The Batfamily - Tumblr Posts

*Duke walks into one of Jason’s many safe houses*

Duke: Hey Jason, sorry to bother you but Bruce called for yo-

*Jason turns around after facing the window with a good space in between them*

Jason: How do you feel about Landmines?

Duke: w-wha?

Jason: Try your luck.

*gestures to the ground*

Duke:

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dick: *calls Jason* why is Duke crying?

Jason: I bonded with him, isn’t that what you and the old man said to do? ‘Bond’ with new family members?

Dick: JAYBIRD HE SAID TO PLAY GAMES OR DO SOMETHING FUN NOT PLAY A DEATH GAME-

Jason: I had fun.

(Landmine Maze✨)

*Jason, randomly holding Damian in his lap as he reads a book, Damian’s just reading with him*

Dick: *Whispering* so what’s up with them? They’re never this...clingy-

Tim: *whispering back* I don’t know- they haven’t spoken to anyone unless it’s between them since we got back from patrol...

Dick: you think they’re sick...?

Tim: have to be.

Bruce: No, it’s because Damian now found out Jason can read him stories before bed for free.

Dick/Tim: oh

Dick: *sniffs* they grow up so fast...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damian: Todd.

Jason: Damia-

Damian: *cutting him off* Read me a story. Read me...

Pride and prejudice.

Jason:

Damian:

Jason: Get your little ass tucked under those blankets.

Wing AU is fucking me up rn, Jason is literally the type of bitch who just doesn’t care to clean his wings so the others have to do it for him. Spoiled

Dick: Jaybird! :D

Jason: *scoots away*

Dick: Jay- I didn’t even say anything yet- why’re you moving away from me??

Jason: I know you well enough to expect the unexpected from you.

Dick: I- I JUST WANTED TO HELP YOU CLEAN YOUR WINGS???

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim:

Jason:

Jason: So-

Tim: *on the verge of falling asleep* Turn around.

Jason:

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Damian: Todd, Grayson has just informed me of the mini ceremony of wing cleaning. I have come to take part in this care.

Jason: ...Brat, it’s fucking 3 in the morning...go the fuck away.

Damian: You can sleep then, I have no problem doing it with you asleep.

Jason: BUT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT- GET OUt!

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Bruce: Jas-

Jason: I rather die again.

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Tim: Uh hey Jason?

Jason: Hey Timbo

Tim: did you read my journal..? (Diary)

Jason: hm? No?

Tim: are you sure?

Jason: yeah, why?

Tim: well someone made spelling corrections and grammar fixes in all the pages. And I know damn well Dick can’t spell.

Jason:

Tim: Don’t lie next time you fucker.

Dick: TIMBERS WE DONT USE THAT WORD IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!

{Playing D&D headcanons}

Dick would be the bitch dragging everyone to play it, and possibly be the dungeon master

Jason would somehow be the worst at rolling, but at last minute would get a clear perfect 20 each round

Tim thinks way to much and over thinks his decisions-

Damian, would well- try to tame any animal he comes across. He would get grumpy if his roll doesn’t succeed

Cass really Doesnt know what she’s doing but somehow is the last to survive

Steph would be making fun of everyone’s pain then getting karma slammed into her, like a crowbar to Jason’s head

Duke is just there to have fun and brought the snacks (thanks duke)

{Part 1}

Things that’s been said in my school that the BatBros probably would say if given the chance-

(these are all jokes said between friends, nothing verbally harmful. It’s just how we joke)

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Jason: THIS IS WHY NOBODY LOVES YOU-

Tim: IS IT BECAUSE IM BI??

Jason: YEAH! BI- YO SELF

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Damian: I crave the violence that the German man once had.

Tim: Hitler..?

Damian: no, the one with the crazy beard

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Dick: I think I just shit my balls

Tim: I’m sorry- you WHAT?!

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Dick: I want a anime girl but put the lewd stuff to the side-

Jason: I’m sorry- are we ordering her from a restaurant??

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Tim: I feel like running into a door and breaking my nose-

Jason: Please do, then they’ll have to fix the rest of your face after the nose.

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Dick: Why does he look like that?

Damian: maybe it’s severe plastic surgery

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Damian: I want to sneeze but if I do I’ll start to cry-

Jason: either way you need a napkin- go get one bitch.

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Jason: *yanks Tim’s backpack*

Tim: *backpack comes clean off*

Jason:

Tim:

Tim: You’re a bitch.

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Damian: PLEASE DEAR GOD-

Dick: WHY DID YOU PUT SO MUCH?!

Jason: Why do I even sit with you all.

Tim: *drinking ranch*

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Dick: Aw cmon! You love us!

Jason: I don’t, I really don’t. You just know to many secrets.

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Damian: *picks up a stabler* Anything can be a weapon.

Tim: how...?

Damian: *opens it and aims it at Tim*

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@writingoutofbed look familiar?

{part 2}

Part two of things my friends or classmates has said that the bat bros would probably say if given the chance!

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Jason: So you sprained your ankle?

Dick: yup

Jason: hm

*2 hours later*

Dick: JASON STOP SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT SPRAINED ANKLES!

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Dick: Cum shooter 90k!

Tim: what.

Damian: why did you respond to that...?

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Jason: Why do I have a random orange in my bag.

Damian: throw it at someone.

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Tim: can’t a guy get any sleep?!

Jason: Buddy- you don’t even get any bitches-

Tim: and you can’t keep a dad

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Damian: I want to have those squirrels like from Willy Wonkers

Tim: oh yes- let’s throw you into a pit of em

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Dick: you smell like our high school teacher-

Jason: YOU SMELLED THEM?!?

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If the batbro had to put of those patches for it to resemble period cramps..

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{Dick}

Would probably be strained and be on the couch wrapped in blankets with ice cream, crying about the pain

“Brucccceeeeeeeeeeee- Timmmmmmmmmmmm- damiiiiiiiiiiiii- Jas-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

*Cries*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Jason}

Would be cocky for the first half but give into the pain and curse like a sailor and have cravings for Alfreds food

“GOD DAMNIT! Alfred can you make something- anything as long as it’s from you..?”

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{Tim}

Probably either handle this the best or worse- but either way he would be stuck in his room yelling in a pillow or just sleeping through it all-

“Zzz...”

“Lucky bastard.”

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{Damian}

The screamer. This mf DOESNT SHUT UP UNTIL ITS OVER. And complains 24/7

“Father! I demand to know when this ends!”

“Damian Calm dow-“

“DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN.”

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Cass/Steph: Pathetic.

Damian: I hope you die.

Tim: I hope I die faster.

Damian:

Dick:

Dick: okay that’s enough coffee for you..

Jason: Who are you?

Tim: The real question is, who are you?

Jason: wha- *questioning his existence*

Jason: You all are hoes.

Dick: Sorry but I’m a watering can :)

Tim: I’m a flower pot.

Damian: I’m the shovel that will bury you all...

Jason: damn

Favorite Robin:

Dick: Oh please, if anything I was the favorite robin-

Tim: No way! I was the favorite!

Damian: You both are fools, I’m the blood born, hence. I’m the favorite automatically.

Alfred: Master Damian, that’s not how it works..

*they all argue except Alfred*

Bruce: *Walks in* what is going on in here?

Damian: Father, we are all speculating who was your favorite robin.

Bruce: My favorite..? Oh!

*everyone listening quietly*

Bruce: It was Jason. *walks away with everyone in shock*

Alfred: Understandable.

Get scared:

Steph/Dick: jumps a bit

Tim: Makes a noise or just stares you down

Damian: Tiny Flinch

Jason/Cass: *Pulls gun out*

Duke: Literally screams

Bruce: Is the one scaring without trying

!!Jason being the favorite son/Robin!!

Bruce: *is pissed* Who broke my 25,000 Dollar lamp?

Dick: Jason.

Tim: Jason.

Damian: Todd.

Jason: Me! *smirking knowing that it probably pisses Bruce off*

Bruce: *suddenly mellow and smiling* Thanks, that lamp was ugly anyways!

Everyone else: WHAT!!? (knowing they would be in real trouble)

Jason:

Jason: What.

Jason: Oh my FUCKING GOD. I WILL PUNCH YOU WITH MY OWN FACE IF YOU KEEP ACTING CUTE.

Roy:

Dick: You mean kiss?

Jason: Fuck you.

Bruce: Go to your room, you’re grounded.

Damian: *Grumbles* Not fair...

Bruce: What isn’t fair?

Damian: *points to Jason*

Jason: I just killed 13 people who tried to catcall me in a bar, caused a 10 pile car crash, and burned down an entire building!

Bruce: *sweating profusely*

Damian: *Flips over the table and angrily walks away*

Dick: uh what happened to him?

Tim: he’s being alittle bitch, what else?

Dick: I meant What happened in general timber- and don’t call Dami that :(

Jason: Animal jam is on maintenance so they shut the servers down

Damian: *screaming from the other room* NOW SUGARPLUMBERRY194 WONT EVER LOVE ME. (Pet)

 Tim: hehe...yeah, little bitch. *sips coffee*

(Tim causally shutting down damians favorite games.)

Type of fanfic readers x Bat brothers

(Might been done before)

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Dick: The one who rants about the plot and how it either enjoys it or really hates it, you don’t have a choice but to listen to him rant (he cries a lot)

-fluff/Comedy/hint of Angst

Jason: Refuses to tell anyone what he reads but secretly DM’s the author about spelling errors and grammar mistakes

-angst/romance

Tim: Is the writer. (Probably writes smut)

Damian: Mostly looks away from his phone or device if he reads something cringy and you can clearly tell from his face

-must be perfect in plot/writing/grammar

*bat family having a meeting*

Jason: I hate my life.

Everyone:

Dick: WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM?!

Tim: YOU’vE BEEN GONE FOR 3 MONTHS OUT OF NOWHERE-

Damian: tch, should of made it 5 months.

Bruce: Damian please.

Barbara: so he isn’t dead? Awh...

(Jason scaring everyone because he randomly leaves in the middle of a mission without any word because he forgets he’s with a team he needs to let know he’s leaving lol, old habits die hard)

Alfred: When you cook a pie but accidentally drop it, what do you do? A. Clean it, B. Leave it, C. Kill someone.

Damian: Pennyworth, we aren’t children. It’s obviously A

Dick: yeah I’m going to have to agree with Dami, Sorry alfred. A

Tim: *sweating* y-yeah it’s A (almost said B with all confidence)

Jason: A

Alfred: you all fail. It’s C... *pulls out a shotgun* the only reason you drop a pie is because of someone else getting in your way young masters.

Jason: OH SO WHEN ALFRED DOES IT, ITS OKAY??

*draws his gun*

Alfred: I expected better from you Master Jason.

Dick: WAIT NO DROP THE GUNS-