feeling my best. I had been on a CARNIVORE DIET for about a week now.

But!!! I just ended it today. I just dontbhtink that it is for me. I had notice that my poop was very tiny and I looked extra bulky. My breath started stink. And when I sweat, from like walking for a long distance. I smelled like deli meat. "JUST TOO FUCKING GROSE." If I were around the gays, I'm sure some one would have been very turned on.

I say this because when I would take off my clothes at the end of the night to take my nightly shower. I smelled so much like a masculine man. And yes I was turned on my own smell. But! walking around the city and doing my job. I hated how my inwardly smell, smelled. If that makes any sense. Like as if I could smell inside out of myself.

Any who that was not what I went on that diet for. I tried the diet just to see if there were any differences in my social behavior and physical feeling when working out. And yes! There was! I did not feel hungry for most of the day. I did have more energy. However, I have noticed that I have been being more aggressive to people. In stature, conversation and in social cues. Almost as if I'm initiating aggression. I think that eating a high protein diet, did dramatically increased my testosterone levels.

After all, this is how the early man did eat. Wit all that being said I stopped today because I listened to my body and it was craving greens and I just had to listen. I notice that my stomach has gone down and I'm farting a lot more, I'm sorry, I know too much info. However, all of this is a good thing. I think.

Albiet, I have been focused on what It is that I feel that I have been lacking. But! tonight! I feel like I have found a new sight. A new way of looking at the world. And yes! There's some non conventional thing thats helping me view the world in this capacity.

For the last seven years, I have had some what of a sense of normalcy. But I work too much to feel it. But before my current "securing" career, I had been struggling like a ugly bitch tryin to look in the mirror without breaking it. Almost impossible, right? But now a days, they have the confidence of a rhino in a tutu, how? I have no Idea.

Just as crazy as my analogy is, is how I managed to pull some things together. For the longest time, I had struggled with the wave. The wave of couch surfing. Surfing in friends and families houses. Until I Finally listened to what people had to say to me. My Egun!

When I was surfing, I did not have structure. I had no real sleeping schedule. I had no real security in my life. I had to eat until I felt full. I was rocking 3 different pairs of shoes. And these shoes were three different styles. One pair was an everyday wear that no matter what style I Rocked I pulled together. The 2nd pair was an athletic look. A pair I could do some running with but also, had a sporty feel to it. And last but not least was the 3rd pair, which was more of a shoe than a sneaker.

Today, I had pulled together a look that was so simple yet so cute. I wished I had pulled a picture together and snapped a photo of it.

As a matter of FACT LET ME TAKE SOME RIGHT NOW!!!!

( YELLOW GOOD FELLOW SHIRT)

(LEVI'S 36/34)

(LIGHT WEIGHT BOMER JACKET)

(PALLADIUM BOOTS)

For me this is all important because I used to be some form of a sex worker. I noticed that most young gays tend to lean in to that life for a little bit because it's a sure way to get your basic needs met! For me, I Had no clue what to do. But I knew that that was one way of getting hat I needed. I did not intend to do it. I literally just happen to do it. I fell in to it.

SO! Me wearing these clothes, help me see, my self progress. When I see these clothes here. I don't see a struggling hungry person. Who’s willing to do some things just so he's not cold or hungry. The world is not nice to young men. It's definitely a dog eat dog world out here. I now wear a 36 waist instead of a 32. I wear a large to an Xtra Large shirt.

I have never been so proud of myself. For those of you who don't understand men sizes. I use to be a size 12 in women jeans and I dropped down to a size 2 going into a zero. Thats how skinny I used to be. People often confused me for a bald headed tranny. Tall skinny and fem. With some meaty parts but mostly bones.

Tonight I felt like a main character. Which fo rme is such a big deal. bevause I had been living my lid=fe like a side character. I should et an award for best supporting role. bevause honey. When I tell you!!!! The way I have been there for so many any bitches.

"YES! EVERYONE IS BITCH OT ME. & YES! MEN ARE BITCHES TOO"

I have not been this so unbothered since High school. I have money. A bed to rest my head in. Work thats a different kind of danger. And I am well fed. I nothing to bitch or complain about. If I were to take pictures and show you how many clothes I have. How many shoes, bags and regular accessories. You'd think you were in some form of Boutique.

I just wanted to share some things with all of you and get all of this off my chest. It had been so long for me to say, I feel safe now!

I also think that one of the reasons as to why I feel so good is because I am being crowned YEMAYA.

Mother, Ocean Orisha. Even though she is a river deity. We happen to work with her at the oceans here. So if any Nigerians are reading this. lol First off. Hiii, and 2ndly Welcome. 3rdly I'm sorry, I know over here in the States we do things differently than what you guys do over there.

On Nov 15, I am going in. Getting the deed finally started after 15 years of being an apprentice. learning and growing. I too, will now be a full priest OF the religion. And for those of you who don't know. It's Santeria!! "Mafede-Foon Yemaya!!!"

There's just so many good things happening to me in my life. I have to say thank you. Thank you to my spirits. Thank you to the Orisha and thank you to GOD. Thank you ALL. Well. I'ma go tot bed. Good night to all.