Tw Medication - Tumblr Posts

Im telling :))

stayed up all night and now im not tired im just hungry

oh, are you alright kuni?

(Id love to cry but it happens like once a month if im lucky. I iljust take antidepressants insteady :>)

Bringing this post up when the antidepressants wear off and I remember I have 20 missing assignments and finals next week

I want to die.

oh, yea I did huh...

Well I meant definitely, my meds haven't kicked in yet as I just took them so my brain isn't all here and working and awake yet

"I can't do this today... someone hit me over the head please..."

As someone who has been put of many different antidepressants, I can say that from my perspective, we notice the difference too.

Every time I was placed on new medication everybody around me told me that I “seemed to be getting better” or “your acting like you again” and I just want to say that the meds made everything harder for me.

The only difference in my situation is that they didn’t tell us the risks-

That’s not to say that medication doesn’t work, in many cases the medication can be the difference between life and death, it’s almost like a coin flip.

If it wasn’t for some really close friends who were constantly checking up on me (and calling when I didn’t answer texts) the situation I’m in now would be very different.

Bottom line is, check up on your friends!

If you see that they have had a sudden change in behaviour or have started meds that are negatively affecting them, talk to them!

It might be a difficult conversation, it might not be a conversation that they actually have with you. It could still be the small thing between life and death.

One small phone call or one simple message can really change someone’s life.

Even if it only helps them realise what’s happening. They may not speak to you but they might speak to a family member or a professional.

You are loved, remember that.

If you have letters to write you have reasons to stay.

There are anonymous call centres if you need someone to talk to with no strings attached.

Someone is always in your corner.

<33

my favorite side effect warning is for antidepressants

pros: you won’t want to kill yourself

cons: you might want to kill yourself

Conversations I’ve had as incorrect MHA quotes part 31:

Kaminari and Aizawa:

Sero and Shouto:

Sero:

Tw: violence

Toga:

Jirou:

Tw: mentions of murder

Izuku:

Tw: mentions of medication

Izuku or kaminari:

Aizawa and izuku, honestly:

Hawks:

Tw: talk of violence and regurgitation

Shouto:

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers!!

my friends

my cat

helping with community support/ mutual aid

wondering about bsd backstories (messes me up when I find out tho)

my anti-depressants

Chapter two: The soul in my heart's proof of life

Word count: 2.8k

Category: hard angst, smut

Chapter warnings: drugs, mentions of medicine and hospitals, descriptions of drugs

Summary: There are three hot guys who want to be with you, however, there are a few problems along the way. One of them is a plug, another one wants to keep you all to himself and the third one - a med student who deals drugs on the side. Your main problem, though? You have a terminal illness that has a very low life expectancy. Spiraling down a dangerous path seems like a fun way to spend your last years.

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Series masterlist

"Right on time," Suna drawls as he smiles down at you.

The police officer gets closer with each passing breath. You’re screwed.

Or maybe not yet. The police officer is an older man – that much you can tell from the way his dark hair is peppered with gray streaks and the small wrinkles under his dark eyes. He’s smiling as he looks you up and down, making you feel plain dirty. You hated older men in power; gave them too much of an ego boost. Yet, you didn’t want to go down for drug charges so you batted your lashes and mustered your sweetest smile, while cursing yourself out in your mind.

"Hello there," he nods at you three, but his beady eyes are staring only at you.

"Hello officer," greets Suna, the blunt hanging from his lips long gone and forgotten, "What brings you here today?"

The man chuckles. They’re familiar with each other. It’s the same man that caught Suna with drugs the first two times.

"You know the drill. Stand straight and spread your arms." Suna obeys and stands in the position the officer has requested. He’s calm. Of course he is - his drugs are in your coat pocket. The officer keeps shooting you glares and Lev wraps his long arm around your waist, pulling you into him. You let out a tiny sigh of relief. Lev won’t let anything bad happen to you.

When the officer is done patting Suna down, his brow quirks up, "You have nothing on you this time?"

"What can I say, officer, I’m a changed man. Accepted God as my saviour and et cetera."

"Yeah, don’t give me that shit," the man rolls his eyes and wraps his big coat around himself tighter. It seems that the temperature is dropping, "You guys with him?"

"Uh, yeah. We’re friends," Lev answers, with a smile as sweet as can be. The officer has to look up to see Lev’s face and it almost makes you laugh.

“So you deal drugs too?" the officer asks, half-heartedly.

Your nerves spike up, but Lev grips your side tighter and gives you a telling glare saying it’s a joke, relax.

You giggle and shake your head. "No, we usually don’t", you answer with your own joke, making the officer smile wider.

"Good, stay out of trouble. Don’t think it’s necessary to pat you down, although, I’d like to," he gives you a wink and you can almost hear Lev’s jaw clench, big hand squeezing your waist tighter. Suna and you exchange quick glances and he subtly shakes his head. Don’t give him attitude.

"Maybe some other time," a hundred watt smile is gifted from you to the creepy officer; you just hope that he finally fucks off.

"Yeah, maybe. Uh, you guys have a good day. Don’t make me catch ya with drugs again, Rintarou," with the last glance at you, the dark-haired man turns away from your little group and leaves.

An uncomfortable silence hangs over you and you have to wait until the man is far enough to not hear you.

"So, you’re on first name basis with a creepy officer?” Your panic that probably fried more nerves than humanly possible comes out in the form of a joke but before Suna can answer, Lev is letting you go and grabbing Suna’s jacket, almost pulling the man up from the ground with brute strength,

"You motherfucker, you pull shit like that again and I’ll beat you to a fucking pulp."

"Lev-"

Lev briefly turns to you.

"This fuckhead just slipped a baggie of god knows what into your coat, don’t you dare give me that "everything’s okay" attitude, Y/N," Lev’s voice gets comically higher when he mimics your words and you purse your lips, shaking your head. The blonde knew you too damn well.

"Listen, Haiba, I don’t know why you have such a bad impression of me, but I fucking knew he wasn’t gonna pat her down, I wouldn’t put random people, especially pretty damn girls in unecessary danger, okay?"

Your face burns — It’s unbelievable how he manages to flirt when Lev is seconds from breaking his nose. You just silently observe with trembling hands. You never saw Lev like that. He was always this kind of dumb happy-go-lucky dude and just him raising his voice was unusual, not counting the threats he was spouting.

Though, thankfully, Lev doesn’t seem to catch the pretty remark, his handsome face scrunching up at Suna’s excuses. "Yeah, not putting people in unnecessary danger my ass. You do this again, you’re fucked," Lev repeats his words and pushes Suna away. The black-haired man stumbles but manages to keep his footing.

"Got it," Rintarou lifted up his arms as if he got caught doing something he shouldn’t. His tone is condescending and you feel like he doesn’t count on keeping his promise.

Lev reaches for you and you flinch. His big, forest-green eyes widen and he shakes his head.

"It’s okay, Y/N, it’s okay," he assures you.

"See, all your yelling scared her. We could’ve just talked it out like normal people."

Lev doesn’t acknowledge him.

"I’m sorry for screaming. Didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry," you nod, looking up at him, "Give me the bag and then we can go. I’ll make it up to you, yeah?"

You nod again and your fingers reach into the inner coat pocket, taking out a small baggie filled with white powder handing it to Lev, who then turns to Suna, just standing with his hands stuffed into his bomber jacket’s pockets. Lev examines the contents of the baggie and scowls and throws it at Suna, who catches it without any trouble, burying it in his jacket pocket carelessly.

"So you’re dealing Phencyclidine again?"

"Good eye," Rintarou nods, "I prefer the name ‘Angel Dust’, though. Sounds pretty, makes people wanna buy it," Suna explains unmindfully, as if he’s not currently discussing hard drugs.

"Figured you couldn’t last long on only selling weed. Though, even I thought you’d stop after the accident. Quite stupid of me." a frown finds it’s way unto Suna’s calm face and Lev grabs your hand, tugging you away. You’re even more confused than you were before and you give Suna one last look.

The man looks sorrowful, eyes far away and lost in thought. "T’was an accident, you know it" he mutters, as Lev finally pulls you away, not letting up until you reach a small coffee shop.

You let him drag you inside, the warmth instantly hitting you. Your head is spinning and legs are weak so Lev attentively sits you down, takes off your coat and scarf, orders two drinks — already knowing your order by heart — and sits down in front of you. You look around, head pounding, noticing that Lev has purposefully chosen a quiet corner booth for you two. He searches for something in his jeans pocket and slides a pill across the table. You manage to lift up an eyebrow, words a scramble in your head, unable to form into sentences. That was way too much stress for you to handle.

"Pain killers, will help you think straight and relieve the side effects of the stress you just went through." You trust him, sometimes, you trust him too much. You obediently swallow the tiny white pill, not needing any water to wash it off. You two drink your drinks in silence, only the quiet jazz music and snippets of other people’s conversations interrupting your quietude. Your head clears and your hands stop shaking so the pill seems to be working. Good.

"Ask away." Lev finally utters, eyes searching your face. You don’t know what he’s looking for and you probably don’t want to know.

"Why do you dislike Suna?" your tone is calm, mind a bit fuzzy from the pill you had just taken.

"He deals drugs and is a scumbag in general."

"What was the accident you mentioned, then?"

Lev shakes his head, pursing his plump lips, "Can’t tell you that, sorry."

"Why?" you feel like a detective and the questions in your head keep coming and coming.

"Made a promise?"

"To who?"

"Kuroo."

You freeze and raise your eyebrows up. It was like you had a bunch of different threads but no way to tie them together. You were really too exhausted to try and the questions you had in your head, the schemes on how to find out the whole plan were mangled all together and made your head pound.

"You really scared me out there. I’ve never ever saw you lash out like that." you confess, unable to look into his eyes, choosing to count colorful floor tiles instead. You never thought you’d be saying words like that to Lev, but you were always unable to lie to him.

"Again, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you it’s just that- He’s a bad man, Y/N. I lose my temper when I have to interact with him and the things that would’ve happened if the officer caught you with a bag of-"

"He didn’t" you cut Lev’s rant off, finally looking up.

"Y/N-"

"Listen," your voice is firm, "I’m not always this happy, kind person, yeah? It’s not gonna be all flowers and rainbows if real shit happens, but I can stand up for myself. We didn’t get caught and you got to scream at Suna. That’s it."

"But you could’ve-"

"Could’ve, yeah. I know that you want me to be mad, but I won’t. Spent too much damn time on that, let me be this ‘romanticised, rom-com fairytale, forgives-everything version’ of myself for these last few years." you spew completely random words and explanations as Lev’s eyes widen and one of his hands finds yours, lacing your fingers together and squeezing hard.

"Don’t even say that. You can be whatever you want to be, I won’t argue with you again, but never say anything about it being your last years."

You snort and Lev looks baffled.

"You see what stress does to me? Can’t even function without painkillers anymore and my muscles are still deteriorating at inhumane speed.. But sure, they're gonna find a cure real quick."

The man before you had sad confusion painted all over his perfect, magazine-worthy face.

"I don’t want to make you sad, Lev, I really don’t, but that’s the reality I’m dealing with and the reality that you’re gonna have to deal with."

"I know," he murmurs, face contorting "I just want to live in this rom-com fairytale reality for a bit longer."

You sigh and give him a tired smile.

"You’re my best friend Lev. You’re the only person I can be real with. You’re the only one who won’t turn away from me when I’m not this perfect, polished version of myself."

Lev gives you the same exhausted smile back, his throat thickens, "Yeah, I’m always there for you."

***

Suna comes back to his quiet tiny apartment and doesn’t even turn on the lights. Just kicks off his shoes, takes off his jacket, goes straight to his room and splays down on the creaky bed. Ideally, Suna would live alone, but rent in Tokyo, even in the worse parts of it, was expensive as fuck and his roomate, Akaashi Keiji, was a perfect person to share it with - quiet, cool and funny, not caring about all of the clients coming. Even now he was cooking something up in the kitchen, probably accompanied with a big cup of coffee, getting ready to work another long night.

There’s a knock on Suna’s door and he lets out a long sigh, "Yeah?"

Akaashi opens the door and looks Rintarou up and down, raising his eyebrows. "I, uh, made ramen. Left some for you on the stove,” Akaashi considers leaving the man alone knowing that he prefers to deal with problems alone, but Keiji’s gut is telling him to ask, "Everything okay with you?"

Suna sits up and just shakes his head. He doesn’t know what pushes him to confess everything. Maybe it’s a slight pang of guilt, or maybe it’s the pain he feels everytime he bottles his emotions up, "I- Ran into Lev when an officer was about to do a drug check on me. He was with this girl… Just slipped a bag of angel dust into her pocket. Knew they wouldn’t check her, yeah? But then Lev went fucking wild and shit and she looked really scared and stressed."

Akaashi fully opens the door and sits down on the dull, gray armchair. "Oh, Lev’s back in the city, then," Akaashi’s eyes widen a bit as he acknowledges the fact and stays silent for a bit, probably trying to make a mental note on it, "You usually don’t get bothered about what other people are feeling," he says, after a moment of silence.

Suna turns to Akaashi and shakes his head, long hair falling in front of his big, moss green eyes. "I don’t. But, man…" Suna groans, "She didn’t get mad at me and even tried to calm Lev down and shit. It was weird, I don’t know."

"Hm."

"Hm?"

Akaashi crosses and uncrosses his legs and then shakes his head, thoughts rattling in his head.

"I think you feel bad ‘cause she was nice and because of the events you caused, she got scared, no? It’s rare that people treat you right, unless they want to sleep with you or get a discount on drugs," He finally offers and Suna’s nonchalant expression changes into a shocked one.

"You could be a fucking psychiatrist, damn it."

Akaashi gives his roommate a small smile and stands up, stretching a bit, "Gonna go edit for a moment. Don’t forget to eat, Suna, yeah?"

Suna gives him a non-committal nod and lays back once again, mind wandering off. Lev’s last words really ingrained into his mind.

***

After Lev takes you back to the hospital, your next few days are filled with a bunch of new tests and a bunch of painkillers that make everything fuzzy; slipping in and out of sleep, only getting up to go to the toilet, eat, or spend a few hours watching tv or reading a book.

It’s easier this way. Doctors said that the stress you went through really damaged your state of health and no matter how much they asked for the source of the stress — you didn’t answer them, pretending that it was as much of a shock for you, as it was for them. Of course, it was temporary and you would be okay, or, as okay as you can be, in a few days. That meant skipping med practice, though.

You’re lying in bed, when your phone beeps. You grunt and pick it up. Maybe Issei had time to visit you, but if you remember correctly - he was working with no free days this week. Maybe Lev then? Akaashi?-

Your eyes almost pop out of your school when you see who texted you. You almost squeal with joy with the instagram notification. It’s a message from username “kuroo_t” and name “Kuroo T.”,. How official of him, you can’t help but let out an embarrassing girly giggle. Oh, he followed you too. Nice. Your finger lingers on the unopened message for a moment, until you finally press it.

Oh. Your face burns. He noticed you were gone, despite you guys only having one conversation. Now you just had to think of a good enough excuse, which was hard, considering the fact that you were currently fangirling. Hard.

He sees your message instantly and starts typing. You exit the chat, the need to stalk his profile way too strong.

Not a private account. His profile picture seems almost professionally taken, but his other pictures - not so much. Some travelling, photos with friends from med practice and if you schroll far down - stuff to do with high school volleyball. Oh, he’s hot. Not hotter than he is in real life, but still so damn attractive. You stop when you scroll to the picture of him with two other guys - one with spiky gray hair, carrying Kuroo in his arms like a baby and another one is just standing there, his gunmetal eyes staring at the camera disapprovingly, but his subtle smile says it all - he’s having fun too.

You couldn’t believe this coincidence. You and Kuroo had mutual friends, which meant that you were gonna do an interrogation on Akaashi, to learn everything interesting about him. A message pops up. Oh, your mind wandered off.

Maybe your mind-set of “you only live once” finally did you some favours, because now you had a date set with one of the hottest guys ever.

taglist: @heizenka @icelyn20 @strawbberyys​

sksk the last message from kuroo shouldn’t have the “and”, so let’s just pretend it’s not there 💀

I love that here aftermaths are painful for both Player and Dealer

tw medical interference, anatomy

due to the complete lack of information in the canon, I embarked on an exuberant imaginary research. The game has wires showing his health level, in the last round he promises to turn off the defibrillator not only to the player but also to himself in order to "dance on the verge of life and death" And I..... Came up with a lot of details....... Yes, women (I) love tragedy, difficult characters, medical aesthetics and biopunk. Here I have sketches of what the Dealer does after the end of the game- he rests, picks out bullets and stitches wounds, levels his health and prepares for a new Russian roulette.

Hot Take

Steven is in hospital for emergency psychiatric treatment. If his mental state is really as bad as it seems, it's probably deteriorating at a pace where it is unlikely to be controlled without drastic intervention. He's having flashbacks, for God’s sake.

There are a number of reasons why a person can be hospitalised in this situation:

They require medication for their mental state, and need to be kept under observation to make sure there are no adverse effects

They are so unwell that they are unable to control their responses, and may be a danger to themselves or others

They may be suicidal or show suicidal tendencies

I feel like Rebecca wouldn’t go quite that far, but given that the latest leak that more or less involved Steven saying that he didn’t want to live anymore, I wouldn’t put it past her.

I was once hospitalised due to a mental health breakdown. I hated it, and I have trauma from the expirience. I only hope that Steven manages to avoid the worst of it.

Also... Why is he in a boat? It it the H.M.S Residual Trauma?

- Pasta

Ps. Sorry for not posting much, school went back and proceeded to kick me in the ass.