Suspected Bpd - Tumblr Posts

My cheeks are all cut open

My gums are tender

My fingers bleeding and stinging

The meds are making me sick

My body is giving up on me just as they all did before

What do I bring to the family function?

Mental breakdowns 🎀

I want paternal attention before I start crying

Getting ready to gut myself 💕

Might make paintings of my pathetic state with my blood

“You make life worth living”

- guy who’s been avoiding me because I asked for his help when I was having an anxiety attack

“I don’t want to break up”

- guy who has been avoiding/ignoring me ever since said anxiety attack

“I’m sorry I hurt you”

- guy who proceeded to hurt me again (I lied and said it didn’t hurt because I’m scared he’ll leave me)

“I’d never lie to you”

- guy who confessed to lying to me about taking his depression meds because the refill got delayed (this has gone on for two weeks)

“I won’t take my anger out on you”

- guy who has been doing just that for two weeks

Yes this is about my partner. I need him to be close to me. I need him to go the fuck away. I love him. I hate him. I think we should get married. I think we should never talk to each other again. He’s my favorite person, unfortunately for both of us.

No, I’m not okay

Shit.

I just realized that now that I don’t have him, I’ve got no one to talk to all weekend. I liked having someone as part of my routine. But I won’t go crawling back. I won’t beg for forgiveness. Because I’m not giving him a second chance to break my heart.

So, if anyone needs me, I’ll be laying in my bed alone, crying and in pain for this entire weekend.

Oh well. It was nice to have something other than pain to focus on for three months. Guess I’m slipping back into depression now, which sucks.