Simon Riley X John Mactavish - Tumblr Posts

Clingy!Simon Riley who's having a heart bloom when he see's you with Cherry in the dog adoption centre.

Clingy! Simon Riley who loves to see you play with Cherry in park and obviously gets a baby fever when he saw you with little kids.

Clingy! Simon Riley who get's only a little jealous when he can't sleep in your lap when Cherry is already claiming it.

Clingy! Simon Riley who stiffles a whine when you are not home, walking Cherry out while he so wants to kiss you, feel you and love you.

Clingy! Simon Riley who hates the worry that crosses your eyes when Cherry gets sick, hates how the skin under eyes turns bruising purple with the lack of sleep as you both sit there, cradling your little baby Cherry.

Clingy! Simon Riley who can't fuck you on the kitchen counter when Cherry is wiggling it's tail, wanting more in the clean licked bowl.

Clingy! Simon Riley who's so desperate and jealous that he has to call Soap in the middle of the night, begging him to steal Cherry.

Clingy! Simon Riley who changes his mind as he loves how soft and angelic you look with the furry little attention seeker beast snuggled to you, his family, his home, much dismay to a annoyed Soap who's bristling outside your apartment.

Clingy! Simon Riley who joins you and Cherry in bed, wrapping his arms around your waist as he kisses your forehead and then Cherry's.

Clingy! Simon Riley who chuckles softly when you nuzzle closer to him, whispering a sleepy 'I love you'

Clingy! Simon Riley who takes out Cherry for a walk when you were tired, melting when Cherry runs to lick your face as little beasty spots you on the doorstep, " We both love mama, don't we Cherry ? " He smiles, kissing your nose tip as Cherry wiggled and circled around mama and dada.

Masterlist

For my fiance @herdarkangel

Something bout' Simon being shy and awakard around you and especially not no.1 fan of coffee and cafes, so ofcourse it fell upon Soap to drag him practically while he sulked and brooded, his frown was glaring through his masked face but that was until you stood up from behind the counter, a smile plastered to your face and the way your eyes crinkled oh, Simon wasn't the one for bells ringing and soft music in the background but in that moment he knew what the chaos was all about because damn, he was such a goner, your smile was the most beautiful thing about you, and the twinkle of your eyes and the flutter of your lashes and the scrunching of your neck and...wait—fuck..you were looking at him—oh no, fuck.

“....Sir, What would like to order ?” you said, tilting your head and was it... Simon wasn't blushing or was he ? It was evident with the way Soap groaned next to him that the question has been repeated.

“Oh, he loves chocolate muffin! And—”Soap clicked his tongue, poking Ghost on his arm and un freezing him from the fucking goddamn awakening, because it surely felt like that, his heart never quite paced as it was now and let alone the heat that crept up his whole face, he wasn't about to say anything about the tug down his navel, such effect you had on him, just by the blaze of your eyes and a sprinkle of your smile.

“ —Cappuccino with the heart on !” for a fact, He didn't like coffee and let alone the heart but Simon realised how nothing mattered as long as it made you smile.

“ Thankyou, Please take a seat.” Your eyes flickered to the big man, only his eyes visible that never left yours.

~~~

“ Was that a pathetic attempt at flirting?” John propped on his elbow, nursing his banana pie, a very eccentric taste of his.

“What ?” Simon made no effort to tear his gaze off you while you catered to another customer.

“ fuck, you are staring ! Stop staring bastard.”

“ Drink your bloody coffee.” Simon reluctantly turned to his smirking cheeky face, John pushed forward the Cappuccino cup with a heart that you had served moments ago, resulting a very awakard Simon who knocked off a plate when his fingers brushed yours. Pathetic, yes.

“ So...you like her ?” John shaked his head in a sloppy way. A smile crossed his face, enough to make him bite his lips, he glanced back at you, happily taking out pineapple pastry.

“That's missus you're talking bout'.”

Masterlist

Take a look at my gf trend with Simon

“No way !” Soap annouced smugly,“ Ghost would be caught dead than doing—”

“ Will this do cupcake ?” The door of your bedroom fell ajar, Simon stepped out, his enormous hands carrying a small dainty Polaroid of him in his whole gear.

“—a stupid trend.” But the words were passed away in a gasp, He frowned at your boyfriend or his comrade in war field.

You winked at him, balancing a smirk as you hopped to your big man, taking a look at the Polaroid and giving him your most jovial nod while he leaned to peck your head.

“ Who are you ?? And what have to done to our lieutenant!?” John said accusingly, his face scowling in humour.

“Get ya' ass out, peanut and I need to film a video.” Simon wrapped his arms around your waist, while he waved his Polaroid from other to the door.

“ Or you can help us film it.” You laughed, making him scoff, 'as if'.

~~~

Everywhere I go I keep her picture in my wallet like here—

You waved the Polaroid of your man happily in the camera, Simon's big fingers stopped the video and then he looked up at you.

“Oh my god ! I love you so much babe.” You giggled and told him cheekily, a flush creeped your face and neck as he adjusted himself behind the Polaroid, he was your big-big man, with his puffed chest and wide shoulders and muscled arms, his skully balaclava still on his face and you were he grinned at you, the way his hand rested on the small of your back.

“Anything for my princess.” He said with a glint in his eyes, and you just wanted to kiss him square on his mouth, hard and forever.

You un paused the video, 3,2,1-

… Take a look at my girlfriend

You pulled back the Polaroid, revealing your big man and Riley baby pulled you to him, cupping your whole body as he flicked up his balaclava enough to kiss you through the audio was done, your shirt riding up as climbed on your tip toes despite Simon was leaning his best to claim you.

Some time later while your clothes were tossed somewhere and you were resting on his chest, re-watching the draft.

“ We need to shoot it again.” You huffed, trying your best mock glare at him, he watched your with oozing love, putting his finger under your chin.

“Ofcourse Princess...Got distracted this time.” He smirked, and you just about died.

I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Grim Reaper! Simon

Masterlist

Simon who just can't say no to you.

It has been like this from the moment his eyes met yours, a very terrible Monday morning if he hadn't met you but now that you remembered, it's the most beautiful day of both of your lives.

“Is that seat taken ?” Simon looked up at the small morning roused and still sleep laden voice, you were as knackered as you sounded, probably runnin’ on black coffee and cuppa noodles.

“Yeah.” He wasn't even aware how quickly he said it, “Yes, ofcourse miss.”

He scooted his big thighs together, trying to make as much space as possible for you and as if some divine thought struck him, he looked up — cheeks tinting with red.

“Would ya’ like window ?”

“No, But thankyou for asking.” You answered, sitting next to him and making sure to leave some space because those legs were thick and definitely his big cock needed some room.

Fuck, look away —

“Ghost...” Another man climbed inside bus, his eyes trained on you and your partner who's apparently Ghost ?!?!

“Wot ?” He said roughly, his shoulders pressed against yours

“Nothin’ old man.” The other man smirked and sat next to a Grandma who knitted half a sweater.

“Your friend?” You asked.

“ A little...Simon.” He said, “Simon Riley.”

“Oh.” You smiled, feeling blush creep up your neck and cheeks.“I like Ghost better.” you would've booed if you weren't feeling so tingly and nervy.

“You would like Simon more.”

“I would like that.” You couldn't believe you were flirting on a Monday morning.

One month later

“Ghost...” John horribly snorted, sprawling on couch as Simon paid him no attention.

“Wot ?” He asked, giving you his pinky as you painted the last letter ‘Y’ over hot pink nail polish, completing your H-E-L-L-O K-I-T-T-Y nail art, every letter on each nail.

“Nothin’ old man.” John smirked as you clicked your tongue, beaming up at Simon.

“Done !” You blew air and flashed a grin as Simon brought his hand up to examine your work.

“Done Luvie.” He smiled, bumping your nose with ‘I’ on his nail.

And you also liked Simon better.

Grim Reaper! Simon

Masterlist

Simon swore he didn't want a relationship, but as soon as he met you — well there might be some changes in the plan.

He did want a relationship, fine, if it's with you, he's willing to give it a try but he's not really going for the trouble. No, thankyou.

Simon wouldn't really ask you if you haven't eaten yet or not, he's not your daddy, like that's a different thing, but he's not going to give you an earful for sleeping late and eating unhealthy.

He's going to be your boyfriend but... nonchalant boyfriend if it made any sense.

It never did.

Maybe changing his priorities was the first tick-tick for the bomb that came along his way because as soon as he found you, he was gobsmacked with a possessiveness that drived him insane.

He thought it would only bother him when you would be around because what sort of man he would be if he didn't melt at your sweetness.

But you lingered like a tattooed kiss, everything now connected with you, every thought started and ended with you.

He almost asked Soap to tie his hands so he could stop texting you random shit.

Like why should he bother with your meds and why it's making his heart burn if you haven't taken them.

Everything was jus' getting out of hand.

You were just so extreme, just out of your mind and he liked it, fuck he loved every bit of you. He just couldn't stop himself —

“You look like... you're bout’ to cry.” Soap annouced from his side, Simon shaked his head, then thinking different, nodded.

“She's having a bad day.” He said, “I am gonna kill this Nancy.”

“Who's..Nancy ?”

“You know wot ?” Simon grumbled instead, “I am gonna call her and tell her.. it's gonna be okay.”

“Right.” Soap bounced, covering his face because what has happened to his mate.

“Untie my wrist.” He growled.“Quick.” he added dangerously.

“Right.” Soap shrugged, already getting on his feet.

And if staying away from you was proving to be bad on his nonchalance then being near was almost tripping.

“You said you wouldn't come.” You gasped when he arrived, looking nervous and perhaps bit surprised himself.

“I...well...you look lovely.” He leaned to kiss your cheek, simple adorable gesture, “Thankyou Si !” He blushed at the nickname.

He really didn't know what took him until he realised that giving in to care about you was probably for the best. And really, it wasn't so bad, to think about you, to put efforts for you, to fucking nick the moon for you, because the moment you smiled at him so fondly, like he was capable to deserve that warmth from you, he actually knew what the trouble was all about and he was very much gladly taking a fall for your sake.

So it really didn't matter if he was putting on his warmth clothes because he was one second away from wrapping you in warmth the moment you very much sniffed.

It didn't matter how hot your body got sometimes with heat, he's there soaking cloth in cold ice water and cooling you down.

He's hearing that french lady talk and talk because he needs that recipe you so very love.

He sleeps with an arm under your head and heart full of things he would do for you and himself, to built a home.

Because he fucking cares, he swore for that, to make you the happiest with him.

He doesn't want to be nonchalant, he doesn't want to pretend like he doesn't care because he does.

Really.

Masterlist

💬

Tongues and Teeth by the Crane Wives is so updated True Love's Suicide SoapGhost. That's all I'm saying. But God do I want to say so much more

I just want everyone to know that I’ve genuinely become the worst person alive during this Saudade rewrite… you bitches thought I was bad the first time? You thought that was as sad as it could get? Oh buddy you are in for a treat this next round

Peace and love everyone, start crying now because you know I am

MW3 Spoilers!

When Soap dies Ghost lifts the dog tags from his body with more care than he's taken to do anything. They're looped around his neck beside his own. There's no need for them to stay with Johnny's body, there are people to identify him. The people who love him are the ones to file the paperwork. Lieutenant Simon Riley is supposed to sign the death certificate. He never does.

The metal of Soap's feels unnaturally colder than his own, the weight heavier. His body knows he wears two pairs. His mind knows the addition of the second ripped something crucial from his already fractured soul.

When Ghost dies he does so alone. His team isn't there to collect his remains, they aren't there to give him a small but never the less sad funeral, they aren't even there to file the paperwork. They didn't abandon him, he ran away. It's not that they don't love him, it's that they knew he needed the space.

When the men come to collect his body, to record the death, to make him just another number sacrificed in the endless war for peace they find two identities wrapped around his neck. Names pressed to his chest like the locket of a lover.

RILEY SIMON, J. 2073357 O POS ATHEIST MACTAVISH JOHN, J. 2073521 O NEG CATHOLIC

They thought there must have been some sort of mistake, a mix-up in the paperwork somewhere because there was an unknown soldier in the field wearing the identities of two men who had died years ago. Simon Riley, from what they could find went MIA after his team was betrayed well over a decade ago and was declared KIA years later when they couldn't recover him. John MacTavish's tag was newer, shinier than the other, but supposedly he'd been shot years ago. That's what they could find anyway.

No one could account for the body rotting away in the morgue unidentified and unnamed. No one knew him apparently, not even the team he was with.

Laswell finds out a month later, she'd been keeping silent tabs on him until he disappeared. She calls Price as soon as she knows, holding back tears the same way she did with Soap. "He has a grave," she says quietly. They visit with Gaz the day after.

Price laughs when he sees the gravestone. Then he cries.

The other two join him.

They stare at the engraving. Something that should have could have been real if only things had worked out differently. If they'd been a little faster, prepared a little bit more, if Price had let Soap pull that trigger all those years ago. But even though it didn't everything still led to this moment, the three of them at this grave the same way they would've been if things had changed back then. The hilarity of it was heartbreaking.

They'd combined them for the records. Created an identity for a soldier that never existed to mark the resting place of one who died carrying two dead men with him.

In death, Ghost is content, for the first time ever, with the identity his name provides him with.

Simon J. MacTavish Soldier, Lover

Price is the last to leave. He does so with a smile and another glace at the stone, "congrats boys," he says to no one in particular, "wish I could've been there to see it."

Just adding to this that I’ve got a few shorter ghoap ones that are just a little (kind of a lot?) heartbreaking that are sitting in there that I might just release here instead of putting them on ao3 cause that feels like less commitment

Also for you podcast bitches I’ve been cooking up a kepcobi one for over a year now that very well may be the most soul shattering thing I’ve ever written and I hope that one day I’m happy enough with the finished product to show it to people

Sometimes I stare at all the drafted fics in my drive and think wow I should really do something with this but then I remember that I have unfinished fics that are released to the public and then I keep working on these drafts and hurting my own feelings anyway

Ghoap but Ghost is one of those 50s housewives who doesn’t want her husband to know that she has to put make up on so he waits until Soap falls asleep every night to take his grease paint off and then wakes up really early to reapply it before Soap wakes up

Redamancy chapter 5 baby! I am literally about to pass out because I am so tired after finishing the editing for this but live laugh love ig. Goodnight homeslizzels <3

Redamancy Summary: When Ghost is placed on medical leave and two months later, one Soap MacTavish shows up at his door. Despite their multiple years of being best friends, Soap doesn't know much about what Ghost is like outside of work and uses this maybe not-so-spontaneous visit to find out more. Ghost finds out more too, about Soap and himself. And Ghost has a dog now. Chapter 1 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/51840280/chapters/131069419

Oh my god, Mykel can release chapters at a decent rate and not go months between uploading!?

Redamancy 6 is out now - Soap's POV of their conversation from chapter 5 and what he does after

Redamancy Summary: When Ghost is placed on medical leave and two months later, one Soap MacTavish shows up at his door. Despite their multiple years of being best friends, Soap doesn't know much about what Ghost is like outside of work and uses this maybe not-so-spontaneous visit to find out more. Ghost finds out more too, about Soap and himself. And Ghost has a dog now. Chapter 1 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/51840280/chapters/131069419

Redamancy 7 babes! (I’m editing this because I can’t believe I forgot to mention that this is the one where Ghost like the relatable king he is vents his life’s problems to his dog)

Redamancy Summary: When Ghost is placed on medical leave and two months later, one Soap MacTavish shows up at his door. Despite their multiple years of being best friends, Soap doesn't know much about what Ghost is like outside of work and uses this maybe not-so-spontaneous visit to find out more. Ghost finds out more too, about Soap and himself. And Ghost has a dog now. Chapter 1 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/51840280/chapters/131069419

Last chapter! Last chapter! Last chapter!

Metanoia (yes I do know the name of my own fic ...now and I definitely did not put the wrong name when I first made this post and also in my ao3 chapter) chapter 1 should be up later tonight so you get to look forward to that too

Redamancy Summary: When Ghost is placed on medical leave and two months later, one Soap MacTavish shows up at his door. Despite their multiple years of being best friends, Soap doesn't know much about what Ghost is like outside of work and uses this maybe not-so-spontaneous visit to find out more. Ghost finds out more too, about Soap and himself. And Ghost has a dog now. Chapter 1 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/51840280/chapters/131069419

My child! The angst I've waited for the entire time I've been writing Redamancy!

Enjoy this while you can because the angst starts in the next chapter

Metanoia Summary: Three years ago something happened between Soap and Ghost, a week later Ghost disappeared but now he's back at Price's request to join their newly expanded team on a big mission. Soap has to learn to work with a version of Ghost that he doesn't understand, a feeling he's never felt before. Ghost has to navigate his conflicting feelings for the man he ran away from while Soap begs for his forgiveness and argues with him in the same day all while focusing on the missions they're given.

Metanoia 2 time! Get ready for the next chapter cause that's when shit starts to get real sad

Metanoia Summary: Three years ago something happened between Soap and Ghost, a week later Ghost disappeared but now he's back at Price's request to join their newly expanded team on a big mission. Soap has to learn to work with a version of Ghost that he doesn't understand, a feeling he's never felt before. Ghost has to navigate his conflicting feelings for the man he ran away from while Soap begs for his forgiveness and argues with him in the same day all while focusing on the missions they're given. Chapter 1 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/53278909/chapters/134831704

??? Pt1

[***TW/CW vomiting - it's not described but he does talk about it a lot]

“General.” His greeting was short, curt. 

“Commander MacTavish,” Shepherd responded. He would never get used to that. Commander. It wasn’t his rank, at least not in his mind it wasn’t. In his mind, he was still Sergeant MacTavish- that was his rank before Shepherd ever got to him, before anyone had- he was second to Lieutenant Riley alongside Sergeant Garrick, under Captain Price. It was a lie, but it was his life, it had been for months and it felt more real than anything. He was a part of the 141. He liked his life the way it was even if it was a lie. He liked the 141, he liked Price and Gaz, he liked Ghost. 

It couldn’t last forever though, he knew that. He wished it could but he knew one day Shepherd’s orders would conflict Price’s and everything would come crashing down because he would have to follow Shepherd over Price. It was the chain of command after all and Shepherd had placed him where he was very tactically. Shepherd had never conflicted Price, at least past the point in which he was ordered to keep quiet about who had his true loyalty. 

It felt like it had been too long since he spoke but it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, “what can I help you with, General?” 

He heard Shepherd’s harsh laugh through the phone, “that’s why I like you, John,” he cringed a little at the name, no one calls him John. To everyone he was Soap, or in the case of Ghost and Ghost only, Johnny. “You’re always so helpful,” the General was silent for a second before he spoke again, “it seems like my dog has broken his leash, we should fix that yeah?”

Graves. To say he’d been out of line recently was an understatement, he’d gone off the rails entirely ever since Shepherd had merely suggested betraying the 141. He’d said it to both of them- separately, of course, the secret of his employer was secret from everyone, including Commander Graves. Soap didn’t like it but Graves took the idea and ran with it. The 141 were his friends but there wasn’t much he would do without directly defying orders. “What do you suggest we do?” 

“What do you do with a dog that doesn’t stop biting?” 

He knew Shepherd was a monster but he couldn’t wrap his head around just how seriously ill in the head he was until this moment, “you want me to… kill Commander Graves?”

The General laughed again, colder this time, “intuitive too. You know I always thought you’d look better in that leash than him.” 

He felt sick. “You want me to take over for Graves?” Shepherd didn’t respond. He would take over Shadow Company, how would he explain that to his team? “I- how?” 

“I don’t care,” Shepherd replied flippantly, “just get rid of him, he’s more of a liability to me at this point than anything.” The line went quiet and for a fleeting moment he thought Shepherd had hung up on him but he never was that lucky, “oh, MacTavish, when you’re done with Graves, get rid of Riley and the rest of Price’s team, we don’t need any loose ends. Good luck.” 

He was going to be sick. At least he was lucky that time because Shepherd actually did hang up on him. 

He barely had the time to bold from his room to the latrine before he was heaving into one of the toilets. There was no mistaking what Shepherd meant by that. He had to kill them. Price, Gaz, Ghost. His team, his friends, his family. He had to kill them. 

‘At least you don’t have to explain why you’re leaving…’

“Soap?” an achingly familiar voice called from outside the stall. The same voice that kept him alive mere days ago when he was running through an unfamiliar city, cold, injured, and alone, hunted by the same people he was meant to lead. The voice he’d have to forcibly remove from the world soon. “Are you okay?” 

He opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. What were you supposed to tell the man you considered your best friend when you just got the order to kill him? A sob tore from his throat. He hadn’t even realized he had been crying until that moment but he could feel the tears on his face, running down to his neck, the back of his hands wet from trying to wipe them away. 

“Johnny? Can I come in?” 

He couldn’t deny Ghost. He never could, but particularly not now. It didn’t matter either way, he couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. Ghost didn’t seem to care for his answer anyway since the door behind him opened slowly and Ghost stepped in. 

“Hey,” his voice was soft, quiet, as he crouched to meet Soap’s slumped form, “are you okay?” He pulled the glove from his right hand, resting the back of it on Soap’s forehead. His hand was cold, Ghost’s hands were always cold but they felt colder, unnatural. 

‘He’s already dying. You’ve killed him just by being here.’

“You don’t have a fever,” Ghost mumbled more to himself to Soap but his voice snapped him back to the moment. “What’s going on, Johnny?”

He wanted to cry more, maybe throw up again, tell Ghost about everything that was going on, confess what Shepherd asked him to do. He couldn’t though. No one was allowed to know. Not even Graves. “I- I don’t know.” It was all he could manage. Close enough to the truth but way too far at the same time. He knew what he needed to do, but he didn’t know how he could. 

Ghost’s hand moved from his forehead to wipe the tears from his face, “are you sick? Did something happen?”

He shook his head, “the uh- the second one.” Talking to Ghost was never a problem for him before but now he had he had an even bigger, deadlier secret to hide, he couldn’t. 

“Okay,” Ghost ran a hand across his shoulder blades and down his spine, carefully avoiding his still aching shoulder. Soap drifted closer to him, resting his head close to his chest where he could hear his heartbeat.

‘He’s still alive. For now.’ 

Ghost’s hand stopped but instead of pushing him away like Soap thought he would, he pulled him closer. Soap fisted a hand in the back of his shirt to keep him there. Like if he gripped him tight enough maybe he wouldn’t have to ever let go. 

They sat like that for a moment before Ghost spoke again, “do you want to talk about it?” 

He could feel another sob catch in his throat, “I can’t.” 

There was a wetness on Ghost’s t-shirt but he didn’t show that he cared, he just resumed his action of running his hand up and down his back, “okay.” He let it go silent for another few moments, “can we at least get off of this disgusting floor? It’s a little uncomfortable, and… gross,” he laughed like he was trying to diffuse the whole situation. 

Soap let him go a little reluctantly, “right. Yeah- uh, yes,” he tried to push himself up but doing so only made him dizzy. 

“Hey, hey, I got you, you’re okay,” Ghost wrapped an arm around his waist to support his weight, “are you lightheaded or nauseous.” 

“I’m fine. Lightheaded, I guess. I’m not going to throw up on you, L.T., don’t worry.” 

Ghost laughed, “I’ve had worse things happen to me but thanks. It’s probably just fluid loss.”

Ghost was probably right, he didn’t know how long he’d been sitting on the floor emptying the little contents of his stomach. The stiffness in his muscles and the rawness and his throat said it was quite a while before Ghost found him down there. 

Ghost started moving the both of them towards the door, “let’s get you back to bed and I’ll get you a water and something to eat, okay?” His gaze was almost unsure like he didn’t know if that was actually the right thing to do. In a way it wasn’t, Soap was going to kill him one day- or have someone else kill him for him- and here he was helping him recover from throwing up just thinking about it. It almost made him want to do it again. It made him want to scream at him, to push him off and yell until they were both too angry with each other to think about anything. It made him want to make Ghost hate him so it wouldn’t hurt as much when he left but he couldn’t. Ghost was trying to help him, he at least owed him cooperation if he was… if he was going to kill him. 

“You’ll be okay,” Ghost said as he dropped him back in his room. And that was the problem, wasn’t it? He would be okay. He would be alive and Ghost wouldn’t.

[if you saw this before I remembered this is not ao3 and I have to manually put the italics back in no you did not, anyway can I just say it is so real of me to say I'm going to post a snippet and then post something that's only slightly shorter than your typical Redamancy chapter. It is also so real of me to say I was going to post this yesterday and then not do it because I got pissed I couldn't think of a name (if you didn’t notice I still can't but I gave up half because I have a migraine and half because I just can’t be bothered to try anymore but like if you have a suggestion please hit me with it). Anyway, I don't have a whole lot planned for this but I do have a couple scenes that have been floating around both in my drafts and in my head so we'll see what happens to them]

??? Pt. 2

[Part 1]

“Hey,” Ghost’s whispered words accompanied his soft knock as he opened the door to Soap’s room for the second time that day. 

‘He must know something is very wrong to come in without permission.’ He knew something was wrong, but Ghost didn’t. Maybe he could feel it though. Maybe he found out about Shepherd and decided to confront him about it, Soap wouldn’t answer the door, he had to have known that. He tried to keep his body from tensing up. 

“You feeling better?” 

Soap couldn’t bring himself to respond. No, he wasn’t feeling better. He wouldn’t feel better any time soon. And he didn’t feel better about Ghost checking on him either. Not after he found him puking his guts out in the latrine earlier after he was told to kill him. 

“Soap?” the bed behind his back dipped a little as Ghost settled on the edge, there was a gentle click like he tried to softly set something down on the nightstand, “Johnny? You awake?” 

He nodded. The room smelled a bit like mint now. 

A hand brushed over the side of his arm briefly before it was gone like it hadn’t been there at all. “How are you feeling?” 

“Better.” He felt worse, actually. His throat was dry and raw, it hurt to talk, his eyes burned a little, it took too much effort to move. It was less of a feeling like he was going to throw up and more one that he should consider throwing himself off a very tall building to spare his friends. It wouldn’t matter in the end though, he knew that. Shepherd wanted them dead, he’d find some way to kill them with or without Soap.

The question though is would it be better if it was him? He could do it fast, make sure it wasn’t painful. Maybe they’d let him explain things. Would they forgive him? Orders are orders, they all knew that, and sure, they defied them all the time but orders like these weren’t ones you were able to brush off or glance around by doing just enough for it to be considered complete without actually doing it. You couldn’t half-kill someone, it didn’t work that way. You either kill them or you don’t. He had to even if he didn’t want to, they’d know that, right?

“Good. Turn over,” Ghost’s hand pushed gently at his shoulder until he flipped onto his back. He reached over to flick on the lamp on the nightstand. There was a steaming mug sitting next to it that hadn’t been there before and a tiny packet of soup crackers next to it. Ghost took his glove off and placed the back of his hand on Soap’s forehead again. His hands were warmer this time- it was probably just from carrying the tea he’d brought but he felt more alive that time. Soap didn’t know if that made him feel better or even worse. 

He pushed himself up, dislodging Ghost’s hand, “I told you I wasn’t sick.” 

“Yeah, but sometimes you lie.” The way he said it was joking but it hit hard. He was lying to Ghost. Not about the not being sick thing- sick in the head for being able to accept killing his friends so easily, maybe, but down with a virus, no. 

He was lying. About his mission. His rank. His loyalty. He was lying about being Ghost’s friend. Because someone who had friends would be able to stomach killing one of them, let alone all of them, and yet here he is, friendless and a liar. 

Ghost’s voice dragged him back from his spiral again, “do you want to talk about it.”

“I can’t.” 

He tilted his head as he studied Soap for a long moment, “why can’t you talk about it?” He laughed like he was trying to lighten the somber mood they’d thrown themselves into, “you love talking.” 

He could feel the tears start to well up in his eyes again and he tried to speak but Ghost cut him off with a gentle hand on his face, tilting his chin upwards so that he had to meet Ghost’s eyes, “you don’t have to-” he pushed Ghost’s hand away and looked back down. The touch returned just as gentle but slightly more forceful than before, “listen to me. You don’t have to tell me anything. You don’t have to tell anyone anything if you don’t want to. But if you do you can talk to me, you know that right?” 

And that was the problem yet again. He could talk to Ghost because Ghost would listen and he did know that but you can’t just casually tell someone that you’re going to kill them. Particularly Ghost. He wasn’t the coldblooded killer the legends made him out to be, he cares about people, and sure, Soap might be one of those people- maybe not though, you never know with Ghost- but he wouldn’t hesitate to take him out if he perceived him as a threat to the team and their mission. And he was their biggest threat right now. 

He nodded and Ghost’s hand drifted away and he wanted to pull it back, to pull him back, but he couldn’t. 

“Are you at least going to be okay?” 

“I will be.” He’d have to be. If he was going to be the last of them he would have to be okay with that. If he was going to be the last of them because he was going to kill the rest of them he’d have to be okay with that. 

Ghost nodded and pushed himself off the bed, “okay. Drink that, and try to eat those, you’ll feel better.” He turned when he got to the door, “by the way, I told Price you have the flu so if he comes by act like it.” 

(Don't mind me just dropping another little part of this instead of the next Metanoia chapter just because it's been on my mind a lot recently. Anyway, I think I'm going to give up on trying to think of a title because usually I get them pretty fast but I've been sitting with this one for like a week and I still have nothing (again, if you have any ideas please hit me with them cause your bitch is desperate). But enjoy scene 2/4 that I've actually thought about, not sure how I'm going to connect this one to the next one but I'll figure it out I guess)

I'm just now realizing I'm releasing this on Valentine's Day so happy Valentine's Day! Here's some sad!

(Technically it's February 15th for me at this point but it's only two am and any time before I go to sleep is still the same day to me so it's still Valentine's Day)

Metanoia Summary: Three years ago something happened between Soap and Ghost, a week later Ghost disappeared but now he's back at Price's request to join their newly expanded team on a big mission. Soap has to learn to work with a version of Ghost that he doesn't understand, a feeling he's never felt before. Ghost has to navigate his conflicting feelings for the man he ran away from while Soap begs for his forgiveness and argues with him in the same day all while focusing on the missions they're given. Chapter 1 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/53278909/chapters/134831704