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headcanon of the day

freelancer frequently worries about their career. more specifically, they worry about the fact that they don’t really seem to have any ambition when it comes to a career. they’re a human born, so they were brought up with an entirely different view on life. when they realized and accepted that they had magic, all their previous plans for their life dissipated completely. but even before, they never gave it much thought—they were never quite passionate about anything. and then their powers came along, and eventually, they were so passionate about it. their life was given a whole new meaning; one that they adored. their newfound focus on this path took away from any attention given to a career, but now… it’s an increasing source of anxiety. they find themselves constantly comparing their lives to their friends. damien knows exactly what he wants to do—-he always has, and he’s always gotten it. freelancer was so proud of him once he announced his new position, but a sick feeling of envy and apprehension took over them as well. and it’s the same situation with huxley and dear, too. they’re both incredibly talented and driven, knowing what they want in a career and always striving to get it. gavin can’t relate to them either...though he may have a shared experience of not having career plans at one point in time, he’s now diligent and focused in his studies and plans. he talks more and more about what he wants to do in the future, and freelancer is there, encouraging him and cheering him on. but still, there’s this nagging, inescapable feeling of inferiority brewing inside them whenever he brings it up. if anyone could relate to them, it would’ve been lasko. he wasn’t used to this life, hadn’t grown up knowing about this magical world and planning his life with it all in mind, like the others. but they had met him as a counselor, and he only seemed to grow in his job at d.a.m.n, constantly reforming and achieving promotion after promotion. freelancer just feels so guilty—they know it’s pathetic, but they can’t help it. the insecurity and self-doubt derived from their apathy is utterly consuming. so they continue to attend their monotonous jobs, changing them constantly, and searching for aspiration..all in vain.